Exams suck, as they are the reason I have not updated in so long

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A Marauder's Tale

Chapter Seven

What is Love?

Sirius loved him. Like actual l-o-v-e LOVE. Remus had never fully considered the thought of someone loving him before, because he thought he was not able to be loved. Remus thought that his lycanthropy combined with his nerdiness would have repelled any potential mates, and Remus would never have to worry about it, but now he had someone who loved him and he didn't know exactly what to do.

What was love anyway? Remus honestly didn't know, so he consulted a dictionary. Books, they carry the answer to any of life's questions. Remus was shocked that there were an immense amounts of entries for the word love. It had many connotations and contexts. One was a deep, ineffable feeling. One was a feeling of attraction or desire sexually. One was an emotional attachment, as if to a pet or treasured object. One was a strong predilection or enthusiasm. There were endless definitions…

But which one does Sirius feel towards me?

To be honest, Remus had absolutely no idea, a dictionary was supposed to tell you what a word meant, but now, it had left him more confused than before he had consulted it. Should he ask Sirius what he felt? Or would that be too weird? Should he just kind of forget it? Would Sirius ask him if he loved him? What would he say? The questions were piling up and Remus was quite overwhelmed. So he began to sort them out as logically as possible, one by one.

Asking Sirius how he actually felt would probably just open up a new bag of snakes that he knew he didn't want to deal with, especially with Sirius. Sirius was as impatient, impulsive, and passionate as they come. Once Remus got him started on how he felt, if he said just ONE little thing out of line, Sirius would yell and throw a fit even after he had forgotten what he was fighting about. Just forgetting about the whole "love" issue was probably best, because you know, some people throw the word "love" around like it was nothing, and that could have been one of those times. But Sirius usually takes things very seriously (no pun intended) he says exactly what he means, unless he was outright lying, which Remus certainly hoped was NOT the case.

If Sirius asked Remus if he loved him, he would honestly not know what to say. For one thing, he didn't even know what love WAS, and if he doesn't know what it IS how could he POSSIBLY know if he felt it in someone else?

For that part, Remus could only throw his caution to the wind, and let the pieces fall where they may. Sirius would most definitely ask him if he loved him, especially now, since Remus wished it wouldn't happen, because that's just the kind of luck Remus has.

Remus was sitting on his four-poster, his head in his hands, deep in thought. His shaggy, uncombed hair fell on the outside of his hands. To an innocent bystander, it would have looked like the werewolf was crying, or at least in pain. But if you actually knew Remus, you would know that this was the way Remus thought. If Remus could see anything else, he would become distracted and start thinking off the subject, and it would be quite difficult to get him back on topic. For now, there was only one subject of thought, love, and it was taking all his concentration to wrap his mind around it.

Unfortunately for Remus, his new-found companion knocked on the door not a moment after his train of thought had begun. The wheels in his mind came to a screeching halt as he looked up and saw Sirius open the door a crack to see what was going on inside.

"Since when do you knock on the door to enter your own room?" Remus asked.

"Ever since my boyfriend started sitting silent in my room for over an hour." Sirius replied coolly. Remus' eyes widened, had it really been that long? He checked his watch, and indeed the sixth hand was pointing to the feather, indicating that it was an hour since he had LAST looked at his watch.

"Oh, I must have lost track of time…"

"What were you doing in here anyway?"

"Oh, just, thinking…"

"Thinking about me Remmy?" Remus scoffed.

"Do you really believe that I think about you and nothing else night and day?" Sirius cocked an eyebrow in a fashion to suggest that yes, he did.

"Well, actually I was, among other things" Remus admitted.

"Hmm, what were you thinking about me?" Sirius slid close enough to wrap an arm around the werewolf's waist.

"I was thinking about how lovely you are." Remus half-lied quickly.

"And?" Sirius prompted.

"And, about how lucky I am to have you…" Remus added.

"Hmm that's better!" Sirius seemed satisfied. He kissed Remus' forehead lightly and embraced him quickly before walking back to the dormitory door. "Now, don't you think about me for too long, or you'll get so turned on that you'll come down and kiss me senseless in front of the whole house, and THEN we'll have some explaining to do!" Sirius added a wink.

"Oh, now we wouldn't want that, now would we?" Remus said slickly, though he was sure something in the back of his mind actually said NO WE WOULDN'T!

And with that, Sirius slid out the door.

Sirius was becoming worried about Remus. For hours at a time, he had retreated to their dorm and just sat there, thinking. At least Remus SAID he was just thinking. Sirius cocked his head to one side. It seemed that he was having second thoughts about the whole relationship. Sirius scorned himself; he KNEW he had come on too strong too fast. If he had maybe waited a little longer, to make sure Remus was ready, then maybe the relationship would have lasted longer.

Well he sure was glad he hadn't told James about them NOW, because this was about the shortest relationship he had ever had, and Prongs would have hardly gotten a chance to get used to the idea of a gay best friend before the entire thing was over.

But, Sirius had been so SURE that this would work. Once he had decided that being with Remus was a good thing, so many other aspects just fit together and it looked like his life was taking a turn for the better. It just goes to show that Sirius Black was not meant to be happy. Sirius shook his head, got up from the padded sofa and headed for the astronomy tower to do some thinking of his own.

James was without a doubt THE happiest man in the world at this moment.

Throughout the entire Study Session/Date with Lily, she hadn't slapped him, scolded him, or even looked at him with those piercing eyes of hers the wrong way.

Man, James thought, if I get this happy when she's simply not mad at me, imagine how happy I'll be once we actually go out! God, I must love her, to do all these things for her, I wouldn't do any of this for any other girl! James stopped mid-thought, backtracked, and stopped on a single word, love. Woah. This is one serious word. You don't just go and throw it around. If James was going to go and start using the word "Love" to describe his situation, he should make sure he actually DOES l-o-v-e her. And to find that out, he would also have to find out what love was. Hmm

The boy-turned-man strode through the portrait hole and up the stairs to the dormitory, as he opened the door it squeaked and he winced, for Remus was lying on his four-poster and from the looks of it he was asleep. But on closer inspection, his eyes were open and he was staring blankly at the ceiling, in a trance. James tip-toed silently over to the werewolf's trunk, he knew better than to break Remus' concentration, if he was in a trance, he must be thinking about something big, and he would be snappy if James made him loose his train of thought.

He saw the dictionary on top of the trunk and snatched it as quietly as he could and began to flip through the pages, but once he got to "love" he discovered that the page was already book-marked. James' eyes widened in realization, then they thinned in scorn as he remembered that Remus and Sirius were hiding something from him, something they didn't trust him with, and that made him angry. Well, he thought, at least I know what Remus is thinking about…

He returned his attention to the dictionary and read the many definitions. Yes, he thought after reading one, Uh-huh, yeah, most definitely. I feel all these things for Lily, and if a dictionary says this is what Love is, then it MUST be true! So, it's settled, I LOVE LILY MARIE EVANS! His face broke into a smile that broadened at the thought of her. Quietly, he set the dictionary back on top of Remus' trunk, and tip-toed back to the door. Even if he was angry at Remus, breaking his concentration would not benefit either of them, so he thought best to seek his revenge at a different time.

Dinner in the Great Hall was an almost silent affair for the Marauders. Remus was sitting next to Sirius, almost awkwardly, shifting uneasily, sending shifty glances in his direction almost constantly. Sirius wasn't moving at all, his eyes staring at his full plate, which was getting colder by the second, but he refused to touch it. James eyes were shifting from adoration to a scowl as his eyes moved swiftly from Remus and Sirius, to Lily, who was sitting only a few seats down, and on occasion, returned James' constant looks. Peter was peering anxiously at Lily, and every time she smiled at James, he winced. The scrawny boy was supposed to PREVENT them ever getting together. At first, Peter thought it would have been easy, because Lily seemed to despise James so much, but now it seemed she was actually beginning to LIKE him. Lucius was NOT going to be happy with him when he reported that they were probably going to get together after all. Left with no other options, Peter cried out desperately.

"Lily thinks you have cooties!" No one even looked at him, James simply muttered an,

"Uh-huh, sure Pete." Peter looked at his hands, he was doomed.

On the other side of the table, things were still silent, Remus was hungry, and confused, but he didn't want to eat. What he needed most right now was comfort, and he really had no where else to seek it at. He reached over to his right a little and grasped Sirius' hand. The dark haired boy almost jumped at the sudden touch.

Sirius looked down at their interlocked fingers and smiled. Maybe things were going to be all right after all.