Deep beneath the halls of Beacon Academy, there is a hidden cavern. In that cavern there were a series of white orb-like things gathered together in a circle. Most people have no idea what it was, neither do they know what it does. And so, it was left there, hidden from the rest of the world. Only a few know of its existence and none of them ever figured it out, except for one member of the staff: Peter Port.
Professor Peter Port was Beacon Academy's Grimm specialist and instructor of military strategy. With tales bordering on the fantastical, many believe that such an individual was clearly exaggerating his own exploits. What they do not know is that Port is the manliest manly-man of the school. The girth of his stomach exudes testosterone that the students were clearly simply in disbelief. Indeed, such masculinity is impossible to be contained in a single vessel. Without a doubt, Peter Port is a legend walking among the populace.
On his back, he carried two large sacks. Each of them was many times his size. If he had worn red and was on a sleigh, he would have been the mascot of Remnant's Nondescript Holiday. One of them was filled with rainbow-colored gemstones while the other was filled with golden tickets.
Putting the two sacks down, Peter Port was not winded at all. Nope. Pay no mind to the labored breathing. Give no attention to the sweat dripping down his face. Port was simply heating himself. Such is the manly powers contained beneath that mustache.
"Alright then," said he, not at all tired. "If one my own students was able to get a familiar befitting themselves, I too will have one befitting my grandeur. With this, I shall have a Servant that is truly the best. For someone like me, it is only appropriate."
Opening one of the sacks, Port took out one golden ticket. It disintegrated as it was being offered to the orbs. Then, they began to spin so fast that they had become a ring. The volume kept rising, reaching its climax as a pilar of light engulfed the usually dark cavern. As the brightness began to fade, Port looked on in expectant excitement of the aftermath of such a ritual.
What he found instead was a plate of Extremely Spicy Mapo tofu.
"No matter." Port was not deterred. "I am aware that I will not always get what I want the first time. But a man is always prepared!" Taking out another ticket, Port offered another.
He received another plate of Mapo tofu.
Port was not deterred. Offering yet another ticket, the orbs spun into a ring and spat out something else: a bunch of…keys as they were called.
"I see." Port realized. "Clearly, this thing is terrified of my manliness as it has yet to find one that matches my testosterone. No matter! I have many tickets and many quartzes; I shall have my familiar!"
One ticket. One plate of Mapo tofu. Another ticket. A set of black keys. No matter how many tickets Port had offered, he would often have one or the other. It kept going until the sack of tickets was empty.
"Alright then," said he, frustration building behind those bushy eyebrows. "I went through my entire salary for this! If I do not get my familiar, say goodbye to my retirement!"
Unlike the tickets, Port had to offer three of those quartz. Still, what he received in return was more Mapo tofu and black keys. At times he would receive green cubes. If only Port knew that the last person who used it set an automatic burn for servants for some reason. How that dastardly person did it is beyond anyone else. Who that person is also unknown.
As Port's second sack began to become smaller and smaller, something never before seen happened: Port began to cry. They were not the tears of manly men but the tears of many whose luck have failed them.
"Am I not worthy?" he wailed. "Am I not worthy of having a familiar? No. It is not that. For too long I have only ever concerned myself with my manliness. But manliness does not mean muscles or strength. There is emotion, too. Although feminine, a true man embraces his entire being. Even if it meant being effeminate." It was the oddest epiphany for anyone to have given the circumstances. Then again, it is often when one is at their lowest do they realize rather important things.
Port knelt in front of the ring of orbs, his sack now mostly empty save for three quartzes. Beacon Academy had an abundance of Mapo tofu to last many lifetimes. These black keys can even be given as a back-up weapon for many students. None of that was important now though for Port finally understood what it meant for him to be a man.
Without the care and hype that he had earlier, Port offered the last of his quartz. Whether it be Tofu or keys, bitter though it may be, Port will accept it. Such was the case for the changed man of Beacon Academy. Terrible rate-ups can do that to a man.
Whether it was by his new epiphany or the bushy eyebrows, Port failed to noticed that the ring formed by the orbs was different from the ones before. This one had a rainbow sparkle. As a familiar light engulfed the place, an unfamiliar thing appeared there. It was a large, golden card. On it was an image of a knight holding a sword.
Port's eyes widened as the card began to change once more. In its place was an image of a paladin. He had bunny ears and pink hair. At his side was a sword. Port's smile couldn't be wider.
"Wa! Ha! Ha!" The paladin from the card then materialized. "Waah! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm finally here! Class: Saber. Astolfo! Hope you'll take good care of me, my manly Master!"
/-/
Cinder Fall lay atop her fellow allies. They were beaten before they even managed to enact their nefarious plans for Beacon. The Breech had yet to happen and now never would. The Fall Maiden's powers were removed from her and returned to Amber who is now better.
The source of such on obstacle? It came from the most unlikely of sources: that fat bastard of a huntsman and his so-called Servant.
"My nefarious plans," she wailed. "How? How were able to stop me? You are the manliest manly man of Beacon Academy. And your Servant is obviously just as testosterone filled as you are. How were able to beat me?"
"You have answered your own question, villain!" said the Servant, Astolfo. "It is as you say, we are the manliest duo to ever exist in this world. There is none who could possibly be more of a perfect match than Master and I!"
Astolfo was right. There was no other Master-Servant pairing in Remnant that could possibly be more perfect than he and Port. Not even Jaune and Jeanne, who were just passing by.
"Hi. We're just passing by."
Nope. There was no other match anywhere who were more in-sync than the two manliest beings to ever walk Remnant.
"That is precisely the point," Cinder argued. "You two are manly men. My plans should have only one obstacle: A Best Girl!"
"And that is where you are wrong, Miss Fall," said Port who was wearing a pair of bunny ears on his head. His outfit changed to that of maid's matching Astolfo's. "For you see, there is a valuable lesson to be learned here."
"And what is that?"
"Why is it not obvious?" Port leaned closer. He stared at Cinder in the eye. Astolfo was behind him and they spoke in perfect sync.
"Sometimes it takes a real man to be best girl."
AN: I probably should have posted this before I tried to summon, lmao.