Chapter 7
Two light horses clopped at full speed across the flaming desert. It was only 8 A.M., but already up to seventy-nine degrees. The heat didn't faze them as Winry guided them to their destination. If it took her two days to get to the train, Riza theorized that it would take them at least half a day at full gallop. They left at six in the morning, so six in the evening sounded right. Maes could feel Winry's heart thump wildly on his back, ever so faster. She was scared, understandably.
After hours of hiding, they stopped on top of a wide cliff, peering down at the pristine valley below. A good vantage point. Winry stuck her finger out and pointed.
"Its right over that mesa."
"Alright," said Hughes. "We'll get off here and go down on foot."
All three mounted off, after which the agents grabbed their equipment and suited up. Riza had her trusty .45 Colts in the hip holsters, followed by two chains of ammunition, three Winchesters, a little .22 right down on her ankle, and a couple of extra goodies here and there. Maes had a belt rimmed with knives, six eight-inch daggers on his chest, a couple of shuriken throwing stars, and a fancy samurai katana. While in Japan when he was seventeen, he trained in the arts of kendo, thanks to a legend know as the hitokiri, the manslayer. In return, he taught him Western stuff, like medicine, and the decency of pants.
"Do y'all need all that?" asked Winry.
"Honey," said Maes, "when it gets rough, we get tough."
The agents both slammed their heads together, like Ben Roethlisberger and Jerome Bettis at a playoff game, and laughed like morons. My tax dollars are really at work.
Once down, they walked five hundred meters before Winry grabbed them both.
"Wait, stop. They got guards everywhere."
She pointed one, two, three, four, five, six positions, all forming a bow. Riza climbed a rock nearby, rested on her belly, and cocked a rifle.
"We'll just have to give them a present."
The closest sentry was standing on a high ridge, three hundred meters out, taking a leak. Big mistake. He could be seen clear as day. As he turned around, a shot of air
exploded into his right eye, blowing half his skull out. He fell with a mighty thud, ten feet down. He didn't even get the last drops out. The gunfire alerted the others, and three left positions to scout around.
"They heard it," Winry said. "They're comin.'"
Riza got down from the rock.
"That's what we want," she said.
Maes just nodded, and got out a dagger.
One guard with a hat was searching, a rifle in hand. As he passed a boulder, Maes popped out and swiftly slashed his throat. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the other guard emerge at 7 o'clock. Maes spun around and chucked that blade. It went right in the guy's stomach, pass the peas and mushrooms.
Meanwhile, Winry was tailing Riza in a small canyon of boulders when footsteps were heard, by Riza alone, of course. She grabbed the girl and hid behind one of those boulders. The guard was looking around, right at 12 o'clock position. Too close for a gun, thought Hawkeye. Don't want to alert our position. So she revealed one of her goodies, a fine looking bow and arrow, with an iron tip. The Native Americans had taught her how to fight like them. Sometimes, it came in real handy. The arrow was slower than a bullet, but almost no one could dodge it. And, it was quieter.
She revealed two gleaming arrows, set them on the bow, came out of the hidey hole, and released. Those things screamed through the desert atmosphere, and dug into the man's lungs. Both of them. In the same place. Ironically, he was a smoker.
With two more thugs to deal with, the agents came up with a plan. The two were on sentry when out came Winry, in a very flirtatious manner. She giggled a little and winked.
"You-who," she said in a sexy manner. She wanted them.
Then she bared her breasts. Total flatsville.
The men didn't care. They ran like lecherous pigs after her as she walked behind a rock. Blood sprayed out. Riza looked at her astounded as Winry buttoned back her blouse.
"What? I wanted it to look real."
"If my daughter did that, I'd kill her."
Maes wasn't kidding, especially since he was holding a bloody knife.
Unfortunately, the town was surrounded on three sides by steep hills and mesas in a semi-circular fashion, so no one could see it at a distance. Maes scratched his head as he saw the obstruction.
"How the hell are we supposed to get past this?"
"I know," Winry said.
She walked towards a very large boulder nestled in the rock wall. Since it was all a uniform color, it blended in like a chameleon. Winry started to heave it.
"Help me push."
The agents both assisted. With a little effort, the boulder began to give and slid forward, revealing a secret passage. Clichéd, I know. Winry walked down with a little twitch in her step, triumphant.
As they trudged down, Maes was bumping into everything available.
"How can you see in here?"
"I know this here passage like the back of my head. We used it a bunch to move in weapons from the outside."
"So, you have a resistance?" asked Riza.
"Yes'm. Well, building one."
"So, why doesn't the whole town just escape?"
"Cause it would real suspicious. Then they'll try to find us, and then probably kill us. They have spies every which way."
The agents looked at each other as Winry came to a complete stop. She whistled twice, then once after three seconds. The wall seemed to move to the right, allowing the light to cut through. Standing there was a giant of a man, broad-shouldered and cut with muscles, big as Alex even.
"Welcome back, Winry. You bring any help?"
She nodded and replied: "The best."
Imagine his surprise when out came the two greatest law enforcers of the West emerge. He almost dropped to his massive knees and wept.
"Hawkeye Jane! Bill the Blade!"
Hughes nodded enthusiastically like a three-year old. The gatekeeper ran down an alley and into the main street, screaming wildly and doing a little dance.
"Hawkeye Jane and Bill the Blade are here! They're here!"
When the threesome turned the corner and onto the main street, the entire villa broke into cheers and adulation. People poured out of their homes in streams, hooting and throwing up hats and bonnets. An old man started to seizure. Two sultry women kissed Maes on each cheek, full breasts rubbing against his arms. Good thing he was married. The town preacher threw down his Bible and acted as if they were the second coming. Jesus would get him for that.
"C'mon now. We didn't even do anything yet," Hawkeye embarrassingly said. She tried to stay in stride, but she was never met with a meeting like this. It just shattered humbleness. But Maes loved it. He started to juggle like daggers like a mad clown.
Soon, the crowd started to chant their fake names, so much so that it wore on Riza's nerves quickly.
"MY NAME IS RIZA! RIZA! R-I-Z-A!"
The chanting ceased, and the people went about their business. No one was going to get killed.
Winry's attention was stolen by a young man, calling her and waving. She ran up to him and they both shared a passionate kiss, blond hair swaying past their shoulders, hands wrapped around each other in affection. Riza looked away a little, wishing that that exchange could be hers one day.
"I want y'all to meet Edward. Edward Elric."
He waved with his right hand. There was no automail (sorry everyone, but it's 19th century America. No alchemy. Sorry).
"Awww," purred Maes. "Are you two lovers?"
"No," they said in unison. "WE'RE MARRIED!"
Both Riza and Maes's mouths dropped. The kids looked no more than fourteen or fifteen. Too young even to drink. Maybe they were drunk. And here they are, stumbling into full adulthood. The Ed kid sure didn't look like an adult. So short was he! But there would be more of a shocker.
"We got seven kids!" Winry said proudly. Maes belt fell off, followed by his pants. The bullets out of the .45s came out.
"I got her knocked up real good," Ed exclaimed. This was followed by their frightening hillbilly laughs. Ed's eyes rolled around like billiard balls, mouth gaping open. He had six teeth missing.
Inside, the seven kids were standing around, dressed in patched-up clothes. All of them were three, and all had no shoes on. They rushed up to Ed and Winry and hugged them tightly, exchanging kisses.
"Was y'all good when I was gone?"
"YES!" they yelled together. Four boys, looking like Ed. Three girls, resembling Winry. Afterwards, they all milled around the new strangers, tugging at their clothes, looking at them sweetly.
"Oh boy," said mini-Ed #1. "It's the Hawkeye Jane lady and Blade man."
"Have you come to save us?" asked mini-Ed #2.
"Yes, we have pumpkin. Yes we have," answered Riza.
She bent down and patted him on the head. Mini-Ed smiled with teeth that was covered with layers of slimy, yellowish plague. Toothbrush, maybe?
Out from the small back kitchen came a boy smaller than Ed, with light brown hair. He was holding a skillet filled with dead raccoon.
"Winry!" he said.
"Al!"
She ran over and gave him a big hug.
"I missed you so much. Riza. Maes. This is Alphonse, Ed's brother."
"I like the name 'cause it sounds French," Al said. He needed more culture than that.
Over on a corner, a withered, placid old lady was sitting in a rocking chair, wearing a pair of thick glasses. Her head was overly too large, and she wore a blank expression on her face, as if the lights went out a long time ago.
"Did you come back with the waffles?" she asked. She craned her neck up, the bones popping and creaking like steel giving way. She looked at them with that voided stare, a bead of drool stretching down.
"This was my grandma. She had a bad falling out in the Civil War, and she's been like this ever since."
It wasn't a falling out. It was a catastrophic brain injury that culminated into an almost catatonic state and mental disorder. Sometimes, she swore that she could tap into the cosmic energy of the universe.
Maes got tired of the family reunion, and clapped his hands together.
"Okay, enough greetings. Time for a little conversation."
He stopped smiling. Serious this time.
"Get the kids out."