1. Never piss off the brass on purpose.

The way this rule came about was quite simple, really. A few Greenshirts were bored and wanted to have some fun. However, their method of fun was not necessarily a good idea...

Hawk had just got back from a meeting at the Pentagon. He drove his jeep up to the main gate.

"Welcome back Sir!", Law greeted cheerfully as he saluted his CO.

"Glad to be back, Law!", said Hawk as he returned the salute. "Was there any trouble while I was gone?"

"Not really," the M.P. answered, "Just a few minor pranks, nothing more."

"That's a relief, considering the people on this base.", Hawk snorted, "Stay safe, Soldier."

"Yes Sir!", replied Law as he opened the gate to let the General onto the base.

Hawk drove to the office section of the base, and went up to his office. He opened the door and flicked on the light. As soon as the light came on his jaw dropped.

Everything in his office had been glued upside-down to the ceiling! His desk, his chair, even his filing cabinet (Which was quite heavy mind you!) was attached to the ceiling above its usual space.

Okay, He told himself, I'm actually impressed. At least it's a well thought out prank. I'm still curious as to how they hefted this stuff up on the ceiling. Well at least no major damage was do- Hawk trailed of mid-thought as he looked up at his desk.

Hawk was an artilleryman before he became the commander of G.I. Joe. It was a job that he had done very well, which had earned him an artillery command position upon his promotion to captain. His commanding officer had given him a gift that he treasured dearly: a model cannon made of a platinum barrel with mahogany wheels on an oak plinth, with a small pile of platinum cannonballs. Every office he had since then, the model was set on his desk behind his nameplate, and this desk was no exception.

Except now, his prized model was glued upside down on his desk.

His eye twitched as he began growling.

Oh, hell no.

Hawk promptly exited his office and ran into Duke and Flint, both of whom were looking very angry themselves.

"Sir, we've got a little prob- Holy cow.", said Duke as he looked at his CO's ceiling.

"You too sir?", asked Flint.

"Wait they did this to you too?", snarled Hawk.

"Yes Sir, the exact same thing.", Growled Duke.

"They even glued my bookshelf to the ceiling! And they're first edition books too, the glue probably ruined the covers!", Flint ranted.

Hawk's glare intensified, "Somebody's got a death wish. Let's get to the bottom of it."

No sooner did they start walking when Stalker emerge from his office, looking pissed.

Hawk looked into the field commander's office and saw that he too was the victim of the latest prank.

"Those bastards even glued the my photos of me, Snakes, and Tommy, and my wife and kids to my desk!", He exclaimed angrily.

"Don't worry Stalker," sighed Duke, "We're gonna get to the bottom of-"

Before Duke could finish his sentence, Beach Head's voice thundered over the Pit.

"WHUT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MAH GAWDDAMNED OFFICE!!!"

"No way, they're not THAT stupid are they?", said Flint.

"Apparently so.", groaned Stalker.

The men's investigation led them to Airtight, who had complained of some industrial grade glue being stolen from his lab. Once Breaker rolled the camera back and they identified the perpetrators, they punished them accordingly.

After all, Sergeant Slaughter loved yelling at Greenshirts and PT'ing them to exhaustion.

"Did you have to turn them over to Sergeant Slaughter Beach Head?", asked Duke.

"They glued mah autographed Nick Saban football to mah desk, Top. Nobody messes with mah football." Beach Head answered.

"Good point.", conceded Duke.

A/N: Poor Greenshirts, I almost feel bad for them. Almost.

Rule 2 coming soon!