Ch.2 Dizzy

Previously:

He pushed me forcefully against the wall. I grunted lightly as he did. He hiked me up around his waist. I fumbled around my back for the doorknob, which was lying just to my left. I uttered we should go into the room. He moaned and we quickly made our way into the wrecked room.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

You're cynical and beautiful

You always make a scene

You're monochrome delirious

You're nothing that you seem

I'm drowning in your vanity

I opened my eyes sharply to an unknown noise. I rubbed my eyes slowly and looked around. Harry was standing next to the bed, pulling up his pants, muttering of the "Damn bookshelf". His hair fell perfectly, slightly covering his right eye. His stomach moved gracefully as he struggled to pull up his pants. The colorful tattoo that adorned the back of his neck was slightly visible He buttoned up his tight, faded jeans and then looked up at me. His initial reaction was a smile, but it was quickly covered it with a scowl. My spirits dampened. He hadn't yet forgiven me.

"Harry…" I whispered, hoping he'd change his attitude.

"Don't." He said quietly. He grabbed a shirt off of the dresser, not caring that it wasn't his own. He slipped it over his thin, muscular body. He exited without another word. I laid my head back with a groan.

Your laugh is a disease

You're dirty and you're sweet

You know you're everything to me

No matter how much I tried to convince myself that I could live without him, it never worked. He knew exactly how I worked, exactly how I thought every minute of every day. No matter how many different guys there were, he always topped it. And he knew it. He knows every trick, every spot on me that makes me melt. He knows the right kind of look to give me in any situation to make me wish I wasn't where I was, rather in his arms.

I hate him for that.

I love him for that.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Blaise and I walked brusquely through the hallways, only stopping now and then to terrorize some little first year. I know it's not nice, and I know that if Harry saw me doing it, I could expect a nice slap across the face.

"So you're really not going to do anything about it?" Blaise asked. I told him about Harry, he said he understood. I also, may have, stretched the truth a little. I told him we broke up and that I had to get him back, but I was going to let him crawl back to me. In all reality, I was the one doing the crawling. Never in Harry's life would he let a weakness show.

"If he wants me, he can get me." I said sternly, also falsely. I don' t think he believes me, but it helps me get through the day, sort of. As if he knew we were talking about him, Harry and the other two thirds of the Trio came bounding down the hallway. Harry, always a stride ahead of the other two.

Blaise tapped my arm, showing me who had just come into the hallway, as if I didn't know. I nodded to make him feel like he helped or something. The three stopped in front of Blaise and I.

"You're missing two idiots." Weasley said, stubbornly, obviously thinking he'd made some grand observation.

"Thank you for that startling observation, Weasley. Potter, looks like you've got yourself quite a perceptive individual there." I didn't even look at Weasley. I stared at Harry, who was carefully studying me.

Everything you are

Falls from the sky like a star

Everything you are

Whatever ever you are

"Come on, guys, let's go. We shouldn't be bothered with Malfoy's trivial acts." Harry said, slightly annoyed, and moved gracefully past myself and Blaise. As soon as he had passed me, I let out a huge sigh. Blaise looked at me curiously.

"If he wants you he can get you my ass." He retorted and began walking. I scowled.

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Yeah right, Draco." Blaise laughed. "You want him."

"Shut up." I said tersely.

"Ah ha, I struck a nerve," He taunted. I wholesomely denied it. He kept at it until we arrived at the Head's dorm.

"You should tell him you're sorry…" Blaise hinted at me when we were in my room.

"I don't have to, and it's not that easy." I sighed. "He doesn't want a simple apology. He wants me to show him…"

"What do you two have exactly?" He asked.

"Long, long and confusing story…" I didn't want to get into details.

"Short version?"

"We fucked, I cheated and acted like an arse, he hates me."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I wanna kick at the machine

That made you piss away your dreams

Tear down your defenses

Til' there's nothing there but me

You're angry when you're beautiful

Your love is such a tease

I remember how angry Harry used to be at the beginning of the summer. He was always enveloped in his own angst, in something that troubled him, and for the longest time, I couldn't help but wonder what it was exactly. I never really asked.

He'd been stripped of your identity. No one knew him anymore, not really. No one really tried. No one understood that that place changes people. I saw him walk down that street, I could hear every desperate heartbeat escape from his chest. Covered in not only his blood, he was walking among the dead. Staring with blank eyes at the bodies piled up in the midst of the battlefield. Everyone congratulated him, but I saw it in his eyes that he didn't feel he deserved it. He had just killed a life. Murdered a horrible soul, and felt bad about it.

That's when it changed. I saw it for the first time. Him, not the 'hero' everyone assumed he'd be. Not the egoistical Gryffindor I thought I had known for six years. I saw Harry.

The way he gave in to my every movement that one night. The way he seemed to encompass himself in feelings. He let reality rake in second place.

No one noticed we were gone until morning. They frantically searched for him, a fear coursing through their bodies that I had finished him off. They found us locked up in a guest bedroom, asleep in each others arms. They left and without a word, removed the enchantments keeping us away from where each other slept, in case we had felt inclined to murder each other whilst the other slept.

And I ruined it. I had his trust for so long. I made him feel again, I made him laugh. Oh, how I loved his laugh. Then it happened. I drank a little too much, and made the worst mistake of my life. His trust is fragile. It takes a long time to build and a second to shatter. After it happened, I acted like I had every right to do so. I was drunk, after all. He left. I had to change.