I cannot stand to be near Jasper, let alone touch him right now, so I gesture to my car as we make our way outside. Alice is nowhere to be seen, but I'm sure she'll find Belle soon.

It only takes a few minutes to reach the parking area near one of the many cliffs off the hill I live on. This one isn't my favorite, but I don't want to show Jasper the beauty I've been able to show Belle. This one has a flat trail leading to a long, wide fallen tree that many use as a bench to overlook the ocean.

Silently, Jasper reviews all the questions he wants to ask. Each plays like a notecard; like he's prepared for this. He's not the only one, though.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he starts.

It's hard to refrain from rolling my eyes at the most basic question. Suddenly, I'm irate. Jagged pieces of bark crush into my palm as I press my weight into the tree. Blood drips from small punctures as I replay the question… the accusation… the ridiculousness of his question.

There's so much he should want to know before all that, so I deflect. "When will you complete the Bond with my sister?"

"Edward—"

"You have questions, and so do I."

He crosses his arms. "I asked first," he says petulantly.

My eyes roll so hard it hurts. "I will respond to everything as soon as you answer some pretty easy questions. When will you complete the Soul Bond with my sister," I ask again.

"When will you complete it with Belle?" he challenges.

I scoff sarcastically, shake my head in defeat, and stand to leave. Raw palms rub against my legs, and the scratch of fabric irritate the wounds on my hands. Before I can hop over the log, Jasper's hand juts out to stop me.

Words gargle around his mind before he finds the right ones to say. I take this moment to think about his question. For moments, we both stand quietly. Happy, loving thoughts flow freely as he thinks about Bonding with Alice. It obliterates my thoughts of Bonding with Belle. I cannot give her anything close to what Jasper can give Alice. Swallowing the truth, I stand back and let him answer.

"Your sister… she's…" Jasper's annoyance clouds over us before he sighs and speaks honestly. "It's not like I haven't tried."

Yes, he has tried. On many occasions, I've witnessed him holding her hand and body to his, attending to her every need, and shielding her from harm. But he could do more like verbalize his feelings, acknowledge what they share, and accept the Bond to give my sister what she deserves.

"Try harder," I say tightly.

"What do you even care?" he sneers in disgust.

"She is my sister, and I wish her happiness. You, unfortunately, provide that."

He says nothing more before taking a seat on the log further down from where I sit. Waves grow angrier off the cliff, drowning out his thoughts.

"So, I should just kiss her? Is that what you're saying?"

Again, I roll my eyes. "You know you cannot do that. Have you thought about just talking to her, telling her you're ready, or asking if she is? We will be twenty-one soon, and those letters are right around the corner. It's different now than before. Bonding now is different than it seemed at seventeen."

Jasper nods in agreeance. "I tried to talk with her last year, but she wasn't ready."

"So much has changed since then. She has changed since then," I remind him.

Silence fills the stillness between us as Jasper contemplates. Soon, unfortunate memories of his mother bombard me. Memories I have tried for years to bury, set on fire, or forget.

Her hand on my wrist, the spell slipping from her lips, and the back of Jasper's head as he left the house the first time.

With a sigh, I explain, "I did not tell you because she put you under a spell."

"What?"

"Your mother. She—"

"For Royal's sake," Jasper argues. "Can you just be honest for one—"

"I am!" I shout angrily. "I have been nothing but honest. You are the one who doesn't want to listen."

Pain and resentment swim inside me with such malice that I need to stand and walk around before doing something I will regret.

"My mother can't place spells on people," Jasper says.

With a shake of my head, I close my eyes and tell him the one truth he still doesn't know. "Your mother is a witch."

"What are you talking about?"

My balled-up fists shove deeply into pants pocket as I take a break.

"The first time it happened was the summer before eleventh grade. She slipped a liquid into our drinks during lunch. Yours caused you to leave and not recall a certain period of time. I was drugged enough to only remember the bare minimum. I have a limited memory from the first time. She had over-drugged me, but what I do remember is thinking where you had gone." With a shaky breath, I inhale slowly and slowly kick at the substrate below my feet. "I vaguely remember that first time, but I am certain of one thing: she knelt before me while you were still in the room, and she," I start but pause, collecting my emotions. "Your mother took me inside her mouth that day. It seemed to be a trial of sorts to see if she could get away with it. When she finished, she whispered something in my ear, some other language I couldn't understand, before leaving the room."

"Why didn't you say anything after the first time?" he asks.

"I tried," I explain. "I couldn't move for twenty agonizing minutes after the first time. And when I could, when the invisible restraints left my body, I ran so fucking fast out of your house to find you, but you were nowhere, Jasper. I didn't hear from you for three days after the first time. When I couldn't find you, I went to my dad, but I couldn't get the words out. It was like I was choking on air. My dad almost took me to the hospital, but when he asked other questions, and I could answer appropriately, he thought I was playing around. After all my research at U3, I found out she placed a silencing spell on me. They don't last that long, but long enough to keep a kid quiet, I guess. The next time I came over—"

"Why did you come over again?" he asks, bewildered.

I shake my head and look away. "I could not stay away," I answer embarrassedly. "She had placed such a strong spell over me that it caused physical pain to stay away."

Jasper shakes his head in disgust. "And she poisoned us each time?"

"If that is what you want to call it," I say honestly. "She slipped the liquid into your drink each time. After the first few times, she replaced the liquid with spells for me. Your mother said she wanted me awake." Emotion stirs within as I remember the witch and the vile, foreign words she would whisper so repulsively in my ear.

"The day I found you guys… how?" he asks. "If she drugged me… how?"

With downcast eyes, I study the firmness of the tree root to my left. Hot tears collect at my lashes, and I hate the fact that I have to swallow back emotion. I wish Belle were here. She would know what to do and say to calm me. She'd run her dainty fingers through my hair, whisper promises of better times, and regard me with such affection it would pull me out of this nightmare.

But she's not here, and these memories won't stop. The day he found us, the moment he walked in, and the look of pleasing wonder on her face almost has me jumping off this cliff.

"Over time, she began to trust me and confided a piece of information that ended up being her demise. The liquid she put in your drinks only lasts sixty minutes. The day you walked in on us… I planned that. For those last few weeks, it took everything in me to pretend because I had convinced her that I had begun to enjoy our time together, and I wanted to—" I pause to sit on the log again. With my head in my hands, I remember to breathe through the nausea.

For a moment, an image of Belle consumes me. Her soft hair and the way it cascades down her back, eyes so blue from all the knowledge she absorbs, and her genuine smile from all the newness she has experienced light up my soul. A string pulls so deeply within, and it burns with an intensity that almost eats me whole. Bond, I think to myself. Bond.

Screams and cries claw at me from the inside for a whole new reason. Ruining Belle's life is not something I had planned, but I know it's what will happen. Stowing away that information, I turn back to the person at my left. He regards me with an emotion I have not felt from him in years.

"You wanted to what?" Jasper asks.

My breaths come in deeper gasps, and when I clear my throat, a low growl comes out at the thought he has me pulled back into. Slowly, he moves closer to me. We're still far enough away on this log that there's no comfort, but the fact that he moved closer speaks more than either of us can muster.

"I wanted to ger her to trust me, so I… I pleasured her. The potion only lasted sixty minutes, so I needed to bide time so you would walk in on us. It worked. The day you walked in, I was still under her spell, but after that, it had disappeared. I cannot be sure if she was protecting herself, preparing for the worst, or planning to deny everything. But I knew I was free since you witnessed what was happening. And while I lost you as a friend, I had gained myself back."

Slowly, minutes pass as Jasper processes everything. From his mind, this is not what he was expecting.

"I don't know what to say," Jasper says dumbly.

Suddenly, all the muscles in my body relaxed. My shoulders slump, my jaw loosens, and my fingers unfurl as Jasper doesn't say I don't believe you and leans more toward belief.

I nod in relief. "I don't know what to say either."

Jasper and I sit on the log thinking about much the same thing—what does all this mean? Where do we go from here? How will this change our futures? The sun floats brightly above the clouds, pinned into a picture-perfect, Court 3 sky.

Neither of us says much the rest of the afternoon on this log, but the peace is more than there has ever been. It is a welcomed change from the vile stares and hatred wracking his body. We are nowhere near the place we used to be, and I don't know if we'll ever be there again, but for now… this will do.

~!~

Back home, I find the girls in the pool. They laugh and splash as the sky blossoms into splatters of colors behind them. I hadn't noticed just how long we had been gone until the beautiful sunset behind them caught my attention.

And then my attention is on Belle.

Her long hair floats around her shoulders as she bobs around the water with Alice. My sister leans in and whispers something into Belle's ear that sets her cheeks ablaze.

"Alice," she hisses playfully, splashing water in my sister's directions.

To my right, Jasper asks, "room for a third?"

The girls turn in surprise at our return before Alice smiles happily and nods.

"Always," she smiles.

Belle, more emotionally attuned, glances between Jasper and me. When she finds nothing too alarming, she smiles beautifully and asks, "care to join us, Edward?"

My name on her lips sends me back to last night. Her breast and the peak of her nipple hardening in my palm have me blowing out a hot breath and clearing my throat. The redness of her cheeks and her glassy eyes tells me she hears my thoughts crystal clear.

"Some other time," I tell her regretfully. "I have some work to do."

Truthfully, I just need to be alone. The thoughts of Jasper and his mom, Belle and the Bond, and Aro and the Royals have me stretched so thin that I'm dying for silence.

Disappointment doesn't color her pretty face for too long. She nods simply in understanding and turns to whisper in Alice's ear before the two share a secret giggle. Alice raises her hand and snaps.

The laugh that rips from my throat surprises all four of us. Alice has replaced Jasper's previous attire with a bright orange speedo. He jumps into the pool, laughing with the girls, and play-drowns Alice for her magic. I catch Belle's eye before turning to head inside and offer a simple smile and a tired wink. Emotional exhaustion has eaten me up, and I need to recharge. Belle smiles in return.

She just gets me.

~!~

It was not a total lie that I needed to complete some work, but it took me almost no time to do it. When I have completed the report for class, I sit back in my chair, hands steepled, and think about my girl.

My girl, I think softly, shaking my head. I don't hate the thought. In fact, it excites me, and before I know it, I'm full-out smiling like a Royal-loving, crazy person.

There's so much that Belle doesn't know. So much she can't know. Not yet anyway. Not until she's Bonded, married, and safe with the next love of her life. This world… this life they think they have so graciously bestowed upon us is nothing short of misery. Since beginning my time at U3, I have surrounded myself with researchers trying to get out of here. Secret group meetings in various Courts, research into the early hours of the day, losing sleep, and acknowledging the fact that I could be expelled, or worse, if the Royals ever find out are just some of the things that have occupied my time.

And then, there she is—Belle; a girl who has totally and completely engulfed me. And I fucking allow it.

I do not allow it; the Bond does. I simply welcome it.

It was only recently that I came to terms with what we are, and ever since then, I have spent every free second with her or thinking about her. And when Royce got to her, when I found out it was my sister's fault, I saw nothing but fiery, potent, irate anger.

Never in my existence have I hated something or someone as much as I hated my sister at that moment. Her tears and cries of sorrow did nothing to quell my emotions. I spoke nothing to her or Jasper for hours, and it was not until I heard Belle's voice, alive and scared, that I ran from my room to theirs to brainstorm.

And when Belle returned to my company, when I could place my fingertips against her skin and hold her to me, the rage finally dissolved.

Alice and I had a very long conversation about everything, and when she finally told me her Mate comes before anyone, even the safety of her best friend, I finally got it.

The frenzy, the hatred, and the feelings about my sister while Belle was gone made sense.

She is my Mate.

At the thought, I opened another book and continued where I left off. The Lark sisters hold the key to the answer, and until I figure it out, Belle and I cannot Bond. Belle and I might not ever mate. It's the year of our letters, and come Spring, if I cannot unbind the spell, she will be mated to someone else.

Someone better.

Someone who can love her wholly without harm.

It makes me physically ill to think about, and I know most of it is the Bond… but another part of my screams in pain at the thought of Belle loving another man. Another man touching Belle in ways I have not explored yet. Belle creating life and a family with this man. Belle happy with this man.

I hate the thought. I hate myself for going there. I hate the Royals for perpetuating this false sense of choice.

If it were up to me, I would choose Belle for infinity. There would be no Soul Bond letter, there would be no fate, there would be nothing but the two of us figuring out life in a way that fits us.

The idea ignites a fire in me, so I make some notes before sorting through textbooks and searching the index.

After another hour of research, I tap into Belle, but I'm met with silence. Her block is so high I can't zone into their conversations outside, but I'm glad. The dull silence has been peaceful. Notes and questions line the papers littering my desk. Folded edges of research books with bookmarks sticking out stack next to my computer as I formulate research questions for my colleagues.

As I close the last notebook, my focus lands on the darkening sky above the bed I have been sharing with Belle. Again, the images of last night play like a movie. Her bare breast, the rosy nipple, and her soft moans have me sliding lower in my chair. With closed eyes, I put myself back in the tub. Her body presses back, forming itself against my own as she presses into my erection. Excitement at the feeling and the way my body did not recoil at her touch pull a happy smile from my lips.

Opening my eyes, adjusting my erection in my pants, I pull out my phone and send a text to my professor, effectively deflating whatever arousal was growing within.

Lunch next week? A few pieces of information led to many more questions.

Tuesday at noon, he sends back immediately. I nod simply at the text before cracking open another book.

~!~

Sometime later, a knock at the door captures my attention.

"You need to take a break," Belle says softly.

Her hair pinned half up, still damp from the pool, has me opening the drawer to my desk. I pull out the off-white box and smile, holding it out to her.

"What's this?" she asks, brows knit together.

"Open it."

She takes it from my hand and sits on the bed. A warmth spreads across my chest. Home, I think. Belle is home.

Her eyes meet mine, and if she hears, she makes no mention of it. The thoughts are solely ours, but she never uses them against me. Belle slides the lid off the small box and presses a hand to her mouth, a small gasp swallowing both of us at this moment.

"Edward," she whispers in disbelief. Dainty fingers brush over the hairpin nestled inside the box before gripping lightly and pulling it out, cradling it in her palm. "This is the same one I was looking at. The day you—" she pauses, unable to finish. With her lips parted, she turns it over in her hand.

"May I?" I ask, taking the gold barrette, adorned with sparkling crystals, from her fingers.

She nods as I use my magic to snap us into the bathroom and a brush in my free hand. Standing closely behind her, I comb her hair free of tangles before gathering half, twisting loosely, and pinning it into place.

From the moment I heard her speaking with Alice, pining over this hair piece, I knew I would get it for her. The night I disappeared, the night I told Alice and Jasper my history, I made my way to that shop and bought it for her.

"This is way too much," she says, tears in her eyes as she uses her right hand to feel the pin in place.

Our eyes meet in the mirror as I shake my head easily. Large blue orbs as deep as the galaxies she asks about at night look longingly into me. Her breaths come in soft sighs as her eyes fill again with emotion. Belle turns slowly, her fingers falling to touch mine. When her arms circle my ribs, she pulls me to her small frame and hugs me tightly.

"Thank you," she whispers into my shirt, breathing just above my heart.

My arms encircle her, pulling her tighter into me. When my lips find her head, I never want to let go.

I want this moment to last a lifetime.

Me too, she whispers.

~!~

Belle and Alice make dinner, and while conversation doesn't flow as fluidly as it does with just the two of us, it's… nice.

We watch the sun as it begins to turn a burnt orange reminding us of the long, beautiful sunsets in Court 3. Just before the colors burst in the sky, I silently invite Belle for a drive, which she happily accepts. We may not have had our official first date, but these moments of just the two of us… these are everything.

Tiny flakes of gold and shimmer saturate my vision as I take her in. Belle is exquisitely beautiful, unbearably kind, and frustratingly compassionate. She's all I have desired—a gift from karma that I, unfortunately, cannot accept.

While Jasper and Alice sit on the back porch, cocooned into each other, we sneak out the front and ride down the mountainside in my convertible. She's come around to my driving, it seems, and doesn't hold onto the handle quite as tightly anymore.

My hand finds hers, and I absentmindedly pull her fingers to my lips and rest them there. She sighs softly, the wind whispering through her hair as we drive into the Plaza. I entwine our fingers and place them in her lap, where she pulls me closer to her stomach and holds my hand against her skin. So much and yet nothing at all swirls around our minds.

The dinner we just had, what life might be like when she returns to U5, the feeling of her breast cupped in my palm, her sweet smile, tired sighs in the middle of the night, her cold toes as they find warmth on my legs, the pleasure of her naked skin against the rigidity of my erection…

Belle says nothing as I straighten in my seat, hiding the presence of the arousal I bore way too often when she's nearby. I don't hide my thoughts, and she doesn't say anything about them in return. Belle knows her effect on me, so there is no need to keep her out.

I have warred with myself and kept her at a distance for far too long. Now that I have decided to allow a natural progression in our relationship, for however long it lasts… I'm afraid I'll be the one to push her out, to frighten her beyond repair, to ruin it all.

She hears me this time. Tiny fingers pull my clasped hand from her body, and instead of dropping it as I anticipated, she mimics my earlier motion. Soft lips touch the back of my hand. Warmth spreads over me like a blanket of relief. First on my hand, then up my arm, and finally in my heart.

Tingles of acceptance, toleration, and understanding shoot through my nerves.

How did I ever get so lucky to meet such a lovely person?

"I ask myself that about you, too," Belle says loud enough to be heard over the wind around us.

She places our clasped hands on her bare thigh, just below the edge of fabric where her dress has ridden up. With every bump of the road, her body shifts lower, my hand shifts higher, and my pinky sandwiches between her thighs. She's soft, supple, and sweet. Tiny fingers rest evenly above mine as I palm her leg. My pinky warms between her thighs as my other fingers spread and grip her thick thigh. Contentment and satisfaction wrap around us as I make our way through the Plaza.

"Where are we going?" she asks.

"You'll see," I tell her with a smile, glancing over at her allure. The sun glows for her as she radiates under the Court 3 sky.

Weaving in and out of traffic isn't hard, but it is annoying. Most people choose to walk, so they clutter the pristine streets with happy laughter and a slow, even pace. It used to annoy me, but now it's easier to accept.

I pull onto a deserted street and stop alongside a tall building. Before us is the entrance to the beach from the road, and behind us is the city.

Tall buildings with bright lights illuminate the walkways like flashlights. The sun has finally begun to set, and the sky turns a golden-pink above us. Belle follows suit as I exit the car, and we stand face-to-face. Her pretty pink dress swirls in the ocean breeze.

"This is one of my favorite spots," I say, gripping her hips and lifting her to sit on the hood of the car.

"Why?" she asks, scooting over for me to join.

"It seems ordinary, but keep your eyes focused on the path to the beach."

"I can't see much," she says. "The buildings are in the way."

Belle gestures to the tall buildings on either side of her. She doesn't get it yet, but she will. If there's one thing I've learned from knowing Belle, it's patience.

She bumps shoulders with me and smirks. It's easy to offer one back as I nod my head toward the view of the beach so she doesn't miss it. My eyes study her face. The curl of her dark lashes, the feminine slope of her nose, pillowy lips, and the soft tendrils of dark brown hair that frame her round face catch my attention more than the sun ahead of us. It casts her in hues so gold the blues of her eyes get lost in the rich saturation.

Belle leans in, keeping her eyes forward. "You're missing it," she whispers, lips parted, unblinking.

I smirk and shake my head. "I'm missing nothing."

Her eyes flutter at my words. A blush creeps up her neck, and her thoughts swirl like flower peddles in the wind. I cherish this moment, branding the emotions and feelings onto my heart for moments I feel worthless and defeated. She illuminates my life in ways I still haven't figured out. Her heart sings a song only I can hear.

We belong to each other in the purest, deepest, sweetest way.

Belle is my Mate.

Just then, she looks over at me. The blueness returns with emotion so full it threatens to spill over. And when it finally does, my fingers find the tracks and clear them away. Warm, delicate, and trusting tears collect on my fingertips. Leaning in, our foreheads pressed together, and we breathe into each other softly.

And then I give it to her.

Every ounce of myself.

Every hurt, every injustice, every moment I've been made to feel inferior.

I give her every instance that made me into the man that I am. They're more than the memories she got in Court 4. These are feelings, and thoughts, and beliefs I've kept from her. I didn't want her to know my struggles before. I didn't want her feeling even half of what I did.

Until now…

Because now, as my harrowing past dissolves slowly with Belle's help, she deserves equality. She deserves as much of me as she gives herself.

And when her breaths come in jagged gasps from years of grief, I breathe deeper and longer, feeding her my own oxygen.

"You have them all," I whisper hoarsely. "You have everything, Belle."

Every moment between Jasper's mom and me. The Royals at my house because of it. Mine and Jasper's fall out. Alec. My mother crying when the second strike appeared. The destruction of my room when I fell into despair. The aftermath of everything. My feelings for the last few years.

"She… she wasn't punished?" Belle asks, sitting back, playing the memory of Jasper's mom through her mind.

"In different ways."

"She took advantage of you for that long and got away with it?" she spits in disgust.

"She was banished to the edge of the Court, nearest to the forest, and forbidden from entering town again," I explain.

"Why wasn't she expelled? Why didn't she go to Court 8?" Belle asks, her fingers encircling my wrist as she tries to understand. And then it clicks.

"I did not want her to go there," I say as she thinks it. "It was my choice, and I chose for her to stay in Court 4."

"Why?" she asks angrily.

Court 8 is freedom, she whispers as she continues to put the pieces together. Court 8 has been my end point since I discovered its truth when I was seventeen.

It is where the rebellion starts, Belle.

"Edward," she whispers, fear laced in all six letters. Her voice shakes with pain and unease.

That is why I cannot be your Soul Bond, I tell her sadly.

When are you going?

Research still needs to be conducted, and the Court isn't ready just yet. They're predicting three years at most.

So… so you'll still Soul Bond? She asks, hurt replaces the unease.

I nod regretfully. I will do everything to appear as an obedient citizen. However, the moment I get word from Court 8, I will be gone.

Alone.

Belle looks away, her attention focused on the darkening sky where galaxies swirl in colored powder as if splattered in a pattern that isn't quite night but not day either.

The in-between.

The twilight.

Belle doesn't ask to come with me, and I can't be sure if I'm relieved or unhappy. What I do know is what Aro had promised when we spoke in private the other day. Belle will be matched with a wonderfully passionate, intelligent man who can give her the world. And that is all I have ever asked.

But for now, I will enjoy every deliciously joyful moment she gives me.

~!~

Belle and I speak nothing more of what was said. We sit on the car hood for another hour, until the sun dips low and paints the streets in darkness. She replays memories of Jasper's mom, Alec's harshness, Alice's tears, my moments of intense rage, and then the evenings of solitude I found alone as I'd wonder through Court 4. Soft smiles would occasionally play at her lips when a funny memory presented itself, but more often, I see her wiping errant tears from her face as if I don't know that's what she's doing.

"May I show you something else?" I ask, hopping off the car and offering my hand.

She nods and smiles softly, allowing my help and following me as we leave the car behind us and head toward the beach entrance.

"This is my favorite time of day to come here," I explain as we turn right at the gate.

Belle takes everything in. The pink sand, the shimmering stars reflecting off the water, and the bright lights of lively homes, restaurants, and stores climbing up the mountain. I snap my fingers and place us in bathing suits. I'm in something boring and black, but she… she's in nothing but pure beauty. A stark white one-piece with a deep V frames her beautiful figure, and she doesn't do one thing to hide herself.

The thought pulls a high, bright smile from me.

We walk hand in hand to the water, and when it gets too deep, she puts her arms around my neck, and I swim us out a little further.

Darkness below contrasts the brightness above in a way that illuminates the magnificence of her being.

Belle is a beacon of hope and resolve as she hangs around my neck, and I have to physically bite down on my lips to stop myself from fulfilling this Bond.

"I can't believe a place like this exists," she whispers happily, her nose grazing mine. "Thank you for inviting me."

I smile right back at her, the swell in my heart tightening. "Thank you for coming, Lovely."

"Will you visit me when I'm back at U5?" she asks quietly, her smiling fading.

"I don't think I can stay away," I tell her honestly.

With her arms around my neck, she dips her head back, exposing her throat to me. Belle basks in the water, and in this moment, her hair swirls about her shoulders much like it did earlier in the pool.

Only this time, she's alone.

Only this time, we are alone.

My hands that grip her hips press her hard onto my stomach so we're flush. Her stomach and breasts push into me as she wraps her legs around my waist.

What an intimate position, at a time when we're alone, in this moment where I can't get the blush of her nipples out of my mind.

Belle pants as heat colors her chest and décolleté, and I can't help but lean forward to place my lips directly on her neck at the same exact moment she swallows.

One palm stays on her right hip; the other travels up her waist, to her back, and down the column of her spine until I reach the roundness of her bottom.

My tongue pushes through my lips, and as my mouth opens, I can't help but taste her skin.

We both groan in satisfaction and the exquisite torture I'm causing us both. Belle's fingers leave my neck to travel into my hair. She pulls softly, pressing me harder against her.

I know, I whisper subconsciously, my desire speaking for me.

Please, her desire begs, and fuck me if my toes don't curl at the request.

My mouth opens wider, licking from the front of her throat to the spot her shoulder meets her neck. And when my teeth graze the skin there, she fucking moans so beautifully it goes straight to my dick.

The moment I suck her skin into my mouth, tasting her, bruising her deliciously pale skin, she shutters softly, causing her neck to roll to the side. Daringly, I slide my hand to her bottom, squeeze, and roll her hips into me.

She's too far up to give me any relief, but it helps her grind herself against me. I do it again and again and again. Bruising her skin, sucking it between my lips, listening to the way she moans in the open air of this water where only I can hear her and only I can make her feel this way.

And when I press her more firmly into me, she grips my hair with both hands and pulls hard.

Suddenly I'm pulling back, my eyes glossed over, the desire still evident under the water, but a new aversion consumes me.

She used to do that.

She fucked me up.

She ruined me.

I look at Belle, who's floating in the water, eyes fixated on me, tears threating to spill any moment, and immediately I go to her.

"I'm—"

But I don't let her finish.

I don't want to hear she's sorry because she doesn't need to be, I do.

I pull her under the water with me, the blue tones brightened from the lights shining down from the mountain. Her hair sticks in every direction, the white of her suit so bright I can't look away, and the smile of surprise that I pulled her under causes me to smile, too.

Never be sorry, I tell her. I'm so fucked up that I can't even—

Stop it, she says, trying to splash me with water as we swim around.

We pop back above water only long enough to fill our lungs, and then we're right back underneath where no one can see, or feel, or hear, or think about us. A place we don't exist. A place for just us.

I want to try, I tell her painfully. You have no fucking idea how badly I want to try with you.

There's no rush, she tells me sweetly.

But there is, and we both think it.

This time next year, we'll both be newlyweds. Bonded. To other people.

We live on bided time, and I'll be damned if I don't get to share myself with Belle by then.

~!~

We swim for another hour, splashing around, racing back and forth, until she sighs in exhaustion. I use my magic to get us to the car dressed in dry clothes and wet hair. She smiles over at me as we take our time heading back up the mountain.

It surprises me she's so happy and still smiling with what we've discussed tonight. Maybe she's trying to see the positives, live on the brighter side of life for a while—

"I am. You should try it,"she teases.

I glance over at her, but I don't speak until we make it home.

"I am trying," I say honestly.

She nods. "I know."

The house is quiet as we sneak in, hand in hand, and make it to my bedroom. Without further discussion, we both head inside as though it's our bedroom. And in a sense, I guess it is. Belle is everywhere here. Her books, her smell, her memories.

We change in front of each other, her cheeks heating as I take her in. I hope she always blushes. She pulls the dress I put her in over her head. A white lace bra and matching underwear sit on her curvy figure. My eyes find her belly button, and I can't help but smile. But then they travel south to the mound between her thighs. Without thinking, Belle hooks her fingers in the underwear and pulls them down.

My spit gets caught in my throat as I swallow harshly, nearly coughing and ruining the moment. I know I should, but I can't look away.

She's bare, smooth, and I can just make out the plump lips hiding what I know to be the most delectable—

"Is this too much?" she asks nervously.

My eyes snap to hers as the heat of my own body raises a few degrees. After everything I've been through, after all that I've seen, I cannot believe this girl has me blushing.

I feel like a virgin, and I'll never be able to thank her for this.

"No," I whisper honestly. "H-however much you're comfortable with…" I trail off, hoping she's comfortable bending over my bed, legs spread, showing me every-fucking-thing I want.

"Okay, because I don't want to scare you or—"

"You're not… it's usually when…," I start but trail off when she backs away to my closest. Fuck. "Wait," I say without thinking.

She glances up at me through her lashes, and Royals have fucking mercy.

"Yes?"

"It's… it usually happens when… you…," I trail off again, scrubbing my hand over my face. Belle's body before me, her bare center, the things I want to fucking to do to her.

She giggles at the thought, which causes me to laugh. I'm so far gone in this moment that I can't even think straight.

"It usually happens when what, Edward?"

"When you touch me," I finish.

"Oh," she whispers as I take a step closer to her.

She doesn't back away.

"Yeah."

I take another step closer.

"But not when you touch me?"

She stays as still as a statue.

"Not when I touch you."

I close the distance between us.

"Do… do you want to do… that?" she asks me so quietly I have to strain to hear.

I cup her cheek in my hand, and with my free hand, I trail it down her arm to her hand, cupping her fingers in my palm.

I know she knows the answer to her question, so I ask, "do you want me to?"

And she knows I know the answer to my question… but fuck, I want to hear her say it.

"Yes." Belle takes my hand and guides us up, placing it against her bra-covered chest. "Touch me, Edward," she whispers.

My fingers find the clasp behind her back, and I slowly peel the bra straps down her arms. Last night I caught the top of her breast over her shoulder. Tonight, I'm about to see her bare chest. Belle slides it down, the cups falling from her breasts, and suddenly I can't breathe.

My mouth waters at the thought as my eyes feast on her naked body. Round, pert breasts with deep pink, hardened nipples call out to me as I think about laying her down and tasting each one for hours, feasting on her like she's dessert.

"Yes," she moans so softly at the thought, like she didn't mean to say it, but we both heard it and there's no going back.

She wants this, and so do I.

"Belle," I whisper, stepping closer. Her nipples drag against the cotton of my shirt. My thumb grazes her chin, and I push her face up, making her look at me. "I am more than content to place you in one of my shirts and spend the evening reading a book with you. Please let me know if this is what you wish. Please tell me you will not regret this, Lovely."

"Never," she says immediately. "But will you?"

"Never," I repeat her words.

We stand close, staring at each other, both ready to cross the line but not knowing how. Belle reaches down to circle my wrist, and just as she did before, she places my hand against her chest. Soft, sweet, and supple fill my palm. I give in to the feeling and pleasure, slowly gripping it in my hand and letting it fall.

My pointer raises as I circle her nipple before my thumb catches it in a downward stroke. Belle's throat constricts as she holds back her pleasure.

I shake my head and meet her eyes. "Please let me hear you."

She nods in understanding, and I decide this isn't the position I want to do this in, so I instruct her to the bed. Belle lies on her side and watches me strip as I make my way to her. First my shirt and then my pants. Her small gasp shoots pride into my core as she takes in my arousal.

I'm long and hard in these boxers, but I'm nowhere near ready for Belle's attention on me. Walking behind where she's lying, I climb in and spoon her. She's naked against my body, and I cover our bottom half with a blanket, but I need to see her breasts, those nipples, the blush I've fantasized about for months.

Keeping my erection away from her is difficult, but I try my best. Eventually, enough of the blanket falls between our bodies, and I use that to gyrate my erection into as Belle grinds her body against me. She pushes into the blanket that pushes into me, and this is enough for now.

"You are beautiful," I whisper, snaking my hand under her body, pulling her so she's looking back at me to give my other hand room to play.

Now, in this position, both my hands are filled with her. My fingers grip and pull, and I soak in every single whimper she gives… but when my fingers touch her nipples, plucking each at the same time, her moans fill the room.

It is a moment I will never forget.

Belle eventually falls onto her back, where I can watch up close as she breathes in deeply, pushing her chest further into my fingers.

"Will you…" she trails off, looking down at my fingers and then away as she shakes her head. "Never mind."

But I see the image of what she wants, and I'm more than happy to oblige. With a smile, I turn us onto our sides, facing each other, and kiss her cheek.

"Never be ashamed to ask for something you want," I tell her. "I will give you everything I can."

With that, I continue to play with her breast at the same moment I taste her neck. Just as we were in the water, only much better, we both mentally agree.

She bends her neck as much as she can in this position to give herself to me, and I notice dark bruises forming already. My arousal leaks through the cotton of my boxers at the mark I've left on her.

Marked.

I have marked my Mate.

Primal need takes over as I roll us so she's on her back, and my mouth attacks her neck. I hold myself above her as I settle between her legs and grind against her unabashedly. Intense pleasure and the most action my dick has gotten in quite some time surprise me.

We both moan so loudly I'm sure Alice and Jasper can hear. So, I do it again. And again.

And then it registers. Her naked skin against my barely covered arousal has me pushed back onto my heels. Belle closes her legs quickly as I catch my breath.

"I am so sorry," I pant. "I-I don't know what came over me."

Belle sits up and shakes her head. "Are you okay?" she asks.

I nod, coming out of the fog. "Yeah."

She smiles up at me. "Edward, you didn't freak out."

I smile down at her, still nodding. "Not this time."

~!~

Belle and I decide that's probably enough for tonight. Not wanting to push it or ruin a good thing, she dresses in one of my T-shirts, and I use my magic to put a pair of underwear on her. She glances over at me, and I shrug.

"I'll be too tempted," I tell her honestly.

Belle and I settle into the pillows, a novel in her hands and a research book in mine. I slip on my glasses as we lose ourselves in reading.

An hour passes before I realize it, and when I look over at Belle, her book lays against her chest as she sleeps peacefully. Dark hair cascades around my pillow. Red lips pouty from sleep. Marks on her throat from me.

I climb out of bed and stare for another minute.

Her mind is quiet in sleep, and she looks so peaceful, so I slip out of the room and pad down the hall to the kitchen. I let myself think the things I've shoved down for days.

If things were easier, Belle and I would have done so much more tonight. If she wanted to, I would have gladly got on my knees and tasted her for hours. I would have made her feels things no man ever will. I would have climbed up her body and stared directly into her while sliding my cock slowly inside her.

I would have made her come.

My toes curl at the thought. Absentmindedly, I push against the erection in my sleep pants. I have no problem getting myself off, but with Belle touching me, it's totally different.

I curse that fucking witch again and again for everything she's done. Thinking about her shack and the confines of her punishment are enough to deflate any feeling I previously had. Hatred replaces arousal as I torment myself with thoughts of the wrong her.

The moon doesn't sit quite as high in the sky tonight, but I don't think anything of it as I drown myself in misery. I don't think much of the soft footfalls behind me either until she takes a seat next to me and says, "do you think you could ask the Royals if I could live here forever?"

I scoff. "With what you pulled a few days ago? You'd be lucky to live in Court 4 after U5."

Alice groans. "I know. I really fucked up."

"Really, really fucked up."

"I told you, Edward. Jasper's my Mate. My body had to hear him. You wouldn't—" but she stops herself.

"Wouldn't understand?" I finish.

Alice shakes her head. "I'm sorry," she says. "I'm sorry for putting Belle in danger. I'm sorry we're in this fucked up world. I'm sorry she almost—" but Alice can't finish the sentence over the growl that escapes me.

Alice sits with me outside for a while. Her thoughts are pretty contained, but every now and then, the same one pops up.

After the third time, I ask, "what do you know, Alice?"

"Huh?"

I roll my eyes. "You keep telling me not to her kiss. I know why I can't kiss her. How do you know?"

Alice shivers briefly. "I don't know how I know; I just know."

"What exactly is it that you think you know?"

"That if you kiss Belle, she'll die."

My body freezes. Every ounce of blood runs cold. My heart nearly stops before triple beating in panic.

"Alice Cullen," I say lowly. "Only one other person in this world knows that, and I know she didn't tell you."

Alice shakes her head. "Once you started hanging around Belle, I just got these feelings. At first, it was like bugs crawling all over me. I was itchy all the time. I even went to the infirmary at U5 thinking I was crazy. And then it turned into warming sensations, and I put the two together. They were butterflies. Slowly, I could see more and more of her future. The more you two hung out, the stronger the visions became. And then—" Alice stops, lifting a shaky hand to wipe away tears. "And then one day I saw her dead. I never saw her kiss you, but I can feel it, Edward. It's your kiss, Edward. That's what kills her."

I listen to Alice go on and on about these visions and feelings. These are complete news to me, and I can't make anything of it right now.

"Keep it to yourself," I tell Alice.

"I won't tell her," Alice says, "but what are you going to do, Edward?"

"Nothing," I tell Alice quietly. "Aro promised Belle with be Mated with someone who will treat her right, and I'll just…," I trail off because I can't possibly finish that sentence.

You're leaving, Alice says. I can feel that, too.

My sister can't hear me, and when I don't respond, Alice starts to cry softly. I stand and pull her into me.

"Everything will be okay." I give her an empty promise, and she knows it. "Promise me one thing?"

She nods, wiping her tears away.

"Promise you won't lose what you and Jasper have. You're not children anymore, Alice. Bond with him before it's too late."

I kiss her on the forehead before walking back into the room with Belle, where I think about the conversation I had with her last week. The one about life on other planets.

Tonight, as I drift off to sleep, I think about what living somewhere else might be like. A place where Jasper and I are still friends, and his mother didn't rape me, and Belle and I meet naturally, and I'm able to kiss her any fucking time I want.

A place I'm able to kiss her at all.

A place where I can choose my future. A place where I am in control.

I think of Court 8.

a/n: thank you to Fran for beta-ing!

Many questions answered this chapter! What do you think? Is it what you were expecting? There's still a long ways to go, so hopefully you're settled in and liking the story.

Please review!

eepwrites on instagram for inspo pics... and let me tell you, I wish I had a place to post the spicy inspo pics for some of these baby lemons. They are haaawt, lol.

See ya next time ;)