OH MY GOSH GOLLY GOODNESS I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED!

But I will make amends with a lovely new chapter.

Harry Potter is not mine, not even close…

A Marauder's Tale

Chapter Eight

Confusion

There is something very, very wrong with the Marauders. They haven't been talking to each other; they haven't even been talking at all. Not one of them even got a SINGLE detention that day. Something is very wrong.

Lily sat in her dorm, not moving. She unpredictably got sucked in to their supposed stupor. There were so many things that were going awry.

James was fine when he was with her, but when he was with Sirius and Remus he just huffed at them and wouldn't speak. Did they get into a fight that she didn't know about? Could this be the end of their friendship? No, never, they were closer than friends, they were brothers, and brothers didn't do that kind of thing. She was sure it was just something that would, with time, pass, but it had already been a week, and nothing had changed.

Sirius and Remus were always together, but never close enough to touch, and whenever she saw them, they were just sitting, looking straight forward, and not moving. Time seemed to slow when she went to sit with the Marauder's, everything was far too quiet.

Except for Peter.

Peter had been acting very queer indeed. Every time she was with James, he would pop up out of nowhere and point out random girls to James. "Oh, isn't she pretty James?" he would say. James never paid him any attention at all, but Peter never relented. He kept getting louder and louder as time went on. He seemed frantic that our time together be as short as possible, and he always had the demeanor that he desperately needed to use the restroom.

And Lily herself was very confused. What could be so big that it could tear these friends apart? But she had her own problems to deal with. Her roommates became fierce, snarling at her as she entered a room. Slipping potions in her oatmeal that made her sleep through classes, and the words, endlessly words.

"Go back to your muggle town bitch!"

"You don't even deserve to live"

"A troll wouldn't even date you"

Normally, Lily wouldn't pay attention to any such comment, but there were so many, and they were beating her down. The only relief she ever had was when she was with James, and they had been spending much more time together, since he was angry at his friends, for whatever reason.

Well, Lily had to put a stop to it, one way or another. Things couldn't continue this way, she couldn't stand it. The quiet with the Marauders and the exceeding volume with her enemies, it had far gone past the point of no return.

"Hey, Remus!" Sirius approached him after Transfiguration, he was grinning, but Remus knew better, the smile wasn't as wide as it should be, and it didn't quite reach his eyes, where the normal sparkle was absent.

"Hey, Sirius!" Remus replied, just as fake.

"What do you want to do during free period today?" Remus merely shrugged. He had become numb ever since Sirius had uttered those fateful words; they had changed everything. Why couldn't things go back to the way they were? Was it really just a week ago that Sirius and he had been sitting on the bed, talking nonchalantly about anything and everything at all? What went wrong? He didn't know what to do with himself anymore.

"Well, I have an idea, if you want to try it…" Sirius trailed.

"Sure" Remus replied, his voice dry from lack of use. His response seemed to make Sirius happy, which was good, he deserved to be happy.

And suddenly, he knew what he had to do.

Sirius led him up to the dormitory, presumably to drop off his books, but after he set them down, the both of them just stood there. Sirius had a wicked grin on his face, but it had an oddity that Remus couldn't quite put his finger on. He became quite confused.

"So…? Mffff." He began, until Sirius collided with him. Their lips crashed together, Remus' eyes widened with surprised, then closed, in defeat, he didn't have the strength to fight him off right now.

Sirius tasted very nice. Like honey roasted peanuts, mixed with caramel. His hair was very soft against his hands that he had just twisted into his thick mane as black as his name. Their mouths moved silently around each other. This was the closest he had been to anyone in…ever, but it did feel very nice.

Kissing a boy is very different than kissing a girl, not that Remus had much experience, but he knew the basics. You could be rougher with a boy, you didn't have to cradle him, if your teeth clicked a little, that was okay; it was more about the experience than about the technique with a boy. And this was a very boy kiss. This was a very nice boy kiss. This was a kiss, period. And that was something Remus hadn't had in a very long time, and it was very nice. Very nice indeed.

They were sitting on the bed now, though Remus didn't quite remember moving in that direction. And Sirius' hand was on his thigh. Remus didn't comprehend what he was saying until it came out of his mouth; before he could cram it back in.

"I think we should break up." Damn.

Sirius immediately broke the kiss. Damn. Damn. DAMMIT Remus! You just had to say it didn't you!

"What?" Sirius choked out. Remus didn't say anything. "Is this moving too fast? We could pretend this never happened, Remus, listen to what you're saying!" Remus despised it with every fiber of his being, but he knew deep in his gut that he should stand by his thoughts.

"No, I think it's better for both of us, if this ends here, before we get in too deep…" Remus couldn't look at Sirius, because he was afraid that he would start to cry if he did, and that would not help the situation, because then Sirius would be all helpful and consoling, and Remus wouldn't be able to help himself taking him back.

"Can we at least stay friends?" Sirius pleaded, and a million things rushed into his head, so all he could say was.

"I don't know…" Sirius looked straight at Remus, who wouldn't meet his gaze; his gray eyes were swimming, not with tears, but with loss. A part of him was now missing. Remus continued to say nothing. Sirius nodded, finally understanding, and calmly, but stiffly, he rose from the bed, and out the dormitory door.

Remus sat still, completely and utterly alone. What did I just do?

James was distraught. James was very distraught. He was sitting in the library, next to Lily, in one of their daily "study sessions." He was gripping Lily's hand tightly, normally, she would have protested, but she was afraid to see him explode so she didn't say anything. He was positively fuming. Lily asked tentatively,

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know Lily," he snapped. "How would you feel if you just found out that two of your very best friends were gay, and not just gay, but gay for each other, and they were hiding it from you, would you be OKAY?" Oh, Lily comprehended. So THAT'S what this is about.

"Do you want to talk to me about it?" She asked, and instantly James' countenance changed. His face softened, and his lips trembled, and he nodded. Without any provocation, he spilled the entire story, and Lily squeezed his hand in comfort at appropriate times.

"Can you believe it Lily? It's not even because they're gay, you know, with time, I can accept that, it's just that they didn't trust me, you know?" He stood abruptly, and began rapidly pacing around the table. "I been their best friend for five bloody years" He slammed his fists on the table, the librarian and Lily both gasped simultaneously, but James didn't even notice, he just kept ranting, his volume getting louder and louder. "They were brothers to me! And you know what the worst thing is? They still are Lily, I can't stay angry, and I want to…Oh I want to so badly, to be angry at them."

James plopped down next to Lily, and she could see the different emotions pass through his eyes. Hate. Passion. Anger. Loneliness. Chagrin. Sadness. And he grasped her hands in his and looked straight into her eyes, pleading with her wordlessly to understand him. Lily just nodded as he continued. "I would accept them in a heartbeat if they just came to me. I want them to tell me that they want me to know." And before he could utter another word, a very frantic, melodramatic, disconsolate Sirius slammed into the library door. Everyone looked up at him as he slowly regained his composure and opened the door before sprinting the rest of the distance between him and James and crouching at his side, gripping James' leg, his eyes teeming with tears.

"James, please!" He half-shouted, half-sobbed. James' expression was distant, albeit scornful. He looked down at Sirius who was now whimpering into his freshly pressed pants leg, but James didn't care. There was a bond between Sirius and James that can't be broken by something as feeble as a fight, James knew his brother needed help, and James was going to provide it for him. James was now staring at his reunited best friend, in utter consternation. He crouched down next to his now blubbering friend and, whispering peacefully, comforted him.

"Sirius, it's okay now, I promise I'm not angry with you anymore. I promise I promise. Just tell me what happened…" Sirius began apprehensively, looking at James eyes, full of honesty and authenticity, then to Lily, who was holding a hand to her chest and holding her breath, waiting for the events to unfold, before uttering a word.

"James I wanted to tell you, I just…I just couldn't stand to see the look on your face if you wanted to disown us or something. I didn't want to loose you James, but now, it's so much worse, it's so much worse." He stopped to heave a short intake of breath, and James slipped in.

"I already know Sirius, I found out on my own." Sirius just nodded.

"I fathomed you would, perceptive as you are…but that's really not the point…Remus and I, we just, I don't know what happened, whether it was something I said or did, but he transformed into this distant, inaccessible person, and he wouldn't talk to me, or to you, or even Peter. And then, just now, he said we should break up, something about how it would be better for me…But it can't be James, because it wasn't until I had him that I realized just how much I needed him, and I can't stand it James, and he said we couldn't even be friends anymore James." He stopped, powerless to continue.

"Shh, Sirius, just Shhh, we'll figure a way out of this…I know it." James had never seen him this pathetic before, like a puppy that has been beaten, but he knew there had to be something more to this, Remus wouldn't break up with Sirius for a reason as, well, unreasonable as that. Something was lingering underneath the surface. And James was going to find out what.

Remus was a very unintelligent man. If he had any brains in between his ears he would not do what he had just done, but whether it was stupid or not, it was necessary.

Remus was moping under his favorite willow tree. Glimpsing the ostentatious couples are the lake, it was amazing how when you were out of love everyone else seemed to be in it. He glared at his hands, as if somehow taking his anger out on them would help the situation. He kept repeating phrases to himself in his brain to boost his morale, but they didn't really help. It's for his own good, it's dangerous to be with a werewolf, I shouldn't be allowed to love, I shouldn't be allowed to live, there is no reason to even bother with him if it's just putting both of your lives in jeopardy. But the words became banal with repetition. This was something that was not going to be an easy fix, put on a bandage and hobble out of the hospital wing. He had something precious and he squandered it away, and now he had to live with the consequences. He just hoped things would be better tomorrow….

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Again I apologize for the lack of updatenes…