Chapter Ten: The Pain Of Remembering

Pain, pain was all I saw that day in Rin's closed eyes. They were swollen, red, and soaked with tears. The pain that I saw told me that she remembered who she really was. Finally! Something within that old shack, that looked to be her home once, triggered what she had forgotten about these past five years.

Five years of lost memories, maybe even more, were hidden behind closed doors. The pain she must have felt finally seeing who she really was. It makes me wonder what memories she saw for everything to come back now. Her family? Her life after their death? The first time we met. Or that day she was attacked and killed by Koga's pack? Or something much different? Something that she had never told me of her past before we met.

It has now been a week and Rin hasn't said a word since I brought her back to the castle. She doesn't leave her room for anything, not even to eat. So, I had her meals brought to her room. She would eat a few bites and nothing else. But my staff informed me that she only requested tea throughout the day and water.

After that day I brought Rin back here, I would periodically check in on her. She would either be laying on her futon, sitting up against the wall hiding her face, or looking up at the ceiling. It's like she wasn't there. I tried to converse with her, and she didn't respond back. I left it at that till she's ready to communicate and talk about everything.

Right now, I have other matters to deal with. I need to find out what the probable cause for a white light to take Rin and bring her back. That night after we returned, I went back to that well to find anything that seemed out of place. So far nothing outside the well. Inside I found bits and pieces of wood at the bottom. I examined it and came to the conclusion that it was once a cover for the well from where Rin was sent to. Gives me an idea to have the well on this side covered up.

I remained out here when the wind picked up and died from where I stood. I already knew who it was just by her scent. I faced her fully and addressed her, "mother?"

I already knew why she was here. "Sesshomaru, why did you turn Kori away?"

"I don't care to be forced upon and be used for one's sexual gratifications. I don't see why you appointed her to me. She wasn't my type to begin with." If she's here to make me bring Kori back into my home, then I'll give her a lecture about why that won't happen.

"That's why you kicked her out?" Her eyes were stern like they always were when she gave me a briefing "Sesshomaru, you need to realize that you are almost a thousand years old. You need to start thinking of your future and… why are you out here of all places again? Don't tell me that you are still hoping that girl will return?" She laughed by covering her mouth.

Mother was going to find out sooner or later. "Rin has returned, if you need to know. I'm looking for anything that could have caused the same white light that took her five years ago." I should also let her know, "my future will settle down when I'm ready." I needed to get back to my home. It was around this time that I checked in on Rin.

"The little human girl has returned?" The way she said it sounded sarcastic. "Where has she been all this time? A village I presume?"

"She was never in a village, but somehow she ended up in a different era," which is still baffling me. "Rin is no longer little. She is a grown woman."

"Different era? Sesshomaru, are you saying the girl time traveled?" She quickly laughed. "That's totally impossible. No demon has the power to cause time travel." I believe it was a demon, but what type though? "So, what era did she say she was sent to?"

I turned towards the well and answered, "the way Rin described things, somewhere in the future."

"I see."

I need to get back to check in on her. "If you wish to speak more with me, then come to my home." I trudged forward in a flash and mother followed suit. "Is there anything that you need?" We were in the front courtyard in a matter of seconds.

"Yes, tea will do. Where is the human girl?" Her eyes examined the front courtyard of my home.

A gentle breeze from the back end of my castle blew through the air. Rin's scent permeated with it. She's finally left her room! "Rin is walking around the castle." More sitting out in the garden, outside her room, and that's where I headed. "Don't say a word to her. She's finally remembered who she is."

"Remember? Did she lose her memory?"

I answered quickly, "yes. She lost her memories of her real identity. Five plus years to be exact."

"How so? What memories did she lose?"

I stopped walking, turned fully around to face my mother. "Rin went by a different name that was given to her by a family that took her in." I looked out to a different garden that was to the right of me. "I feel like her memories are still a bit fuzzy and will take more time to remember. She at least knows who I am now." Rin's last words I heard from her was my name before she passed out that day.

"She forgot who you were?" I watched as she raised an eyebrow my way. "What are your plans for the human girl from here?"

It wasn't plans, but one other thing to describe what needed to be done. "Time, Rin just needs time." I turned around and went forward to where she was. "When she's ready and has all her memories back, I'll take her to the village in the east." I think it's close to the time to reunite her with everyone there. Only if she's ready.

Mother followed foot again, "The one you had her stay in years prior?"

"Yes." It will be Rin's choice if she wishes to stay or return there. I will make sure her needs are met like years past before she vanished. Kimonos, hair pins, and all that. She would need the female necessities for when… her womanly time comes. I'll have one of my servants fetch the proper ones for Rin later today.

"Sesshomaru?"

I stopped just before the corner of the garden where Rin resided. "What?"

"Will you leave her back in that human village? Or will you allow her to return here?"

"It's Rin's choice, mother!" I made it around the corner and found Rin still in the garden. She was by one of the many trees that surrounded the pounds. Her head was down, looking at something white in her lap. I watched as her hands moved along it. Is she drawing? Does she still create art out of color? I watched as her eyes looked at the garden next to her. She was mostly focused on the flowers. Her hands went to something beside her and pulled out a colored looking stick.

"What is she doing?" Mother too watched Rin from afar in the midst of drawing.

I didn't answer. I moved forward towards Rin as she was still focused on the flowers. I watched as her right hand moved graciously along the paper and as she hummed a familiar tune. A tune she once sang years before she disappeared. It was during that time of my hunt for Naraku.

When I was in her hearing range, I cautiously called out her name, "Rin?"

It had been several days, actually more than a week, since I regained the memories that I had forgotten about. Five plus years of who I really am, my late family, and even Lord Sesshomaru. I still can't remember much after I started to follow him. I can only remember up to that point I woke up in his arms as a child. That was after I was attacked by a pack of wolves. I tried to not think of that. I tried to think of that day I found my lord. He battered from a battle I believe, and me bruised from the abuse by the now deceased villagers.

I can remember how I would bring food that I saved for myself that night so he could eat. I wanted him to regain his strength even though I needed to eat after I was beaten. In return he told me to mind my own business, that my generosity is wasted, and that he didn't eat human food. It didn't faze me. He was a demon and ate other foods that would satisfy him. Just thinking of that lost memory brought a smile to my lips for a few short seconds.

My tears came afterward, including body shakes, and now I was sitting on my knees, hiding my face. The pain of remembering everything was coming back to me. I'm not talking to anyone, even Lord Sesshomaru. The only thing I ask for is tea, so I can stay hydrated. I feel like if I eat something now, I'll get sick.

I don't leave my room at all and just rest in my bed for part of the day. Sometimes I'll rest my back against the walls and hide my face, or I'll look up to the ceiling. There were days Lord Sesshomaru would come in and try to speak with me. I ignored his words and stayed inside my bubble that I wasn't ready to come out of yet.

As I now laid here in my bed I started to think of my adopted parents. They're probably losing their minds and fearing the worst for me, including Kiyoshi. I miss them all so much, and I want to return to them. I still want to get married and have a family with Kiyoshi.

Now that it has been a week, I decided that I wanted to sit outside in the garden. My mind was telling me to draw what was out there, plus I needed some fresh air. It was a bit stuffy in my room, even though my doors, and windows were slid open. I wanted to get out and feel the sun against my skin.

I wanted to draw today. Anything to help clear my mind with everything. Outside my room was a bed of flowers that caught my eyes earlier. They surrounded a beautiful pond and one large tree. The branches of the tree hovered over the pond which would give me plenty of shade. I could see myself fall asleep under a tree like this since it held pears that smelled divine from where I stood.

When I made it under the shade of the long branches, I could smell the sweet scent of pears even more and it made my heart flutter. Before I took my seat to draw, I examined the garden from where I stood. It was quite large from any normal typical garden. The castle walls expanded so far out that I couldn't see them. Many different trees surround each other, like the forest outside. I believe, years ago, back when I was a small child, I used to play out in this exact garden. "I wish I could remember, but nothing is coming to mind." I'm going to guess that I did and I enjoyed it very much.

I gracefully took a seat, opened up my sketchpad to a blank sheet of paper, and began to sketch the flower bed. When I draw, I usually start with a pencil, but today I would use colors instead. I might spend all day out here till the sun is close to setting. During the first hour that I drew, the staff would walk by, mostly the ones who tended to me, and see if I needed anything. I just told them hot tea.

With my drawing came a humming tune my mind started to play. There was something familiar about it that I began to hum the tune myself. I wasn't sure what the lyrics were to the tune and I'm now wondering if I am remembering something from my past. A little more time passed, and my drawing was in the middle of being done. I was still working on the flower bed, switching between colors when I heard someone walk in my direction. I took it as one of the main staff and continued on with my art. But I didn't expect to hear his voice that almost had me jump. "Rin?"

I looked up fast to see Lord Sesshomaru. Standing a few feet away and behind him was another demon like himself, but she was female. There was something very familiar about her and I just couldn't put a finger on it. I turned my attention back to Lord Sesshomaru who was still looking down at me. I rose to my feet, draw pad still in hand, and properly bowed to him, "My Lord." These were the first two words I've spoken to him since that day I gained my memory of him back.

He came up closer, placed a hand to my face, and rubbed my cheek. "You finally left your room," I could tell he was pleased to see me outside, instead of cooped up in my room.

"I needed fresh air." It was summer and the days were getting hotter. "Is there something you wished to speak about?"

"No. I just came to check in on you and to see you were doing well." I was feeling okay, but still felt the pain of my memories slowly coming back. I know it will take time to feel like myself again, but for now I'm grateful I just remember him. But it will become painful when I tell him that I wish to return to the other world.

The silent moment between us was broken when the female demon, I believe was his mother, interrupted this quiet moment between us. "Rin, was it?"

I took my eyes off of my lord, looked behind him, and told her, "Yes." I don't know what it is, but I feel like she's done something in the past. Something to me that wasn't good. I feel like she caused me to die once.

"Sesshomaru has told me that you've been living in a different era? Is that correct?" I'm going to have to get used to being asked this.

"Yes."

She came up closer to us and then asked, "what era would that be?"

"The twenty-first century," why do I have a feeling she'll demand something to prove that I was indeed sent to the future.

She creepily smirked, "I see and would you by chance have some proof that you were in fact in the future?"

I did, and it rested on my finger, but I didn't want to show it at this time. "No, I don't." I hate lying, but it's for my best interest that I don't right now.

Her face had the look of she wasn't pleased with my answer. "I see. Then what do you have in your hands?"

I forgot that I had my sketchpad in my hands. I didn't want anyone to look at my drawings because there were sketches of my lord in there that I drew through the years. "They're my drawings that are very private." I closed the pad up and held it close to me. My eyes were only meant to see.

Her golden eyes remained the same, cold, and wanting answers. "Oh!" His mother's fingers ran her hair behind her ear, and I knew that she wasn't happy with what I had said. "What are they drawings of?"

"Mother?" So, she is his mother.

"Yes, my son?" I think he saved me from showing my drawings.

"Didn't you request for tea?" He saved me from that. I thanked him in my head.

"Yes!" She looked at him and then back at me. "Rin, join me for tea?" I have a strong feeling she's going to try to have a conversation more about where I've been. "Have you eaten yet?"

I was hungry and more tea sounded good right now. So, I answered both, "okay and no. Just… just let me put my stuff away." I wasn't finished and I would come back out later tonight.

"Sesshomaru, you too should join me, and Rin, I want to hear stories from where you've been these past five years," she demanded. I only nodded, walked past them when I suddenly felt my left hand being grabbed and lifted up. "What is this upon your finger?"

I am not ready to explain that I'm engaged to be married to a young man in the future. A man that I truly love, see myself having a very long life with, and carrying many of his children. "It's nothing," I spoke softly, with a hint of sadness, and closed my fingers.

She still held my hand within hers, "nothing?" She said in a sarcastic way. "Then that necklace you wear is nothing?"

"Mother, that is enough!" Lord Sesshomaru was now standing almost in-between us, "let Rin go!"

"I was just asking a simple question, my son." She smiled brightly towards him and let me go. "My apologies, Rin." I didn't find her apology apologetic. I just kept quiet. "Now let's go have some tea, shall we?"

I just needed a moment to myself. "I'll join you two in a moment," I wanted to bring my belongings back to my room. I grabbed my colored pencils that were near the tree and left for my room. With each step I took, my head started to spin, I was nervous with what I would be asked. I'm still nervous to tell Lord Sesshomaru that I'm ready to return to the world I lived in for five years.

In my room, I closed my door to have a moment to myself. I felt myself tearing up again, but held that back. I would save that for when I was alone by myself later. This would probably continue until or if I'm able to return to the other world. The world I adapted to very quickly. The world I fell in love with someone special. I left my pad and pencils by the futon; it won't be long till I come to retrieve it, go back to my drawing, and possibly sit out there well into the night.

Taraah36: Yeah, the ending was a bit hard, and I hate abusers too. Rin suffered a lot at that age. I'm glad she remembers Lord Sesshomaru too. I know he does as well. Were you sad to read that she wants to return back to the future? Do you think she'll return to marry that asshole? Do you think she'll find out everything is false news, and that Kiyoshi doesn't love her? Do you think her parents will find some way that she is safe? Let me know your thoughts!

GoddnessInMeka: Yeah, it had to end there in chapter ten. It's good she has some of her memories, but not everything yet. Do you think she'll remember everyone else in time? Her adopted parents are the most caring and would do anything and take that time off of work, with hopes she'll return. How do you see Rin finding out Kiyoshi is a total bastard? Can you see Sesshomaru somehow end up in the future kicking some ass?

HOWLMOONLIGHT13: Sorry, yes, I had to end it there, so make you sit on the edge of your seat. Let me know your thoughts on this story. I love to hear what you might see happen.