CHAPTER 11

Jessie drummed her fingers nervously on the table. In front of her sat the Board of County Hospital. Dr Anspaugh looked over the top of his glasses, directly at her. She met his eyes, and smiled. She had to keep reminding herself that it wasn't her who was being tested, or judged.

Outside the snow had just started to fall, and the world was beginning to turn white. Jessie thought about the holiday season, fast approaching. Thanksgiving was just around the corner, and then; Christmas. Jessie wondered what she should do, whether she should start to make plans. She'd been so preoccupied with her work, and with the report for the Board, that she'd not realized that the year had slipped away. This year, she'd been invited to spend Thanksgiving with Susan and Chuck (things were going much better, according to Susan), but she'd neglected to make any decisions regarding where she was going to spend Christmas. Her mother had been on the telephone, pleading with her daughter to come home and see the family, but Jessie knew that going back was, in her mother's eyes, an admission that she was not happy in her adopted city, and the last thing she wanted was to be emotionally blackmailed into returning to England. Whilst she missed it desperately, and it remained her home, she knew that there was still some unfinished business here in America.

One of the Board members cleared his throat, and Jessie looked up, startled. But he'd not been trying to get her attention, and the Board members continued to scan through the neatly typed report she'd submitted to them just one week earlier.

Jessie continued to drum her fingers, rapping a gentle tattoo on the table, her mind on other things. The clock ticked the morning away; it's motion loud in the silence.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Dr Anspaugh's voice broke the peace, "Can I take it that we've all read Dr Rhodes's report by now?"

Most of the Board nodded their assent; a couple murmured, and out of the corner of her eye, Jessie noticed Kerry Weaver frown slightly.

"Donald," Kerry began, "perhaps we could ask Dr Rhodes for the reasoning behind some of her recommendations? I'm sure we'd all like to hear them."

"In good time, Kerry," Dr Anspaugh smiled indulgently at Kerry. He knew how she felt about Robert Romano, and could tell that she was itching to launch into her own opinions of his future.

Jessie kept her features neutral, and tried to ignore the funny feeling in her stomach. She, like Anspaugh, knew that Dr Weaver had her own agenda when it came to Romano. He had told her often enough about their disagreements. She wondered if they had realized how she felt about her patient. She'd tried desperately to control her feelings, and had prepared the report with the utmost degree of professionalism. There wasn't any way that anyone who read her report could tell that she'd fallen in love with Romano, she was sure of that. Whether she could keep her face and body from betraying her feelings was another matter altogether. Perhaps she was being tested after all.

"Right," Dr Anspaugh began, looking down at Jessie's report, and then up at Jessie over the top of his glasses. "Dr Rhodes, on behalf of my fellow members of the Board here at County General, I'd like to thank you for your hard work over the past six months, which includes the preparation of this particularly comprehensive report." He gestured to the document on the table in front of him. " It's obvious from your report that you have spent a great deal of time with Dr Romano, and as I'm sure you've realized, that's not always an easy task!" He smiled, and some of the other doctors chuckled.

Jessie managed a small smile which did not quite reach her eyes. She knew what Anspaugh was implying. Romano was difficult, there was no denying that, but she'd also learned stuff about him over the last six months she would have sworn he'd never told anyone else. Romano was no more difficult than anyone else once you got to know him. Jessie recognized that people only thought he was hard work because they didn't know him, and since nobody had ever bothered to get to know him, they weren't in a position to make a valid judgement.

"However," Anspaugh continued, "you appear to have covered all the points we asked of you at the beginning of your assignment." He flicked through the report, and stopped as a particular piece of text caught his eye. "Could you tell us your views on Dr Romano's future at this hospital?"

vvvvvv

Robert sat on the bench and watched the snow fall around him. He shrugged himself deeper into his warm coat and pulled the hood tighter around him. Unable to stay in the house, while his fate was being decided elsewhere, he'd decided to go for a walk. He'd wandered around aimlessly for an hour or two, and found himself in the park near the movie theater, just a few blocks from County.

Sitting down on one of the park's benches, Robert cast his mind back to the time he'd found Jessie here one afternoon, during the Spring. She'd been sat on the grass, her legs tucked up under her, reading a John Irving novel. He'd only recently begun the sessions with her, and he'd been intrigued at her choice of author. She'd teased him, saying that he'd assumed that she'd be reading Shakespeare or Chaucer, just because she was English. He'd thought about asking to join her, or buying her an ice cream, but the moment had passed, and he'd walked away.

As he sat on the bench, just six weeks before Christmas, Robert thought about that warm afternoon nearly six months previously. At the time, he couldn't have imagined he would feel the way he did today. So much had changed since he'd met Jessie. And now, at this very minute, she was sealing his fate. Was she going to recommend that he stay at County? Was that what he wanted? Would it be easier to try and adapt to his new life in Chicago, or should he just cut his losses?

Robert sipped his coffee quietly. He realized that, after six months, he still hadn't made a concrete decision about his future. He knew he could teach; or at least that he had the ability to be a good teacher, but he still wasn't sure if he could accept that he would never perform surgery again. But he liked Chicago – it was as good a place as any, and he felt that at least he could name the people who disliked him; if he moved to a new city, he'd have to make enemies all over again.

Grinning at his own joke, Robert looked around him. Apart from the occasional dog walker, the park was deserted. A lot like my life, he thought. If it wasn't for Jessie, I'd be totally alone. Robert cast his mind back to the awards dinner the previous month. The way Jessie had looked at him just before he'd thumped that jerk Steve. The look in her eyes that had melted his heart. That had made him feel protective and angry at the same time. That was the moment when he'd realized that he was in love with Dr Jessie Rhodes.

The month that followed the dinner had been difficult for Robert. He'd cancelled a couple of sessions, terrified that she would be able to read his feelings. When they had met, she'd been distracted by the impending report; the sessions hadn't gone particularly well. He'd spent many evenings sitting at home, wondering what to do about his feelings. He didn't want to spend the next six or seven years being Jessie's friend, and pining after her like he had done with Elizabeth. He wasn't the same man as before the accident – it was time to start acting like a new man. Just the day before, he'd finally come to a decision: when Jessie's report had been delivered, and she was no longer his doctor, he was going to ask her out.

Robert finished his coffee, and stood up. He'd slept like a log the previous night, finally free from the burden he'd been carrying around. Jessie had taught him to be strong and live life to the full – he was determined to make sure that he did. And that started with booking the best restaurant in Chicago for tomorrow night to celebrate the end of the assessment.

Smiling at the thought of Jessie walking into the restaurant on his arm, Robert made his way to work. Today was going to be good day, he decided. And tomorrow would be even better…

vvvvvv

"Doctor Romano," the secretary looked over her glasses at Robert, "the Board are ready for you now."

Robert nodded at her and walked over to the boardroom door. Taking a deep breath, he turned the handle and entered the room where he would learn his fate.

vvvvvv

"…And so the Board has decided to offer you redundancy, with two years' full pay and benefits…"

Robert was aware that Dr Anspaugh was talking, but he had stopped listening several sentences ago. His whole world had come crashing down; it didn't matter what Donald said, nothing could change the cold hard truth. He'd been betrayed. By the one person he thought he could trust. Jessie had abandoned him. She'd recommended to the Board that his contract be terminated. Nothing else mattered but the fact that the woman he loved had let him down… just like everyone else in my life, Robert thought, as he gazed at his former boss and friend, his eyes blurry as he blinked back tears. Everyone lets me down, sooner or later.

"…Of course, you'll receive all of this in writing," Anspaugh continued. "And we'd like you to stay on in your current role until the end of the year."

Robert nodded dumbly. Of course, he thought; they want me to work the holidays. They know I have no-one to share Christmas with; why wouldn't I prefer to be at work? And I bet they're expecting me to tell them where to go. Well, I won't give them the satisfaction. I will not leave until I'm forcibly ejected from the building. Swallowing back his tears, and the remains of his pride, Robert looked directly at Dr Anspaugh.

"Would it be possible for the staff on the ER not to find out about this? I'd rather just sneak away quietly after New Year's rather than have everyone make a big deal about it."

Dr Anspaugh nodded.

"Of course, Robert. We can certainly manage that." Anspaugh paused and glanced at Kerry. "Dr Weaver, I assume you have no objection to that. And that you will abide by Robert's request?"

Kerry managed a small vicious smile.

"Very well," she said, looking squarely at Robert. Game over, she thought. I win.

Robert met her eyes but said nothing. He could guess how elated she was feeling. He was no longer the spanner in the works. Well, screw you, Kerry, he thought. At least I went down fighting. He glanced back at Dr Anspaugh.

"Thank you for your time, Robert," Anspaugh said, gathering up the papers in front of him. Jessie's report, Robert realized with a jolt. He snuck a glance at his watch – half past five. Hopefully Jessie would still be in her office. He had one or two things to say to her.

"If that's all," Robert stood to leave, "I'd better get back to the ER." He stood up to go, and paused, suddenly struck by a thought. "Where's Dr Corday?" He asked, "Surely she should be here?"

Kerry Weaver smiled, and this time the smile was genuine.

"Dr Corday abstained from the meeting. She refused to vote."

vvvvvv

Jessie sat in her office, and thought about Romano. She wondered what the Board had decided to do. It had been possibly the most difficult assessment on a patient she had done. The Board had had a week to consider her report and had spent the hours between her interview and now to digest her own comments. She looked at her watch – just after half past five. Romano's interview was scheduled for five o'clock, she remembered. They must be nearly finished.

And so his future has been decided, she thought. Now I need to decide what to do about mine. Her gaze fell on the letter on the desk in front of her. It was a job offer from a hospital in Boston, similar to what she was doing here in Chicago, but on a more permanent basis, with a significant increase in pay. A golden opportunity to develop her skills. Boston had headhunted her, based on her reputation, and was asking her to head up a new team they were setting up. If she decided to take the job, she'd be able to help in shaping the structure of the department - the hiring of other counsellors and experts in her field. She'd have a lot of influence. It was very tempting.

And then, there was always England, Jessie acknowledged. One of the major London hospitals had contacted her the previous month, and asked whether she was interested in a position with them. She'd declined, but politely, and had indicated that she would possibly be interested if they were thinking of asking again in the future.

So many decisions to make, Jessie thought. So many questions still to…

"What the fuck did you write!" Romano burst through the door, his face red with anger. Jessie jumped at the interruption, and looked up at Romano. Oh shit, she thought.

"Take a seat, Dr Romano," Jessie said, trying to keep her voice calm. Her heart was thumping so loudly she felt sure he could hear it. "What happened in the meeting?"

Romano paced the office heatedly.

"What do you mean, 'what happened'? You know damn well – you told them to get rid of me!"

Jessie's eyes widened in dismay.

"They terminated your contract?" She asked. "Listen, Romano, I didn't tell them to…"

Robert stopped pacing and faced Jessie. She had never seen him look so furious.

"Don't talk crap," Romano sneered. " I know exactly what you did. You screwed me. You made me believe that I was able to make a new start, even though my life was fucked. You made me think there was hope. And now I realize that you were lying to me. I AM fucked. There's nothing left now – don't you see? County was all I had left. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?"

Jessie stood up and made to move towards Romano.

"But Romano, I…"

"Don't you touch me!" Robert snarled, backing away.

Jessie tried again.

"Romano, listen. I didn't tell the Board to fire you. I recommended further counselling, and a reduction in your workload, and…"

"Further counselling? I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend another minute of my time in your company." Robert shook his head sadly. "And to think that I almost…I can't believe I was so stupid as to trust you." He blinked back tears and turned away.

Jessie didn't know what to do. She tried another approach.

"Didn't you say countless times that you hated it here?" she began. "Perhaps this is for the best?"

Romano turned back to face her, and the icy hatred in his eyes made her shiver.

"For the best? For the BEST?" He scowled at Jessie, and started to unclip his prosthetic. "Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, it has, and you tell me it's for the best? How dare you!"

"But I was hired to assess you..." Jessie protested.

"No." Robert looked at Jessie. " You were hired to give the Board a valid reason to get rid of me." He lifted the straps holding his prosthetic, over his head, and glared at Jessie.

"Romano, please, we should talk..." Jessie pleaded, her eyes filling with tears. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

Robert rolled his eyes.

"Oh don't look so fucking sad. I don't need your sympathy! Christ – I had you all wrong, didn't I? Well, I'm not wrong about one thing. I am the best surgeon in this fucking hospital even with only one arm, and you and the Board can go screw yourselves." He threw his prosthetic arm at Jessie. It landed on her desk, knocking a mug over. Jessie watched through blurry tears as the coffee spilled over her work, but made no move to clean it up.

Robert turned away, and pushed open Jessie's office door. He wobbled slightly, unused to the shift in his centre of gravity. He stormed out, his eyes were swimming with tears. He couldn't believe what had happened. Just when he though his future had finally begun to take shape, the rug had been pulled out from under him again. Was he ever going to get a break? He stumbled into the elevator, ignoring everyone, and rode up to the roof. He'd not been up there since his accident, but right now, it seemed like the most appropriate place to go. Once out there, he stood, shivering, looking out on the lights of the city, the evening sky as bleak as his life had become.