Chapter Two: Anxious

"You're strong-you're so, so strong. It's why I love you."

-Dimitri, Shadow Kiss

Lissa POV

I really hadn't meant to snap at Christian. Bless his heart he was doing all he could to make me comfortable but these damn pregnancy hormones were kicking my behind. Not to mention but Christian was getting on my nerves. He had already baby proofed our whole house and was bombarding me with name ideas. Not to mention the constant nagging about my diet and work load. I had literally had enough.

Christian had been the same exact way when I was pregnant with Andre, but this time around was ten times worse. If I so much as sneezed, he jumped.

So I had finally snapped. Not to mention I was even more irritated that he had found the coffee machine I had asked Rose to sneak in for me. I felt like a prisoner in my own home, and with all the people breathing down my neck lately I needed to escape.

Except that wasn't going to happen. Nope.

I had too much on the table right now. The Queen was breathing down my neck about the recent kidnapping along with the recent spreading news about Leila's incident. On top of that the Queen was concerned that since I was not at Court, that I was not getting the right amount of face time with the public.

I was aching for a break. I kicked off my work flats and let my toes sink into the carpet of my office.

On top of everything, I missed my family. Andre had been distant, not wanting much to do with me. He was probably upset that I had not been around much. The thought saddened me but in the end I knew that what I was doing was right.

And to top everything off, Leila's vision of my soon to be death had me on edge. I was burning to tell Rose but something about her aura lately showed she too was in her own turmoil. I knew if she knew I was withholding information like this she would be furious. She was always ready to jump in the line of fire for me. That strength about her I envied. With my looming death on the brink, I couldn't muster enough strength to not be depressed and fearful. Since Leila's revelation to me, I had lived my life in a constant state of panic. A state I knew was fueled even more by spirit.

I was aching for my magic, but it was impossiable to wield it while six months pregnant.

I sighed in relief at this stolen moment of silence.

A moment that did not last as long as I had hoped. I nearly growled when I heard a knock at my door. I did not have time to register who it was before Adrian walked right in with his great aunt trailing behind him.

Jumping up from my seat as fast as I could seeing how I was pregnant, I walked around the side of my desk and bowed.

"Your Majesty. I wasn't expecting to see you."

Tatiana waved her hand dismissing me and glanced at my feet and smiled a bit. I almost turned bright red realizing I wasn't wearing any shoes. Adrian plumped down in an armchair.

Tatiana also took a seat and I took that as I cue to hide my naked feet behind my desk as I too sat down.

"Princess, it has been too long. I see congratulations are in order. " She glanced down at my growing tummy and smiled. I smiled and thanked her. The room fell into an awkward silence and I felt my nerves getting the best of me. The Queen did not just make a random trip to the Academy unexpected unless something was really wrong.

As if on cue, she clapped her hands and started speaking, "Well Princess might as well get to it." She paused and folded her hands in her lap, "With the upcoming election and Veronica Voda planning her teenage daughter's wedding I came to personally invite and encourage you to spend this summer at Court. I know we had planned on making it a one week trip next month but with all the buzz and hype it would be best if you started making some attempt to gain the public's vote."

I nearly chuckled at the look of digust that crossed her face when mentioning Veronica Voda. Veronica Voda was Leila's mom and also one of my competitors for the throne. She had a personal vendetta against me since Leila also attended spirit lessons with Adriana nd I about once a week. Her mother was dead set that spirit was not real and we had all gone crazy thinking her daughter possessed this rare magic.

I recovered and glanced at Adrian who was staring out the window, a far off look in her face. Adrian had been slightly distant the last three weeks and judging from his aura he too was suffering some kind of personal issue of his own.

"Of course I will. We can be on a plane tomorrow morning." I said sending a quick message through the bond to Rose, Come to Court with me?

I knew her answer would be yes but lately I had a permanent barrier up in my mind that I felt I had to give Rose a bit of a heads up.

Tatiana stood up and ran her hands down her side, "Good then. I'll be leaving tonight but do see to check in with me as soon as you land. We have much to discuss." Then she turned towards Adrian who had recovered and was now glancing at his aunt lovingly as she spoke, " Adrian dear we will have dinner just the two of us when you come to Court."

She hugged Adrian and kissed his cheek before walking out of my office leaving my slightly flabberguasted.

"Well that was unexpected." I said pushing back a lock of hair that fell in my face. I had not planned on spending my summer at Court under the watchful eyes of politicians and the Queen but it was not like I could refuse. I mentally was worried about having this discussin with Christian. He would not be happy with this new arrangement.

Adrian sighed not bothering to answer me, " Have you told Rose yet?"

I knew he was talking about Leila's vision and I quickly pursed my lips. Adrian's only goal the since the kidnapping was ask if I had spoken to Rose yet. Each time it was a no which would lead to Adrian dismissing himself or a very awkward silence.

"You know the answer." I said stacking a bunch of papers on my desk trying to not meet his eyes. He sighed and stood up quickly.

"I am so tired of hiding everyone's secrets. Is that all I am to you people anymore? A permanent fixture on campus that holds everyone's deepest and darkest secrets?"

His burst of anger was unexpected that my mouth was left gaping open. He took a deep breath and walked right out of my office without so much as a glance back or a farewell.

I was left quiet shocked. Adrian had been pretty edgy lately and I thought it was due to spirit but now after his departure I couldn't help but think if maybe Adrian's moody attitude was due to me asking too much of him. I groaned and sat down in a chair. The stress was too much and the depression I was so used to with spirit was threatening to take over. I tried to think of happy things but all I couldn think about was my looming death and how with each ticking second it was becoming closer and closer.

Alana POV

The finally bell rang and it was like someone had announced the circus was coming to town. Asher scooped me up and lifted me off the ground in a bear hug. I giggled despite myself and gathered my balance as he set me down and we walked out hand in hand.

"You're coming tonight to the bon fire right?" He asked clapping a passing classmates hand as we walked down the halls.

I smirked at him as I scanned the hooting crowd for Leila, "Of course I am. My mom thinks I'm going to Leila's for a girl's night."

I had managed to trick my mom into allowing me to spend the night at Leila's after much hassal. After my 'great' plan to rescue Nora and Ivan, she was skeptical of allowing me any type of freedom. It had been my dad in the end that had convinced my mom that a little fun wouldn't hurt anyone.

Asher grinned at me, happy that I would finally have some time for him. It was true my time had been occupied with training lessons lately and on top of that my mother was grilling me on becoming an unstoppable guardian. Which like Asher had mentioned before was not really a bad thing but a pain that had put a dent in my social life.

I caught a glimpse of blonde hair and violet eyes but it took me a minute to see that Leila was deep in conversation with none other than James Zeklos.

James was handsome with his dirty blonde hair and striking blue eyes that was very common among the Royals. He was tall like most Morio and had the build of someone who spent a lot of time on his looks.

He was also Leila's soon to be husband by an arranged marriage that was tended to help advance Leila's mom's political career.

It was common knowledge to me that Leila and James had a history, one I was not very informed about. All I knew was that James' older brother had played a big part in doing something horrible to Leila. I didn't push Leila too much for answers so as we passed by her and she caught my eyes as she was deep in conversation with James.

Asher noticed as well, "Seems like the soon to be married couple is having a spout."

I made a face as we walked out into the night air. We separated ways as Asher said something about helping his mom with something and promising to meet me at the bon fire later on.

I watched him run off and fall into step with a group of dhampirs I didn't know too well.

I sighed and continued on to the private gyms that were towards Guardian housing. I had a lesson today with my dad and I was not looking forward to it after already having had a self defense class for the last hour. The cool air dried up any sweat that was left on my bare arms. I was already in workout clothes so about five minutes later I was tossing my bag against the wall and glancing around the empty gym. Usually my dad was here already and mats and dummies out or orange traffic cones for laps. Instead the gym was empty.

Slightly confused, I pulled out the cell phone that my mother had recently gotten me for emergencies and started to scroll down to my dad's contact. Then a heard it.

Footsteps came running at me and in the split of a second I tossed the phone onto my bag and turned just as my mother tried to take a swipe at me. I reacted quickly and dodged her advance. There was a glint of approval in her eyes as I side stepped her and shot out with my own kick that just barely missed her shin.

All the training that I had had to endure these last few weeks came to me and I held my own as my mother and dueled it out. She landed a kick to me side that had me gasping for air and slightly shift just in time for her to swipe the side of my face with a punch. I brushed it off. I was used to far worst blows from my classes.

Then a saw from the corner of my eye as another shadow tried to approach and flank me. I barely got a chance to tell it was my dad before I was pinned against the wall unable to move.

And then it was over.

I seemed to be the only one out of breath as my mother pulled her hair back and Dimitri released me.

"That was very well done." He said shaking his head in approval.

My mother straightened her pony tail, "Good but not great. We still have lots of work to do."

I rolled my eyes and slumped onto the floor, "Maybe I would have done better if I had known I was going to be attacked by my parents."

My mother snickered, "You think a strigoi is going to call and make dinner arrangement with you beforehand so you can prepare to take him down?"

My dad's lips seemed to slightly lift in laughter and I found myself scowling.

"No but I was not expecting to walk into a lion's den." I said trying to justify myself.

This time my mother did straight out laugh, "Alana I love you but you are a dhampir. You should expect anything. Whether you are at the Academy or out in the real world. Strigoi don't take breaks just because you do."

My dad touched my mom's shoulder and she seemed to tense up but then soften.

"It takes time Rose. She will learn."

I felt gratitude that he was sticking up from me. It was my mother who had been dead set on drilling in as much information as could into me lately. I was worn out and tired.

My mother ignored my dad and gazed at me, "You have one year Alana. One year to prove that you are a worthy Guardian. I let you slack too much these last few months. If you want to even be considered to guard Leila...a Voda...a Royal member...then you need to start bucking up and learning. I won't always be around to protect you."

My anger took on a whole new meaning. It was like my mother had turned into Veronica Voda. I felt my blood pressure rise and my face heat up as I exclaimed, "I don't need you to protect me! I didn't get these," I turned and lifted my own pony tail, "with your help! I did it on my own so stop riding my ass to be some big bad guardian and let me be."

Then I walked out and went to a place I hadn't been in weeks.

My safe haven.

Rose POV

I have no idea what got into me. One moment I was perfectly fine and the next a wave of darkness took over and all I felt was anger and hostility. I felt my cool begin to come back and felt dread and guilt for lashing out at Alana that way. Dimitri was staring at me, a tiny speck of anger present in that carefully placed guardian mask he wore so well.

When he seemed to think I wouldn't lose my cool again he spoke, "What in god's name was that Rose?"

I gulped and cringed as I replayed what I had said to Alana. I had torn her down in a matter of seconds when in reality she had done amazing. Not perfect but it was more then what was expected at her level.

I swallowed and put a hand on my forehead to steady myself. The bond was blocked from Lissa but I could feel that spirit was taking its toll on her as well. This had happened before when she had been pregnant with Andre. Spirit consumed her and in the end she had had to be put on antidepressants for the duration of her pregnancy.

"Spirit is going crazy right now. Lissa can't shoulder all that darkness and I guess it seeped in through the bond without me realizing it. I was so focused on Alana that it just...it took over."

Dimitri gripped my shoulder and again I was jolted away from the darkness that was consuming me.

He looked worried and all traces of his earlier anger was gone including his guardian mask as he fully took me in.

"You don't look so good Rose. Maybe Adrian can heal come of the darkness away like he did a few weeks ago."

I laughed, "I doubt Adrian wants to do any more favors for me right now. I'll be fine I just have to take my mind off of it." I reached the bond out and felt as Lissa was contemplating what to make for dinner, all traces of her dark mood gone. The bond had moved all the darkness onto me.

Dimitri looked worried but before I knew it he pulled out a slim Jim from his back pocket and handed it to me.

I frowned at the weird snack preference, "Since when do you eat these?"

Dimitri shrugged, "There Viktoria's favorite when she's upset. I had Ochoa get a few today when he went out. Here. Eat and focus on other things."

Opening the greasy beef stick was tricky but finally it was open and I was eating away. By the time I was done I was so focused on how much grease was on my hands that it took a few seconds before I realized that all the darkness was completely gone.

Dimitri sighed as he took in my calm expression, "Feeling better now?"

I nodded and grabbed my water bottle, in hopes to get the taste out of my mouth. Dimitri watched me and then smiled.

"You're strong Rose. You always have been." Then he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

He stood and retrieved Alana's left behind bag, "How about we go out and get some dinner tonight?"

I took him in. I loved this man and I wanted to be with him. Whether I was pregnant or not, I would always want to be with him. But I was determined to keep him at arm's length until Adrian got me the information I needed.

I hesitated and then almost laughed because it was something he had drilled into my head since the day I met him not to do.

He smiled realizing exactly what I had just done.

Rolling my eyes, I did what I should have done from the beginning, "Sure that sounds nice."

He gave me a stoic smile and seemed to do his own hesitation before speaking, "I'll see you around eight then."

Then he turned and left leaving my slightly disappointed that he hadn't snuck in a kiss. I mentally scolded myself for such a thought. Here I was, facing something that could is definitely life altering and all I could think about was having more of him. I felt a crimson blush creep onto my cheeks but before I could register it and beat myself up about it Lissa's voice hummed through the bond.

Come to Court with me?

She seemed a bit anxious through the bond but a barrier was up so I had no clue why. It was apparent from her request that she already knew my answer would be yes. It would always be yes for her. She was my charge and I was her guardian.

Then a new realization hit me. This summer was going to be a crazy one.

Leila POV

It was like an endless battle with my emotions lately. I wasn't an idiot though. I was fully aware that it was due to spirit and the fact that my body had been using way too much of it lately.

In my defense, I personally was not the one trying to use it. The magic had a mind of its own and in turn it had gifted me with tiny spots of visions in the last three weeks. But they were never clear. Sometimes they were only colors. Sometimes only shapes.

If that battle wasn't enough I had another one that was named James Zeklos.

He had been trying to talk to since the last big conversation...or kiss (I refused to think about it)... we had but I was too preoccupied with other problems to really give him my full attention. Our conversations usually ended up with me cutting him off and walking away not even having heard two words he said.

I guess you could say I was being a complete and utter pain to him but I really didn't care. Alana had been the only one to really try and figure out the story behind James and me but...it was one I didn't even allow myself to think about.

I snapped out of my haze, watching the bustle of the small corridor as students laughed and giggled enjoying that classes were finally over after an exhausting year.

"Leila? Are you even listening to me?" His voice was sharp and it then I realized that James was in front of me.

I internally groaned. I so did not want to deal with this at this exact second.

I huffed and turned on my heel, "Not now James."

My voice dripped with irritation and I knew I wasn't the only one to distinctly hear it.

James followed close behind me causing me to nearly stumble over my shoes as he pulled my arm into an empty classroom and shut the door loud behind us. The chatter from the hall was still distinguishable through the wooden door.

It was then that I fully took him in. His eyes were blazing a bright blue and his hair was tousled as he ran his hand through it, obviously frustrated.

I sighed heavily and crossed my arms as I leaned against the front desk. He seemed angered by my reaction but honestly I should have been the one angry.

"What do you want Zeklos?" I said dropping as much venom in my words as possible. Although it wasn't too hard considering spirit was having a field day inside me.

James leaned against the door still mad but mirrored my arms.

"I can't do this Leila. We need to talk."

I snorted which in the back of my mind I was totally aware was not me at all. But I coughed it all up to spirit.

"We don't need to do anything." I said motioning my finger between us. I huffed again, "In fact...there is no we."

James looked at the ceiling as if asking for help from above before he rested his eyes on me, " Leila, we are getting married whether we both like it or not. You have to talk to me at some point."

I lifted myself from the desk, "No we don't."

He seemed to roll his eyes but didn't say anything for a while.

He finally broke the silence after what felt like minutes but was actually seconds.

"We never talked about you said three weeks ago. " He said looking at the floor as if he wished it would open up and swallow him whole.

"That's because there's nothing to talk about." I said leaning against the desk again.

I did not want to think about the past or the fact that I had blatantly admitted I was in love with him. You know? Right after I kissed him of course.

"Isn't there though? This whole time I thought something terrible had happened to you and told myself over and over that every time we were together you felt nothing just to have you say what you said. How can you say there's nothing to talk about? How can you hate me so much for doing something I didn't even realize I was doing?"

He took a deep breath and his deep blue eyes rested on mine. Waves of memories laughing at stupid jokes with him as I waited for Stefan to pay attention to me came to my mind but I quickly pushed those thoughts away.

If I was honest with myself it was this. I truly did not know how I felt about James. Did I love him? Yes. Did I hate him? Yes. But why?

My bad temper seemed to subside as I looked at him. Really looked at him. He was handsome, there was denying that. But admitting I liked him would mean admitting I was happy about our planned marriage which I so totally was not.

He took my silence as an answer before he spoke again, "See? You don't even know."

"Fine." I said not knowing a better comeback. It was lame but I really did not know what to say to him. I had too much in my head already.

He was silent for what felt like the hundredth time and I felt like screaming.

"Can I go now or do you still need me hear while you think?" I asked feeling frustrated.

It took minutes before he answered and I was growing impatient as the time went on.

Finally he spoke, "I want a chance." He gulped and I knew he was nervous.

"A chance?" I asked feeling slightly shocked. My feelings were all over the place. It was impossible to really understand how I felt let alone explain it. Spirit had me wrapped around its finger.

"Yes, a chance. If we are going to have to go through with this wedding I would like a chance with you. Or at least a chance to prove myself to you. Don't you miss how it used to be?"

Did I? I recalled late afternoons sitting and watching horror movies with him on the dorms couch as Stefan...

It didn't matter. I didn't want to think about him.

I knew I wasn't going to get away with just saying no so I reluctantly agreed.

But all the time I couldn't help but wonder was I making a huge mistake?

Carly POV

I followed Mila back to her room after class. I had promised mom I would get Mila to dinner tonight no matter what.

Mila had another agenda. In fact, I was surprised at how much anger she held towards our parents over the last 3 weeks. I couldn't blame her though.

I plopped onto her bed hearing the springs squeak.

It was now or never. Either way I knew Mila would be furious.

"Mila, you really should forgive mom and dad. You can't hate them forever."

Her mood shifted immediately.

"No." she said with a voice that said that was it.

But I pressed my luck and continued, "Why not? This can't continue forever. We need to be a family again."

Mila stiffened before she chuckled, "A family? When were we ever a family? I don't recall taking vacations and having game night do you? I don't remember ever being happy in that house. Mom was always crying. When you left it got worse. So that's final. I am not and will not speak to either one of them. Stop pushing me or I won't be speaking to my only sister either."

Her words cut me short on my plea. She had not once been cruel or mentioned my time away in the last three weeks. I didn't get to utter a single word before she raised her hand to point to the door.

"In fact, why don't you go tell mommy dearest and father of the year that right now?" She said as she walked to her private bathroom and slammed the door. I took that time to exit out of her room.

The last three weeks at the academy had been...surreal. Mila seemed to be the only one to talk to me other than my parents. But the whispers were there around campus. Between whispers of a royal wedding and the election, you would think there wasn't any more room for gossip but oh there was.

And it belonged to me.

People didn't hide their stares or cover their mouths to hide their words. I was fully aware of the rumors. I couldn't even walk across campus without hearing some kind of slur. Yet, no one in authority had asked me about my roll at the strigoi house they raided. Not a single person. Which meant that they thought I had only been a poor prisoner.

But there were those that knew what had happened. There were those that had seen what had happened. And each time I caught the eye of one Mila's friends that had come to rescue Ivan; they would look at me with pity or away as if ashamed.

Because to them they had seen Master rape me. They had heard him declare that it was not the first time as well. And me?

Well, I tried not to think about it.

I approached my father and mother's temporary campus house and was greeted with the smell of spaghetti.

Opening the door, I heard my mother in the kitchen and made my way towards the door but stopped when I heard she was talking to someone.

"Excuse the mess. We haven't had any visitors since we got here." My mother said apologizing.

The voice seemed awfully familiar, "It's fine really Mrs. Ozera. I actually came to see your daughter."

My mom's voice became hesitant before she replied, "Which one? I have two. But neither one is staying with us. They are on campus though, I'm sure I could call them for you Guardian..." My mother paused before she spoke again, "I'm so sorry. I actually don't think you told me your name."

The voice laughed without humor, "Guardian Belikov. But the formalities aren't necessary. You can call me Viktoria."

My heart dropped and I felt my palms begin to sweat.

"Viktoria, yes of course. You're that young gentleman's mother right? The one who always spends time Mila? Ivan I believe."

Viktoria seemed to be smiling as she answered, " Yes. He's my son."

My mother laughed and offered her a cup of coffee. I was about to become scarce but then they began to talk again.

"What could you need with my daughters?" My mom asked, her old guardian voice coming into play.

Viktoria was quiet but then finally answered, "Charlotte and I have a...friend...in common. I wanted to ask her a few questions."

I didn't stay to hear an answer as I quickly and quietly made my way to the door and down the path.

What could Viktoria need with me? And why in the hell was she speaking to my mother?

Panic rose in my chest and I felt my heart race.

I thought it was all over.

I thought I was safe.

But maybe...just maybe...my real problems at campus were just starting.

Problems being Viktoria Belikov.

Alana POV

My safe haven hadn't changed much since the first time I had ever been here. It was still old and run down a bit but it was safe and that was all that mattered. No one came here. No one ever did.

Except Dimitri on a rare occasion.

Which is why I found that it was the only place I could hide something.

Moving the old armchair away from the wall I found the loose floorboard quickly, lifting it to reveal a velvet sash bag." I quickly fixed the floorboard and the armchair, carrying the velvet bag to the bed.

I had finally cooled down after the incident with my mother and now all I wanted to do was get lost in the journal that my grandmother had mysteriously left for me.

So far that all it seemed it was. I hadn't read anything in it yet but a quick flip through the pages told me it was old and every page was filled with distinct handwriting.

I had spent the last three weeks observing the front and back cover of the old book, confused as to why it meant so much and my grandmother would leave me something so cryptic. The cover was old and a deep maroon color with gold bindings and decorations. So far the only thing I could make out in the intricate designs was the letter 'D'.

I had decided on my walk here that today was the day that I would read it.

Well not all of it obviously. But my curiosity had peaked and studying the cover over and over would get me nowhere near "being the key" as my grandmother had put it in her letter.

I opened up the crisp pages feeling a bit anxious. I had no clue what I was getting myself into but I trusted Janine Hathaway and I would not question it. Not now at least.

Opening the pages I knew I had to do this. I started to read.

Today R Called. All she could talk about was her pregnancy. She found out it's a girl. And all I can do is sit here and feel ashamed that I'm not there. I should be there with her. For our children. She seemed elated on the phone. Which only makes it harder what I'm doing here. But I can't explain my attraction to this place. This city has me hooked. Father is still sick. R was sad when I told her. She doesn't want to tell A yet though which I understand. Though I can't help but think of how much it will break A's heart to hear about father. Maybe that's the real reason why I haven't left this city yet. I can't leave it because I can't bear the thought of having to tell A. I honestly don't know anymore. V has plans for us tonight. I couldn't be happier for a distraction. I need this. I need one last hoorah before returning to R and the kids. I just hope she will understand when I return. It isn't easy right now. It isn't easy to know that father is sick and I'm a poor excuse of a father. V understands. If I'm being honest with myself that's a lie. Well not entirely. V does understand. But R would too. Maybe I'm too much of a coward to just confide in my wife all the pressure I'm feeling from all ends. Or maybe I'm doing what's best. R doesn't need to know about all this. Not while she's pregnant at least. Not while she's going through a hard time as well. I mean after all she's taking on the role of a single mother right now. The thought alone makes me feel like a wimp. Get it together man. GET IT TOGETHER!

If I was confused before I was even more confused now. How was I supposed to save everyone if I couldn't even know a damn name in this journal? Who writes in code anyways?

I felt a slight anger towards Janine for this. Instead of giving something that would truly help I was now lost in someone else's feelings. Didn't I have enough trying to figure out my own life and feelings? Now I had to figure someone else's out?

I plopped my head back against the dusty pillow feeling completely and utterly doomed.

At this rate, I would never figure out this whole mission I supposedly had to do.

At least not alone I would.

Hello beautiful and amazing readers. I feel like a completely horrible author right now. No promises from my part but I am going to try this knew things called a schedule. Yes, you heard right. I am going to attempt to do an update at least every other week. Key word attempt. It's extremely hard to find the time in my busy life especially with very attentive toddler. Oh the joys of motherhood lol. I see that I get tons and tons of views and likes but PLEASE leave comments. Tell me what you like or don't like. As for now this story is in complete works. All my other fanfics are on hold. My original stories will be picked up soon. I'm still debating on which one to update *gulp*!

For now enjoy this chapter! Much love,

Maryanne (Butterfly_kiss on Wattpad) (maymay330 on FanFic)