Disclaimer: I don't own SGA…I just borrow them to get them into even more trouble!

Worst Case Scenario

"Whatever you do…don't move."

"Yeah, well, aren't you supposed to normally 'play dead' when this happens?"

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard and Doctor Rodney McKay were perched precariously at the top of a cliff. The cliff wasn't high enough to be a deadly drop, but to fall wasn't enticing either.

Somewhere below them were Ronon and Teyla, who had managed to avoid the idiocy of climbing up a sheer wall of rock; where then, the climbers had been confronted by a den.

"I wasn't the one who wanted to play with the kittens," Rodney managed to splutter.

The kittens were the size of house cats, their dark fur speckled with light spots. The kittens had been harmless – or at least had seemed that way until a particularly ferocious, and protective, mother had shown up.

Her dark eyes and dripping fangs were enough to make even the bravest intruders back off. Sheppard and McKay were doing just that – up until they got to the edge of the cliff.

"No, wait," Rodney suddenly changed his posture, sending the lioness into a snarl. He winced, shrinking back and trembling. "You play dead with bears…not mountain lions!"

Rodney and John locked eyes for a moment, trying to decide if they were both nuts.

"So, what do you propose we do?" John finally asked, daring his eyes to leave Rodney and seek out the lioness cornering them.

"Um, we have to look big and menacing," Rodney whispered, his fear thick as he risked a look down the cliff's edge.

"And how are we going to do that? Superman?" The smirk on John's face just dared Rodney to hit him. With very strong self-control, Rodney avoided the fight, barely, and managed to coax his fear-riddled mind into reasoning.

"We could use a grenade, or a few shots from your P90 ought to do it?" he half-suggested.

John arched an eyebrow.

"Um, Rodney…"

"Oh, don't tell me you left them behind!" Rodney's voice raised an octave.

"Well I couldn't climb this sheer rock wall with all that weight on!" John nearly yelled back.

"So you decided to do it without your weapons! What if we had met up with wraith?" Rodney was getting hysterical, never mind the drop or the mountain lion.

"Well, why did you come up here, then?"

"I don't know." Rodney stilled as his eyes fixated on the mountain lion, which had been creeping closer. "Uh oh. Nice kitty…"

"I don't think I like the sound..." John had begun, before a sudden flash in front of him sent him over the edge.

"Sheppard!" Rodney screeched, as the big cat in front of him suddenly pounced upon the unsuspecting Sheppard. He could only watch in horror as the two took a dive off the cliff.

The fall was short, but that was the least of John's troubles, even as he hit the ground – hard. His breath was knocked out of him, but before he had a chance to recover, the mountain lion had closed its mouth around his arm.

Struggling wasn't going to work when the teeth pierced his skin, even as the creature began to drag him. Pain didn't even begin to describe the sharp tendrils of agony that stretched down his arm, even as the ominous sound of something cracking met his ears. John fought back, striking where he could, but the feline merely laid its ears flat and continued to drag.

Rapid fire from a P90 only made the creature tug harder, but when the unmistakable sound of Ronon's gun discharged, the lioness released John's arm and dashed away.

Rodney could only watch in horror as John lay unmoving, on the ground. His right arm was at an odd angle, and Rodney winced when he realized just how far he was away from the man. He began to climb down, resorting finally to sliding down the rock wall.

Rodney wasn't known for running, but he could lay on the speed if he had to. Now was one of those times, as he somehow managed to outrun Ronon and Teyla.

"Colonel Sheppard, can you hear me?" Rodney skidded to a halt, crouching beside John.

"…of that." John managed to gasp out. He tried a smile, but it came out more of a grimace.

"What are you talking about?" Rodney asked, confused.

"I was saying that I didn't like the sound of that." John sat up, fighting off the rush of nausea and dizziness. "Looks like I broke my arm."

Rodney flung his hands up into the air, unable to mutter anything intelligible for a moment.

"We should probably get back to Atlantis," Ronon appeared, looking at the odd angle of John's arm.

"That's probably a good idea," John spoke, as he eyed the disobedient limb and sucked in a breath. He winced as he recognized the damage done to his ribs from the fall – bruised, if not broken, he thought dully. Then intense pain clouded his mind for a moment, graying his vision, if only for a moment – a long, nasty moment. Then it was over, and the pain ebbed away enough for him to blink and recognize the faces around him.

"Perhaps we should get Carson…"

"Thanks, Teyla, but I'll be alright. It's not like I broke a leg or anything." John more or less got to his feet, swaying only slightly. He cradled his arm to his side, wincing anytime he jarred it.

The trip back was longer than John remembered it being, but then he attributed it also to the fact that his arm was starting to really hurt. And even he was able to tell that he was panting shallowly – he had definitely damaged a rib, or three.

He didn't sigh in relief until they made it through the Stargate and arrived in Atlantis, whereupon John found Elizabeth standing before him, looking concerned. Her eyes alighted upon his arm, at an odd angle, and he didn't miss her sharp inhalation.

"I assume you know you're to go straight to the infirmary?" She told him. John merely nodded, his escort parading him down the hallway and into Carson's lair.

"Aye, what have we here?" The words were out before Carson saw the damaged limb.

"A broken arm," John managed, holding his arm close to his chest.

Carson's eyes roamed over the group, before he asked the inevitable question.

"And how did that happen?"

Rodney more than happily obliged to answer, and John would have given him a glare, had Carson not chosen that moment to straighten the injured limb. Instead, John bit back a yelp, and concentrated on not fainting, even as his breath came short.

"Aye, so you figured you'd just climb a cliff, hang out and play with god-knows-what creature up there, and, to top it off, you were unarmed." John missed the look Rodney sent him, too caught up in easing his breath. "Then, you were attacked," the irony leaked into Carson's tone about now, "and then dragged a few yards before the creature had had enough of you and ran away. Sometimes, colonel…" Carson seemed to realize that John was barely holding onto consciousness.

"I…might have…damaged a…rib…or two." John managed to say.

"Wouldn't surprise me colonel," Carson said, before shooing everyone out of the infirmary. He returned to poke and prod and ask where it hurt and how badly, followed by x-rays. By the time he was finished, John was just grateful he hadn't broken anything else. A cracked rib and broken arm were enough agony for a supposedly simple recon mission.

EPILOGUE:

Carson kept in eye on John in the infirmary for three days, before finally getting fed up with the man. The two broken ribs that John sported were healing nicely, and Carson decided that the man didn't really need to be in the infirmary any longer than he needed to be. Especially with a cast on the broken arm, there wasn't anything more that time couldn't do alone.

Carson sighed as he watched John vanish beyond the infirmary doors. The man would be back – but he had lived to tell another story, even if it wasn't filled with wraith.

A/N: Thanks to my bro who gave me some suggestions, and a mention goes out to Aunt-Slappy who brought to my attention a slight error.