CHAPTER 7

Jessie sat at her desk nibbling her sandwich, trying desperately to concentrate on the work spread out in front of her. She wanted to organise herself before her session with Romano began. It had been a tough morning; she had seen three patients, and had spent a couple of hours with Emily and her parents, and this was the first opportunity she'd had to grab a bite to eat and go through her notes. The practice of writing her notes during a session and transferring them on to a computer later was tedious, but when only one hand worked properly, typing at sixty words per minute wasn't the easiest of tasks. She had bought a computer which would type when she talked into a microphone, but it was best kept at home, so it was vital that her notes made sense when she came to transfer them on to the screen.

As Jessie ate, the slices of tomato slid out of her sandwich onto her notes. Cursing softly, she dabbed at the stain with a tissue. Tomatoes made her think about Craig. They'd been dating for a little while now, but Jessie didn't think that it wasn't going to go anywhere. She had a feeling that he was having a hard time dealing with her disability.

"It's what isn't there, you know, Rhodes," she whispered to herself. "It makes them uncomfortable every time."

The knock at the door made her jump. At the same time, the telephone rang, which made her jump again.

"Come in!" Jessie called, picking up the telephone receiver. She looked up to see Robert quietly opening the door and gestured that he take a chair. "Jessie Rhodes…. Oh, hey, Susan…. yeah, I was going to page you later actually… yeah, definitely still on for tonight…. Yeah, of course it is, I've only met her a couple of times, so it'd be nice to get to know her a bit… . okay, see you later."

Hanging up the phone, Jessie looked over at Robert who was busy pouring himself a coffee from Jessie's new machine. He gestured with the coffee in her direction and she nodded. She'd finally succumbed to her patients' never-ending requests for decent coffee and bought a machine. The dispenser further down the corridor wasn't good enough, apparently. Jessie had tried not to give in, but in the end she had capitulated. She occasionally drank coffee, but liked to water it down, much to Robert's horror when he caught her doing just that, one morning. He had teased her mercilessly about it, but always made it how she liked it.

"Afternoon, Romano. How are you?" Jessie asked.

Robert turned to face her, his features calm and his manner relaxed. He sat down opposite Jessie and sighed.

"Actually, Doctor, I don't feel bad at all." Robert answered, his expression hidden behind the lip of the coffee mug. "I think I've had an epiphany.".

Jessie raised an eyebrow.

"Do you need to see a doctor for that?" she asked, keeping a straight face.

Robert smiled at her.

"That's why I'm here, isn't it?" He grinned.

Smiling back at Romano, Jessie took the top off her pen and relaxed into her chair. She had a feeling that this would be an interesting session. The past few weeks had been a mixed bag. There were times when Romano had been honest and forthcoming with his feelings, and there had been times that they'd sat almost in silence the whole session. Jessie found the contradictory moods quite draining, and was frustrated that she couldn't pinpoint Romano's direction. Did he want her to write him a good review? Did he want her to save his job? Would he be happy spending the next twenty years teaching kids how to do what he could do no longer? She hadn't been able to fathom him out, but maybe this session would provide a breakthrough.

"So come on then, tell me about your epiphany," she said.

"Well, it's simple really. I've just decided that I'm not going to cling to false hope," Robert began. "I've seen the light, and I know what I am and what I have to offer people. And although not all of it is…attractive…there is a lot about me that I like. So, for want of a better phrase: screw them all!"

"Is that how you really feel?" Jessie enquired, looking over her glasses at him.

Robert looked at Jessie for a long time without saying anything. Jessie let him sit, and didn't prompt. She knew that whatever had happened to Romano had changed his life in some way. The question now was whether he would use it as a positive experience.

"Well, let's just put it this way: I'm fed up pining after someone who has no idea that I'm alive and I'm going to find myself someone who will like me for me," Robert stated firmly.

"Okay – so what are you going to do about it?" Jessie asked.

Robert's smile grew even wider.

"There's this pretty nurse in the rehabilitation ward – I think I might ask her out!" He burst out, unable to keep the secret a second longer. He'd thought of nothing else for nearly two days, but had been to shy to ask her at his last rehabilitation session the previous day. His next session was in two days' time and he had wracked his brains trying to find someone who he could talk to about it. Eventually he realised that the only person he wanted to share it with was Jessie.

"Hey Romano – that's fantastic!" Jessie cried, unable to hide her smile. "Good for you.".

"Well, I kind of had a little push," Robert admitted. " I found the woman of my dreams in the gents' toilets with that creepy little toad Dorsett, and I suddenly came to my senses." He looked down at his coffee cup and sighed again. "But I don't want to talk about that; it's in the past. I need you to help me with some cool chat up lines and then we can talk about little Emily. I'm going to see her when we're finished."

Jessie just laughed. She was really pleased that Romano had finally realised that Elizabeth wasn't ever going to fall in love with him. It would do him the world of good to be free from her spell.

"Actually, I've just been to see Emily," Jessie admitted. She sipped her coffee thoughtfully, remembering the morning's events. "She seems like a lovely little girl. She was talking about you a lot!"

Robert raised his eyebrows.

"Really?" He asked. "What did she say?"

Jessie smirked at his curiosity.

"Let me see now," Jessie pretended to think about it. "She said that you were her friend. She said that you had brought her lots of nice toys and books. She showed me a particularly well loved teddy that she said you had given her. I reckon it was yours when you were little. It doesn't leave her side!" She winked at Robert. "It seems, Dr Romano, that I have discovered a soft side to you!"

Robert blushed, but held Jessie's gaze. He had become very fond of Emily over the past couple of weeks, and it had felt right that he had given her his precious bear. The bear had helped him at the time of his accident and he hoped it would help Emily.

"Well, haven't we all got childhood toys?" he asked. "I bet you've got one!"

Jessie nodded.

"I'm only teasing you, Romano." She said. "Yes, I've got a couple of teddy bears. They're very important to me, and I don't think I could give them up. Emily must mean a lot to you, for you to do that."

"She thinks of me as a friend," Robert admitted. "She doesn't judge me or hate me or think I'm useless just because I've only got one arm. I don't really have that in my life. There's only a couple of people who…" he looked out the window and sighed gently. " Like I said, I know what I am and what I have to offer people…and I know it's not going to be everyone's cup of java, but Emily sees beyond all the superficial bullshit. She sees a friend."

He looked back at Jessie and smiled shyly at her.

"You're not going to put in your report what I did, are you? You know the Board will laugh at me."

"I thought you didn't care about other people, Romano? 'Screw them all' , you said," Jessie answered, her expression unreadable behind her coffee cup.

Robert considered her words for a minute and then shrugged.

"You're right. Screw them all. Tell them what you like." He drained his coffee and put the mug on the desk. "So come on then, what do I say to this nurse!"

The session went quickly and all too soon it was time for Robert to go. He stood up reluctantly. He had enjoyed the session immensely. It had been nice to hear that Emily liked him, and he and Jessie had had a good laugh remembering good (and not so good) chat up lines that they'd heard.

"See you the day after tomorrow, Romano - you must let me know what happens with the nurse," Jessie grinned as Robert moved towards the door.

"Hey – don't worry, I will!" Robert replied. "Even if she tells me to get stuffed, at least I'll have asked her!"

Closing the door gently behind him, Robert sauntered down the corridor towards the elevator. He hummed softly to himself, thinking about the last hour. He was enjoying the sessions more and more as the weeks went by. It had been four months since he'd walked into Kerry's office and he was gradually beginning to get used to life with one arm. He was enjoying spending time with Jessie, as well. She was very different from Lizzie, or indeed any other woman he knew. Despite everything life had thrown at her, she had continued to view life with optimism and hope, and Robert knew that she was trying to make him see things the same way. He still didn't know what he wanted her to put in the report. Some days he hated County, and Chicago and his job, and other days – days like this, when he got to spend time with Jessie and with Emily; people who thought he was worth a damn….. sometimes it wasn't too bad at all.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Back in the office, Jessie thought about what Romano had said. He'd realised that Dr Corday wasn't going to fall in love with him, and he'd decided to find someone who would, what was it? Jessie frowned, trying to remember. She looked down at the pad, and saw she'd scribbled it down. 'Someone who will like me for me' she had written. I'll second that, Jessie thought.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

As Robert walked onto Emily's ward he could see that she was not alone. Her parents were there, talking to Dr Kovac. Robert pushed open the door, and could hear the Croatian gently explain Emily's drug routine to Emily's parents. Emily was sitting on her bed, gazing rapturously up at Kovac. Is there any woman who doesn't think that man is gorgeous? Robert thought, trying not to get angry at Kovac. Oh well; at least he wasn't Dorsett, he acknowledged with a wry smile.

Abby Lockhart followed in on Robert's heels. She smiled at Robert and called out to the little girl.

"Hey, Emily – look who's here to see you!"

"Robert!" Emily shrieked, as she hopped off her bed, Kovac already forgotten. She ran towards him, slightly unsteady without her right arm, and crashed into his legs, cuddling him tightly.

Abby moved over to Emily's parents and handed them a supply of medicine. Robert dropped to a crouch, wrapping his arm around the little girl, who buried her face in his neck. He didn't hear Abby's voice; didn't notice Kovac's bemused expression; couldn't see Emily's mother look strangely at him. Nothing mattered but Emily, and the fact that he realised she was going home. He wondered fleetingly why Jessie hadn't told him. She must have known. But, he reasoned, Jessie hadn't wanted him to be sad, thinking about it. She had protected him and he was grateful for that.

Robert stood up, still holding Emily tight. His muscles protested slightly at the weight, but he ignored them, knowing he was strong enough to carry her over to the bed, where he set her down gently. Emily's father reached out a hand to shake.

"Emily says that you've been a regular visitor," he said, clasping Robert's hand. "She's talked about nothing but you!"

Robert smiled at him.

"Well, Emily's a great little girl, Mr Hutchinson," he said, "and, well, we've got some stuff in common." He gestured to his prosthetic.

"I saw the pretty lady today, Robert!" Emily cried, pulling Robert down so he sat on the bed beside her. "The one you told me about. She showed me her leg! She's like us too!"

Robert grinned as he thought of Jessie solemnly showing Emily her false leg and the scar around her forearm. He looked up at Emily's parents.

"How were your sessions with Dr Rhodes?" He asked. "Did they help? She's very good at what she does. She's helped me a lot" He glanced quickly at Abby and Kovac, who had tactfully moved a couple of feet away, and were busy studying Emily's chart, trying hard not to look as if they were listening.

Emily's mother gazed at him, her eyes moist. She held out a hand, and Robert took it gently.

"Thank you, Dr Romano," she said, softly. "Dr Rhodes was very helpful. She was full of praise for you as well."

Robert tried not to let the surprise show on his face. Jessie had said nice things about him? He wondered briefly what she had said. Had she meant it? Shaking his head slightly, he forced his thoughts back to the present: Emily was leaving.

"We'll be visiting County on a regular basis to talk to Dr Rhodes," Emily's father was saying. "Perhaps we could have your number? It would be nice for Emily to see you occasionally when we're here."

"Of course," Robert mumbled, his thoughts whirling. He dictated his number to Emily's mother, and moved to help Emily pack her bag. It wasn't easy for either of them, having only two hands between them, but with much giggling and sighing, they managed to zip the bag shut. Kovac said his goodbyes to Emily's parents and left the ward. Abby stayed, ready to accompany them out.

There was nothing more to keep Emily in the hospital and Robert knew the time had come to say goodbye. He hoped that Emily's father would keep his word, and contact Robert the next time they came to see Jessie, but he wasn't holding his breath. People usually let him down. He stood up, ready to offer to take the family down to the exit, but as he opened his mouth to speak, his pager went off. It was Jessie. Perfect timing, he thought. He paused. Taking a deep breath, he turned to face the Hutchinsons.

"Nurse Lockhart will show you out. I'm afraid I have an urgent consult. It's been a pleasure to meet you, Mr Hutchinson; Mrs Hutchinson." Robert offered his hand and they exchanged handshakes again.

"And as for you, Little One, you take care and come and see me soon, won't you?" Robert bent down towards Emily and she wrapped her arm around his neck.

"Thank you Robert," Emily muttered, pressing her face in his chest. "I'll come and visit soon, I promise. I'll miss you!"

"I'll miss you too, sweetheart," Robert managed, his voice breaking. He stood up quickly, releasing Emily, and turned towards the door. He nodded at Abby, who nodded back.

"If you'd like to follow me…" Robert heard her say as he pushed through the door. He walked quickly back the way he had come, back to Jessie's office. He didn't want to be alone, and there was no-one else who understood how he felt. He was vaguely aware of someone calling his name as he walked passed the surgical ward, but he took no notice.

At Jessie's office he paused, and then opened the door without knocking. She had paged him to let him know that she was there if he needed her. There wouldn't be anyone else with her.

Jessie sat at her desk, alone as he had known she would be. She stood up and walked slowly round the desk. Wordlessly, he moved towards her and as she took him in her arms, his tears began to fall. He buried his face in her neck and breathed in her perfume. They stood together for several minutes, the ticking of the wall clock loud in the silence. Eventually Robert stepped back, wiping his eyes. Jessie handed him a box of tissues and he smiled gratefully, blowing his nose and drying his face.

Jessie moved over to the coffee machine and poured Robert a fresh cup of coffee, fixing it as he liked it. Robert accepted the cup and sank into the chair he had vacated not an hour earlier. He took a sip, nodding appreciatively at its warmth and rich taste.

Moving round to her chair, Jessie sat facing him, saying nothing. The clock continued to tick, as they looked at each other. Robert gulped his coffee, thankful for the silence. He realised suddenly that Jessie was the only person he knew who would let him cry on their shoulder, and who wouldn't tell anyone. She was the only person he knew who wouldn't try to fill the silence with inane chatter. He smiled wanly at her from over his cup. She was a good friend and he had no idea how to thank her for what she had just done.

They both jumped as the silence was broken by the telephone. Jessie raised her eyebrows at Robert who nodded quietly. He would be okay. Jessie picked up the phone.

"Jessie Rhodes…. yes, hello Miss Watts….of course I can… what time would suit you?" She reached for her diary.

Robert quietly got to his feet and crept out of the office. He didn't want to ruin the moment by talking about it. He'd lost one friend and found another. It had been one hell of a day.