AN: So yes, still here, still intending to finish the WIPs. This one I had mostly written a very long time ago, then I ran into a road block and forced my way through it bit by bit. I've been struggling creatively in general, but I'll do my best to keep going however long it takes :)
19: Exhaustion
You think it'll last forever
People, and cars, and concrete
But it won't
One day it's all gone
Even the sky
The world is dying.
That's what they said.
And nobody believed them until it was too late.
Nobody that mattered anyway.
Nobody with the power and influence to make a difference.
So no difference was made.
And the world died.
It was strange how quickly long established societies broke down.
The rule of law and order crumbled in the blink of an eye once it became clear that states could not protect their people.
So the people turned to protect themselves and in doing so returned to the old rules of predator and prey.
Perhaps those rules had never really gone away. Claws and teeth had just been exchanged for suits and ties.
But still stained red.
They were stripped away now. Everything had been stripped away. You snatched and clutched at what little you could just to keep it from being taken.
Whether that was a gun, or a brother.
Aramis held those things tightly to his chest.
But they slipped through his fingers like dust.
He keenly felt the absence of the others.
Still, he had to go on. They were going to meet up, he would see them again, he would.
So Aramis put one foot in front of the other. Nothing but determination drove him on. He was ravaged by hunger and thirst. He couldn't remember the last time he ate. He had rationed his water and dared not take anything more than a tentative sip. Not enough to quench his thirst. Not enough to keep him going. Exhaustion pulled at his bones, begging him to lie down, just for a moment. Aramis wouldn't give in, he knew if he stopped he wouldn't get up again. One more step, then another… one more step. He told himself.
His mind drifted. He thought about his brothers, they were the only thing that kept him going. Porthos had known him for a long time, and the other two...
~Months earlier~
It had been close with Porthos, too close.
A skirmish in an abandoned shop over some tinned food led to a nasty gash on his leg. Aramis did what he could. Antibiotics were as scarce as tinned peaches these days. Fever set in.
By some miracle Porthos recovered. Even after everything Aramis still kept to his prayers, and maybe God had finally answered. Perhaps God had taken pity and let him keep one good thing in his life.
Aramis watched his friend closely, even now. He did not quite trust God's mercy. Porthos was not completely recovered. In the half light Aramis looked for beads of sweat or discomfort. They had taken shelter in an overturned lorry. Porthos lay near the entrance, his head lolled back against the half rusted interior. Aramis wished he would come further in, but Porthos insisted. He was finding it too enclosed, said he couldn't breathe…
"There's somebody out there." Porthos' voice was quiet but filled with tension.
Aramis reached for his gun and was by Porthos' side in an instant.
"I saw somebody move."
"Where? I can't see anything."
"Just by that car, the one that's up against the tree."
Aramis zeroed in on the car in question. It looked as if it had crashed, probably from the same incident that saw their lorry on its side. The tree it rested against was dead and bare of leaves, just like all the rest of them. Aramis began to wonder if he would eventually forget trees had ever been green. The corroded car looked as if it might have once been blue… and then he saw it. A mop of black hair through the smashed windows. Somebody was scavenging around the car.
Aramis huffed an amused breath. Good luck finding anything. Nothing on the roads was untouched by now.
"Do we hide or confront?" Aramis' finger twitched at the trigger.
He was naturally inclined to look for the best in people, but that instinct had long ago been quashed. Nowadays you were likely to be killed over a packet of crisps.
Porthos gave a heavy sigh. "If he's scavenging he's going to come over here isn't he? Damn fool, what's he think he's going to find?"
"Well, he's going to end up finding us. I think I had better say hello with my friend here." Aramis patted the gun and got to his feet.
"Be careful."
"Always." Aramis flashed a grin and stepped outside.
He walked away from the safety of the lorry with his gun raised. The boy was ferreting about inside the car and hadn't noticed Aramis' presence.
Aramis cleared his throat and shouted across the distance. "Come out! I mean you no harm, but I am armed!"
The boy froze and looked out. He ducked down the instant he spotted Aramis.
"I promise I won't hurt you! Just come out and we can talk!"
There was no movement.
Not from the car anyway.
A click sounded from one side and Aramis turned to find himself staring down the barrel of a gun.
"On the other hand, I can't promise I won't hurt you. Put the gun down." The man was bearded and dishevelled, which wasn't unusual these days, but there seemed to be something more than typical neglect weighing him down.
"How about we both put our guns away? Nobody has to die here today."
"Put it down."
Aramis cursed under his breath and knelt to place his weapon carefully on the ground. He stood again and stepped back with raised hands. "All I have is the gun, there's nothing else for you to take."
"What is your name?"
Aramis frowned. He was used to being questioned in confrontations. Most asked where he was going or whether he had food. Nobody was interested in his name.
"Aramis."
"My name is Athos, and that over there is d'Artagnan."
"Okay…" Aramis looked at Athos doubtfully.
He seemed to pick up on the confusion. "I just wanted a bit of civilization back. Manners are a rare thing these days."
"Indeed."
"d'Artagnan! You can come out now!" Athos shouted over to the car.
A young man emerged from the metal wreck and warily approached. "Who's your friend?"
"This is Aramis." Athos lowered his gun but still kept his finger on the trigger. "So where are you headed, Aramis?"
"South, it's warmer I hear."
"Warmth would be nice." Athos smiled, or gave what passed for a smile. "The cold is coming and you don't want to be out here for that. Look at us, becoming as migratory as the birds. I don't suppose there are any of those left either. It's been weeks since I've seen so much as a carrion crow."
"A pity."
"It is a terrible pity." Athos put the safety on his gun, but kept it in hand. "Can I trust you, Aramis?"
"You're a fool if you seek to put any trust in strangers. All I can tell you is that I don't want any bloodshed, I don't want to take anything from you, I'm just looking to survive."
"An admirable goal, survival." Athos finally put his gun away. "I've seen far too many give up on it."
Aramis could feel d'Artagnan circling behind him. "If you want to rob me just take the gun and go. Please."
"I don't want to rob you. I just want to survive as well." Athos' looked over Aramis' shoulder to lock eyes with d'Artagnan. Something unspoken seemed to pass between them, and then the moment broke. "That lorry seems like a good place to shelter for the night. I assume you've come to the same conclusion. Do you mind sharing?"
d'Artagnan sidled back around to Athos and spoke under his breath. "We should keep moving."
The words were still loud enough for Aramis to hear. Some part of him hoped the two would move on, but there was a strange feeling he had about them, could he actually have found some potential allies? There was safety in numbers for sure, and they had another gun. But would he welcome them in only to find himself shot in the middle of the night? Or worse… Porthos shot in the middle of the night. Those were the risks you took these days.
"No. We've been walking all day, and night will be upon us soon. We need to rest, and it is better to rest in there than out in the open. If Aramis will have us of course." He shot a questioning look to the man in question.
Aramis was torn in two. This could be a good thing, or he could be signing their death warrants.
He sighed. Whatever way this turned out, maybe being shot in the night would be a merciful release after all.
"If you choose to trust me, then I will choose to trust you."
"Good." Athos moved forwards to pick up Aramis' gun. He offered a hand. Aramis shook it carefully. And then he offered the gun. Aramis took it back with a word of thanks.
"I should warn my friend you're coming. Just a moment." Aramis jogged over to the overturned lorry and found Porthos sitting up anxiously watching.
"What's happening over there?"
"A couple of men want to shelter with us - Athos and d'Artagnan."
"Are you mad?"
"They seem alright. I haven't been shot yet at least."
"And thank God for that." Sarcasm dripped from Porthos' words. "By all means invite the gun toting strangers in to our humble rusting abode. I'm sure they want nothing more than a nice sleepover. Maybe we can braid their hair!"
"Porthos." Aramis came to sit down by his friend. "We could have allies here. More guns."
"More mouths to feed too. And that's if they are on our side. They might decide to kill us and loot our corpses."
"Would it kill you to think positive for once?"
Porthos dramatically waved his arms around. "Have you seen the world lately? Not much positivity to be had here!"
"Then maybe we should make some." Aramis ran a fractious hand through his hair. "I don't know how to explain. I've just got a feeling… I don't know. Maybe being met with politeness has turned my head. I just feel like I can trust them."
"Alright, if you say you trust them, that's good enough for me. But if I wake up dead tomorrow there'll be hell to pay."
Aramis gave a half smile at Porthos' ridiculous words and motioned for the two strangers to approach. He introduced them to Porthos and both shook his hand. It seemed so strangely formal in a world that had become so savage. But maybe he was right, manners, positivity, civilisation… whatever had been lost, perhaps it was up to them to bring it back.
Athos and d'Artagnan settled into the lorry. d'Artagnan stayed near the entrance, seemingly to keep a watch. Aramis could detect Porthos bristling, he'd assumed that role and it looked as if they didn't trust he was up to that job.
Aramis attempted to break the tension with some conversation. "So where are you going?"
"We seem to be heading in the same direction - South."
At that d'Artagnan piped up. "We're just going a bit further. All the way across the sea."
Athos gave a cynical smile. "d'Artagnan here has a vision."
"It's true! I've heard it said, time and again, over the sea it's not like this. The sky isn't a perpetual grey. The summers don't set fire to the lands and the winters don't freeze your flesh to stone. There are no hurricanes, storms, floods or earthquakes. Nirvana they call it."
"And how many have you met who have seen this place with their own eyes?"
"None, but I've heard it from enough different people from different places…"
"And if it's true then why have they not gone there? Why has this place not been flooded by people?"
"Because everybody who hears about it thinks it's a myth like you do!" d'Artagnan turned his back on them with a huff and looked out towards the darkening sky.
Aramis felt a little uncomfortable, he seemed to have stumbled on a sore point. He looked to Athos. "You're going with him, so surely some part of you must believe in it?"
"I'm curious. Maybe the world is fighting back against what we've done. Maybe there is a place that has healed and turned green again. I don't believe in a mythical utopia, but whatever's out there surely can't be any worse than what's here. There is nothing to stay here for, so why not go chasing a dream? That's all that's left to us now. What are you chasing?"
"Food... rest, warmth against the cold, and cool against the heat. It all seems so mundane when there are dreams to chase."
"You could always come with us. An extra gun is no bad thing, and maybe there is food and rest to be had on the way to Nirvana."
Aramis hesitated and looked over to Porthos who seemed to be on the verge of dozing off.
Athos leaned forwards to catch Aramis' eyes. "Where else are you going to go?"
"What do you reckon Porthos? Fancy chasing Nirvana?"
He grumbled inaudibly for a moment. "Might get us a quick death at least."
Athos gave a smile that almost seemed misplaced on his face. "That's the spirit!"
"Alright, we'll come. Now get some sleep, I'll keep watch."
~oOo~
In the days afterwards the four came to know each other a little better. d'Artagnan had set out by himself after his father was killed. It happened early on in the breakdown of law and order. He crossed paths with Athos when the latter was nearly dead from dehydration and they had travelled together ever since. Athos himself had come from a well to do background, he didn't elaborate too much but his well spoken words said enough. He had given everything up and thrown his lot in with the climate protests. There was a hint of some bad business with a former love, but again Athos remained tight-lipped on the details. Still, Aramis kept his own confidence too. He told them he was ex-military, which is where he met Porthos. He said nothing of the military's failure. He kept quiet on the slow descent and the final drop where he found himself alone, abandoned, and surrounded by death. That was between him and his nightmares.
The group's initial travels often brought them to the outskirts of a city. Cities were always dangerous places. Most were abandoned or taken over by those who would kill you to pick through your belongings. If you were lucky there might be a gathering of people trying to rebuild. It seemed there was still a spark of good in the world. As foolish as it was, for Aramis thought there was no point in rebuilding here. The world was damaged beyond repair. You couldn't tell what you would find in a city until you approached it, and so they were always wary as they walked towards the looming, hollowed out buildings.
If they were lucky a thorough search might yield some tins and bottled water. It was like finding the holy grail. These places had been turned over in haste and so a few goods still remained to be found in concealed nooks and crannies. Still, it wasn't enough. It was never enough.
Cities were not a place to spend the night. So after gathering what they could they would turn back to the road. And when there was no shelter to be found, the four huddled together for warmth. Fires were too much of a risk so close to a big city. Once they travelled further away it would be safer to start one.
~Now~
Aramis gave a faint smile at recalling those early days of brotherhood. They hadn't been brothers at first of course, but that is what they became. For the miles passed away slowly on foot and the four of them grew closer, it almost seemed inevitable. Porthos had remained bristly towards d'Artagnan for a while, but that all changed when the boy saved him from a desperate assailant. They were passing by a graveyard of cars when Porthos got too close to one with an occupant. The attack took them all by surprise. A man burst through the car door and took Porthos to the ground before anybody had the chance to blink. d'Artagnan was on him in a second and with the flash of a knife it was all over. d'Artagnan helped Porthos to his feet, a nod and a clap on the shoulder seemed to seal the respect between them. Afterwards they helped themselves to the man's meager belongings and continued onward. You could not afford to waste a thing. Not even the half ruined coat of a dead man.
Eventually Aramis even got Athos' story out of him. It was late at night when he was on watch by the fire. His back was to it so that he could preserve his night vision. The day had been a hard one, Athos had been forced to shoot a woman who held d'Artagnan at the point of a knife. Porthos and d'Artagnan let their exhaustion take them straight to sleep, but it seemed Athos was having a little more trouble. Distressed mutterings and moans drew Aramis' attention from the surrounding darkness. He moved to shake Athos, who startled awake with a gasp. Once he had come back to himself the two sat talking, and the walls around Athos gradually started to crumble and come down.
Athos and his brother Tom had become deeply involved in the protest movement. It had started off as non-violent civil disobedience, but as their efforts fell on deaf ears violence became an increasingly attractive option. Tom fell in with some of the more unsavoury characters, one being a lady by the name of Anne. She was beautiful, but she was trouble. Still, as an instigator rather than an actor Athos could excuse her. Blinded by a pretty face, he was entirely enraptured. They became involved. It all led to a messy end when he found Anne standing over Tom's body. The truth came out then, she was an undercover police officer. She said Tom had attacked her on learning the truth. But Athos could only see red. He had been betrayed, they had all been betrayed, and Tom was dead . He turned her over to the others, and left the room to the sound of a gunshot. No wonder having to shoot a woman brought up such bad memories.
In turn Aramis told his own tale. The training exercise, the slaughter of his regiment all around him, and the abandonment. It drew them closer. The four became brothers, it was them against the world, and it almost made the end of the world seem bearable.
But then everything started to fall apart.
Aramis' steps faltered as his memories turned to that terrible time. But he grit his teeth, and pushed against the exhaustion and the black clouds of his thoughts. He would see them again. He would.
With cities behind them, countryside spread out ahead. It had seemed safer with no looming abandoned buildings, and eyes watching from darkened corners, ready to pick you apart. But it held its own dangers...
~Weeks earlier~
A band of horsemen came after them on steeds that looked as malnourished as their riders. To make matters worse Porthos had fallen ill and was struggling to keep up. They managed to lose the horsemen by skidding down a steep rocky incline, but it wouldn't take long for them to go around. The four took refuge amidst a cluster of rocks, breathing hard and taking stock of their bruises. It had not been a gentle descent at all.
d'Artagnan stuck his head out and examined their surroundings.
"There's a forest just over there. I can lead them into the trees."
Aramis took a look himself. Sure enough across a clear piece of land there was an expanse of dead wood, like bones stretching out to the sky. Still, the plan didn't sit right with him.
"We can't split up."
"We can't carry on like this! Especially not Porthos."
Aramis took a look over his shoulder, Porthos was gasping terribly in Athos' arms.
"But you could be killed!"
"And what is the alternative? They're going to come down here and find us, we're just like sitting ducks. If I lead them into the trees they won't be able to ride, it'll slow them down and I stand a chance of getting away. You can follow this pass along and escape."
It made sense. But Aramis still didn't like it.
"How will you find us again?"
"I will find you. If not here then in Nirvana." d'Artagnan looked to each of them in turn. "We make a pact - if we get separated, we meet in Nirvana."
He held a hand out and each man gave a nod and extended their own. They all noticed how terribly shaky Porthos' was.
"I'll see you all again."
"Don't be too long." Athos held on to d'Artagnan's hand a little longer as the rest fell away. "Now go."
There was no time for goodbyes. Aramis wanted to say so much, but d'Artagnan gave them all a last look and shot off.
Aramis watched him cross the clear expanse, he got further and further and there was no sign of pursuit. Aramis began to wonder if the horsemen had given up. But just as d'Artagnan reached the tree line they came into view. Sure enough the men abandoned their dark horses and disappeared after d'Artagnan.
"He made it." Aramis' voice was as dead as he felt. A hollow had taken residence in his heart.
"We'll…" Porthos' words were broken up by a cough. "... we'll see him again."
"He's brought us this time, we should go." Athos got up and held a hand out to Aramis.
The pair of them helped Porthos to his feet, and they followed the pass along as quickly as they were able. Paths branched off deeper into the rock face, but they dared not try any in case they led to dead ends. Instead they kept to the edge, escape being the only thought on their minds. Porthos began to cough and struggle, so they slowed to help him along.
"We should stop to rest." Aramis winced at Porthos' grating breaths.
"Just a little further." Athos pressed.
"He can't manage a little further!" Aramis couldn't help but let irritation creep into his voice.
Porthos glared as if to object, but the fact he could not voice his objection said enough.
"Do you want d'Artagnan's sacrifice to be for nothing?" Athos rounded on Aramis.
"First of all - it isn't a sacrifice, he's coming back! And we are far enough now."
"They have horses in case you forgot. This distance is nothing. And there's no sign of shelter anywhere."
"Alright, we go on to the next cave or lee, but then we are stopping!"
"Ssshhh!" Porthos interrupted the bickering and both men fell silent.
In the distance... the sound of hooves.
Aramis swore.
They took Porthos' arms and dragged him on. Just ahead a path cut into the rocks, they decided to take a risk and go down it. Even if it was a dead end, perhaps they could find somewhere to hide.
The sound of hooves grew louder, and then Porthos went down. He waved an arm to indicate the others should leave him.
"Get up!" Aramis tugged at his arm. "Porthos, you have to get up, I'm not leaving you!"
Porthos gave him a weak shove.
"Don't ask me to leave you! You can't ask me to do that!"
Athos grabbed an arm. "Come on."
But Porthos was uncooperative between them.
"Don't give up, you can't give up." Aramis tugged futilely at his friend.
"Go…" Porthos whispered.
Athos stood and straightened. "It's too late."
The horsemen rounded the corner and surrounded them. They wore masks and seemed like ghosts atop pale, thin steeds. Aramis and Athos stood either side of Porthos, protecting him as best they could.
But none of the masked horsemen brandished a weapon. Aramis and Athos had taken out their guns. Not one of them flinched or seemed concerned.
"Alright! You've caught us! What do you want?!" Aramis yelled.
One of them stepped forwards and pulled down their mask.
"Holy sh-" Aramis dropped his gun down.
For he quickly came to realise they were horsewomen.
"I take it you have crossed paths with the raiders then?" She spoke.
Aramis didn't know how he hadn't twigged it… the horsemen had dark horses, these were lighter. The malnourishment must have been affecting his brain. They were different. He could have melted with relief. They were different!
Athos dropped his gun as well since they weren't being threatened. "The horsemen, they chased us."
"And you were right to run. Those men are dangerous. You would be killed or captured."
"And you? What do you propose to do with us?"
"You were seen by a scout. We had to investigate to see if you were a threat. You do not seem to be a threat."
Something about that rubbed Aramis the wrong way. But a hoarse cough came behind from Porthos.
"Our friend is sick, and the horsemen… the raiders, they chased another of our friends. He might catch up to us. Please, do you have shelter? Just until Porthos is rested and our friend finds us."
"Your friend is lost." Her eyes dropped to Porthos. "But this one may not be."
She looked to the others and a sort of unspoken conversation seemed to happen all around them.
"Follow us."
Aramis smiled. "Thank you… might I ask your name? I am Aramis, and this is Athos and Porthos."
"You may call me Beth. Now follow quickly, before the raiders come."
~oOo~
The women led them deep into a labyrinth of passes. They had a small settlement that was well concealed, most of it was underground. Candles lit their way, until they passed through caverns where light came through holes at the top leading to the outside. Aramis detected the sound of trickling water the further they went down. And then it came into view, an underground lake!
"Is it safe?"
Beth gave a nod, and that was all he needed. Aramis dashed down and flung himself to his knees beside the water. He splashed it all over his face and drank deeply. Athos was hot on his heels.
"Porthos, we need to get some water to Porthos."
Aramis staggered back to his feet and went to find Porthos. But he wasn't where they had left him. Beth was still waiting for them.
"Where is he?"
"He's been taken to see the doctor."
"You have a doctor?"
"Yes, there's precious few resources for her to work with, but we have a doctor."
"You have goats too." Aramis' marvelled at a couple of goats by the lake lapping at the water.
Beth laughed. "Yes, and chickens and more besides."
"How?"
"We were lucky enough to find a place that sustains life. It is small, and it is precious, so we must keep it secret."
Athos rejoined them then. "Where are all the men?"
"Dead, or taken. It's the raiders you see. We used to fight them, but there's no chance of winning. We withdrew and hid. Now it's just us, and the chickens and goats." She gave a sad smile.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, we have a better life here than most out there. Now, you must be hungry. Follow me, and I'll find somewhere for you to rest."
After some food and sleep they found Porthos. The doctor explained that she had no antibiotics, but there were still things she could try to ease his symptoms. Porthos lay still, sweating and wheezing. He hardly seemed aware they were there.
Aramis and Athos whiled away their time at his bedside between exploring the underground settlement. Both were in awe of what the women had down here. No doubt at one time it would seem spartan and primitive, but in these days it was equivalent to a luxury five star hotel.
"You know, we could give up on Nirvana. This place seems nice enough." Aramis waved his hands around at the bare stone walls.
"Indeed, but there's something of the grave about it. Being underground…"
"Can't you cheer up for once? We've got plentiful water, there's food, we can rest without watching our backs. What more do you want?"
Athos looked away and Aramis' heart sank. d'Artagnan, of course... That's what he'd want.
"d'Artagnan might still find us."
"How? This place is well hidden." Athos bit at his thumbnail. "I should go out and look for him."
"Don't be foolish. The women send out scouts. They'll see him if he's out there."
"I need to look for him." Athos eyed Aramis and spoke firmly. Then he abruptly got up and left.
Aramis' eyes drifted back to Porthos. He was sleeping soundly. d'Artagnan was a friend of them all but he was especially close to Athos. Aramis understood, if it were Porthos out there he would have to look as well.
Aramis started to make himself at home. Porthos improved little by little, but he was a long way from being fit and on his feet. Athos remained restless. He kept going out to search for d'Artagnan. Beth and the others weren't happy about it, they thought he would attract attention with his comings and goings. Aramis supposed he would eventually have to give up. No matter how much he hoped Athos would return with the boy in tow.
While Athos searched and Porthos convalesced, Aramis made himself useful. He helped to care for the animals and turned his hand to making and fixing things. He was collecting eggs one day when he heard three short horn blasts. The peace was broken and everyone leapt to action. Aramis watched in confusion as women went to the mechanisms that moved hefty rocks over the entrances and they sought to cover all ways to the outside. Aramis dashed to the main entrance and waved his arms for them to stop. The rock ground to a halt with just a sliver of light left coming through.
"What's going on?!"
Beth ran over to him, breathless and panicked. "The raiders are on the prowl nearby. We have to shut down. They can't find us."
"Athos is still out there!"
"Then he is lost!"
"I'll go and find him, I'll bring him back."
"Aramis…" She gripped his arm tightly. "If you go out there then there is no coming back. The door will be shut behind you."
"I can't leave him out there alone!"
"We have to lockdown! For the safety of everyone and everything we've got down here! If you leave you can't come back! They have already killed one of our scouts, they are too close. Athos is as good as dead. Stay."
Aramis was nearly paralysed with indecision. Porthos wasn't fit to travel. But he was safe down here. Athos on the other hand… Could he leave Athos out there to die?
Deep in his heart he knew the answer.
"I have to try."
"Aramis."
"Let me just say goodbye to Porthos-"
"There is no time, this door is being shut now. Decide which side you're going to be on."
Aramis gave a nod and took a step towards the entrance.
"Wait!" Beth ran over to where the horses were tethered and came back leading her own. "Take Tiro. He's fast, and there are some supplies in the saddlebags. Good luck."
"Thank you, Beth. Look after Porthos for me. If I don't make it back, tell him to meet us at Nirvana!" Aramis swung up into the saddle and dashed for the entrance.
He hadn't ridden since his childhood, but it was coming back, and sheer determination seemed to keep him in the saddle. He made his way through the passes, all the while keeping an eye out for Athos. He dared not shout in case the raiders heard. A voice could echo around the cliffs and easily alert them. Aramis reached the edge of the cliffs where the tall surrounding rocks gave way to a clear expanse of endless dirt. Along the side of the cliffs dashed a figure, a cloud of dust in hot pursuit. Athos. Aramis dug his heels in and Tiro shot off towards him.
"Athos!" They stopped only long enough to swing Athos onto the back of the horse.
As the cloud neared, horsemen resolved in its depths. Aramis set Tiro galloping off in the opposite direction.
"Where?" Athos was too out of breath for any more words.
"Can't go back. They've locked down and we can't lead the raiders to them."
"Porthos?"
Aramis just clenched his jaw. He couldn't bear the thought that he had just left Porthos. Some part of him was angry at Athos for being foolish enough to risk everything, but anger would have to wait.
They left the cliffs behind. There was nothing, just a sparse rock littered scene ahead. And the relentless pound of hooves at their back. Out in the open they would be caught. It was only a matter of time. Two to a horse, as fast as that horse was, it was going to tire.
They charged wildly across the expanse. The raiders were gaining. Aramis groped for the gun at his hip and managed to get a shot off. He was good, one of the best, but malnourished, exhausted, and being jostled about on a horse with Athos clinging to him… he didn't stand a chance. The shot flew harmlessly over the rider's heads. Aramis fumbled the gun away and resigned himself. There was nothing he could do. He cursed and wracked his brains. But there was nothing. Not a single thing came to him. They were helpless.
Perhaps Aramis was paying too much attention to the riders at his back, or perhaps the lay of the land tricked the eye, whatever the reason it was a surprise to find the land abruptly falling away ahead. Aramis yelled and pulled back on the reins, but the horse was running in a blind panic now. There was no way they could stop in time anyway. It was too close. They were going too fast.
The world seemed to slow as Tiro's hooves hit thin air. Aramis' heart stopped. At his back Athos swore loudly and tightened his hold. Then they were falling. After parting ways with Tiro Aramis collided with the hard ground and hit his head. Luckily it was not a sheer drop, otherwise that would have been the end of him, but it was a steep incline and the rapid violent descent that followed left Aramis bruised and scraped. The blow to his head sent the world fuzzy, it was perhaps a blessing that he wasn't fully aware. He dropped more like a rag doll, and came to rest at the bottom with limbs flung out haphazardly.
Aramis blinked languidly at the spinning sky. It had been blue once. Blue with fluffy white clouds that looked like animals on the odd occasion. So beautiful. Not so now, the sky was wounded, they had hurt it, along with the earth. His eyelids were heavy. There was muted pain… far away, he felt so adrift from his body. His eyes rolled and caught shadows at the top of the cliff edge, they stood watching, hanging above like angels of death. Moments passed, and then they left. Aramis' senses deserted him too.
The world filtered back in slowly. Aramis lolled his head to one side. There was something important. He should get up and see to whatever it was. A white shape coalesced beside him.
A horse. Still, silent.
Aramis' breath caught in his throat. He whipped his head the other way, not wanting to look.
And there was Athos! Also still and silent. Oh God, Athos …
Desperation lent Aramis the strength to push himself up. It was still slow going, he tried to ignore the threatening nausea as he stumbled over to Athos' side. His hands hovered, almost afraid to touch and to see. Athos was lying face down, his leg looked wrong , looked broken. Tentatively Aramis reached out and checked for a pulse. His breath rushed out in relief, it was there. He shook Athos, and called his name, but the man wouldn't be roused. Aramis rolled him over and took a cursory look at the leg. Thank God there was no protruding bone, but it needed fixing. Aramis could have cried. How was he supposed to fix it here? How was he supposed to fix anything?! He carded his hand through his hair unconsciously and winced as he hit a sore spot. His fingers came away bloodied. He realised his face was half covered in tacky blood. Athos too was scratched up and as bruised as he was. They were in poor shape. They were already in poor shape, but now…
And he was tired. So tired.
The adrenaline seeped away and exhaustion crashed back down.
They were still in danger. What if those men hadn't left them for dead? What if they found a way down? He should get to somewhere safe. He should… The strength left Aramis' limbs and he sank down next to Athos.
He could close his eyes, just for a moment, and then he would get up and move.
He would get up and somehow get Athos back up. They would find their way to the top of the outcrop they fell down and stumble their way back towards the settlement. Aramis wasn't sure how far away it was. He didn't know whether he could find it again, or whether they would be let in, or whether it was too dangerous to risk leading the raiders back - Even now they could be watching - But he was sure he would get up and find his way back to Porthos somehow.
He was just going to close his eyes for a moment, or open them rather, for they had closed without his noticing. They flickered open. Aramis fought. And then he gave in.
~oOo~
"This is a mistake!" A man's loud harsh voice filtered through the fog. "We should leave them and get on our way!"
Other voices replied, the words swam around and Aramis just couldn't catch hold of them.
"Stand aside." A woman, she was nearby, close enough Aramis fancied he could feel her breath. "Mike, I won't ask again. Stand aside, please."
"You've already picked up one damn waif!"
The man yelled a little more and Aramis drifted away…
He felt movement when he next came to awareness. Like he was in a vehicle. But that couldn't be right, could it? Nobody drove any more.
Aramis managed to crack an eye open. Sure enough he was in the back of a van, with Athos on the floor beside him. There were people crowded around them, a woman and two men. A child was curled up in the corner, a boy of about eight or nine by the looks of him.
"Don't waste that on him!" One of the men reached out to clasp the woman's wrist.
She had been about to pour out some water onto a cloth.
"Look at the state of him, he'll be scaring Adam!"
"I'm sure the boy's seen worse than a bloody face. For God's sake woman, that's our drinking water, and there's precious little of it."
"Wha…" Aramis mumbled.
"Oh sweetie, are you with us?" The woman came to crouch next to him, it was awkward with so little room.
"How?" He rolled his eyes around the van. The sensation of being in a moving vehicle, after all this time was quite surreal.
"We stopped for a break and one of the guys went off road to… well, he ended up finding you and your friend. You're in a bit of a state so we're taking you with us. Your friend really does need some medical attention. Lucky for you I used to be a nurse, so I've done what I can for him."
"Van?"
"Yeah, we've got a van, two vans, we've been lucky in getting them-" She shot a look at one of the men and quickly ended that line of discussion. "I'm Julie, and these fine men are Mike and Sam. Jack is up front driving, and this is Adam."
The boy gave him a slight wave when Julie pointed him out.
"Shall we sit you up?"
Aramis gave a slight nod and Mike begrudgingly lent a hand to get him leaning against the side of the van.
"Wh… where are you going?" The scenery momentarily spun and settled after his movement.
"Word is there's a settlement down south. Sounds like they're trying to build things back, with any luck they'll have medical supplies and I can get your friend fixed up. What were you doing out there?"
"Going to Nirvana… across the sea… blue sky, green grass… life has returned."
"Sounds wondrous." Julie smiled with such warmth.
"Sounds like bullshit." Mike interjected.
Sam spoke up for the first time. "How do you know about this place? You sure it's real?"
"Good friend of mine, he was sure of it. Got us all going there…" His eyes were threatening to close again.
"Let him rest." Julie waved them off. "He's had a hard time of it."
"We've all had a hard time of it, Julie." Mike scowled. "And don't go believing any of that bullshit. Maybe the world will heal after we're gone, but she's got to kill us all first."
Aramis drifted off to the distinct feeling he was most unwelcome here.
~oOo~
Aramis couldn't tell how much time or how many miles had passed when he next came to awareness. His first thought was for Athos, but he looked unchanged, still unconscious.
"Has he woken?" Aramis croaked to Julie.
She shook her head sadly. "Not even stirred I'm afraid. It could just be his run down body needing the rest."
"He'll be fine. Hasn't come all this way to let a little tumble take him out." Aramis tried to sound hopeful.
The atmosphere in the van was decidedly frosty. Julie attempted some small talk but they soon lapsed into silence. The boy, Adam, still sat in the corner with the air of a frightened rabbit, Sam seemed as talkative as Athos at his most grouchy, and Mike maintained a sort of quiet hostility. Aramis hoped it wasn't much further, he was more than ready to be out of this awkward van. Occasionally the silence was broken by a raucous burst of song from Jake up front. Although calling it "song" was generous. He seemed to miss driving with the radio on, so he provided his own music, which consisted of whatever half remembered song flit through his head at any particular moment. With the last outburst Country Roads melted into American Pie, and then Metallica took over with a random bit of Beyonce to finish. Aramis almost envied Athos being unconscious.
They stopped for a comfort break before it got too dark. Julie helped Aramis trickle some water into Athos' mouth while they had a little more room in the back. Afterwards Aramis didn't stray too far from the van, he didn't like to leave Athos alone. He watched the men gather round with a new one he had yet to meet. Aramis figured he was the one driving the second van. From what he gathered from the little Julie said, they kept most of their supplies in that one and only one driver with it. Adam had gone to the other side of the road and stood alone, watching the distant murky grey give way to darkness. Once Julie returned she went over and put an arm around him. Aramis' eyes ticked back over to the group of men. Mike shot him a surreptitious and slightly hostile look. Yes, he was more than ready to be rid of these people.
Back on the road they swapped drivers. Jack and the new guy joined them in the back, thankfully they slept so there was no more singing. Aramis only managed a fitful sleep himself. He didn't feel like he could fully rest here, he didn't feel entirely safe. Morning came, and the miles passed away. They occasionally stopped to take a break, swap drivers, pass around food and fill up the vans with petrol. The second van had a few cans of the liquid gold. Lord knows how many people they had to kill to get it. That stuff was scarce and nobody gave it away freely.
While they stopped Aramis tried his best to rouse Athos and get some food into him, but he was having little luck and it was more than a bit concerning. Julie kept checking him over and always gave some kind of gentle platitude that Aramis had a hard time believing. All too soon their brief freedom was over and everyone packed back into the van, bringing the oppressive atmosphere back with them.
Aramis was dozing fitfully when the walkie talkie up front crackled to life. They had a pair to communicate between the two vans. Sam was driving and picked it up to answer.
"Ok, we'll pull over and take a look."
"Is there a problem?" Julie asked.
"Mike thinks there's something wrong with the van. It's probably nothing, don't worry about it."
Sam pulled the van over to the side of the road and killed the engine. He turned around to look at the rest of them. "Jake, you want to help? You're good with this sort of thing. Aramis, could you bring your gun and watch our backs? Can never be too careful these days. The rest of you, just sit tight, we won't be long I'm sure."
Aramis scrubbed a hand over his face. He was feeling fuzzy between the lingering effects of his head wound and a lack of sleep. But he still scrambled his way out of the van and stumbled as he hit the ground. He took a last sad look back at Athos and trudged his way over to the second van. It was a ways down the road and had the back doors flung open. The other two were ahead and disappeared around the back. Aramis took out his gun and blearily scanned the horizon for trouble as he made his way over. Just as he reached the door something hard collided with the side of his face. Aramis dropped to his hands and knees on the hard, cracked tarmac. The world lurched and had no time to right itself before a boot lashed out at his side. As Aramis was knocked to the ground he felt the gun being viciously wrenched from his hand. He tried to push himself back up but another blow sent him sprawling.
"Stay down, damn you!" Somebody hissed from above.
Another few kicks and punches saw Aramis curled up and using his arms to protect his head, there was little else he could do. And then it all stopped with a click.
Aramis warily lowered his arms to look up into the barrel of his own gun. Mike was holding it, of course he was.
"Look, this ain't personal. In another time, before all this, we might have got on. But you're costing us food, water, even petrol with the extra weight of you in the van. I got to look after my own first, you must understand that."
Aramis took a shaky breath, the taste of copper was sharp on his tongue. "Athos?"
"Your friend? Well I think he's as good as dead, but he's not going to be as easy to get rid of. Not with Julie taking a shine to him, God love her, she's far too kind for her own good. Kindness gets you killed these days."
"Don't hurt him." Aramis coughed. "Please."
"I'll drop him off the first chance I get. I don't kill men who can't fight back. I might have fallen, but I'm not that low yet. Sam, go get his bag."
Sam stood behind Mike, wiping Aramis' blood from his hands with a cloth. "What'll I tell 'em?"
"Say Aramis is riding with me for a while, by the time they realise it'll be too late."
Sam left and a moment later Aramis' bag was dropped in the dirt beside him.
"I hope you find your way to somewhere safe, I really do. You just can't come with us. There's only so much room in the lifeboat you know." Mike got back in his van.
The other two made to leave. Only Jake looked back at him.
"I'm sorry man, I really am."
One after another the van doors slammed shut, their engines growled to life, and then Aramis was left behind in the dust. He wanted to jump to his feet, to shout and scream and rail against them. Most of all he wanted to get to Athos. But his head was hurting, and every breath was a stab of pain… cracked ribs… his muggy brain supplied. He didn't feel he could move. Let alone chase after those men. He was powerless to help Athos. Aramis grit his teeth and whined in frustration and pain. How did this happen?! One minute he was being driven along and the next he was broken and bloodied in the road. Without Athos. Aramis was left reeling. Struggling to take in what had just happened. All he could do was close his eyes, wrap an arm around his ribs and focus on each painful breath.
Once Aramis' breathing had calmed down, the pain settled into a dull pulse. His mind cleared a little and he considered his position. Should he try to go back to Porthos? It was too far behind by now, and there was no guarantee he would be able to get back in, or evade the raiders. Should he try to pursue Athos? He could follow the road, but he had no idea whether they were going to stay on it, or where the settlement they were heading to was. He just had to trust Athos was safe in Julie's hands. Mike was a piece of work, but despite the barbs he seemed reluctant to upset her. In any case, Athos was probably in a better position than Aramis was right now.
He was alone now. He had lost them all.
Aramis took a moment to fight back the threat of tears and hopelessness. He could just lay down and die. That was a good option. But then a voice at the back of his head whispered. Nirvana. Go South. They all made a pact to meet up in Nirvana if they got separated. South and across the sea. They would find each other again. He had to try.
~oOo~
Aramis dragged himself onwards. One arm wrapped around his ribs, he suppressed the urge to cough as much as he could. One foot in front of the other. He watched them move, without thought. Relentless, repetitive. Thinking wasn't helpful. All that mattered was his feet carrying on doing what they were doing. He nibbled what rations he dared, and dragged himself from the road to whatever shelter he could find come the darkness. Each time he tried to get up to start the day again it seemed harder. The only thought he allowed himself then was of his brothers. He rose, and trudged.
Eventually the road turned, but Aramis' feet continued south. He traded cracked concrete for dust and dirt. Countless steps later a broken, dead forest stretched out ahead. Aramis hardly seemed to notice as the brittle branches began to surround him. One foot in front of the other. Keep going. He forged a path, snapping the dead wood without thought if it reached out to block his way. And then something made him stop. There was something… no… it was a mistake. He was hearing things. Aramis started on his way again, but then a few steps later he heard it. He stopped dead. Bird song. Dear Lord, there was a bird calling! Aramis rubbed at his ears and scrubbed his eyes, making sure he was awake. It was quiet, barely there, but unmistakable. Was he nearing Nirvana? Was this it? Had the birds returned? Aramis hadn't crossed the sea but maybe d'Artagnan made a mistake. Maybe Nirvana was closer than he realised.
Aramis pushed on ahead, excitement gave his limbs a shot of energy. He wanted to see the bird, see it with his own eyes. He emerged on a clearing with a small wooden building, in the centre was a stone well, and drinking from a small puddle was a tiny songbird. It had feathers shot with flashes of yellow and black. It was the most beautiful sight he had seen. Aramis crouched down so as not to scare the little creature away. He hardly dared breathe. Tears brimmed at his eyes. And then there was a crunch from behind.
"Don't move, I got a gun on you."
The bird took flight.
Aramis raised his hands. "I mean no harm."
"Sure you don't. Get up slowly and turn around."
Aramis did as he was told, he winced as his ribs protested, but he got to his feet and turned to see an older woman with long grey hair pointing a shotgun at him.
"There was a bird…" He sounded pathetic to his own ears. "I just wanted to see the bird."
"You were after our water."
"I didn't know you had water. I didn't know you were here. I'm just passing through."
"Marv!" She yelled and an older man appeared at the doorway of the small wooden house. "I found a guy snooping."
"I'm not snooping." Aramis protested. "Please, just let me be on my way. I don't want anything from you."
Marv made his way down a few steps at the door and approached Aramis. After looking him up and down he turned to the woman and waved a hand at her. "Put it down, he looks in a bad way, don't think he'll do anything."
Aramis let out a sigh of relief.
"I'd rather keep it on him if it's all the same to you."
"I ain't burying any more for you. You're too damn trigger happy. You kill him and you can bury him yourself."
Suddenly Aramis' breath stalled again.
The gun wavered.
"Young man." Marv addressed him.
"Aramis." He supplied his name.
"Aramis, you're not intending on doing us any harm are you?"
"Of course not sir. I came upon you by accident. I've been travelling by myself for many miles, I only intend on going further south, I have to meet my friends you see. I'll leave right now and you'll never see me again."
"You can't take the word of some stranger!" The woman hissed. "He's seen what we've got here, he'll bring others!"
"Ma'am, I give you my word. I will leave and never come back."
Marv turned to go back inside. "Before you leave come on in and get some food down you. You won't get far like that son, you look ready to drop. Be nice to have some company that ain't that old bat."
"Hey!" Yelled the old bat in question. "I heard that! And you can't just invite him in, are you nuts?!"
"I'm tired, Martha. Tired of you, tired of living like this, I'm damn tired woman. Let's invite him in and if he kills us at least I won't be tired any more."
Martha and Marv, they seemed quite the double act. If Aramis wasn't staring down the barrel of a gun he might have huffed a laugh.
Reluctantly Martha dropped the gun, and followed them both in. Marv waved Aramis over to a chair at a table. It was a worn and spartan place, but there was a fire and it seemed homely compared to everything else these days. Martha went to the only comfy chair in the room, gun close by her side, Aramis noted.
There was an awkward silence in the room as Marv went down to fetch some food. Aramis' eyes skittered around the room and over to Martha and her gun, then round the room again.
"Nice place you got here."
"And I'd like to keep it that way."
The silence descended again.
Eventually Marv returned with plates and drinks for them all. Martha even came to the table. The gun was still in reach though.
"Tuck in." Marv nodded down at Aramis' plate.
"We don't say grace any more." Martha snarked.
And Aramis tried his best not to eat like a ravaged animal. But it was beyond describable to have some decent food. It mostly consisted of preserves and fare from jars made to keep for a long time, there were even bits of dried out, salted meat. It was heaven. And the water, clean and clear.
"How do you have all this?"
"It used to be my hunting lodge back in the before times. We stocked up over the years, and how glad I am we did! But that well is the main thing keeping us going. It's the deepest well in the region, and still got water down there. It sustains us, us and a few birds. I know how damn lucky we are."
"It's why we gotta keep it quiet, keep it secret." Martha interjected.
"I don't blame you, and thank you, your hospitality is beyond appreciated."
"You can stay the night too. You won't get far before it gets dark, and you look in dire need of a good sleep."
Marv didn't seem to notice the daggers that Martha was glaring his way.
Aramis wasn't sure how good the sleep would be with that gun in close proximity.
"Er… you were joking about burying people, weren't you?"
Martha gave a sly smile.
Marv patted his arm. "Don't worry, I'll protect you."
After eating the three gathered closer to the fire and traded stories. Aramis told them about Nirvana, and what he could bear about his brothers. Marv talked about his big city days, he seemed quite the entrepreneur in his youth. No wonder he could afford a hunting lodge. Martha was more the homely type, the good stocks were thanks to her. She recounted how she used to moan about coming on hunting trips and she busied herself with the preserves. If only she knew then what she knew now! Martha seemed to be warming to him as the night went on. When it came time to retire he noted she left the gun behind. So it would be a restful night after all.
Aramis was asleep as soon as he lay down. It seemed like no time had passed at all before he was awake again. He did feel better for the sleep though. Marv fed him again and Martha went to her comfy chair.
"I'm glad you felt like you could leave that there." Aramis nodded to the shotgun.
"Oh, you don't think that's the only gun I have do you?" Though the words were said with a slight glint in her eye.
There was one thing nagging at him though. He had to address it. "Marv, Martha… what will you do when your food runs out?"
"Oh well, that'll be a while off yet…" Marv's gaze drifted to the top of the table.
"But it will come, and things are getting worse out there. You've got your little slice of heaven here, but it won't last."
"Don't you think I know that?" A slight irritation crept into his voice. "What are we supposed to do?"
"Come with me. Come to Nirvana." Aramis couldn't leave them here to waste away if he could only convince them.
"Oh no, we couldn't do that. We're far too old, and you don't know that place even exists for sure!"
"You know for sure this place won't exist forever."
"We'll enjoy it while it does."
"And starve when it doesn't? Please reconsider. Come with me."
"Look at the state of you, son. And you're fit and healthy, or at least you started out that way. I can't put Martha through that, have some sense."
"What will you do?" Aramis tried to catch Marv's eyes.
"Don't worry about us." Martha broke in and gave her gun a pat. "We'll watch the birds."
Aramis' heart sank as he gave her a sad smile. They were resigned to their fate.
It was a bittersweet parting from Martha and Marv. He tried to press some more food on Aramis for the road, but Aramis refused. He had enough rations hopefully to reach the sea if he was careful. The couple were counting their days down as their supplies dwindled, Aramis wouldn't deprive them of any more. At least Martha came to wave him off without her gun. He still wasn't sure if they were joking about the bodies. Aramis looked out for disturbed earth as he walked away from the wooden lodge.
And then he was alone again.
The thoughts tried to creep back in. Alone, lost, his brothers were gone, he abandoned them…
But Aramis was back to one foot in front of the other. Relentless. The food, company and rest had given some strength to his limbs. His ribs ached fiercely, but he pushed it all aside. All that mattered was moving forwards.
~oOo~
The days dragged on and passed by, eventually the hunting lodge seemed a distant memory and the exhaustion was back. Aramis' focus narrowed to his feet. His rations dwindled until he dared not take more than a sip of his water. Surely the sea was getting closer? He would have nothing left before long.
Nothing left.
He had nothing.
His brothers…
Aramis tried his best to push those thoughts away. He had to go on. They were going to meet up, he would see them again, he would. So he pushed through screaming ribs and straining legs to carry on. Aramis got colder with every step, even the shivering hurt, but he couldn't stop. Exhaustion was begging him to just lay down, he knew that would be the end of him, he couldn't give in. One step, then another, then an- he was in the dirt. His leg had simply refused to take his weight and collapsed beneath him. The pain of crashing down momentarily whited out his vision. Aramis lay panting, he couldn't catch his breath, each breath hurt, he needed more than he was getting, but it hurt to take in more. He tried to slow it down, until he dragged in each breath, and that's when the exhaustion settled into his bones… he felt heavy, so heavy. His eyes drifted shut.
They flew open.
Porthos. Athos. d'Artagnan.
GET UP!
You have to fight, get up and fight, if you want to see them again! GET UP! You're letting the exhaustion get to you, don't give in, don't do it, not now after all this…
Aramis pulled his arm out and put his palm flat to the ground. Was the dirt softer here? His hand seemed to sink into it, like sand. But the strength to push up… it just wasn't there.
You have to try, for your brothers, you have to get up or you'll die! Please, try, GET UP!
Aramis pushed away the exhaustion as he pushed against the ground and heaved himself up. First to his knees, then to his feet. He grit out a cry as his ribs protested. But he was back up on his feet. One in front of the other, move forwards, just like always. And he realised his feet were sinking, they disappeared as he watched them, one in front of the other, he pulled them out, and pushed them forwards. It was softer, fine, like sand… sand… at the shore… Aramis raised his heavy head to see an expanse of water at the end of the sand. Tears fell. He was here.
Aramis stumbled down the shore to the edge of the sea. He felt the cool water lap at his toes and looked out at the straight horizon. He gave no thought to how he would get across the expanse. But he was here. That's all that mattered for the moment. His strength deserted him. Aramis dropped to his knees, and then to the ground. The water pulled at him. He just wanted to rest, just for a moment. He would get up and find a way across, but for now… darkness closed in.
Bird song roused him. Aramis blinked and the darkness melted away. All but three shadows that hung above him. He was flat on his back and couldn't see who they were, but finally the exhaustion that plagued him was gone.
"Aramis. It's us, we've found you."
The shadows drew back, and beyond them, a flock of birds flew across a perfect blue sky.
AN: Quote is from Doctor Who.