Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

Renewing Bonds

Chapter Three: Always on My Mind

This story takes place after the episode Promises, Promises and follows Sully to Virginia City, Nevada to help his friend Daniel.

Virginia City

The morning was cold – colder than any so far. He snuggled deeper under the wool blanket feeling sorry for himself as he thought about home. The sun would be stretching its first golden rays across the horizon. The fire in the hearth would have died out but it wouldn't matter. Two heavy blankets lay on the bed, the top one a double wedding ring quilt that Michaela treasured. His arms would be wrapped around her. Her back would lie flush against his chest.

Slowly, his eyes would open, greeted by amber locks that he could not resist burying this face in as he inhaled their scent. As her essence washed over him, he would lightly caress her skin wherever his hand happened to lie. Placing a gentle kiss to her shoulder, he would wait to see if she was awake. Next he moved her hair and placed another kiss to her neck. His hands would not be content to lay still but as always would join the game, caressing, touching, and communicating his love to her. Sometimes if she continued to feign sleep, he would tickle her. Finally she would turn, their lips meeting in a good morning kiss that usually left him breathless.

Letting out a ragged breath, he tried to calm his body which had reacted strongly to his thoughts of Michaela. He had only been here a week and a half but it felt like an eternity. Pulling himself up in a sitting position, he grabbed his bag which lay off to the side and took out the envelope from inside the front pocket. Slowly, so that he could enjoy each word, he read the telegrams from the children and from her. The last wasn't a telegram but a letter she had placed in his bag before he left home. Inside was a picture of the two of them on their wedding day. He took it out and smiled as he viewed it, remembering the joy of that day and every day since.

"Whatcha got there?" Pacer called returning from the area they were using for a privy.

Sully looked up at him suspiciously as he hastily stuffed the picture back in its envelope. He certainly didn't want this man ogling Michaela. "Just a picture of my wife," he said not meeting Pacer's eyes.

"Well ain't ya gonna share? From what ya been tellin' Daniel, she must be a real beauty."

Sully pulled the envelope back to him reluctantly, unable to think of a good excuse not to share the picture. "This is us on our weddin' day," he said handing the picture to Pacer.

Pacer let out a low whistle and Sully clenched his fists. "Sure is a looker. Ya weren't exaggerating. I guess with a woman like that ya don't mind bein' tied down."

Sully smiled at Pacer tentatively as he perceived no harshness in the man's words only an underhanded compliment. He decided to take what he could get. "I don't mind bein' tied down," he agreed. "Matter of fact I kinda like it."

Pacer handed the picture back. "Who wouldn't if ya woke up each morning with that? I can hardly believe ya left her. Pretty little thing like that probably pining away for ya."

Sully laughed thinking about Michaela's reaction to being referred to as a pretty little thing as well as the mental image of her pining after him. "She misses me but knowin' Michaela, she's keepin' busy."

"That's right, Daniel was sayin' ya had some children."

"Well that and she's the town's only doctor," Sully replied, not thinking about the response this might generate in Pacer.

"A lady doctor?" Pacer's mouth dropped open as he considered this new information. "Your wife is a doctor?

Sully nodded, wondering what can of worms he had just opened up. "A real good doctor," he added.

Pacer laughed. "And ya let her be a doctor."

Sully smiled as he thought about Michaela. "I let her be who she is and part of that is bein' a doctor."

"So I guess that's why she don't mind if ya don't have steady work. She's pullin' in enough money to support the family."

Sully felt his ire rising but knew at the same time that he had set this situation up by disclosing more information than he had meant to. He stood quickly which made Pacer back away a few feet. He was pretty good with his fists when he needed to be but he had seen Sully's strength and he wasn't sure he was up to taking him on. "Ya done?" Sully asked glaring at him.

Pacer nodded.

"Good," Sully returned as he moved off through the woods to wash up in the nearby stream.

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Colorado Springs

Someone was knocking on the door of the clinic. It was gentle but insistent. "Come in," Michaela called. There was a brief pause in the knocking as if the person outside was considering it and then more knocking. Michaela quickly crossed the room wondering who it could possibly be. Pulling open the door, she felt her heart leap within her chest.

"You're back?" she asked her eyes wide with excitement.

Sully stood there drinking in the sight of her. "Got done early. Took the first train out of Virginia City." His eyes were locked with hers as he moved inside the clinic. "Ya busy?"

"No, actually it's been rather slow which has made you being gone all the harder."

Sully shut the door behind him and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Slowly he pulled her close as he whispered against her ear, "I'm here now."

"So I see," she replied giving him a sultry smile.

Ever so gently he leaned in placing a soft kiss on her lips. Michaela's hands went up to the nape of his neck pulling him down to her again but Sully resisted. Michaela stood on her tiptoes determined to have another kiss. Sully smiled at her anxiousness. Slowly he gave into her light tugging and bent his head but rather than kiss her lips, he dipped his head low and planted soft kisses to her neck.

Michaela threw her head back encouraging Sully to continue. Her mouth was slightly open, her eyes closed in a moment of delight. Before she even realized he had stopped kissing her neck, Sully pulled her against him, his lips enclosing over her bottom lip as he drew it into his mouth. Michaela leaned into him, her knees too weak to support her. Sully stumbled backwards against the door as his tongue sought hers. The kisses continued as their hands began to reacquaint themselves with familiar territory.

Sully turned Michaela so that now her back was to the door as his hand began to work on the buttons at her throat. A fleeting moment of fear crossed Michaela's mind as she let go of Sully long enough to fumble with the door lock. He felt the movement of her hands and pulled back to look at her. "Michaela?" he asked, his breathing labored and heavy. Yet she was not the least bit worried now that the door was locked. Taken advantage of Sully's distance from her, she moved her hands down to the button of his buckskins.

"Upstairs," she whispered already moving to the stairwell door. Sully smiled as one of the children's voices sounded in her ear.

"Ma."

Michaela sat upright staring around expecting to see Sully but he wasn't there. Instead Colleen stood in front of her with a concerned look on her face. Michaela realized that she must have been dreaming but her body still tingled with the thought of Sully's presence. "Colleen, what are you doing out of school?" she asked as her breath came in short pants.

"School's over ma. I think you fell asleep."

Michaela smiled sheepishly. "I must have," she agreed.

"Has it been another slow day?" Colleen asked moving to sit on the bench against the wall.

"I don't think I ever remember a time when things were this slow," Michaela sighed turning to face her.

"It probably only feels like that 'cause Sully's gone," Colleen replied knowingly. A light blush spread across Michaela's cheeks as a broad grin broke out on Colleen's face. "How long before he's home?" she asked peeking at the calendar on Michaela's desk.

Michaela hastily pulled out a random medical chart, opening it so that it covered the calendar. "I don't exactly know. Two or three weeks."

Colleen stood and pushed the chart aside. "This says seventeen days." She pointed at the number circled on today's date on the calendar. She smiled at Michaela.

"Yes, seventeen days," Michaela conceded, giving up her charade.

Colleen was just about to say something else when the clinic door flew open and Matthew rushed in. "Dr. Mike?"

"What is it Matthew?" she asked as she rose to her feet.

"I thought ya should know that a climbing party failed to return from Pike's Peak. The brother of one of the climbers is here. I agreed to take him out there and see what we could find."

"Matthew, do you know that area well enough?" Michaela asked, her face etched with worry.

"Not as well as Sully. But he ain't here and I can't sit back and do nothin' to help. That climbing party was due back days ago according to the brother. I know Sully's got some maps of the area. I was hopin' to borrow one."

"Of course." Michaela dropped her head and gently chewed on her bottom lip. "Perhaps I ought to come as well. Most likely someone in the party is injured."

"I don't know," Matthew began leaning against the doorframe. "They're just as likely dead as injured. Might not be any need for ya."

"True but if they are injured, it could be fairly serious. I doubt you or the brother are going to be able to do much for them," she argued. She crossed quickly to start packing supplies. "Colleen could you go upstairs and get three wool blankets?"

Colleen looked from Michaela to Matthew seeing the determined look on both of their faces. Quickly she went to the stairs, shutting the door behind her.

"Dr. Mike, I don't think ya should come," Matthew said stepping inside the door as Michaela hurriedly packed different items. "I don't think Sully'd want ya to go trekkin' up there."

Michaela still acted as if she hadn't heard him and continued packing as she spoke. "If Sully was here, he would take me up there himself," she argued.

"That's just it. Sully ain't here!"

She raised her head to look at him from her place at the examination table. "What are you trying to say Matthew?"

"I feel kinda responsible for ya with Sully gone and all. I don't want to put ya in danger and climbin' up that mountain is gonna do just that."

"We don't know that we will have to climb at all," Michaela returned. "Besides, you're forgetting that I've been on Pikes Peak before. Remember when I went after Sam."

Matthew nodded his head and took a deep breath. "Still, I…"

Michaela interrupted him. "Are you going to ride out to the homestead for those maps or not?"

"I'll come get 'em. Ain't no sense in leavin' now. Gonna be dark soon. We'll leave at first light," Matthew informed her realizing there was no dissuading her from going.

She smiled over at him as he turned to walk away. "I'll be ready," she called after him.

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Virginia City

The campfire crackled brightly staying off the encroaching darkness. The weather was turning. Both men could feel it and they knew that it was imperative to finish the work soon. They had increased the pace that day, pushing the day laborers to work harder. Sully, Daniel and Pacer had each continued to work when the hired men left, determined to get in another hours work. Eventually it had become too dark and they each were too tired to continue. Pacer had pulled his bedroll close to the fire and was preparing to retire for the evening. Daniel and Sully sat close to the fire enjoying a few minutes of each other's company before they too gave into their exhaustion.

Pacer had watched and listened to the men while they worked. Though he gave Sully a rough time, he had to admit that he was one hell of a worker. The camaraderie that existed between Daniel and Sully also intrigued him. They were indeed very good friends but in all the stories he had overheard still their long absence from each other had never been explained. Tonight, his curiosity got the better of him and during a lull in the conversation he sat up and moved towards the two friends.

"What I wanna know," he began, "is why the two of ya ain't talked in ten years?"

Sully looked over at Daniel as he scratched his head. "I didn't know where Daniel was. When he left Colorado Springs, he didn't know where he was goin'. I had no address to keep in touch with him."

Pacer nodded to show that he understood and turned to Daniel. "So what's your excuse?" he asked jokingly missing the pained expression on Daniel's face.

"Guess we just lost touch," he mumbled, faking a yawn.

Pacer frowned. "Seems to me ya wouldn't just lose touch with a good friend like that."

Sully didn't know what to say. He, unlike Pacer, had seen the pained expression and the truth was that he was somewhat curious about the same thing. Daniel had told him when he left that as soon as he settled somewhere, he would get word to Sully. The problem was Sully had never heard from him. Sully looked over at Daniel expectantly wondering if he would reply to Pacer's question.

"We wanted different things," Daniel finally responded, his voice obviously strained. "Sully wanted a family and I wanted to find gold. When Sully got married that left me alone." Daniel stood up and stretched his legs as he said this last line. "If ya'll excuse me," he said starting to walk off into the woods.

Sully heard the note of sadness in his voice and rose to follow him, ignoring the looks that Pacer was casting in their direction. "Daniel," he called seeing his form a few steps in front of him. "Ya okay?"

"Fine," he hastily mumbled increasing his pace in order to put distance between the two of them.

"Daniel, wait." Sully broke into a jog trying to catch up with him. "Why are ya so upset all of a sudden?"

Daniel stopped but kept his back to Sully. "Just leave it alone Sully. Some things belong in the past. Ain't no use bringing up old hurts."

"What hurts? Sully asked, confusion written across his features.

"I said never mind!"

"Daniel are ya upset with me for marryin' Abigail?" A silence settled between them as the question lay unanswered. Slowly, the dark mass that Sully knew to be Daniel turned towards him. His breathing was heavy and when he spoke Sully could hear the depth of emotion in his voice.

"I didn't want to be. I really tried to be happy for ya, even came to the weddin'."

Sully wasn't sure what to say. He had known that before he had started courting Abigail that she had been interested in Daniel. That was short lived however and she soon turned her attention to Sully. "Were ya still interested in Abigail?" Sully asked rather tentatively.

"No, nothin' like that. That girl woulda smothered me. It was…" His voice faded off as he searched for the words. Sully waited patiently for Daniel to finish his thought. "I guess I felt like I had risked everythin' for ya and that ya were just gonna turn your back on all that for some girl."

"I didn't know," Sully began his voice betraying the shock he felt inside. "I always wondered why ya'd never written but I never dreamed…"

"Wouldn't have done any good to tell ya," Daniel replied as his voice gained a slight edge to it. "Things ain't really changed. I know ya'd rather be home than here."

Sully furrowed his brow. "Daniel. I'm here because ya need my help. I'm going to stay until the job's done. You're right that I want to go home to my wife but that don't mean I ain't gonna keep my promise. Sides why'd ya even write me to come help if ya didn't think I would."

"I don't know," Daniel sighed. "Guess I kinda hoped you'd realize everything ya had missed."

Sully felt uneasy with his answer but wasn't sure how to respond. "I'm sorry that I hurt ya Daniel. I know what ya did for me when I was trapped down there in that mine. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for ya. I'm eternally grateful for that"

Daniel began to speak again but this time his voice was clearly full of anger. "How can ya say that Sully? Ya made a promise to me when we were just kids, all on our own, that we'd never leave each other. But the minute some pretty girl smiles at ya, I didn't even exist anymore. And even now, ya sit here each night talkin' about your perfect life with Michaela. I'm tired of your boastin'! I'm tired of ya rubbin' it in my face that ya got somethin' better than me!"

"I wasn't boasting Daniel or trying to be better than ya. I thought you'd be happy for me!"

"Well you thought wrong!" Daniel spat out as he stormed away. Sully stood and watched him go, unsure of what had just occurred. He had never realized that Daniel felt as if he had chosen Abigail over him. Letting out a deep breath, he turned his head skyward, letting his eyes roam over the stars. He felt lonely suddenly; lonelier than any other night he had spent here. Michaela ran through his mind and though he knew he should probably pursue Daniel and try to settle things, he couldn't make himself.

Closing his eyes, he imagined her face before him. Where is she right now he thought to himself. She's probably lying in bed, snug under the covers reading a medical journal. He had traveled so far from her to help Daniel and now he wasn't even sure why he had come. Was the whole journey pointless? Opening his eyes, he fixed them on the North Star as his heart called out for her. She was like his North Star, helping him when his thoughts were jumbled like this. Making him talk it out even when he didn't want to. If she was here, he was certain he would know what to do.

Sully thought about leaving in the morning. What was the point in staying when it seemed as if Daniel didn't really want him here? Michaela's words drifted back to him as he stood there contemplating what to do. "You're the most honorable man I know," she had told him that night in the barn. Honorable – what was the honorable thing to do? Swallowing the lump in his throat, he made his decision. He would stay and show Daniel that even though they had chosen different paths, he was still his friend and not even some silly grudge could change that.

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Colorado Springs

Unbeknownst to Sully, Michaela too was looking up at the stars thinking of him. They had left at first light that morning. Matthew, Mr. O'Conner and herself scaled the lower range of the mountain quite easily. They had found evidence that someone had recently been there but no clue as to their whereabouts now. Michaela knew that tomorrow the journey would get harder and part of her wished that Sully was here to guide this rescue expedition. Matthew was doing a fine job so far but they both knew that his knowledge was limited the further they climbed. The brave woman who had stood in the clinic only yesterday insisting to be brought along, now felt a little unsure of herself.

"Oh Sully," she whispered into the darkness hugging her knees to her chest. This was one of those moments when she needed him. He knew her vulnerability, her doubts which she rarely let anyone see. It had been so hard at first but when she opened her heart to him, she had found such relief in not always having to be strong. Leaning on him for support had become second nature to her.

"Dr. Mike, ya okay?" Matthew called as he approached her from the side.

"I'm fine," she returned her eyes still focused on the stars.

"I wish Sully were here," Matthew admitted taking a seat beside her.

"Me too," she whispered rocking gently back and forth.

"Do ya miss him?" Michaela nodded and looked over at Matthew noticing the tears that had formed in his eyes. She reached over and took his hand in her own.

"Are you thinking about Ingrid?" she whispered. She felt his hand tense at the mention of her name.

A small sob escaped his lips. "I can't stop thinkin' about her," he managed to choke out. Michaela felt as if her heart was breaking. Here she had sat feeling almost sorry for herself because Sully was away, when Matthew would never see Ingrid again. One day soon Sully would return but Ingrid never would. Slowly she dropped his hand and placed her arm around him as he leaned in against her shoulder. "It's so hard," he said his body shaking with grief.

"I know," she whispered against his hair remembering acutely how it had felt when she thought David was dead. "But I promise it will get better with time."

"Don't seem to get any better."

"I know. It takes awhile but eventually your heart will begin to heal."

"I want to believe that Dr. Mike but I don't know. I ain't ever hurt this bad before, not even when ma died. If love is like this, I don't wanna love again."

Michaela let out a ragged breath. "I know," she breathed. "You just want to shut the world away so that you never have to hurt like that again. I was scared when I first realized how I felt about Sully because I knew that if I opened my heart to him that I was opening myself to hurt once more. But you, Colleen and Brian you helped me realize that I couldn't live life afraid of loving again. I had to open my heart and trust. If I hadn't, I never would have everything I do now."

"I don't know," Matthew said his voice now calmer than earlier.

"It won't happen tomorrow or even the next day. You can't rush the healing process and know there will always be a tender spot in your heart for Ingrid. But you'll see things will get better. Just take one day at a time."

Matthew said nothing else but they continued to lean against each other. Both of their heads turned toward the sky. Michaela found the North Star just as Sully had taught her and felt a sense of peace rush over her. Somewhere, somehow she knew Sully was looking at this same star and thinking of her.

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Virginia City

The morning had been chilly and not only weather wise. Daniel kept his distance from Sully though he was cordial when the situation forced him to speak to him. Sully felt like grabbing Daniel and pounding some sense into him but he knew that wasn't the way to solve this problem. He reminded himself that he needed to be patient. Daniel would come around, he was sure. Pacer, who had observed the semi-fight the night before, continued to pick at the old wounds only making matters worse. He was never direct in his attack but subtle comments here and there made Daniel cringe while Sully tried hard to keep his temper in check.

The work moved along quickly though as each poured his anger and emotion into the daily labor. By lunchtime, they had achieved as much as they had in the whole day before. That seemed to lift everyone's spirits and as they headed down into the mine that afternoon, the mood at the camp was much more cheerful than six hours before.

How it happened no one knew. Daniel had just stepped from the tunnel to retrieve some supplies when he heard the low rumble within the mountainside. His years of working in mines had trained his ears for such sounds and he panicked when he heard it. There was nothing he could do though and so he stood there helplessly waiting for the noise to stop. Once it had, he set off down into the mine to survey the damage, hoping against hope that no one had been injured. Yet only a few feet into the tunnel he encountered a solid mass of rocks blocking his entrance into the shaft.

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Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks to Priya for suggesting this storyline!