Agh… I hate mornings. But nothing could be worse than a morning here at the orphanage. I mean, as soon as I opened my eyes, the fat, ugly face of my caretaker came to view, which made me jump out of my bed onto the hard floor. But of course, the hard floor, compared to my bed, is like one of those huge, fluffy mattresses that they advertise with stuffed animals, like lambs.
Pitiful, ain't it?
She started to yell at me about waking up too late, and then explained to me in full detail about how she understands that I'm used to being babied, and that I probably need time to adjust to this new life.
She apparently didn't know me from before. Even though I'm not that hard to remember.
"Kagome, come here this instant!"
"what did I do this time?"
"Why did you slap her?" The teacher eyed Kagome in disgust.
"Oh. She made fun of me because I don't play with dolls like the rest of the girls." The teacher got angrier.
"Why aren't you normal? You are so odd! This has to be fixed! But you're to young for me to send you to the correctional facility!"
Kagome shrugs and looks at the girl. The girl is smirking.
"I don't think it's me you need to worry about." Kagome starts to walk off, but the teacher grabs her arm.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"What the hell are you bitching about now?"
The teacher gasps and slaps Kagome so hard, the bruise appears in seconds.
Always the mischievous one… that was me. I wasn't afraid of anyone. Especially not the teachers. They were my least worries.
I got through that incident when my old foster parents came by and fell in love with me. They claim my solemn eyes called out to them.
I think it was simply my foster mom's dieing maternal instinct that told her… 'That's the one'. I feel bad for some of the things I said to them before, now that I think about it.
I wasn't a little girl. But when I went entirely mute, I became a horrible person.
I decided to become mute about five years ago. Yes, I haven't heard my voice in forever, I know. My reasons, I still chose to keep locked up, but everyone will probably find out soon.
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I sit and wait in Science class. Apparently my partner isn't on time. I stare at the other people, laughing with their friends and what not, totally avoiding the project all together.
I glance at Ms. Kagura and see her sitting at her desk, ignoring it all, even though she obviously hears it because every time someone says a 'wordy dird' she jumps and glares at them. What a teacher. Isn't there a new rule that every time a teacher hears a student swear, they have to send them to the office? Guess it never crossed her mine, eh?
But it only crossed mine because all I have to speak to is my friend, the brain.
I stare as a girl walks up to me and smiles.
"Hi Kagome! My friend over there", she points, "likes you!"
I glance at him and roll my eyes. They know I can't speak, so they tease me in every way possible.
"Well? Don't you like him too? I mean seriously, he is Miroku, isn't he? What girl doesn't like him?"
A girl comes up to us.
"I don't like him."
The other girl rolls her eyes, copying me.
"You don't like him because he doesn't give you the attention he gives the other girls."
The girl that doesn't like Miroku glances at me and then looks at her.
"If I cared, I'd be like you lifeless morons, following him for the attention. He's to much of a pervert for any girl to honestly handle."
The other girl gives her 'the face'. You know? The look that girly girls give people when they get mad, because they think it actually intimidates them.
I've seen this look many times.
All it ever did to me was make me want to make them mad some more.
The girl walks off and the girl who has no feelings for Miroku sits beside me.
"The girls here are so stupid. I'm sorry if she bothered you."
I look at her with a 'no problem' look and sigh.
"You're the mute girl, aren't you?"
I look at her.
I told you everyone knew me by 'the mute girl'.
I nod my head and pull out a note book.
I prefer it if I'm not called that. But yeah, basically.
She reads it and smiles.
"I'm sorry. What's your name, then?
Kagome.
"Ah! Such a lovely name! My name is Sango." She holds out her hand. I'm not sure what to do. I know, you're supposed to shake the hand, but I mean… can I trust her hand? Does it mean I'm obligated to be her friend, and possibly end up talking again? Is she a witch that will curse me?
It was after that thought that I decided I'm being ridiculous. If anyone's a witch, it's me.
So I conformed and reached my hand out and shook her hand.
She smiles.
What's with her and InuYasha, smiling all the time?
I don't smile back this time. But I feel bad for not. It's just.. after this morning, my day just couldn't manage to get better, so mustering up that strength was going to be hard.
But maybe… Just maybe… This girl could make a difference in my life.
So I conformed again.
A simple smile… can do such wonderful things.
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I managed to see InuYasha at school when lunch time came around. Apparently he was at the doctors.
Not that I hold a grudge at the fact that he wasn't at Science. I just didn't feel complete not talking to my 'acquaintance'. Oh wait… Have I really forgotten that I never talk?
I shiver and walk out the doors of the school. Scary thought…
Then I realize that school wasn't over… and I got caught for ditching.
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The office. Such a familiar place for me. I can just imagine what it will be like when my caretaker gets here.
Kagome Akito, I've told you so many times that you must learn!
That's their line that they give every time one of their 'kids' gets out of line at a school. They think it makes them look better.
As if.
PTA wouldn't take them in, even if they did have real kids at this school. Hell, I wouldn't allow them to set foot in my school for any reason.
I stop thinking and stare when my caretaker walks in.
"Kagome Akito. She's such a hassle."
I glare.
It's not my caretaker. It's my old one. The one I dread.
The reason I'm how I am now.
So I look at the ground. I know something bad will happen to me if I get caught glaring. Something worse then what's going to happen now.
If you knew what she had done to me long ago, you'd think I'm such a baby. It's not that bad. I know dogs who are treated worse. But still… For a little human girl, it causes so much pain.
True, when I became mute, I lived with my foster parents. But she had often visited. She would sometimes have me stay at the orphanage because my old friend there said she wanted to hang out with me. Of course when I went there I never once saw my friend. I only heard her.
I shiver at the thought and my ex caretaker notices and walks to me and bends down to whisper in my ear.
"Still afraid of me?"
I glare at her.
I could lie and say I'm not… But she can smell my fear.
So I nod my head and glare at her.
She laughs and stands back up.
"You're weak." She smiles at me. It's not like the other smiles. It's sick. Like poison. As if… It could ruin my life.
So I don't smile back.
She looks around and sees no one so she slaps me.
"You never show respect like you should, to your elders!"
I'm not the one hitting you.
She glares at me.
"I'll hit you so hard your mouth will come off."
You mean it's possible to hit harder than you did last time?
I glare.
She slaps.
I whimper and stand up. I can't take it anymore.
I walk away, and I plan to never see her again.
Until she grabs my arms and pushes me against the wall.
Lucky for her, the office workers have ran out to get a small lunch. Unlucky for her, InuYasha just happened to be walking by when she started abusing me worse.
She pulled my hair and hit my head against the wall mutable times, as if she was trying to kill me.
I cry tears of anger and pain and glare at her.
I was so angry, it surprised me when strong arms grabbed her off of me and threw her to the side, unconscious. So surprised that…
I slapped him with all my might.
Oh what a strong might.
He fell back slightly, but turned to me and looked at me with understanding.
"Kagome, come with me… I won't hurt you."
He puts out his hand and looks at me.
"I promise you I won't."
I promise you…"I promise you Kagome, I will get you out of this place!"
"I promise you Kagome, she won't touch you!"
"I promise you Kagome, your mom will come back to you!"
"I promise I'll always love you, Kagome!"
Lies…
I put my hands to my head and stare at the ground.
LIES!
No body tells me the truth! They all hurt me! They can't make promises that are kept. They're always broken! How can I trust him? How can I accept his 'promise'?
Broken promises… My life is a broken promise…
"I'm your father. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, Akikyo." Kagome's grandfather walks up to her mom and grabs her and takes her against her will.
"I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."
Broken promise… It brought me here…
"You're my one and only love, Kagome. I'll always love you. I promise."
One week later, Aritomo walks off with another girl.
"I don't love you anymore, Kagome. Back off."
Broken promise… It ruined my ability to love…
"You're mom will come back soon. She can't be away from you too long. I promise you."
Kagome's mom never comes back.
Broken promise… It destroyed my hopes…
"Kagome… trust me… I won't hurt you." He reaches for my hand again. I look at him with a look of fear for his promise.
He gives me a reassuring smile and keeps his hand out for me to take.
So I take it and he pulls me out of the school to a place outside, hiding from the officials.
"Come with me for a while. I'll keep you safe."
I can't nod or anything. This time he simply takes me.
And I'm okay with it.
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I sit on his bed silently, looking around.
His room isn't a mess. I respect that.
I look around at the pictures. So many beautiful people. I wonder who each one is, but I couldn't ask. I didn't have my things. So there was no notebook.
I jump as he walks back in and smiles at me.
"I'm sorry about just taking you like that. I just wanted to make sure she couldn't hurt you anymore. Has she always been like that?"
I look at the ground.
I can't speak to him. And I don't know if I'm ready to tell him about what happened long ago.
I'm almost sure by now it's obvious. But I'm not sure, so I won't speak of it in my mind. My mind doesn't like to believe it. My mind cringes at the memories that come through when I talk about it.
I run my hand through my hair. Suddenly it's as if I can feel old, crusted blood in it. It makes me shiver, and then I realize he's looking at me, waiting for an answer.
So I shake my head no.
He walks over to me and hands me a note book.
"Write what you feel. If you want me to know the feelings, show me. If not, don't show me. I won't read what you don't want me to read." He sits beside me and watches me.
I start writing, and I realize that he's not watching what I write. He's watching me.
His eyes are staring at me. Suddenly I can feel all of my imperfections, seeping in to the core of my body. Suddenly I feel as if I'm not normal. As if… I'm terribly ugly, being watched by this.. perfect angel.
So I write it down.
It is what I feel, after all.
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My page of feelings has come to an end. I turn to him and he smiles.
"I won't read it if you don't want me to."
I nod and keep the note book in my hand. I don't want him to read it.
"I understand." He touches my shoulder and jumps when the phone rings. "I'll get that."
I watch him walk to the phone and then stare at my book. In what seems no time, he comes running up stairs to me.
"Kagome… hide. The orphanage is here to take you."
I feel a pull in my heart as my breath gets louder. The thought of returning there frightens me. What they'll do to me for allowing him to hurt my old caretaker, and for running away. Surely they'll hurt me badly for that. I can't help but be scared.
I look at him as he watches me, fear in his eyes as well.
"Kagome… don't you want to escape from them?"
I look at him.
I do want to escape from them… But now isn't the time… I'm not supposed to escape from them and be with him. It isn't what my heart says is supposed to happen… And I follow my heart. And… if I'm not with them… I can't figure out my mother anymore. And even though I hate her, I want to know everything I can about her.
So I stand up and walk downstairs. I want them to find me. Because…
I don't love InuYasha.
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They took me.
They snatched me right out of his house, and I left him. He stood there, gaping. He couldn't believe I had given myself back to them. I frankly can't believe it now that I'm sitting here, in this car, getting yelled at by three ladies. Why did my heart tell me this was right?
How could making my life horrible be right?
But my heart knows best… seeing as my mom didn't.
I jump when my caretaker touches my arm.
"Would you like to learn more about your mom?"
I nod. Of course.. Even if I don't love her.
"Then coming with us was the right decision. We know everything about her. But then again… maybe we won't tell you."
I sigh. It was too good to be true.
I could have noticed that by how her hand felt when she touched my arm.
Suddenly I missed InuYasha… but I realized why my heart said it was the right thing.. at least half of the reason…
My heart knew that everything about my mom was going to be found in the orphanage. My heart felt it. More than anything, I want to know all about her…
What made her tick…
What she was feeling when she got pregnant with me…
Why exactly she left me…
Why she hasn't ever said anything to me…
Why she had to be my mother, instead of some loving lady who smells of fresh cookies all the time.
She isn't my mother.
Because I know nothing of her…
And as long as I know nothing…
I can't truly know myself… accept myself… and…
Love myself.
Again with the short chapter… I'm sorry! I just hope it's really good… I already have chapter three planned out… So… Review and I'll update!