DAMON: Okay, so we've got the casting down. What next?

JJ: Let's get a plane.

DAMON: And how are we going to do that?

JJ: From an elephant graveyard. I dunno. What do they do with massive oceanic flights when they're done?

DAMON: You mean international.

JJ: I mean Oceanic. That's our flight. What do you think?

DAMON: Okay, fine, sounds good. You take care of getting that plane, and I'll take care of pitching it to the execs.

The pitching room

ABC MAN: So you're telling me that you're doing a modern day Gilligan's island?

DAMON: No. Absolutely not.

JJ: Kind of. With monsters. And undercover passengers. And a psychic kid.

ABC MAN: Uh-huh. Who's going to play Mary Ann?

JJ: Girl by the name of Evangeline Lily. Cute girl. Sexy as hell.

DAMON: It's nothing like Gilligan's Island.

ABC MAN: Got a skipper? Millionaires? A professor? A Gilligan?

JJ: Yup. We've got a doctor, a pair of spoiled rich kids, a creepy box man, and. . .huh. How 'bout that. We don't really have a Gilligan?

ABC MAN: That's okay. Nobody like him anyway.

DAMON: So you like our show?

ABC MAN: Kind of. But our slot's full for the fall. Can you make it a miniseries?

JJ: Sure, no problem.

DAMON: What?

ABC MAN: Even better. Make it a two hour movie.

JJ: Consider it done

JJ and Damon walk out of the pitching room.

DAMON: Are you serious? We're going to make a movie? We can't fit all our ideas into a movie!

JJ: Relax, bro. We tell them we make a movie, we film the pilot, and they're so hooked they're dying to know what happens next and they sign the show. Piece of cake.

DAMON: I am going to be the biggest joke at my parents' holiday party.

Meanwhile, in Canada. . .

EVIE: Yes, I'm going to be in this show.

CUSTOMS: Who's JJ Abrams?

EVIE: No idea. But I get to be on tv!

CUSTOMS: Why the hell do they need you?

EVIE: They said I'm perfect for the part, eh!

CUSTOMS: Why can't they use an American actress?

EVIE: Because the character is from Iowa.

CUSTOMS: That's in America, sweetheart.

EVIE: Huh. I figured it was somewhere in the Yukon.

CUSTOMS: So in conclusion. . .we're not going to give you a visa.

EVIE: What? Why not?

CUSTOMS: No need. They can get an American to play the role.

EVIE: But I'm perfect! I'm one sit-up away from the perfect body!

CUSTOMS: And we're talking America. Every third woman is an actress.

EVIE: How do you know?

CUSTOMS: Trying watching 19 year olds sneak booze across the border. Trust me. They can act.

In Hawaii

JJ: All right, people, let's make this work!

DAMON: How are we going to make it work? We don't have our lead actress.

JJ: We don't? Hey. He's right over there. Points at Foxy.

DAMON: Actress! Actress! Female! Kate! She's the lead! The doctor dies, remember?

JJ: Oh, yeah, about that. What about. . .if the doctor lived?

DAMON: Are you kidding me? That was going to be the amazing twist. The main character dies in the first episode. It was going to make history!

JJ: Yeah. . .here's the problem. I handed out the script to some people to read, and. . .

DAMON: Your mom didn't like it.

JJ: Here, listen to the voicemail. Hands Damon a phone.

JJs MOM: On the phone. You can't kill the doctor! I just spent an hour falling in love with the doctor! I've imagined him and me in a dozen scandalous sex positions! He convinced me to get out the Kama Sutra again! You can't kill him! I'll never have another orgasm!

DAMON: winces and hands the phone back. I'm sorry, man.

JJ: Tell me about it. So now the doctor lives.

DAMON: So we don't really need Kate?

JJ: Nope. Not really.

DAMON: Well. Then I guess we can start shooting whenever.

Terry comes stomping over, a copy of the script in his hand.

TERRY: You kicked me off Alias for this?

JJ: Terry, my man, how good to see you again!

TERRY: I don't have a single line!

JJ: What are you talking about? Yes you do! Shuffles through the script and finds the line reading: John Locke smiles with an orange in his mouth. See?

TERRY: That's not a line! That's a direction! People are going to think I'm creepy!

JJ: Of course not. They're going to think you have a beautiful smile.

DAMON: Fresh as oranges.

TERRY: This is weird, JJ.

JJ: I know.

TERRY: You're sure my character's going to be big.

DAMON: Definitely.

JJ: Bigger than Claire's belly.

DAMON: Bigger than Hurley.

JJ: Bigger than the love triangle between Michael, Jin, and Sun.

DAMON: That's not the love triangle.

JJ: Yes it is.

DAMON: No. It's between Jack, Sawyer, and Kate.

JJ: We don't have a Kate anymore.
DAMON: Yes we do, she's just not here yet.

JJ: We can't have a love triangle between Jack and Sawyer.

DAMON: What?

JJ: Though it does have possibilities. . .

TERRY: I'll do it!

DAMON: This is going to be a disaster. . .

Meanwhile, on a plane. . .

EVIE: Thank goodness I finally got a flight. I just hope they don't start filming without me.

Back on Hawaii.

JJ: And. . .action!