Dakishimetai (Hold Me Close)
By Tenshi no Hoshi
A/N: Another one shot story from me...I'M SO SORRY! I didn't expect this one to be too long, but it ended up being that way heehee! I got the title from the song Dakishimetai by K (Kei), but I won't have it up on my profile. Hope you enjoy! Please R&R!
In a place worn down by sadness, something called a miracle is waiting while we search for a way to keep that hope from fading. Tenshi no Hoshi
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"Everyone's counting on me."
Whenever I felt as if hope started slipping away like desert sand running through my own fingers, that is what I would tell myself. I didn't have time to retrospect myself. My people are counting on me. They have placed their treasured faith in such a small child, only to be disappointed and left heartbroken. Why was I the only one? Why was I the only one left to suffer like this? Why was I pressured to becoming a successful Mizuho chief?
In the end, I believed that the one who has suffered the most because of my foolish actions…was me.
But my life wasn't meant to be this way. I wasn't meant to live in Mizuho. I wasn't meant to live at all. I didn't have the right to live on the same soil and breathe the same air as other beings on this planet.
If you don't believe me, I have proof. My own parents, the very two people who gave me life, left me for granted. I was left alone within the darkest depths of the haunted Gaoracchia Forest: the forest where the ghosts of angered souls come to hunt down thoe who wish to leave this world in solitude serenity. My parents must have had a reason to leave me behind in that forest of all places in Tethe'alla. Whether those excuese were reasonable, I could care less. Even after they would apologize, the icy fangs of betrayal would prevent me from forgiving my own parents.
Although I was only a pitiful infant at that time, I think I experienced an emotion too intricate for any being to describe. That feeling is only but a distant memory engraved in my heart. I can't recall that feeing anymore, so it must mean that the scars left behind are healing. It would be extremely foolish of me to hold such a grudge against people I am not associated with.
But to subdue grudges in a place no one can see is just as bad. The reputable people of the mystical village Mizuho were just like that. After the chief himself took me in, all of them lost hope of successing him. Their reasons against me aren't reasonable enough to hold such a grudge, but then again, what would I know?
The memories I held during infancy are vague to me, like how thick mist can obscure the road ahead of you. I remember him once telling me that he felt as if I could help bring salvation to their village when he took me under his wing. He had a hunch that I could be the Chief to help Mizuho flourish. Me? Help Mizuho rise from the shadows it has been living in for centuries? If only he knew the ruin and devastation I would bring.
Growing up, I never had any "outside" friends. "Outside" as in friends outside of Mizuho. When I think about it now, I've never befriended anyone lower than the ninja rank, but that didn't make me such a lonely, secluded hermit as a child.
There were people who helped me become the person I am today. They were understanding souls. People like my grandfather, who saved me from the sinister clutches of the night forest. People like Kuchinawa, who looked up to me as if my very existence made him happy. And people like Orochi, who was willing to hold me close when I felt as if black despair was the only color I'd ever see. These are the people I wish could stay the way they are and never change, but everything changes at one point or another. We all mature and grow up. Even when we do, the memories we hold dear in our hearts never vanish.
The last ray of sunlight was subdued as it set beyond the trees in the horizon. The melody of chirping crickets and the vibration of the cicadas rang throughout the silent village as young children retired to their houses after all days worth of endless adventures in the village. Only a few of those villagers chose to remain out in the nighttime, exposed to the starlit sky as the moon hid behind the thick clouds. Even the moon had to take a break from shining its sinister rays every night.
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Three young ninjas dressed in the traditional Mizuho clothing sat on the roof of the council building, set in the heart of the village. It was a nice change of clothing from their tight (not to mention tacky) training outfits, honing their skills as ninjas throughout the day and were looking forward to resting peacefully in the moonlight together. The only thing missing, was the moon. At least the stars were out.
"Hey… where's the moon? I heard from Chief that it would be a full moon tonight! I don't want to miss it," asserted the younger boy, Kuchinawa.
His face showed clearly through the starlit night, unlike the times he kept his identity hidden through a red cloak. You could easily tell he was quite the troublemaker with the way his eyes gleamed with determination when he smiled a mischievous smile. Although being a clam and respected ninja, his wild demeanor and positive attitude is what stood out the most.
"Really? I thought it was a new moon tonight," Sheena thought outloud.
Sheena, the middle child and only girl among her group of friends, happened to be a sweet and charming girl despite her unruly boyish ways. The flowing pink ribbon trailing behind her signified her rank as a summoner. Today, her purple kimono brought out her feminine side, unlike her ninja cloaks, which she also used when training. The stars shining through the partly cloudy sky shimmered in her dark eyes as they awaited the moon's arrival.
The older ninja watched over the other two children silently as they bickered over the moon endlessly. Orochi, the oldest of the three, seemed too stern and serious for his own good most of the time, but held a gentle soul hardly ever seen. He, too, revealed his face, although shrouded by the surrounding shadows of the dark night.
"The moon hides behind the thick clouds. Enough bickering," Orochi sternly ordered as he placed himself next to Sheena.
Both children halted their argument and turned their attention to the oldest one. Kuchinawa folded his arms across his chest, sulking as little children do. "You act as if you know everything, Onii! If only I were smarter," the younger boy blabbered loudly.
The little girl thought to herself in confusion. "Onii? Orochi-san, what is an Onii?" Sheena asked as she tugged at his sleeve innocently. Suddenly, her face lit up like a lightbulb. "Oh, do you mean Onigiri? Riceballs?" She asked again, still failing to understand.
Kuchinawa laughed out loud hysterically, turning his face bright red until Sheena clasped her hand over his mouth.
"Shh…" Sheena shushed, "do you want to wake up all of Mizuho?"
Kuchinawa took Sheena's hand off his mouth and glared at her with glowing snake eyes. "No, but how could you not know what a simple word like 'Onii' means," the young boy retorted.
Orochi shot a nasty look of his own to his little brother. " Sheena does not have any siblings, brother. Do not scorn her for not knowing." He gave his attention to the little girl, still yearning to know. "Sheena, if you had a brother, he would be your 'Onii'. If we had a sister, she would be our 'Onee'."
Instead of looking pleased, Sheena felt miserable. She had no siblings, so those new Mizuhoan words were useless to her. "I…I don't have an Onii or an Onee. Just me," Sheena said sadly.
The brothers gave each other a worried glance. What could they do to cheer their friend up?
Then, the youngest child's face beamed with pride as if his idea were a new invention. "Sheena-chan! We could be siblings! That means Onii would be your Onii, and you would be my Onee!"
Thte little girl's face slightly smiled at her friends. "Does that really mean… I could call you Onii, Orochi-san? Sheena hesitantly asked the older boy.
Orochi seemed lightly startled. How did his brother think of such a plan? "Sure, Sheena-chan. I'd love to have you as a little sister. Right, Kuchinawa?"
Kuchinawa nodded his head eagerly, blushing until his deep red race was visible in the dark night. "Y-yeah, of course!" He agreed loudly and awkwardly.
Sheena giggled at the embarrassed Kuchinawa. "Wait, so then what do we call Kuchinawa-kun?"
Orochi grinned at Sheena. "Kuchinawa is Kuchinawa. It's that simple," He replied. "Unless you would like to be called Kuchi Kuchi, that is."
The young boy gave a wry expression to his brother's comment. "No thanks, I'll stick to Kuchinawa," he said, refusing the offer.
"I like that name," Sheena quietly remarked.
"Kuchinawa blushed furiously. "I-I didn't ask you!" He retorted as he leaped off the roof and ran back to his house like a night wolf in the wind.
Sheena worried for him, although slightly hurt by his piercing words. "Onii, what's wrong with Kuchinawa-kun?" Orochi looked down at Sheena, laughing at his brother's motives. It all made sense now. "When someone like Kuchinawa is in love, but doesn't know how to say it, this is the result," he answered.
"Ooh, I see…"Sheena thought out loud. "I wish him luck to whoever he likes!"
The pearl moon's sinister rays broke though the night as the clouds thinned. The silhouettes of migrating birds jet through the sky with a trail of falling feathers not too far behind. All of it was worth waiting for. Too bad Kuchinawa missed it all.
"Ah, the moon is out! So pretty!" Sheena gazed t the mysterious scene.
The icy wind caused Sheena to shiver and sneeze. Orochi placed an arm around her shoulder and held his friend close to him.
"We should go inside, the wind is getting chilly," he said sternly.
Sheena felt her face redden. His grip was strong, yet gentle, as if he held a fragile leaf in his hands as was careful not to crush it. She felt like that leaf.
"Okay," Sheena felt like smiling inside her heart. "Thank you, Onii."
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Looking back on those days, I pitied my younger friend. Poor Kuchinawa… he was only a little boy trying to probe himself as a man. I understand how it must have been for him. I understand how it must be when being forced to become something you're not.
That is because I was forced to become a Chief. I was expected to lead my people like a woman, not a girl. The only people who seemed to understand that were my tow closest friends. If they understood those feelings, why couldn't everyone else? Now I realize that even the most obvious situations are more intricate than they seem.
As time passed, however, those feelings stood still. I couldn't reach out to the people of Mizuho who still didn't understand the meaning of being something you are not.
It seemed to me that no matter how hard we try or how many attempts we make, we will never change. As the world around us shifts and takes its own turns, our souls will remain everlasting. Warm souls would continue reaching out to the lives of could humans with no heart.
I wished we would stay the same. I was once afraid of the changes that would take place between my friends and I. Changes can be scary, but it's something we all go though at one point in our lives. Adjusting to these customs may also take time, but changes, for better or worst, must take place– and this is why we need someone willing to embrace us as we continue to find away for us all to get along.
I wanted to be true to my commitments and keep the promises I created with the people of Mizuho. After all; they were counting on me; and I couldn't let them down. To resolve the problems within my own commitments, I decided to try harder into becoming a better person. I would obey every order any elder commanded, and I would become obedient and loyal enough to be called a dog. The rebellious and willful Sheena as no longer. If I wanted change to take place within myself, I would be the one to push through.
My friends became the first and only people to support my decisions and reach out to help one in need. Onii and Kuchinawa once said that the road ahead would become tougher to travel if I did it alone. As they say– a man cannot live on a island alone.
As the world changes around us, we, too, must change, whether we like it or not. That is when we learn the true meaning of "standing alone."
Almost ten years ago, I recall an incident regarding my people. As the next chief of Mizuho, the Vice-Chief decided to test my strength and power as a chief. He wanted me to form a pact with the Hammer of Godly Thunder, Volt. At that time, I was only nine, but he expected me to handle that sort of power.
Ever since then, I haven't completely forgiven myself for what I've done to my own people. This time, even saying "everyone's counting on me" would have no effect. That magic phrase wouldn't erase those feelings of shame and disappointment. The people closest to my heart weren't there to forgive me, and they would never be able to.
The worst part was I knew that there was no way to fix those mistakes and atone for those sins.
The aftermath of the thunder spirits rampage left the village in shambles. Dancing flames raged as it burned what was left of the village. The gruesome stench of blood and rotting flesh arose with the toxic smoke. The whole scene looked like it was taken out of a horror film, but it was hard to believe that reality was what stared back.
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A little girl covered in both blood and ash stood in disbelief as the village in front of her crumbled to its end. She knew that it was the result of her own foolish actions.
Not too far behind, two young boys, one older, the other, younger, felt anger and spite build up in their wounded hearts. Because of their former friend, only parents they have ever known died a horrible death.
Sheena turned towards them, weakness and desperation showing in her glossy eyes. "O-onii–"
"I am not your brother, I never was, and I never will be. You do have no family, so you do not belong here," Orochi replied coldly. His usually strong and firm voice wavered as he said those words.
Kuchinawa, who already poured his heart out with what seemed to be an endless supply of tears, walked up to Sheena, wobbling from shock along the way. He curled his hands into a fist and hesitantly punched Sheena, knocking her to the ground. "Wh-Why! You… you killed our parents! Mama… and Papa… won't ever come back. How do you plan on fixing this?"
"I…I," the fallen one managed to say.
She couldn't take it anymore, being blamed like this. All this time, she was able to rise above her difficulties with the help of those around her. What happens when all those people turn their backs against you?
"I…I want to go home. I want to go to the place I truly belong."
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Looking back on that destructive day, I couldn't help but feel regret for my own actions. I turned my back to the people who were counting on me, and left them there to die. I ran away from my fears, telling myself all this while that I couldn't move forward. That mistake cost me my pride, and some people, their own lives.
This time, nothing could fix it. No sell on this world could bring back those who were lost. No remedy could heal the wounds of those who were left behind. Knowing that all of this was because of me.
Since then, Vice Chief has placed me to live within the golden gates of Melotkio, the Imperial City. I have to admit; life in Mizuho was nothing compared to Meltokio. As long as they didn't know of my origin, it would all be okay.
But I was still lonely. Even after I felt as if I could forgive myself and face my people, loneliness was something I'd still have to face – by myself.
That was until the day that I met Zelos Wilder.
It was a truly fateful day. It was already winter and the first silver snow already started to descend upon the golden city. I still remember that moment as if it were yesterday. Two people, who suffered from loneliness, but weren't really alone.
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A little boy stood still as he gazed upon the falling snow. His red hair, now covered in a crown of snowflakes, blew in the gentle but chilly breeze. He stood in that place along the border gazing down upon the city for at least an hour, and Sheena wondered what was on his mind. He seemed to have come alone. She, too, came alone to watch the snowfall.
The snow emitted such a gentle magic, that it made Sheena feel like singing her heart out. The song had a nostalgic memory with it, reminding Sheena of the times spent with Onii and Kuchinawa. Oh, how she longed for all of it to come back.
Lonely despair and hardships lie aheadThe cold winter wind has become warm spring
The very first snow left me feeling lonely
But I didn't cry; I just kept on smiling
After the first verse, she heard and applause from behind her. She swiftly turned around to see the boy who gazed upon the snow earlier. He gave her a warm and cheery smile as he approached her.
"Wow, I'm impressed," the red haired boy started to say. "What language is that?"
Sheena blushed; not realizing that someone had heard her sing. "Um, Mizuhoan," she answered. The girl then clasped her hand over her mouth. She let her secret slip. No one was supposed to know she was from Mizuho!
The boy gasped, taken aback from her words. "You mean, the hidden village, Mizuho?"
Sheena found herself on her knees, begging for him not to tell the King about her birthplace. "Please, please don't say anything to anyone! Because if you do," she held up a fist, "I'll knock your head off your body!"
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me," he said, holding up his pinky to her as a sign of friendship. "Trust me."
Sheena was taken by surprise. Was he really asking her to be his friend?
She held up her pinky to his and locked them together. "My name's Sheena Fujibayashi."
He laughed loud enough for the people down below to hear. "Heh, my name's Zelos Wilder."
"I think we'll be good friends, Zelos," I told him as we walked along the snow-covered city, leaving behind fresh footprints signifying the start of our journey.
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In my heart, I knew that our journey together would not last long, but I always tried to make the best of it. I always tried to fool myself into thinking that I would never have to face my people again, and just go on living like carefree, normal girl.
But I wasn't raised like that, and neither was Zelos.
On the outside, he looked like a normal boy. He was so carefree and seemed to handle his life with no worries, but if you really get to know him past his fire red hair and misty blue eyes, you'll see a boy shattered by his own past and family.
I guess that's why we always felt close. We had so much in common, but even through our differences, he understood whatever I was going through. If only I could be more like him, and take on every task the way he did.
Zelos decided one day just to let it all out and tell me about his past. He told me it had been bothering him for such a long time, but he never had the chance to tell anyone.
Talking to him made me feel grateful to have met him, because he made me realize that no matter where you are or what's happening around you, open arms are always awaiting your return.
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The morning sun shone softly upon the sleeping city as two young children eagerly awaited its arrival. The soft spring breeze brushed passed them, kicking up fallen leaves as it left behind a colorful trail.
This day felt no different then the others. The sun rose as it usually did, and the two of them waited silently for the day to start. Nothing has changed since the first day they met, but they've already been through so much together. Even as the seasons changed, their world stayed perfectly still.
Sheena noticed her friend's squirming and uncomfort since they had came out to watch the sun rise. What could possibly be on his mind?
The girl lightly kicked Zelos and gave him a worried look. "Something wrong?" She asked, worried that he wasn't his cheery self this morning.
He shook his head, but then smiled wearily. "It's okay, I'm fine," he replied, trying not to evoke his friend to worry about him. No one had ever worried for him.
A long silence came over them. Something was definitely wrong. Why wouldn't he tell her?
"Just…tell me, whatever's on your mind," Sheena finally said, resting her head on his shoulder. Whatever was on his mind, she didn't want him to keep those feelings to himself. That was why she was there: to help him rid of those ugly emotions.
Zelos let out a heavy sigh. "Alright, alright, if you really want to know, I'll tell you."
"Y'know, being with you… makes me feel so much better, and I mean that." Zelos hesitantly started to say.
Sheena's face flushed. She hadn't expected him to say that, and she hadn't realized that her very own existence made people feel better.
Zelos chuckled a little before continuing. "Growing up, I always felt so lonely. Especially after my little sister was taken away from me. Knowing that she was against me being who I was made me feel as if my very existence bothered so many people. When I'm with you, you make me feel as if I'm the one who puts a smile on your face everyday. So…I guess what I'm trying to say is…thanks."
Sheena was at a lost for words. She hadn't heard something so emotional from him since they met.
Zelos looked out into the horizon. "I…I know that you'll be going back to Mizuho soon. After research is done about the man made spirit in the lab, they'll be sending you back."
"You don't have to bring that up!" Sheena said harshly. She didn't want to bring up that fact that she may never see him again. After all that he's done for her, saying goodbye was something she wished she'd never have to do. "Please don't say things that remind me of leaving."
Zelos smiled with sadness gleaming in eyes. "Even when you do leave, just remember that there is always someone waiting if you feel like you can't go on. I'll always be here, with open arms." He smiled sheepishly as he said the last line.
Sheena also smiled a widely. "It's a promise then? If you don't keep it, I'm going to invoke the Mizuho tradition of making a liar swallow a thousand needles," she threatened.
He held out his pinky to hers as they locked them together. "It's a promise."
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Knowing that there would always be someone waiting for me, the hidden courage hindered by my fear and apprehension of scorn suddenly became clear to me. I was ready to face my people once again. This time, I'd put on a firm face, and keep a strong heart, because there were people still counting on me, and I couldn't forget that fact.
Even if I were already willing to face Mizuho, I'd still have to prepare myself for leaving behind the only person willing to protect me forever. He must still the same way as he did the days he lived without someone to talk to. He must still know that good things don't last forever. He must still know that he'll be lonely forever. I didn't want him to think about it that way.
Even if were to leave, I would be able to see him again soon. If fate allowed us to be together, then we'd see each other one day. Perhaps one day, when we're older, we'll understand why destiny chooses the most difficult paths for us to travel. Maybe the reason why is because it believes that we are strong enough to travel the endless roads and rocky mountains. These are the times when we search for people who are willing to hold us at our weakest, see us at our ugliest, and love us at our worst.
When I left Meltokio, I can't say it turned out the way I expected. I left without telling him, but I thought that it would be for the best. Life for him would be harder if I wasn't around, because now, he had nowhere left to go. At least I had him. But that's not where I truly belong. I had to face my people, and I can't deny that fact.
Stepping onto forbidden land to outsiders felt weird at first, but that forbidden land was my home. A thousand questions ran through my head as I entered the rebuilt village. Would they still accept me? Would they forgive me? Would they welcome me? Would they still love me? I didn't want to end up like Zelos: a forgotten soul wandering around aimlessly, looking for someone who wouldn't see right past him.
The first people who greeted me that day were my two best friends. Would they still hate me? That was the biggest question on my mind. I missed the times when we would wait by moonlight and train together by daylight. Wouldn't they miss it too? Wouldn't they wish for the same things if they were me?
Even if they still hated me, I'd rather be hated for who I was then loved for what I was not.
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The three of them stood face to face, the two boys on one side, and the girl on the other side. It seemed like an eternity since they last saw each other.
Whatever they would say to her, Sheena was prepared for the worst. It didn't matter if they forgived her or not: as long as they accepted her apology.
"Onee-chan!" Called out Kuchinawa, who was dressed in his deep red training outfit. "Welcome home!"
Orochi nodded his head and opened his arms out to her. "Yes, welcome home."
Sheena felt misty eyed, but didn't want to show her tears. They have accepted her back. She was finally home, where she belonged.
"It's…great to home," she quietly answered as she collapsed into Orochi's open arms. "Onii, Kuchinawa, it's great to be home," she choked out through her sobbing.
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In the end, I saw myself standing at the beginning once again. In the end, I realized that nothing has ever changed. Everything was in its right order.
Even to this day, I still keep the last words of my far away friend buried in the depths of my heart.
"Even if you feel as if you can't go on, remember that there is always someone awaiting with open arms, willing to hold you close. "