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(Insert witty disclaimer here)

Chapter Four

The Search Party

Oh no, that was stupid, that was really, REALLY stupid. Remus Lupin thought to himself as he ran as fast as he could to an unknown destination. Why did I have to act on impulse? The one time it actually MATTERED I have to go and be an idiot and reveal how I actually felt. How does HE feel though? It's not like he recoiled in disgust. For which Remus was grateful, but he didn't exactly kiss me back either…

Remus halted, short of breath; he discovered he had run straight to the astronomy tower, one of his favorite haunts. He liked to look at the stars that were strewn across the sky and just think and, only on occasion, he would climb out onto the roof and do his homework when it was nice outside.

He had never been afraid of heights, I mean, it's not like altitude or falling is scary, the only scary part is hitting the ground at the bottom, so really, ground is scarier than high up.

Remus' mind worked in mysterious ways.

He leaned on the balcony and sighed. He wished he had a time-turner, he had read an article about them in the Daily Prophet, they were a new invention that allowed the wearer to actually go back in time. Unfortunately, he had no time turner, nor the money to buy one. What was done was done, and he would just have to let things unfold, because from his stand-point, there was nothing he could do about it.

James had been sitting in the Great Hall, in the middle of lunch when he had seen Remus run past, looking thoroughly distraught. He had yelled out to him.

"Oy, Rem! What's wrong?" The werewolf had looked at him briefly, but kept running. James had shrugged, thinking he should let Remus calm down, when none other than the love of his life had sat down at the table not three seats away.

Lily Evan's hair was a bright red, and it glistened in the mid-day sun. James could only gape in awe at her as she sat, reading a book, and munching on a cracker or two.

James gulped. He was going to do it; he was NOT going to screw it up this time. Just talk to her like she's one of your friends, and maybe you won't get slapped…His thoughts comforted him as he scooted down one, two, three seats to sit directly across from her. He resisted the urge to don that goofy smile he always did when he was flirting with anyone else. Lily was not just anyone, she was Lily Marie Evans, the love of his life, and he needed to get this right.

He cleared his throat. Lily looked up expectantly, frowned, didn't say a word, and returned to her book.

At least she didn't yell at me. James was an optimistic man.

"So, Lily," He said nonchalantly, groping for a conversation topic, his eyes scanned wildly around. "Watcha reading?" She held up the book, still not speaking, so James could read the title.

"Psychotic," James read aloud, squinting. "What's it about? It looks dead interesting…" He judged by all the people with swords on the cover.

"Just a little adventure story," Lily said quietly, speaking for the first time in the conversation.

"That's cool, I never have time to read though, I'm always-always studying, I can never get Charms just right." He had been about to say 'always out with the ladies' then waggle his eyebrows suggestively, but he remembered that THAT was the part where he always got slapped, and changed the last of his sentence.

Lily gave an appreciative snort of laughter. "Yes, I've seen your attempts in class, it's actually rather pathetic. I always think to myself, 'how can the boy who does everything else perfectly without even trying fail so miserably at Charms?' I've always been fantastic at Charms, it's Transfiguration that I don't get…" She trailed off.

James saw a sliver of a window of an opportunity, but he didn't jump on it right away, good things come to those who wait. "Mr. Ollivander said my wand was nice and sturdy, good for Transfiguration, but not quite as whippy, which is better for charms work…"

"Is that so? I didn't know the structure of your wand had anything to do with what it could perform!" Lily sounded genuinely interested. James couldn't believe it, Lily and he were actually having a conversation. He squealed with excitement inside, but dared not let it show.

"Yeah I had no idea either until Mr. Ollivander told me." The window of opportunity was widening slightly, he jumped at the chance before it passed him by. "Well, Lily," She looked up. "Since you're stunning in Charms, and I'm bloody awful, and since you're not so great in Transfiguration, and I'm good at it, we could, I don't know, tutor each other…I mean, if you wanted." A shadow of silence passed and James wondered if Lily would slap him, like always. Or her more recent trend of action, brand pink letters on his chest.

"Sure." It was terse, concise, but it was a yes, and James would take whatever kind of 'yes' he could get.

"Great! It's a date then!" He gathered his books and was about to walk off to tell the great news to his friends when her words pierced him through the heart.

"No it's not." James whipped around.

"Huh?" He said intelligently

"It's not a date, James." James noted that she had called him 'James' and not 'Potter.' "It's a study session, so don't be blabbing to your friends about how you finally snagged me." She gave him a smirk that could rival his own. James grinned.

"Alright Lily, It's a study session then." He walked off, and as soon as he was out of Lily's sight. Jumped around in circles several times, duly scaring several Ravenclaw second years. He winked at them. "Don't act like you're not impressed." They ran away. James shrugged. Some people just don't appreciate good dancing.

Sirius rushed up at him. His eyes wide. James rushed up, apparently oblivious to Sirius' stress.

"Padfoot! Jolly news! I have something incredible to tell you!"

"Yeah, ok," Sirius said, clearly not listening, "Do you have any idea where Remus is?"

James frowned, he didn't like being ignored. But he finally saw how scared-looking Sirius was and decided his news could wait.

"Yeah man," He said softly. "I saw him run that way, about ten minutes ago." He pointed up to the North hallway. Sirius fixated his gaze in the direction James was pointing and said out of the corner of his mouth.

"Thanks Prongs, talk to you later." And He began to run.

Sirius felt bad for blowing James off, but he would apologize later and things would be good as new. He had no idea where Remus was, resulting in him having no idea where he was running to. He also had no idea what his decision was, but he had decided he was going to talk to Remus.

He ran past the kitchens. Perhaps Remus was in there?

He gently tickled the pear and the portrait slipped open for him with a gentle giggle. Almost instantly he was bombarded with dozens of small elves, offering him plates of food. He took a small éclair and sat down. He saw no sign of Remus amongst the knee-high elves.

"Young Master Black is distressed. Dippy wonders why." Sirius sighed. He was tired, he needed to rest. He might as well have help looking for Remus.

"Have any of you seen a young man my age run through here? Average height? Golden brown hair?" The house elves' stares looked blank.

"No Master Black. No young man of average height and golden brown hair. But Dippy thinks young Master Black is tired. He should rest, and tell Dippy what is wrong." Sirius sighed again. They had no idea, so why couldn't he tell them?

"Well, recently, he revealed, at least I think he did, that he had feelings for me." The house elves' stares still looked blank. "Romantic feelings." They all gave an 'ahh' of realization.

"Does Young Master Black have feelings for young man of average height with golden brown hair as well?" Dippy asked. Sirius shrugged.

"You know, Dippy. I have absolutely no idea. He's my friend. And I've always been close with him, but I've never though about him in a Romantic sense. At least until now."

"Dippy wonders if Mister Black is telling the truth." The elf gave him a knowing look.

"What?"

"Dippy has seen you and young man of average height with golden brown hair often. You both seem to have to have, as you say, Romantic feelings. At least, Dippy thinks so."

"When have you seen us together?"

"When Dippy is cleaning Gryffindor common room, When Dippy irons dormitory sheets, When Dippy is sweeping the Great Hall, and one memorable time, when Dippy was removing bird droppings from astronomy tower."

"I've never seen you" Sirius implored.

"'Tis the mark of a good house elf, you don't even know that Dippy is there."

Sirius remembered the Astronomy tower incident that Dippy spoke of. Remus and he had been sitting in the astronomy tower, and Remus had been crying, Sirius had forgotten why by this point. But Sirius had cradled him until he stopped; they just sat, and didn't talk. Remus eyes had been wet, and he himself had been silent, but his eyes had spoken the thanks of just being a comfort to him, without asking questions. They had never spoken of the incident again. But Sirius knew that Remus had appreciated it all the same.

"Thank you Dippy, all of you." Sirius rose. "I have to go find Remus." The elves' stares were once again blank. "He's the guy of average height and golden brown hair." As he left the kitchens he heard their 'ahh's of realization once again.

He decided to check one last place. The astronomy tower.

He ran up the many flights of steps. Only to be disappointed when he reached the top to find no Remus in sight. He gave an aggravated huff of anger. "Damn you Remus," He said to no one in particular. "I just want to talk."

As he stormed out of the astronomy tower, he had no idea that a very distraught Remus indeed was sitting on the roof, pouring his heart out because the man he loved in no possible way could love him back.

And so ends another chapter. I know this one's depressing. But I had to have some angst in there. A YAY for James though. Don't forget to REVIEW!