CHAPTER 16

The next ten days passed in a blur for Robert. True to his word, he was at Jessie's door at five past nine. The look on Jessie's face, when she opened the door and saw the huge bunch of flowers he was holding, was definitely worth the trauma he'd faced trying to carry both them and the breakfast ingredients he'd stopped to pick up on the way.

They spent the day talking, listening to music, eating, kissing, and laughing at each new topic they found they had in common.

"I can't believe you like Led Zeppelin," Robert had said, at least half a dozen times. "You're just a kid. How old are you?"

"Thirty-two," Jessie had intoned, "ten years younger than you; I know, I know. Now put the CD down and come over here, old man…"

Robert couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun, and it was with reluctance on both sides when he left Jessie's apartment in the early hours of the morning.

He was back early Sunday morning, laughing at Jessie as she opened the door, wearing her bathrobe and a sleepy expression.

"Come on!" he'd said. "We've got the whole day together! Let's go and explore!"

Grumbling at Robert's enthusiasm so early in the morning, Jessie had taken a quick shower. As she'd dressed, she could smell breakfast cooking. Robert had obviously orientated his way round her kitchen. She smiled to herself at how comfortable she felt in Robert's company, and at how she liked the fact that he felt comfortable in hers.

After breakfast, Robert had taken Jessie out, and they'd spent the day exploring Chicago; the museums, parks, shops, and bars. It was another late night, and, as Robert turned the key in the door of his cold, empty house, he wondered how he was going to survive the next two weeks of back-to-back shifts, only seeing Jessie for a couple of hours at a time. Still, he reasoned; after his last shift, he would be free to spend every minute of the day with her.

As the weekend had progressed, Robert had realized that, more than anything, he wanted to spend every minute of the day with her.

vvvvvv

Robert coasted through the week on autopilot. When his shifts finished, he went to see Jessie. When it got late, he went home to sleep. When he woke up, he went back to work. He smiled a lot, when he wasn't yawning, and his colleagues were delighted to see their previously snarky boss in a good mood that lasted longer than a morning.

Susan had discreetly not asked Robert about what had happened with Jessie. Robert presumed that she'd already asked Jessie (which was true, of course – first thing Monday morning, Susan had come downstairs and demanded coffee and the full story!) and didn't say anything. But they exchanged a smile, and pleasant words, and Susan was happy that her boss and her friend had found each other.

By the time Christmas Eve arrived, Robert had almost got used to his routine. He'd been trying to ignore the fact that he had just a few shifts left until he left County for good, and was just pretending that it was yet another Christmas.

He'd also been trying to find the courage to ask Jessie about Boston. Every evening, as he made his way to her apartment after his shift, he wondered if this was the evening he'd mention it. But one look at her, and he knew he couldn't do it. What if she told him she was leaving? How would he be able to let her go, now he'd found her? Jessie hadn't mentioned anything and he figured that maybe she'd not been offered the job. But that didn't stop him wanting to know, and as he left the hospital, he wondered again whether today would be the day he'd be able to ask her.

Jessie had made some pasta for dinner, and they ate in the kitchen, both gossiping about work. Robert thought they were just like a married couple, talking about their day at the office, and he smiled to himself at the image.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?" He asked.

Jessie cleared away the plates, and turned on the dishwasher.

"Well, not much," she admitted. "I've decided to do a shift in the homeless shelter; the one a couple of blocks from County, from midday until about four o'clock. You know, serving Christmas dinner and all that. Then I'm going to spend the evening with Susan and Chuck. They've invited me over for a Monopoly marathon!" She grinned. "Course, what they don't know is that I was the Monopoly champion from 1985 to 1989 in my house. They are going to get their arses kicked!"

Robert laughed.

"Remind me never to challenge you to Monopoly." he joked. "How's your chess?"

Jessie turned away and busied herself with the cleaning.

"So-so," she muttered, trying to keep a straight face.

"Okay, well then, chess it is. I'll bring my chess set next time I come over," said Robert, seriously.

Jessie turned back to face him.

"Okay, but I warn you, I'm not very good," she said solemnly.

They settled down to watch some TV. After about an hour or two, Robert started to yawn. He looked discreetly at his watch, it was just after nine.

"I think I'm going to have to go home, sweetheart," he whispered, taking Jessie's hand.

"Would you like to stay?" Jessie muted the TV, and turned to face him.

Robert's stomach leaped into his mouth and his thoughts whirled furiously.

"Um, uh, I…well, I've got to, you know, get up early. And I'm, um, I'm pulling a double shift tomorrow. It's probably better if I go home, you know, get some sleep." Robert stammered. He stood up hurriedly, and looked around for his coat.

Jessie nodded. A frown crossed her face, but it passed so quickly Robert wasn't even sure he'd seen it.

"Well, yes, you're probably right." She muttered. "Um, am I seeing you tomorrow?"

Robert sighed deeply.

"Well, as I said, I've got a double tomorrow. I probably won't be much use to anyone after that. Then I've got a single, and then another double." He shrugged. "Those are the shifts you're given when Kerry Weaver draws up the rota, I guess."

He moved over toward Jessie and took her in his arms.

"It might be easier if I don't see you until after my last day. Not ideal, but otherwise I'll just fall asleep at work. Is that okay with you?"

Jessie just wrapped her arms around him. She buried her head in his chest and he kissed her hair.

"Fine," Jessie muttered into his shirt. "I'll see you in a couple of days, then."

vvvvvv

As Robert walked home, he reflected on what had just happened. He couldn't believe what he had done – he'd never turned down the opportunity to spend the night with a woman before. He wondered what it would be like to make love to Jessie. Why did he refuse her? I'm in love with her, he thought. I can't stop thinking about her. I want to be with her all the time. Why did I walk away? Am I crazy?

Nonsense, Robert, he told himself sternly. You've just got an early start tomorrow. If you stayed, and took her to bed, you wouldn't be able to spend any time with her in the morning. That's no way to start a relationship. Disappearing off like a one night stand. You did the right thing. Robert pulled his coat tighter around him, and put his hands in his pockets. The wind whipped across his face, and he was grateful for his woolly hat.

He knew, deep down, that, legitimate though his excuses were, the real reason why he'd run away was because he was terrified. He was frightened that Jessie would take a look at his body and not want to touch him. Robert knew he was being irrational, but since the accident, he'd not slept with anyone, and he was genuinely scared that, instead of Jessie being impressed with his muscles, she would realize just what she'd chosen, and decide she'd made a mistake. Robert had always taken care of his body. He quite enjoyed working out, and before the accident, he'd always received nothing but compliments whenever he took off his shirt. But that was before. He'd had two arms back then.

As Robert walked, he considered how Jessie must have felt when he turned her down. The old Robert wouldn't have given anyone else's feelings a second thought, but then, he admitted, the old Robert had never felt like this. Robert knew that he'd probably upset Jessie more than she'd let on. He'd seen that look on her face, he was sure. And he knew he had to do something about it.

By the time he got to his front door, Robert had made a decision. He would see Jessie tomorrow; he knew where she would be. And he would apologize. He wasn't going to screw this up, just because of a simple misunderstanding, and his own lack of confidence. He was Rocket Romano, and by God, he was going to get this right. As he locked the door, he sent up a quick prayer. Help me get this right, he thought, fervently. Don't let me mess this one up. This one's important.

vvvvvv

Christmas day dawned bright and sunny but Jessie felt anything but cheerful. She'd spent half the night unable to sleep, wondering why Romano had run off so quickly. Is it me? she kept thinking. Did I do something wrong? Does he have a problem with my disability? Surely not…but why did he leave?

The dark circles under her eyes had faded slightly by the time she made her way to the homeless shelter, but her thoughts continued to whirl. The past ten days had been the most fun she'd had in a long time, and she couldn't imagine how she would feel if Romano suddenly decided that he didn't want to continue this relationship. She knew he wasn't like most guys, but then, she'd never been interested in most guys. Romano made her feel special, and despite her trying to resist her feelings, she'd fallen in love.

Now it looked like it was all coming apart.

vvvvvv

Robert checked his watch. It was ten to one. Time to take a break.

"Dr Kovac, I've got to pop out for an hour or so. I'm presuming I can leave you in charge and not come back to find the ER burned to the ground?" Robert asked Luca, as he slipped off his white coat.

Luca looked up, grinning.

"I'll try and keep the chaos to a minimum" he said. He'd enjoyed working with Romano the last couple of weeks. Now he knew that Jessie was the object of his affections, he'd seen both her and his boss in a different light. Robert's good mood had been infectious, and Jessie was a lovely girl. Just right for someone like Robert, Luca thought. Keep him on his toes.

Robert grabbed his coat and left the hospital. He walked the two blocks to the homeless shelter briskly, and as he stood outside, he thought about how lucky he was that his life had turned out the way it had. Despite the accident, Robert knew he was luckier than most. He'd been well-educated, he was bright. He'd worked hard at medical school, and he'd had a career which he'd thoroughly enjoyed, and at which he'd excelled. Even now, with only one arm, and unemployment just days away, he knew he'd be okay. There were so many people out there who weren't as fortunate as he was, and as he watched them make their way inside for a their first hot meal in days, he resolved that he would spend next Christmas doing what Jessie was doing now. He hoped fervently that Jessie would be doing it with him.

Pushing open the door, Robert's nostrils were assailed by a cacophony of odours. He spotted Jessie straight away. She was serving vegetables. Her hair was up out of the way, and Robert wondered briefly why she didn't wear it that way more often. He was filled with a sudden urge to rush over and kiss her neck.

Robert still found these new sensations confusing. Even with Elizabeth, he'd never felt quite so…so captivated by another person. It was strange to experience these emotions, but, Robert realized, it felt pretty good.

As if sensing his stare, Jessie looked over in his direction. A look of confusion crossed her face. Why is he here? She thought.

"Excuse me," Jessie whispered to the helper next to her, "I've just got to talk to someone. I'll be back in just a minute."

She moved past her colleagues, and walked over to where Robert was standing.

"I thought you weren't going to see me today," she said, shortly.

"Can we talk?" Robert asked. "I won't keep you long."

Jessie nodded. She motioned to Robert to follow her. When they were outside, Robert took her hand in his.

"Listen, Jessie. I need to apologize. Again. That's twice in as many weeks, which is probably a record." He paused. "About last night. I handled it all wrong. I should have told you the truth."

Robert blushed and looked away briefly.

"I should have told you that; well, it's been a while since I've done this, and I want everything to be just perfect." He looked back at Jessie. "I don't want to have to leave you, to get out of bed at five in the morning to go to work." Kissing Jessie's hand, he murmured, "I am desperate to take you to bed, but I want to wait until the timing is right."

Jessie blushed and lowered her eyes.

"I thought you didn't want me." She began. "I got all paranoid. After Craig and everything. It's ridiculous, I know, but I…"

Robert laughed.

"It's not ridiculous. I have the same fears. I thought you wouldn't want me because I only have one arm. How silly is that?" He drew her close to him. "So how about this. My last shift is on Saturday. How about I come over afterwards, and I'll stay. We can spend the rest of the weekend together. Would that be okay?"

Jessie smiled, and wound her arms around him.

"That sounds great!" she said, contentedly.

Robert tilted her chin up slightly, and kissed her.

"Good. Now, you – get back to work. These guys are hungry!"