Gordon pulled his phone out of his pocket as covertly as he could, checking it for the fifth time, even though he knew there wasn't any point. There wouldn't be a message there, no matter how much he wanted one.

Yep, there was nothing but social media notifications he didn't care about, the daily update from his fish farm friend, a couple of emails that he would continue to ignore and a money off coupon he didn't need.

When had his life gotten so sad that he was constantly checking his phone like a lovesick teenager in a rom-com? He was supposed to be better than that.

"Gordy?"

Selene's voice broke through his self pitying thoughts, making him jump guiltily. What the hell was he doing? This was her homecoming and he was acting like he didn't even care, being bored and more interested in looking at his phone than her. Way to go, jerk face. He hurriedly shoved the phone back into his pocket and dragged on his most convincing smile.

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you going to get some food? It's getting cold."

"Oh, crap. Sorry, I was just checking in with Walter, he said my fish just had another thirty-nine babies." He dragged himself to his feet, forcing himself to keep up his cheerful chatter as he helped himself to a little of everything, even though he'd never felt less like eating. "That's two-hundred and twenty-eight total and he believes another three females might be carrying."

"More babies?" Selene's bottom lip wobbled, her eyes wide. "How small are they? Do they have all their fins? Are fish born with their eyes closed like kittens? Are you bringing any home? Do you have pictures? I bet they're so freaking cute!"

"They don't even have eyelids, Sel," he explained patiently, smiling a genuine smile in response to her enthusiasm. He could always count on her to be supportive of anything and everything they did, no matter how little she understood of it. "And yes, they are cute and yes I have pictures."

"Eat your food first," John reminded her, knowing her far too well. "If he gets the pictures out now you'll put your plate down and never pick it up again."

"As if I would," she said with a huff, but there was little force behind it, they all knew that was exactly what she would do.

"I'll show you after dinner," Gordon promised her, dropping back down into his seat with his barely half-full plate. Selene shot his food an assessing look, a look she transferred to him, but seemed to talk herself out of saying anything when he shovelled a forkful of pasta into his mouth.

The rest of the meal was carried out in almost silence on his part. He was content to let the others fill the conversational blanks with their random chatter about Christmas plans, Selene's treatment schedule and which movies they were planning to watch over the next month while she recuperated.

If anyone noticed that he was suspiciously quiet, they didn't say anything, and for that he was grateful. He wouldn't ever say out loud that he was glad his sister-in-law wasn't feeling too great, but he would be lying if he wasn't a little relieved that she was so distracted. If she had been in tip-top condition she would never have allowed him to sit by himself and not join in. She would have been on him like a bloodhound, sniffing out his weakness and demanding that he talk to her, something he would have been powerless to refuse. As it was, he was able to sit alone in his misery in peace and, although he knew it wasn't a good thing, he couldn't bring himself to care.

The dinner had been eaten, the fishy babies had been displayed and cooed over, and Selene had been shipped off to bed half an hour ago by the time he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Not one short time as it would for the expected text, but in the rhythmic pattern that signalled an incoming call. He didn't need to look at the screen to know who it was.

"I'll be right back," he announced, getting to his feet as quickly but casually as he could, not wanting to arouse suspicion. He wanted to run, to rush outside to a place where he could have some privacy, but at the same time, he didn't want to answer the call at all.

The call had ended by the time he made it downstairs and through the kitchen to the outside world. His finger hovered over the screen, the call back button right there, taunting him. There was no flashing message icon to give him a single clue as to what was going to happen but he had a feeling he knew already. He took a moment to kick off his shoes, needing to feel water even if it wasn't the kind he would prefer. He settled himself in his favourite poolside spot, tucked away beside the diving board, and let his feet slip into the cool, calming water. He took a few deep breaths, centering himself, just as Selene had taught him, his eyes closed as he breathed in, held and then let it out in a slow exhale. Only when he had repeated the action three times did he let his thumb tap the screen.

"Gordon," she greeted him, answering on the first ring, as punctual and precise as ever. She looked tired, but you wouldn't know it if you didn't know her as well as he did. It was subtle, her eyes were a little darker than usual, something her carefully applied makeup wasn't quite hiding, and her forehead showed tiny creases indicating that she had been frowning recently, but that was the only outward sign. Her hair was as perfect as ever, falling in its customary waves around her face. Her clothing, from what he could see, was devoid of creases, her blouse sitting just so, obviously having been made for her. She looked like she had stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine, everything about her perfect, but he could practically feel the waves of tiredness and frustration emanating through the phone.

"Hi, how's your day been? Busy I'm assuming?"

"Oh, you know how these things are. I would have called back earlier but I've been stuck in the most ghastly meeting. Two hours, they scheduled, yet here we are, three hours of overinflated male egos later and we've gotten precisely nowhere. I only just managed to slip out, but no doubt they'll come seeking me any moment." As she spoke she turned to look back at the closed door behind her from which the faint sound of voices could be heard, as if she was trying to see through the door, afraid she would miss something or they would make yet another decision without her input.

Gordon sighed, mentally reciting the words along with her as she spoke, knowing exactly what she was going to say, he'd heard enough variations of it. It wasn't that he didn't understand how important her job was to her, as well as the rest of the world, but that didn't make it any easier to hear. She had always been proud of her role within FAB, the Federal Agents Bureau, which she had inherited from her father when he had retired, something that only a handful of females had done. Gordon had known when she told him she'd been promoted that he would likely see even less of her than he had been before. She had always been determined to prove herself worthy, to show that she wasn't just another spoiled rich kid playing at being a secret agent. He knew all of that, he was damn proud of her, and he was trying his best to be a supportive and understanding partner just as he would want, but that didn't help his insecurities.

"Unfortunately, I won't be able to join you all tonight for Selene's welcome home celebration," she concluded, getting to the heart of the matter in her usual straightforward way. Penny never believed in dillydallying if she could help it, she said if you were going to tell someone something that they might not like you should get it over with as soon as possible, rip the bandaid off, so to speak. He usually appreciated people that told him the truth, but occasionally he'd like it if she seemed to want to spare his feelings, even just a little.

Gordon nodded, realising she was waiting for some kind of response from him. What else could he do? He'd figured as much when she hadn't responded to his texts asking what time she would be arriving.

"It's too late now anyway, she went to bed already. It's been a long day for her so John insisted that she stop trying to hold out and get some rest."

"Oh, well that's alright then, I wouldn't have wanted her to stay up waiting. I would have called earlier but I couldn't get away."

"It's fine," Gordon told her, trying his hardest not to sound accusatory in any way even though it was anything but fine to him. "We'll see you soon enough. Hey, what if I pick you up on Christmas Eve? We can have a few hours together, maybe do a little last-minute shopping and then dinner on our own to celebrate your birthday, before we come back here for Christmas. How does that sound?"

She didn't answer immediately, her face creased in a small wince of discomfort as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. She knew she should stop wearing heels to the office on days like this, but they gave her some much-needed height. Almost all of her colleagues were male and, even when they didn't mean to, they had a tendency to talk down to her. Wearing heels put her on a more equal footing, meaning that she could catch and maintain eye contact with them at all times, not just when they were sitting down. No one could ever accuse her of being a pushover, but it certainly helped to feel like you were matching up to them in all ways.

"Penny? You and me, your birthday?" Gordon tried again, dragging her attention back to the conversation. His fingers tightened on his phone, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. Honestly, she'd been ignoring him for days, his calls always going to voicemail, his messages replied to hours after he'd sent them, and now that he finally had her on the phone she wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention.

"My birthday?" She shook her head. "Darling, I'm sorry, but that won't work for me, I already have plans."

"You do?" He was aware that he had snapped out his answer, but really, what plans could be more important than spending time together? They hadn't even seen each other for more than an hour in the last month, and that was only because she had dropped into the hospital to see Selene while on her way to another meeting. They might as well be strangers for all he knew about her life at the moment.

"Yes, I do, is that so hard to believe?" Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"No, of course not." He took another calming breath, knowing that there was a very real possibility that this could turn into another argument if he wasn't careful. He hated arguing, not the bickering kind he indulged in with his brothers, but the real kind, the ones with hurt feelings and misspoken words that would linger in the brain even after everything had been forgiven, ready to rear up when you least expected, knocking your confidence just that little bit more each time. It was like they said, speak in haste, repent at leisure. Unfortunately, that only worked if the other party felt bad about it too.

"I do have other friends, Gordon," she snapped, her tone daring him to keep working on that hole he was apparently digging for himself.

"I know that," he answered carefully, forcing his next words out as casually as he was able. "What are your plans then? They have to be pretty good to pass up a night with an Olympic medalist, you know."

"I'm aware," she answered, although he thought he detected just a hint of tone to her words that said she was humouring him but that her patience was wearing thin. Honestly, he knew that feeling all too well.

"You remember Theodore Halifax, my new partner?" she explained, waiting for Gordon to nod before she continued. "Well, he arranged a little night up west with the others on our task force. He even managed to acquire tickets for a show that I have been simply dying to see. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Delightful." He knew he was being childish, but he couldn't help it. It wasn't that he had anything against Halifax, they'd met a few times and he'd quite liked him, he'd been a lot less stuffy than the other upper-class suits Penny introduced him to at every function. But that didn't help when he was spending every day with her and then stealing away what little leisure time she had too.

Penelope sighed, a delicate little sound but one that made its point very clear. "Now, darling, don't be like that."

"Like what? I didn't say anything." He hadn't needed to.

"It wasn't what you said, it was how you said it. They already arranged it, it would be terribly rude of me to decline when they had gone to such effort. You understand."

"No," he said honestly, his patience fraying more with every passing moment. "I'm not sure that I do. They are your friends, yes, but we are your family, Pen. Maybe I could understand if you had told me earlier, rather than waiting until you were calling to cancel something else too."

She huffed out a breath, her mouth tightening like she badly wanted to yell something rude but was too much of a lady to do so.

"At least I made the effort to call, I could have simply not attended and let my absence speak for itself," she eventually answered. "And frankly I don't care very much for your tone. I've been in a meeting all day, one that has been tedious to the extreme and I wanted nothing more than to have a quiet cup of tea yet I'm here, wasting my only break-"

"This is a waste of time to you?" Gordon's tone had taken on a dangerous edge, one that few people ever got to hear from him, but when they did they very much wished they hadn't.

"No, of course not, I didn't mean it that way," she argued. And she hadn't, she hadn't meant to say it that way, it had just slipped out. "I'm sorry, I'm just very tired and I'm not in any mood for an argument. I apologise."

Gordon narrowed his eyes, studying her face on the grainy, blue-tinged hologram. One thing he'd always loved about her was her face, she was the definition of a classic English beauty. Her effortlessly cool expressions had always seemed so sexy and alluring to him. While others had called her cold, he had seen the woman beneath the perfectly put together exterior. He'd always prided himself on the fact that he saw the real Penelope, the sweet, loving woman under the mask. But now he realised that that was exactly what he suspected he was now looking at, her mask. He wanted to believe that she was being honest and sincere with him, rather than managing him as she did so many others. But, not being with her in person was making it difficult.

"Do believe me," she pushed. "I simply misspoke, you know that." Her tone begged him to listen, to accept her apology and he was once again powerless to resist.

He nodded, pushing the uncertainty, the worry, to the back of his mind as best he could. It would be fine, it had to be. They might be having a few communication issues at the moment, but that was only because they hadn't spent any quality time together recently. It was only natural for things to become strained when you were separated from the one you loved. He needed to see her, face to face, to wrap his arms around her, breathing in her scent, the one that always smelt to him like a mixture of roses and nighttime in Paris. He wanted to kiss her and love her and remind her of just how important she was to him. And he needed her to do the same for him.

"Fine, it's fine. I know you didn't say it on purpose," he assured her, injecting as much warmth and understanding into his voice as he could manage. Sure, it would suck not seeing her on her birthday but he could cope with it, he'd just make sure that he made the next day extra special. "It's cool, you'll have a great time with your friends and then we'll have a nice, relaxed family Christmas. Just call me when you're done and I'll come and pick you up, it'll save time, meaning we get to spend more time together and Parker gets a few days off."

The small smile that had been forming on her face slipped, along with the relief his forgiveness had brought her, giving way to a mild dread at the reminder of the holiday.

"I wasn't aware I was supposed to be there," she said gently, well aware that she was playing for time, knowing their fragile peace was about to be broken once again.

"Of course you were," Gordon laughed. "Where else would you be?"

"At home obviously." Anger and frustration she hadn't even realised were there bubbled to the surface without her say so. She hadn't been invited, she hadn't even been asked if she already had plans. He was simply assuming that she would fit in with him and his family. But that was Gordon all over. Far too enthusiastic, too eager to make plans for her, to arrange her days like she was incapable of independent thought. She didn't need him to tell her what to do. She didn't take orders, she gave them. She had been taking care of herself and making her own plans for far longer than they had been an item and she wasn't about to change now.

"Seriously?" He stopped swishing his feet in the water, his body stilling, disbelief hitting him hard. How could she be saying that so casually? Surely she was joking?

Penny tutted lightly, the only hint of her annoyance that she would allow to show. She knew how men thought, she worked with them day in and day out. Allow any emotions to show, allow your exterior to crack even a little and they would accuse you of being hysterical, hormonal or simply unreasonable. Far be it for her to know her own mind and make decisions for herself based on her own needs.

"Come now, darling," she soothed, trying to appeal to his logical side. "You know it would be too much for me. You can't expect me to cross timezones in two days just for dinner?"

"It's not just dinner, Pen, it's Christmas!" How could she be so dismissive and blasé about the whole thing? Christmas was the most important holiday to them. Heck, it was the only holiday they ever celebrated, everything else got put off for rescues or interrupted by an emergency. But Christmas, that was the one time that Grandma, and now their dad, had insisted on. They always got the GDF to take them off the call list, just for the day. It was a small, but very much needed and cherished thing. And she should have known that. She shouldn't have to be invited or have it explained. She should know because she was his partner and she'd been in their lives long enough that she should know! He raked his fingers through his hair, blowing out a breath as he fought to keep hold of his paper-thin control.

"Darling, I do understand, but we can do that another time. I only have one day off. I can't possibly do it, when would I sleep between work, my birthday, travelling, eating dinner and then returning home in time for the morning meeting? The evildoers of the world do not respect a public holiday, so neither can we. Honestly, all I wish to do is forget that it is even Christmas and sleep the entire day away."

"But we all want to see you." She didn't understand, not at all, no matter how much she might claim to. She was looking at him with those big blue eyes of hers, the ones that sucked him in and made him promise her the world and he found he had to look away. He had to drag his gaze away from hers before he fell into those pools of blue and drowned in them. She had a way of making him forget his own needs, his own opinions, caring only about hers. Her happiness, her contentment, her way of life. He couldn't allow himself to fall again.

He could hear the buzz of low conversation coming from the open balcony doors of the lounge and when he looked up, he saw the welcoming light spilling out, illuminating the darkness of the night like a beacon. He saw shadows moving as his family went about their business, and heard a sudden burst of laughter. They were up there right now making plans, finalising what they hoped would be a lovely Christmas and here he was about to derail it. He'd have to go up there and tell them that she wasn't coming, he'd have to deal with the questions, the assumptions and then the sympathy. They didn't know anything, they wouldn't understand even if they tried. He'd kept so much from them and now it looked like it was about to turn around and bite him on the ass.

He dragged his eyes away from the happy family gathering going on above him, feeling sick to his stomach. It was the most relaxed he'd seen them in weeks, the relief of having Selene back in the fold so obvious. He'd wanted that, wanted his partner to be that loved and adored, that such an essential part of their lives. But he realised now that, no matter how much she tried, Penny would always be a completely different person to Selene. Sel would drop anything to be there for them, nothing was too much trouble for her. She had made them her number one priority, often at the expense of herself. Penny would never do that, no matter how much she might say she would. When it came to the crunch she would do as she always did and make up her own mind based on what worked for her.

He wasn't looking at her, his eyes seemingly riveted on something out of sight above him. Judging from the background she could see he was outside, likely beside the pool, it was where he always went, as predictable as ever. That was the thing with the Tracys, they were dependable to the extreme. Always there, always steadfast in their devotion to helping people, always keeping their word. They just couldn't compute when others didn't do the same, no matter the reason or who was at fault. It was an impossibly high standard and one that she had been feeling the weight of for so long.

As if sensing the direction of her thoughts, Gordon dropped his head, once again locking onto her eyes with his own. He was waiting for her to say something, for her to give him an answer to a question she didn't even know.

Penelope pressed her lips together, giving herself a moment to compose herself and arrange her thoughts before she allowed herself to answer. Speaking without due care and attention would do her no good.

Gordon continued to stare at her from her phone screen. She could feel the weight of his gaze almost as heavily as she felt the weight of his expectations. Oh, she knew he didn't do it on purpose, that wasn't his way, but he seemed to completely miss the most obvious of signals.

She thought back to the last time she had been to dinner with the Tracy family. She'd just gotten her promotion and they had insisted on a meal to celebrate. They had been well-intentioned, but she'd been tired, her head was splitting and the raucous laughter and overly loud enthusiasm of the family had left her feeling wrung out. She wasn't used to such behaviour at the dinner table. In her family, when she and her parents had actually been home, there had been polite conversation, conducted at an appropriate volume. They saw it as a time of relaxation after a long day when they could enjoy good food and talk about the world news. The Tracys saw it as a chance to catch up on everyone's days, holding more than one conversation at a time, everyone talking over each other. They would make mildly inappropriate jokes at each other's expense and tease each other mercilessly, something that she had never managed to be comfortable with.

She knew that she often came across as standoffish and reserved, but that was hardly her fault. She hadn't been brought up the way they had. They had been allowed to laugh and joke, to break the rules of etiquette and good manners. They spoke with their mouths full, they hardly ever used their knife and fork correctly if they even used the right utensils at all. In short, they were nothing like her and she was nothing like them.

Honestly, the thought of spending her one day off surrounded by such behaviour was hard to bear.

"Sel's home, you know that, and you haven't even asked how she is," Gordon continued to push when it was clear that she wasn't about to answer him any time soon. "Surely you want to see her too?"

"You know I would like to see you all, but I simply don't have the time."

"You could make time, especially to see her."

"I did if you recall. I gave her a very expensive gift card to the most fabulous little spa in Soho, some holistic wellbeing centre that I felt would be more her style, so that she might use it to pamper herself once she's back on her feet. Is that not enough?"

"No, that's not enough. You can't buy your way out of this. She can't be bought off. I can't be bought off. We don't care about gifts and spar days, we care about seeing you."

She liked Selene, she really did, but sometimes the Tracy boys' seemingly endless devotion to her went a tad too far. Something that felt suspiciously like jealousy uncurled in the pit of her stomach. Why did he never stand up for her the way he did for Selene? Surely she deserved the same consideration? She'd known him far longer than he'd known Selene. She was supposed to be his partner, after all. But no, she was still being treated as an outsider while Selene had waltzed into their lives and fitted straight into the family unit as if she'd always been there.

They had warmed to her instantly with her unusual ways and refusal to conform in any way, shape or form. Selene said whatever was on her mind at any given moment and she was loved for it, but if she did it, she was accused of being harsh and cold.

She knew that it took people a long time to warm up to her, and she to them. Too many years of boarding schools and dance classes with bitchy girls had taught her that keeping her opinions and thoughts to herself was the way to survive. And then, later in life, when she had trained with the best agents in the world, she had found that all her years of practice could serve her in good stead. But that knowledge didn't make it any easier when she still felt like an outsider. Selene was more often referred to as Sel or Selly by everyone, while only Gordon, Selene and occasionally Jeff and John called her Penny. Every other Tracy called her Penelope or even her full title.

She knew there was no malice on their parts, it wasn't a thing that they consciously did, but it was another reminder to her that she wasn't truly part of their family and she never would be no matter what happened in the future. She would never fit in.

"Christmas is a time for family, Pen. you should be here."

He was pleading now, she could hear it in his voice. But his words left her cold. She knew how it would play out. She would have to sit at the table, trying to follow the jokes and the stories they told, trying to understand the ' 'remember that time…' 'whatever happened to that…' 'that movie was so good, we should definitely watch it again…' conversations that flowed around her but never included her. She didn't have the same memories and closeness they did because she was never there. She'd be surrounded by people but feel so lonely. At least if she chose to stay at home alone it would be because she wanted to be. She wasn't one of them and, after a lifetime of being told she was superior, that she was the 'right sort of person' compared to the 'common folk', it was hard to realise that in this instance, you were the one that didn't meet the standard.

In truth, she had more in common with her work colleagues than she did with her own boyfriend's family. Her colleagues all come from the same background as her. They all came from families of good breeding, old money, families that were the backbones of the Bureau. The only way you entered its hallowed halls was when your relative retired or was killed, leaving you to take their place within its ranks. They all knew this and most of them had been preparing for it since they were young, groomed by their relatives into the kind of agents they would be proud of. They had the same mentality, acted the same, and even thought the same way. She knew where she stood with them. They understood her, they understood the importance of the job and her dedication to it. They got it and Gordon didn't.

She was so tired of pretending, of putting on an act, showing the world the face the situation required at the time. She'd spent her entire life trying to please everyone. She'd always done exactly what was expected of her. She did the work her agency wanted her to, as well as her sideline with IR which the bureau had to know about even if they weren't happy at the location of Tracy Island being denied to them.

She had always managed to balance everything, her image, her charity work, her intelligence work, her personal life and her downtime, but since she had taken on her new role, she was finding it much more difficult. And Gordon's attitude wasn't helping the transition one bit. He had always been the less mature one in their relationship but that had worked, they had balanced each other out quite nicely, or so she had thought. He had been able to get her to relax when she needed it and she had taught him to take things a little more seriously when needed. But slowly there had been a shift. The things that had once been endearing had now become tiresome, the restful moments stressful. In short, the tiny gaps caused by their differences, which had once been so easily hopped over, had turned into giant chasms that she could see no way of clearing to make it safely to the other side. At some point one of them was going to miss and fall.

Gordon had never been a particularly demanding partner, something she had always been grateful for. He had been content to keep things casual, knowing that their lives would make it impossible for them to be together full time, he couldn't leave the island, needing to be there in case they received a rescue call, and she refused to move in with him. She needed her own peace and quiet, alone time to reflect and recharge without the constant noise and activity of the Tracy family. It had been something they had known from the start of their relationship, and she was content with how things were. She'd never wanted a full-time relationship and she'd thought he'd been the same but lately it seemed that Gordon had other ideas.

He'd become noticeably needier, calling more than he had before, appearing on her doorstep without warning or constantly inviting her to visit them. She'd always been a free spirit in her own way, people fitted in with her plans, not the other way around, and Gordon had seemed to be the same way. His laid-back attitude and chaotic lifestyle had meant that he understood broken plans and last-minute changes. So why had he grown so serious?

"Why are you making this into such a problem?" When had he started demanding more and more of her time? When had it stopped being enough for him? Surely he realised that this was the worst possible time for him to decide he wanted to move the goalposts?

"I just really wanted you to come, I want to see you."

There it was again, that immature attitude of his. Did he not understand that people rarely got what they wanted in life, that people wouldn't always fit in with your plans just because you wanted them to? She pinched the bridge of her nose, the headache that had been forming there all day blooming into full force. Why was he being so difficult? He was acting like a spoiled child, not giving her a real reason other than he wanted it. He'd already told her that they were planning a quiet day, nothing special, so there was nothing important that she could see. It would be just another day of everyone sitting around eating and talking. They could do that any time. Well, if he was going to act like a child she would treat him as such, she had no time for pussyfooting around.

"Well really, Gordon, you're acting like we never see each other."

"We don't, besides, no one should be alone at Christmas."

"It's only a holiday, I almost always spend it alone and that's fine with me, that's how I like it. It's not like this year is a special one, is it?"

"It is to me."

"Why?" she demanded, her tenuous grip on her patience fraying with every passing second. She waited for his answer, but he made it clear that none was forthcoming. "Well, I'm sorry, but I have an important job to do, I can't just take time off whenever you want me to."

"And we don't? I still make time for you. I should be important to you too! WE should be important."

"You know all of that is important too," she said with a defeated sigh. "But you need to grow up and realise that my work is more important than my gallivanting halfway across the globe for a family dinner."

Gordon shifted, feeling the weight of her Christmas gift in his pocket, its hard corner wedged almost painfully against his thigh. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"It's not just about the dinner, Pen."

"Then what is it about?" She huffed impatiently, her attention obviously split between their call and the noises from the office behind her, which were growing louder by the second.

"I don't think I can do this anymore," Gordon said quietly, his tone defeated.

"Finally you say something sensible. Neither can I, I don't have time to argue about such silly things. I've been out here too long already and I can hear Theodore, he needs me back in there." She sighed, trying to rein in her frustration, trying to understand. It wasn't really his fault that she was so busy, so tired. She cleared her throat, trying to inject some warmth into her voice when she next spoke. "Why don't we plan something special for New Year, just the two of us? Something that will be better than a Christmas meal, that would be lovely, wouldn't it?"

"No, you aren't listening to me, I said can't do this anymore."

"I heard you the first time, and I agreed, now is not the time to continue this conversation."

The door opened behind her, the sound of voices spilling out, no longer muffled by the heavy wood.

"I can't do this…" Gordon's hand was shaking on the phone, his thoughts a whirling, emotional mess, his heart warring with his head, his self-preservation with his desire to keep pretending that everything was alright. But it wasn't alright, he knew that, and it hadn't been for a long time. His thumb hovered over the screen. He looked at her then, really looked at her, taking in the distracted air, the harassed look on her face, the impatience of her tone. She wasn't even trying to see it from his side, she was only focused on pressing hers. "I can't do this anymore."

"Whatever are you talking about? I just agreed with you that this is not the right time to talk. Do let's stop being silly and put this aside for a more appropriate time, yes?"

"I can't do us anymore."

His thumb hit the end call button before he could talk himself out of it.

-x-

"Everything alright out here?"

Penelope dragged her eyes away from her phone screen, and the call end symbol taunting her. She took a second to compose herself, pushing down the hurt, the anger, the shock, before turning to face Theodore, her expression schooled into one of polite indifference.

"Do you want me to tell them you've been called away on a family emergency?" he continued, leaning against the door like he was protecting her from the horrors within.

"No, thank you." She tucked the phone away in her bag. "It's quite alright."

Theo's face creased into a frown, clearly debating if it was worth arguing or not. He hadn't meant to overhear what was clearly meant to be a private conversation, and good English manners decreed that he ignore it as if it had never happened, but Penny was his friend, his partner, and he didn't like to see her hurting. He saw just how much time and effort she put into everything she did, she was stretched thin most days as it was, but her extra investigations into the sabotage of Tracy Industries, as well as the power shifts within the bureau, had left her with very little downtime.

"Are you sure?" he pushed gently, nodding to her bag. "It sounded important, do you want to call him back?"

"No, really it's fine," she said using the reflection of a window to finger comb her hair back into order, although there was barely a hair out of place. The action soothed her, allowing her to feel like she was back in some kind of control, even if it was just one thing. "If you knew Gordon you would know that he's rather dramatic. I'll call him later, once the meeting is over, and deal with it then."

"He sounded upset, Penny," Theo continued softly, his fingers wrapping around the handle of the door. "I can stall the meeting a bit longer…"

"No," Penny said with a decisive sniff. "If he wishes to act like a child then I shall treat him as such. One should never give in to a childish tantrum. He needs time to reflect and think over the things he said and the way he acted."

"He's probably not the only one."

"Let's just get back to the meeting," Penelope said, uncharacteristically shying away from the pointed look Theo sent her way with his last statement. She knew she had acted poorly, she shouldn't have reacted as she had, like she was reprimanding a naughty child but it was so hard not to. She was so tired, so in need of a peaceful few days of doing nothing, had that been so hard to understand? Surely, if it had been that important to him he would have explained that and given her a good reason rather than resorting to his 'because I want it' line. Life was unfair sometimes, she knew that more than most.

She nodded to the door handle, ignoring Theodore's small huff of frustration, and sailed through the door that he held open, her head held high. It would not do to allow this situation to taint her work life. The last thing she needed was to be thought of as a hysterical female with man troubles. Relationships had no place in the agency.

-x-

Gordon's phone lay abandoned beside him, a useless piece of equipment that seemed bent on ruining his life. Their holographic technology was second to none, the most advanced and realistic on the planet and he was aware that more than one of them, himself included, had used that to their advantage when separated from their partner on a lonely night. But, no matter how close, how realistic her hologram had seemed, no matter how much it seemed like he could reach out and touch her, she had still been so far away. Still so untouchable.

He missed it, the closeness of their early days. He missed the way he had flirted mercilessly at the most inappropriate times, on rescues or at functions when he should have known better. It had taken him so long to win her over, to get close to her and now when he wanted to be closer than ever, she felt even further away.

He idly kicked his feet, the water lapping around his ankles, dancing between his spread toes but he failed to find any comfort as he usually would in such a simple thing. Gordon was well known for being the one that saw the positive in every situation, but even that gift seemed to have deserted him.

He still couldn't quite believe that he'd done that. But more unbelievable was the fact that he had stared at his phone for a full ten minutes and she hadn't called him back. He would have called her back, he had called her back, more times than he could count when she had cancelled a call when it wasn't going in her favour. He hated to have any kind of negativity or bad feelings hanging over him, his instinctive reaction being to smooth it over. If it had been him that had been hung up on in such a way he would have stolen the nearest plane and flown over to speak to her face to face. He would have dropped everything to fix it, to fix them. He'd risked life and limb to borrow his brother's Thunderbird, just to look for her dog. Nothing would have been too much trouble. If she'd needed him for anything, even to change a light bulb, he would have been there.

He shifted again, leaning back on his hands, tipping his head up to the sky, wanting to take comfort in the vast blanket of stars above him. He would always think of himself as king of the sea, but he was still a Tracy, and space was in his blood. Just as the vast, unexplored depths of the ocean fascinated him, so too did the possibilities that the universe held.

As he moved the box in his pocket turned, its corner digging into his thigh like a fiery poker.

Unable to stand it any longer he dragged it out. It felt light in his hand, a tiny box that held just one small thing that had the potential to totally change his life. To him, its contents represented just as many opportunities as the heavens, a million possibilities, thousands of memories to make, and new things to experience. Was he really willing to give that up?

Unable to stop himself he flipped back the lid, staring at its contents, vividly recalling the day he'd bought it. He'd stayed on in Kenya after the Olympics to receive his winnings and attend a press conference with the other winners. They answered hundreds of questions, talked about how much it meant to them to have won and how it had changed their lives for the better. All the positive stuff that was insisted upon by coaches and PR teams. They were a marketable commodity now, their win could lead to sponsorship deals, brand advertising campaigns and charity patronage. It was a big deal by any standard but to him it marked the first time he'd done something on his own, without the advantage of being a Tracy.

As part of the publicity, they had been taken on tours of the area around the stadium and Olympic village, one of the places they visited being a local market.

He'd casually browsed the stalls, hair eyes skipping over tables filled with beautiful Kitengela Glass items, hand-carved wood and soapstone animal sculptures, beaded bowls, hand woven blankets, spears and tribal masks, baskets, jewellery stalls featuring Maasai beads and precious stones, and numerous foods.

But it was one of the jewellery stalls, owned and supplied by an elderly gentleman. The man had told him that he'd learned to work jewellery from his father and that he used locally sourced gems and the inspiration he took from blending modern designs with traditional to create unique pieces.

Gordon had listened politely, nodding along when needed while casting a casual eye over the wares, not planning to buy anything. That was until his eyes had been instantly drawn to one piece in particular. A number of pale sapphires, blue like the sea, were arranged in swirling lines, topped with and surrounded by sparkling diamonds and diamond chips, all of which were set in what he was told was local platinum. A ring that depicted ocean waves design with its swirling lines and cool colours, it spoke to him like both had before and he had to have it. He remembered the man asking him if he had a girlfriend to give it to and when he had said no, he'd been told it was a ring that he had made with much love and that, one day, Gordon would know who its owner should be, and then he'd have no doubt in his mind.

Gordon had been sceptical at the time, but a silly, romantic part of him had made him hand over his personal bank details, the one into which his winnings had been paid, rather than his regular family one. It just felt right that he spent his own, hard-earned money on something that, in the future, could be very important indeed.

Shaking away the memories, he snapped the box closed and opened his hand, letting it fall from his fingers. The box dropped into the pool with a quiet, almost anticlimactic, plop.

He watched, feeling numb, as it sank to the bottom, lost in the darkness.

He looked at his phone one last time but he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was not going to call back.