I'm With Stupid

"What?" Sora protested. "What is it now?"

Donald crossed his arms across his chest and stared as his friend. "You've been the one to enter every single Coliseum tournament so far. Goofy and I want a turn."

Sora sighed. "We've been over this before. Your fighting style is too specialized. You're great for support in a big battle, but I think you'd be overwhelmed if you went up against some of the teams in the tournament. You just don't have enough offensive punch to get through."

"What about me, Sora?" Goofy asked.

"You've got the offense to win, but you lack healing magic. I'm the only one with both, and that's why I enter. I represent the entire team."

"Gawrsh, Sora," said Goofy, "why don't we enter as a team? All three of us could band together to really show those Heartless what for!"

"We can't enter as a team, though," said Sora. "It's against the rules."

"The Heartless get to enter teams!" said Donald.

Sora pondered Donald's statement for a moment. "They, uh, play by different rules. I think it has something to do with them registering with Hades while we register with Phil."

Donald hopped up in the air and squawked. "Why don't we register with Hades, then?"

Sora hung his head. "He's not around, Donald. We'd have to trudge all the way through the Underworld looking for him, and for what? Just so you can kill the same Heartless we've been slaughtering all over the place anyway. It's a waste of time."

Goofy sniffed. "Gawrsh, Sora, we hope you enjoy battling, but we're sorry to hear that you think we're a waste of time."

"That's not what I said at all!" Sora slapped his hand to his forehead.

XXX

Goofy and Donald disappeared. Sora didn't see them even once from the time he walked off to his locker room until he found himself suiting up for the tournament finals. A part of him felt satisfied that he was doing so well at the Games despite his friends' whining. Another part of him wondered why they weren't cheering him on. Still another part of him wondered why they never seemed to be in the audience, and for that matter, no one ever actually watched any of the matches. For an event that was supposed to be on par with the Olympics, the Olympus Coliseum Tournament never drew much of a crowd.

A smug smile crept across Sora's face as he made his way into the center of the arena to meet his last foe of the day, but the smile vanished when he saw who was waiting there for him.

"Sora!" his opponents called to him.

"Donald! Goofy!" Sora shouted back. "What are you doing here?"

"We're going to prove that we're just as tough as you, Sora," said Donald. "I'm just as smart, and Goofy is just as brave. In fact, maybe we're even smarter and braver."

Sora laughed. "You do that, then. Go ahead and be smart and brave. I'm still going to kick your butts."

Goofy chuckled. "You hear that, Donald? Sora's going to kick our butts. That's what he says."

"Yeah," Donald snickered. "I'll bet he's going to put us in our place and then, a'hyuck."

"You won't be laughing when I'm through with you," said Sora. "I'll be the one… laughing. Laughing, and dancing. Victory dancing!"

"Ah, you couldn't come up with an original victory dance to save your life," said Donald. "When we mop the floor with you, we'll show you how it's done."

The tournament referee, a reddish demon with pointy ears and a black and white striped shirt, signaled to the participants that the finals were about to being. "If you are through with your trash talking," he said, "we shall move on to the competition. Whatever you do, though, do not begin until I say go. Okay? Go!"

Sora charged at Donald and Goofy, Keyblade swishing back and forth through the air in front of him. Donald and Goofy charged right back at him, taunting him and hurling the odd lighting spell. Sora flinched whenever a bolt from Donald's staff hit him, but he continued forward until he collided with Goofy.

"This'll teach you who's boss!" Sora yelled as he brought his weapon down on Goofy's shield. "Who fights with a shield, anyway? I mean, that's lamer than Aquaman, and he was pretty lame."

"You should know by now, Sora, that Tony Danza was the boss!" Goofy deflected Sora's blow and wound up for his whirlwind attack.

"I hope you fight better than you taunt, Goofy," Sora countered. Before Goofy could hit him, he ducked down to the ground and tripped Goofy up with his Keyblade. He followed the blow up with a golf swing that sent Goofy flying out into the stands.

"Waaaaa hoo hoo hoo hoo-eeeeeeee!" Goofy cried as he arced out of bounds.

"One down and one to go," said Sora. "I'm coming for you, Donald! Stupid duck. Or are you a chicken?"

"Your insults won't work on me," said Donald. "Have some magic!"

Donald conjured up a fireball on the end of his staff and waved it at Sora.

"Don't even think about it, Donald," Sora said. He reached into his pocked and pulled out a photograph.

Donald squinted to see what was on the picture, and when he saw it, he let out a yelp of shock.

"Daisy!" Donald said. "Where did you get that picture?"

"I went through your suitcase last time we stopped at a hotel," said Sora. "You really shouldn't leave pictures like this just lying around. You never know who will see them."

"That's enough of that!" said Donald. "You'll burn!"

"If you burn me," Sora said, calmly, "you'll burn your precious Daisy picture. Do you want that?"

Donald stood still for a moment, weighing the positive and the negatives in his mind. That moment was all Sora needed to dash within range and whack Donald with his Keyblade.

"I did it!" said Sora. "I… won. I really am the strongest."

XXX

The closing ceremonies of the tournament were a joyous occasion. The spectators who hadn't bothered to show up for the actual games crowded around to view the presentation of the gold, silver, and bronze medals to the winners. Flashbulbs went off several times every second. No one could hear much of anything over the crowd noise except for the PA announcer.

Sora took his place on the podium on the middle step, a foot higher than the second place step to his right and the third place step to his left. He soaked up the crowd noise as he posed for photographs, he blushed slightly when a girl about his age put his gold medal around his neck and gave him a congratulatory peck on the cheek, and he paid absolutely no attention to Donald and Goofy, who stood on either side of him to received their prizes. Everything was as it should be, he thought.

Afterward, as the Gummi Ship carried the party away from Olympus, though, he felt a few small pangs of guilt. Donald and Goofy were still friends, after all, even if they were dumb enough to believe they weren't allowed to join him in the Coliseum battles. Before the guilt could eat him completely alive, Sora resolved to talk to the both of them.

"Donald, Goofy," he said, "I really need to learn to appreciate you guys more. Sure, you're not much help in battle these days, but we're still friends, right? I don't want to make it look like I'm some sort of superhero and you're just the funny sidekicks who end up looking bad every time they're next to me. Will you forgive my behavior?"

"What are you talking about?" said Donald. "You're a good fighter, Sora, but we don't feel inferior at all. I mean, we're still smarter."

"Huh?"

"He's right, Sora," said Goofy. "I mean, aside from the fact that you often need help noticing the most obvious facts of life, like that Kairi is an absolute tramp who is going to dump you like an old sock the minute Riku finally confesses his love to her, you've looked pretty bad on other occasions."

"Like this one!" Donald said, handing Sora the latest issue of The Greekly World News. "Check out the sports section. You're in it."

Sora thumbed through the newspaper. "Is it because I won the tournament?"

"It is," said Donald, "but even though you won first place, Goofy and I still got the last laugh."

The top headline of the sports page read, "Wunderkind dominates field, loses dignity."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sora asked.

"Look at the picture," said Goofy.

Sora's face went red. The photo posted was of the awards ceremony at the end of the tournament. Sora looked fine standing on top of the podium and showing off his medal, but what stole the stage turned out to be Donald and Goofy. Each of their images wore t-shirts over their usual duds, and each t-shirt had an arrow on it, pointing at Sora. Above the arrow were the words, "I'm with stupid."

"Now everyone knows we're a team!" Goofy beamed.

Sora groaned and hid his face in his hands.