Disclaimer: All characters and things from ANGEL and BUFFY belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. If they aren't on the show they belong to me.
Summary: A different turn of events after Season 1 Episode 12 "Expecting" A/C pairing
CHAPTER 64Jessica stood there, unable to move, as she watched everyone's facial expressions change from confused to enraged. She felt numb, like every muscle in her body had fallen asleep without telling her.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Angel growled the words this time, causing Jessica to wince.
"I…" Jess didn't know what to say.
Angel grabbed Jessica shaking her by the shoulders. "What the hell did you do to us? To Connor? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"
"I…" Jess tried again, she felt herself breaking down in her father's arms as he shook her.
"WHAT?" Angel growled. "YOU TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME! MY SON! HE WAS MY SON!"
Angel was shaking Jessica harder now, and small sobs escaped from her throat. She could feel her father's anger in the force of each blow she took from the wall behind her as her father continued to shake her.
"Angel…" Cordelia stepped forward with Erin who was now hysterically crying from all the commotion in the room. "Angel! Stop it! You'll hurt her!"
Angel growled, ignoring Cordelia's words as he pushed Jessica into the wall again. "HE WAS MY SON, DAMN IT! WHAT DID YOU DO?" He felt Cordelia's hand touch his arm, but for some reason Angel couldn't care less. He wasn't thinking straight, and he quickly shoved Cordelia away from him, knocking her, with Erin clinging tightly to her chest, right into Gunn who had made his way over to Angel at this point.
"Angel!" Cordelia was taken back that he had used such force with her. He had never been like that before.
Angel was clearly taken back by the fact that he had pushed Cordelia as well because he stopped shaking Jessica for a moment.
A moment was long enough for Jess, however, and she quickly got out of her father's grasp, pushing him backwards and over a chair, watching him fall on the floor. Jessica then slid down the wall, slowly, wiping the tears that ran down her face.
"What did you do?" Angel asked, more desperately now then angry. "Jess, what the hell did you do?"
"I'm sorry…" Jess managed out. She looked up at her mother, hoping for a bit of sympathy, but she got none, instead she felt her mother's hand connect with her cheek. She looked up again, to see her mother's eyes filled with tears as Erin screamed in Cordelia's arms.
"What were you thinking?" Cordelia sobbed. "He was your brother!"
Angel stood, wrapping his arms around Cordelia and Erin, staring down at Jess, but saying nothing.
Jess couldn't take the stares coming from her mother and father, so she turned to look at Wesley, Gunn, and Fred, only to see she was getting the same looks of anger and confusion from them.
"I'm sorry…" It was all Jess could say. She didn't know if the rest of Angel Investigations truly understood what happened, but as she looked around the room, she had a feeling they had a pretty good idea.
"You made us forget him." Angel told her through a clenched jaw. "Your own brother, you took him from us. I didn't even know I had a son."
"I did it to save him." Jess told her father.
"Save him?" Cordelia's eyes grew wide, as she absentmindedly rocked a rather disturbed Erin in her arms. The child had tears on her soft cheeks, and was desperately grabbing at Cordelia's shirt collar. "You practically killed him!"
"I gave him a better life." Jessica stood, gathering herself. "He was at his end. He was going to kill people, maybe himself, I don't know! I didn't want to find out. He lost it. I did the only thing I could to save him!"
"So you took him from us?" Angel barked.
"I erased him from your memories." Jess told them, desperately wanting them to understand why she did what she did to Connor. "I erased us from his memories. I wasn't going to let my brother die! I did what I had to!"
Cordelia shook her head. "You should have come to us, we could have helped you."
"There was no time!" Jess told her. "If I had waited, I don't know what he would have done."
Angel clenched his fist, shaking his head at his daughter. "You're a disgrace! You're a liar, and you're a disgrace to his family! I don't even know who you are anymore…" He blew past Jessica before she could say another word.
Jessica sighed, wiping a tear from her eye, and looking at everyone else in the room.
Cordelia was next to move, wiping up her own tears and following Angel out of the room, with Erin still clinging tightly to her.
"You screwed up." Gunn told Jess. "I have no respect for you at all." He then exited.
"And no reason to trust you." Wesley added, following Gunn.
Jess looked over at Fred, ready for the harsh words the physicist would lay on her, but instead Fred shook her head sadly.
"Jess, you must understand why we're all mad at you. You lied to us, you lied to your parents. We trusted you, and you lied." Fred told her simply. "I don't know if you'll ever gain that trust back." And with that Fred left the lab.
Once she was alone, Jessica sank back to the floor, desperately wiping away any tears that threatened her eyes.
Cordelia wiped up the tears from her face as she stood outside of the penthouse with Erin in her arms. Erin seemed to be able to tell something was wrong, because she held onto her mother's necklace until her little knuckles were practically white.
Cordelia took a deep breath, trying to get herself together before she went inside the penthouse to talk to Angel. She gave Erin a small kiss on the forehead, hoping it would calm the child down, but if anything, it made Cordelia a little calmer. She held her breath and opened the door to hear a lot of banging and glass breaking. She quickly entered Jessica's bedroom to see that Angel had completely ripped apart Jessica's closet and had turned over Jessica's dresser. He then proceeded to break both of Jessica's glass end tables and was now making his way over to her bed, clearly ready to turn it over.
"Angel!" Cordelia panicked. "Angel! Stop!"
"I can't! I need to know if she is hiding anything else from us!" Angel said, not looking at Cordelia.
"Angel…" Cordelia's voice was filled with desperation.
Angel turned around to face Cordelia, and the minute he saw his wife standing their with her tearstained face, and his daughter, who looked so scared, clutched tightly to her, every ounce of anger he had left his body.
"Cordy…" Angel rushed forward, gathering both Cordelia and Erin in his arms, and gripping onto her tightly, feeling her tears fall onto his shirt, and his own tears silently make their way down his face. "He was our son, Cordy. Our son…"
Cordelia nodded. "I know…" She cried harder.
"I didn't know." Angel said, releasing Cordelia and Erin from his grasp, and running his hands over the tears streaming down Cordelia's face. "I didn't even know I had a son. I didn't recognize him when he walked in here, but I should have. I should have known."
"You couldn't have, Angel." Cordelia leaned into his strong chest, moving Erin so the child was resting on Angel's shoulder.
"He looked so much like Darla." Angel sighed, resting his chin on Cordelia's head. "I should have seen it."
"Jess made sure you couldn't." Cordelia said, as the words seemed to cut her tongue. Her own daughter had taken her son from her. Cordelia was still in shock.
"She took him from us. She might as well have killed him…" Angel said.
"Angel, don't say that." Cordelia looked into her husband's eyes. "At least be happy Connor is still alive."
"Our son was taken from us." Angel told her. "By our daughter. Our own daughter."
Cordelia nodded, fighting back tears as she looked at Erin who seemed to have a sad look on her face, like she knew something was wrong.
"It just doesn't make sense. Jess, she loved Connor. She wouldn't…" Angel's eyes grew wide.
"What?" Cordelia asked, seeing the change in Angel's face. "Angel, what is it?"
"She stopped his existence…" Angel seemed to whisper.
"What? Angel, what are you talking about?"
"Dr. Everets…don't you remember?"
"Remember what?" Cordelia was confused. She remembered the doctor that had helped with Jessica's delivery, but she didn't understand why Angel was bringing him up.
"What he said, the day we brought Connor into his office. He told us he didn't understand why Connor was here. He said he thought Jessica's birth would stop Connor's from occurring. He said Jessica would stop Connor's existence." Angel told her softly; as if he was reassuring himself that those events had occurred by telling her.
Cordelia nodded slowly, remembering the day Dr. Everets had told them that. Suddenly, her eyes filled with tears as she looked down at Erin, and then up at Angel. "Oh God, Angel…it came true…Jess she…"
"Stopped Connor from existing." Angel finished Cordelia's thought. "At least, she stopped him from existing in our world, so he could have no part in fighting the good fight…" Tears began to swell in Angel's eyes. "Cordy, what's happening to our family?"
Cordelia shook her head violently as her tears flowed freely onto Erin's tiny, red cheeks. "I don't know…"
Lindsey and Eve cuddled on Lindsey's couch, watching an old movie. Both were happy they had exposed the truth about Connor and still made it out of Wolfram and Hart alive.
Lindsey smiled down at Eve. "I wonder what happened to Jess?"
"Angel looked pretty pissed right after you destroyed the contract." Eve told him. "I was lucky to get out of there, I thought he was going to take someone's head off."
"Maybe he did." Lindsey grinned.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and Lindsey stood, making his way over and opening it. He felt his body go numb the minute he saw the person standing on the other side.
"Lindsey." Jess grinned, kicking his door wide opened, and making her way into his apartment, forcing him to counter each of her steps until he found himself back on the couch, sitting next to Eve. "How are you?"
"I…I…good." Lindsey said, trying to regain control of himself. Like hell he was going to be scared of some teenage girl, even if she was part demon.
"You're good?" Jess gave a tight-lipped smile. "Well, that's good. Me? I'm not so good. See, I had someone break into files at work today, and destroy a contract I made with the Senior Partners."
"That's too bad." Lindsey said, slyly, gaining back his backbone.
"Yeah, it is." Jessica said, clenching her jaw, as she leaned closer to Lindsey. "You know who it's really bad for? YOU!" Jessica quickly picked Lindsey up by his collar and threw him against the wall.
At Jessica's action, Eve took off for the door, but Jessica grabbed her by her hair, yanking her back to her seat on the couch. "You're not going anywhere, Eve."
"Leave her alone." Lindsey said, getting to his feet.
"Oh, like you left Connor alone?" Jess grunted, grabbing Lindsey and giving him a good punch to the stomach, and then a good one across the face, forcing him to fall to the ground. "Wait, you didn't leave him alone! You made sure my family could remember him and now, what a surprise, they hate me!"
"Maybe you shouldn't have lied to them in the first place." Lindsey said, getting to his feet and wiping the blood that was dripping from the corner of his mouth.
Jess quickly vamped out, running her fangs along Lindsey's neck. "Maybe you forgot who the demon is in here. I'd watch what I was saying if I was you. Or maybe, I should just kill you because I can…"
"Stop!" Eve begged, seeing how close Jessica seemed to be to the edge. "Whatever you want us to do, we will."
"Like hell!" Lindsey managed out as Jessica jerked his head back. "I didn't do all that to just leave Wolfram and Hart behind! That office is going to be mine!"
"Is that what this is about?" Jess asked. "You wanting the damn office?"
"It's about me taking something from your father!" Lindsey said truthfully.
"Well, you sure the hell succeeded!" Jess said, licking her fangs. "Now, how about I take something from you?" She leaned in close to Lindsey.
"What did you come here for?" Eve asked quickly. "I swear, we'll do whatever it is, but don't…" She looked at Lindsey.
"Fine." Jess jerked Lindsey back upright, changing out of her game face. "What I want is for you to reverse whatever it is you did to that contract. Make my family forget Connor."
"We can't." Lindsey told her. "We destroyed it."
"So make a new one!" Jess snapped. "I don't care! Do whatever! Just make their memories of Connor go away. I can't take them being angry at me and I can't take the fact of knowing I caused them so much pain."
"Well, life's a bitch, ain't it?" Lindsey smirked.
Jess moved toward the ex-lawyer, but stopped when she heard Eve's voice.
"We can't remake the contract anyway." Eve told her. "Wolfram and Hart contracts are written so that once one is destroyed it can never be restored. There's nothing we can do. You're family is going to remember Connor no matter what."
Jess growled. "What about Connor? Will he remember us?"
"Did he today?" Eve asked.
"Not when you broke the contract." Jess told her.
Eve thought for a moment. "Then no, I guess he won't remember. I'm not sure, I didn't read the finer details of the contract, but I wouldn't be surprised if Lilah threw that in as a clause."
"Threw what in?" Jess asked.
"That even if the contract was broken, Connor would still be safe in his new life, with no memories." Eve told her.
"Why would Lilah have done that?" Jess asked.
"Because for some reason, I think she had a tiny bit of respect for you and your family. I guess because you didn't let the Beast kill her. I'm not really sure." Eve said. "I'm not even sure if the clause exists."
Jess moved swiftly to Eve, grabbing the young woman by the throat. "You better hope it does." And before another word could be said, Jessica was out the door.
Angel sighed, looking up at the ceiling as he lay in bed next to Cordelia. He looked over at the clock, it was three in the morning and he couldn't sleep. Cordelia had fallen to sleep a few hours ago, practically drowning in her own tears. He felt helpless, as he had watched her cry earlier that night over Connor. He could see the pain in her eyes as thoughts of her son came to the surface.
Cordelia was Connor's mother, Angel would never forget that. She might not have given birth to him, but she was there from day one, changing him, and feeding him, and bathing him, and now she knew her son was gone.
Angel could break Jessica's jaw for what she had done, and the thought had actually crossed his mind several times that night, if Jess ever came home. But Jess was smarter then that, and Angel knew it. Jess hadn't showed up all night, in fact he hadn't seen her since the lab, and he was glad. He loved his daughter, but he was so angry with her he couldn't be sure he wouldn't do something he would regret.
Angel looked over at Cordelia, watching her chest rise with each breath she took. He sighed, and got out of bed, making his way down the hall and into Erin's room. He found Erin wide-awake in her crib, quiet as a mouse. Angel moved and picked his youngest daughter up, studying her face. She seemed so deep in thought, with a small twinkle in her eyes.
Angel felt tears form in his own eyes. Erin was so small, so quiet, so different from Connor and Jessica. This was his daughter, and he barely felt like he knew her. He spent too much time in the office and not enough time with Cordelia and Erin. He slowly sat down in the rocking chair, rocking Erin.
"You know something, Erin." Angel told the child. "I've been around over two hundred years and I don't know a damn thing about being a parent. I thought I did. I thought I did good with Jess, but I was wrong. She was lying to us, for months, and I didn't know." Angel shook his head. "I didn't even know you had a brother up until a few hours ago. I couldn't remember him."
Angel studied Erin; the child had her hands in little fists, and seemed to be soaking up every word Angel said. He could tell immediately that Erin was a listener. Jessica had been a mover, a doer, a fighter. Connor had been a thinker, a planner, and Erin was a listener.
"I want to promise you something, Erin." Angel seemed to whisper the words to the baby. "I won't disappoint you. I disappointed your brother, I disappointed your sister, but I won't lose you. I promise." He kissed Erin softly on the head and leaned back into the chair, rocking the child.
"You didn't disappoint me." Cordelia's voice filled the room.
Angel looked over to the door to see his wife leaning in its frame. "Cordy…"
Cordelia made her way over to Angel, picking up Erin and kissing the child on the cheek before laying her back down in her crib; she then took a seat on Angel's lap and curled up, tears forming in her eyes. "You're a good father, Angel. Don't think any different."
Angel rocked Cordelia in his arms. "Cordy, I screwed up. Connor didn't trust me. Jess didn't even trust me enough to not keep a secret from me."
"She kept it from us all." Cordelia began to cry. "She kept Connor from us all."
"I'm going to get him back, Cordy." Angel told her. "I swear it."
"You can't." Jessica said coldly, making her way into the room.
Angel and Cordelia both immediately straightened up as Jessica leaned against the wall.
"I wouldn't say it was your smartest decision to come back tonight." Angel told his oldest daughter.
"I wouldn't say I care." Jess said. "Because the truth is, I don't."
"Well you better." Angel told her, anger rising in his voice. "Because you are going to fix this. We're going to get Connor back."
"I told you. We can't." Jess repeated herself
The fact that Jessica had no emotion in her tone as she spoke of her brother sent chills up Cordelia's spin, and for the first time since the whole Connor ordeal had begun Cordelia felt pure anger towards her oldest daughter. At first she had felt angry, and upset, and sad for Jessica. Now she was just mad at her daughter. "What do you mean we can't?" Queen C was rising for the first time in years.
"I mean he doesn't remember us." Jess told them. "If he did he would have gotten his memory back with the rest of you. There must have been a clause in the contract or something. I'm not sure. I didn't read it, I just signed it."
"So what? Now I'm just supposed to deal with knowing that my son is out there and he doesn't remember me?" Angel growled. "Is that what I'm supposed to do?"
"Hey!" Jessica matched the tone in Angel's voice. "In case you forgot, he was my brother, and I've been living with the fact that he's alive and doesn't remember me for months!"
"By choice!" Angel screamed.
"TO SAVE HIM!" Jess launched back. "I saved him the way you couldn't!"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Angel asked.
"Please, you lost him when you let Holtz take us, dad!" Jess knew it was cruel and spiteful to bring that up, but it was all she had. "You let Holtz take us and you let Connor die! That's where he died! Back in Quortoth, not here, not by my hands! By your hands! When you let us go!"
"Jessica Lynn Chase!" Cordelia screamed at her daughter, knowing how much her words must have hurt Angel.
"Yeah, Mom, keep screaming." Jess said sarcastically as Erin began crying at the noise in the room. "Oh crap, looks like you better take care of the baby before something bad happens to her and I have to erase her from your memories too, because you know me. I do that just for the hell of it!"
"Jess!" Angel stood as he watched Cordelia pick up Erin and try and sooth the infant.
"Dad, I had to save Connor. It was a sacrifice, you of all people should understand that!" Jess said.
Before Angel could get another word in Jessica was out the door. A moment later, both Cordelia and Angel heard the door to the penthouse slam.
Angel looked at Cordelia who had calmed Erin down, and then at his hands. "I should go."
"Go where?" Cordelia was confused.
"After her." Angel said.
"What? Angel?" Cordelia didn't understand. "She just blew up in your face, not to mention what happened to Connor…"
"Jess is right though, Cordy, I should understand sacrifices." Angel told her.
"So do I! Believe me, Angel, I have made my fair share!" Cordelia held back tears. "Maybe, a small part of me understands why Jess did what she did, but she shouldn't have done it behind our backs. She should have told us! I might not be the worlds best mother, but I did not raise my daughter to be a liar, and that's what she did, Angel! She lied!"
"I didn't want her to either, but things happened this way, Cordelia." Angel tried to calm his wife down. "If Jess is right, Connor is lost to us." He pulled Cordelia close to him, kissing her forehead. "We already lost a son, we can't lose Jess too."
Cordelia nodded with a sigh, understanding what Angel meant. "Go find her." Her words were muffled into his shoulder as he held her and Erin close to him.
Angel nodded, making his way out of the room, and out of the penthouse.
Cordelia sighed, running her hand through her hair, wiping the tears from her face and looking down at Erin in her arms as she walked over to the rocking chair, slowly sitting down. She rocked Erin silently for a moment and then, somewhere in that moment, Cordelia wasn't sure when, she had begun crying again.
"Erin, do you see the mess I am right now?" Cordelia laughed softly to herself. "I can't believe things haven gotten this crazy here. Your brother…I'm so sorry you won't get to know him. And Jess…I don't know what she was thinking." Cordelia's tears were falling onto Erin's small fists. "She's a good person, believe me. You should be proud she is your sister, but I just don't know how we are going to forgive her for this."
Cordelia watched as Erin's lips parted and seemed to form a frown that matched the one on her mother's face. Cordelia sighed, pulling Erin close and rocking the child.
Spike found Jess sitting on the roof of the office building, her feet dangling off the side. Spike had heard her come up. Truth was, he had been looking for her all day. He had a feeling she wouldn't come back until night fall however, seeing as how the whole fang gang was rather angry with her. Angry actually wasn't even the word for it. Spike had heard Fred, Gunn, Wesley, and Lorne talking earlier in the day, and angry would have been a nice way of putting how they felt towards Jessica.
Spike recalled Gunn's exact words being "If Angel's smart, he'll get her the hell out of here, because I can't deal with no liar, and I won't try to. She even talks to me and I'll make sure she is sorry for it. Half demon or not, I've taken plenty of full bloods out in my life. She wouldn't even make a dent in me."
Spike knew deep down that Gunn didn't mean the words he had said, they were said out of anger and frustration, but still, those were fighting words if Spike had ever heard any.
"I didn't expect anyone to find me up here." Jess said to Spike, without looking at the vampire. "Actually, I guess I didn't think anyone would come look."
"Well, I guess you were wrong." Spike said as he took a seat next to Jess. He looked the girl over to see the tear stains on her face from all the crying she had done, and her bloodstained knuckles from giving Lindsey a few good ones earlier that night. "How are you?"
Jess gave a small chuckle. "How the hell do I look?"
"Jess, your family can't stay angry at you forever, right now…" Spike started.
"Right now they hate me." Jess finished his sentence. "And rightfully so, if I was them I'd hate me too."
"They don't hate you." Spike took her hand in his. "Its just probably a lot for them to take in."
"I lied to them." Jess said flatly. "That's one thing I don't think they can take. Loyalty means too much to them-"
"Then they should bloody understand why you did what you did." Spike told her. "You kept your loyalty, to your brother."
Jess shook her head. "It doesn't matter."
"Sure it does." Spike assured her
"How is he?" Jess sighed. "Did he seem okay when he left?"
"Who? Connor?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, he was alright, a little confused as to why you were sending him away so suddenly, but he was alright." Spike told her.
"He seems happy, right?" Jessica's eyes were starting to fill up with tears. "I mean, he's better off now. I helped him, didn't I?"
Spike nodded, pulling Jessica in for a hug. "You did."
Angel watched in the shadows of the building as Spike comforted his daughter and all the resentment and hate Angel had stored for Spike, and all the confusion and grief he had toward Jessica began to fade away. He had listened to the words Jess had said to Spike and Angel realized that Jess really did feel she had done the best she could for Connor. Maybe she had.
Angel knew he didn't know what was going through Jessica's mind the day she gave Connor away. He couldn't imagine. Sure, Connor was his son, and he had lost him, but Angel knew deep down that Connor had been all Jess had for years, and Angel truly knew he had no idea the pain that Jessica must have felt letting Connor go. Whatever pain Angel felt for the loss of his son, he knew his daughter's must have been a hundred times worse.
Angel turned, making his way back down to the penthouse before Jess or Spike sensed him on the roof. He needed time to think, and put Jessica's room back in order.