A/N: Sorry for the delay cause I guess there are people out there who have been waiting for this:(

BUT here you have the next chapter!

And it's kind of a big one cause some things are explained. But it isn't that big on the other hand... I kinda feel that it's worse than the previous ones. By that I mean that the action is not as smooth as before. Let me know in the comment;)

Thank you for your support. Enjoy!

He leaves the kitchen, trying to locate his father. It has been two days and his head is ready to explode after many hours that it took to analyze their last conversation.

The more he tries to understand what kind of man his father is… was, the more clear and predictable his words and reactions get. But it is still difficult to understand someone that you do not know and you have never really known. If it is even possible.

The chance for them to get close to each other was taken away from them too early.

He finds Uchiha Fugaku stretched out on the grass of his mother's beautiful garden. It is a strange sight to see his father in such a relaxed and casual position, but it only confirms some conclusions that he have come to for the past days. He approaches the man abandoning the idea to hide his steps and without a word he lies down next to him, a bit closer than it would be fully comfortable for the both of them. He can see his father sending him a wary glance with the corner of his eye.

"So if the massacre is not your biggest regret, then what is?" he asks plainly, putting his lone arm under his head. He can hear a quiet snort from his right and a sound of a body brushing the grass.

"Sharp, aren't you" his father sighs and when Sasuke looks at him, he can see and uncertain expression on his weary face.

"Last time we spoke I got so focused on the subject that I ignored the first part of our conversation" Sasuke admits. "But… it's not just because I forgot that I couldn't quite understand what you told me. It's still hard to me to understand how you think. I've always thought I knew basic things about you but the more I think about it now, the more clearly I can see I really know nothing about you."

Fugaku does not give him any answer and they lie in silence, letting an unreal breeze dance against their skin. As strange as it may be, it brings smells that Sasuke ignored for the last couple of times. He lets himself focus on them again. A strange irritant smell reaches his nostrils and he frowns slightly trying to identify it.

"Did you smoke?"

His father turns his head to look at him, surprised.

"Where does it come from?"

"It's just the smell. Of cigarettes."

"From time to time. Mostly when I had pressing matters to solve."

"You mean when you were stressed?"

Fugaku smirks and lets out a short laugh, running his fingers through his hair.

"I guess."

"I can remember it from the time before the massacre. But I didn't know what it was back then."

"It certainly wasn't a habit I wanted to pass to you" he says quietly. "It's easy to get addicted. Later it only destroys your lungs and empties your wallet."

"Hn" Sasuke stretches his limbs and focuses on the passing clouds, inhaling the sweet smell of roses. "So why were you doing it?"

"When I was young there was a popular belief that smoking helps relax. And it really did, in a way, so most people smoked. With time it became a part of social life. Everybody knew it's noxious, but it didn't change anything."

"Better than getting drunk, I guess."

"It depends what you wanted from it. And there were more than just these two common options."

"You took drugs? You were the head of the Police Force."

"Not yet. We tried many different things. I'm surprised you didn't."

"Taking drugs is stupid."

"Everything is for people. It's up to you to use it wisely."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this from you… Who are you and what did you do to my father?" he smirks and then realizes that this is exactly what he was thinking about for the last two days. "I really know nothing about you."

"Let's not exaggerate here. We did live under the same roof for eight years."

"Yeah, but… we've never really talked or spent time together. You were always too busy."

"I really wasn't."

Sasuke feels a pang in his chest at these words. He knows he should brace himself to hear more things that will hurt him.

"So… why" he is not sure if he wants to hear it, but at the same time he desperately needs it. So he waits.

"When your brother was born, I served as a jonin captain in the Third Shinobi War. Then Itachi turned one, I was called back to the village. They didn't send me away for a year, but later they did. I had hardly any opportunity to see him and your mother for years. I was coming back every three, four months for a week and then I was being ordered to go back to the front. Later when the war ended, I wanted to make up for my constant absence. I spent a lot of time with your brother… And when you were born I couldn't quite abandon the idea that Itachi had hardly seen me for the first five years of his life."

Sasuke listens intently, unused to getting non-specific answers from his father. It is clear that this subject causes him uneasiness. So Sasuke tries not to interrupt him, fearing that he will lose this rare opportunity to hear his father's honest thoughts.

"It went on like this. You were a toddler. I kept thinking that we will have plenty of time in the future. But before I knew it, you were already seven and almost starting the Academy" he stops for a moment and sighs deeply. "And I did not know how to approach you."

"Just… asking about my day would be enough for a start."

"…"

"So when you taught me the fireball… was it a try?"

"…not quite."

"It wasn't?"

" It was two weeks before the massacre, Sasuke."

"…oh."

So it was…

"You must have been desperate" he mumbles. His voice comes out cold, cold enough to make his own blood freeze in his veins for a moment.

"Sasuke, look…" Fugaku wipes his face with his hand. "If I have known I would die early-"

"You would have done absolutely nothing" Sasuke finishes, slowly sitting up. "Save our time and don't try to deny it. No point anyway."

"Why are you saying something like that? Heavens, we had that conversation earlier…"

"…and back then we didn't come to an agreement on some matters."

"I did not choose Itachi over you, Sasuke. Period."

"You've just told me the exact opposite" he sighs with irritation. "Something about being incoherent."

"That is not what I meant-"

"That is what you told me!" Sasuke yells startling his father for a moment. "You said that you gave him more time than you gave me because you thought that was what you needed to do. What he deserved."

"Does it make you feel better when you put yourself in a role of a victim?"

"Excuse me?"

"Or do you just need to hear over and over again that you two were equally important to me?"

"What I need is you seeing that your 'equal treatment' of the two of us is bullshit. Because you did not treat us equally. We were not equally important to you. You didn't love us equally."

"Enough."

Sasuke is sure that if chakra existed in this strange world they would both pierce each other with a glare of their sharingan eyes. So far he only has to deal with two black eyes that look at him with clear anger. They are impressive and dangerous in their own way.

"If it my words don't get to you I can only hope that you will understand in time that you are wrong" Fugaku says sharply. "And now I suggest we drop this topic. It is not my intention to have another argument with you."

"What is your intention?" Sasuke raises an eyebrow. "Because to me, it seems that you want to show me just how wrong I am about everything."

"I wish I could."

"It's a bit late to nurture me."

"I am still your father."

"I don't need your opinion to formulate my own. Keep that in mind."

"You need to understand the situation before you make a judgement."

"Funny, hearing this from you."

The glare he receives for an answer makes him still for a short moment. But he is not going to admit that he is vulnerable to it. He is not eight anymore.

"Make such a remark one more time and this conversation will be over."

"Whatever. I'm leaving anyway" he stands up and jumps on the porch not offering his father a single glance.

"Don't even think about making one more step."

He stops against himself with his fist clenched on his side. A hand lands on his arm and he is tuned around to face his father.

"You're acting like a brat" Fugaku pokes him with his finger. "Do you really believe that we will be able to talk when you're getting moody every five minutes?"

Anger rises much too quickly for Sasuke's liking. He considers pushing it back to his guts…

But for what?

"Moody?" he almost spits out. "I am getting moody? Stop treating me like a child! This conversation goes like this only because you don't treat me seriously!"

"You are a child."

"No, not ever since I've found your warm, bleeding corpse on the floor! You think you have the right to tell me what I can or can't do. You DON'T. As long as you try to patronize me, our conversations WILL look like this."

"You want me to treat you as my equal? I will not. You are my son, you're hardly seventeen and we are not on even grounds here" Fugaku utters through clenched teeth.

"It's nothing more but an excuse to state the rules of our conversation. You want to push your viewpoint because it's convenient to you when I play along. You can't accept that you don't control what is happening here. And we are equal" he adds louder. "If you wish to continue talking to me, you will respect that I have my own opinion about things."

"Your opinion is wrong because you don't take all the facts into account when you make a judgement!"

"What makes you think that you do? Because to me, you clearly don't. I've come here today after hours of thinking about what is happening in this place, I'm trying to understand you but you know what, I'm starting to wonder just why should I when you don't break a sweat to understand me?!"

His father does not open his mouth to give any answer apart from piercing him with a furious glare. Sasuke makes a step back feeling how anger overcomes him. His self-control is ultimately slipping away.

"When you said that some of your regrets concerned me, I thought that maybe it finally occurred to you that all my life I felt not good enough to be called an Uchiha because my own father never really acknowledged any of my efforts to prove myself worthy of this name. My whole life was an endless attempt to meet your impossible expectations to be a shinobi of Itachi's level. There was nobody to tell me it was impossible. So if you don't regret leaving my self-esteem in pieces when you died, if you don't regret that I hardly have any good memories of you because we never spent time together and you have the guts to tell me that you considered my elder brother to be more worthy of your attention, AND if you don't CARE that my life was shit because you happily died when I was eight, then I have absolutely NO IDEA what your regrets are, but I can freely say that they have nothing to do with me!"

Is it possible to cry in this strange universe…? Because Sasuke can clearly feel a tear running down his cheek when he punches the doorframe with his lone fist. His father's eyes are unreadable and focused on his son who is breathing heavily in front of him.

An ugly ceiling of an inn looms from behind his tears. He sits up and throws the first thing he catches to the wall, letting out a frustrated cry. He falls back to the bed and covers his eyes with his hand. He pulls the blanket over his head.

Enough. He cannot take anything more.

The next night, he drags one leg after another to the porch. Curled up at the edge he hides his head in his arms, listening to the silence.

A lot of time passes until he hears the sound of steps for the first time. They are near. The wooden floor of the porch cracks when Sasuke registers an arm rubbing against his shoulder. It's warm, as strange as it may be.

He does not look up at him. He cannot bring himself to.

"It is not out of malice that I am not telling you some things, Sasuke" he hears his father speaking softly on his left. "I just know that what I would tell you is not what you expect or want to hear from me."

Sasuke does not respond in any way. He only looks up to the garden.

"I will not say that I know how you are like despite how much I would like to. But from what I can say about you now… You may not know it, but it takes a lot of effort to talk to you. I think about almost every word that leaves my mouth because I do not want to build walls between us. I have some things to tell you but our views on many… crucial things differ and we both struggle with accepting this."

"So what if it's not what I want to hear it. Why would you care. And how do you even want us to come to an agreement if you keep these crucial things to yourself."

"We are not discussing any business here. We have met after years apart. I hope to catch up rather than debate which one of us is more right."

"What is catching up to you?"

"I guess… I just want to know how you are these days."

"It's hard to catch up when my every action is put under your judgement."

"I can see it's hard. That's exactly why I restrain myself from telling you some things."

"You don't want to hurt my feelings?" Sasuke looks at him with utter distaste. "What do you think I am, some-"

"I do not want to give us more reason to fight" he interrupts.

"Because?"

"Because you are my son and I don't want to argue with you. Although it seems that it is not much of a problem to you."

"Because unlike to you it's not just catching up to me. The moment you made me reveal that I deserted Konoha it became a battlefield of opinions. When you tell me all the time that I'm wrong about this, I'm wrong about that, I should think this or that, how do you want me not to challenge you?"

"I am not going to force you to change your opinion. I merely present you another one."

"Which you think is right."

"Which I think is more objective."

"I don't need you to be objective. There's no such thing as an objective opinion about anything. No one is able to be ultimately objective. Especially not when they did not see something they judge with their own eyes."

"People judge everything and everybody. You cannot expect not to be judged after what you did."

"You aren't people, you are my father. That's the reason I fight back every time you claim I'm a stupid ungrateful brat. I wouldn't bother if it was a nobody."

"And that you fight back is the reason I keep some things to myself."

"It's problematic because I am trying to understand you. I can't if you refuse to reveal what you think. And I would like you to finally acknowledge that I'm seventeen and you don't need to protect my feelings from being hurt" he sends him a scowl, sitting cross-legged.

"Sasuke, I am not doing this because I consider you weak."

"And what is so hurtful that you can't bring yourself to tell me?"

"Leave this sarcasm out of this conversation" Fugaku sighs with irritation.

"Tell me."

"I won't."

"Why not?"

"Because you make a challenge out of everything where there is none. And because I don't want to fight with you."

"Is it impossible to you to understand that I want to know what you think and I don't care whether it hurts me or not?" he presses. He can clearly see his father having a battle with himself.

"…not any more impossible to me than to you understanding that I don't want you to be hurting because of something I say."

"You hurt my feelings many times by now anyway, so why bother?"

"Sasuke I swear, one sarcastic comment more-"

"Tell me."

"…"

"What do you regret the most?"

"Regret?"

"I've thought I know. But I don't. So tell me."

"..."

"I am waiting."

"…"

"…"

"…are you sure you want to hear this?" his father asks after moments of hesitation.

"Yes, I am."

"I am not."

"Noted."

"…I regret that preserving peace in Konoha asked for your brother being the executioner. That when there was still time to save him, I didn't manage to find a way to spare him. I am not proud of myself as a clanleader, I did let my people die. But what I regret the most is that I used your brother to fulfill my dying wishes about our clan being remembered as a honorable one. I didn't protect Itachi when I should have. When I could. His life was wasted because I was too incompetent to deal with my own problem, which was my clan plotting against the Hokage. I died knowing that I leave him to live a hopeless life of someone who blames himself for the failures and wrongdoings that he incorrectly considered his own. Not to mention that I did not make his life easy when he was little, either."

Sasuke looks at him unable to utter a single word. He only blinks under an uncertain glance of his father's black eyes.

"That was what I meant when I told you that you look at the massacre from the wrong perspective. The main problem was not that it happened. It was how it happened. I sacrificed Itachi to reach my goals. It does not matter whether they were noble or not."

"…"

"I did not want you to hear this because… I can clearly see that you despise your brother. And with you stubbornly thinking that he was more important to me than you were, I wished to avoid another confrontation."

"No, that's not what you tried to avoid."

"It-"

"It isn't" he looks back at the roses, clenching his teeth. "You were more worried about what it implies."

Silence takes over them for a couple of uncomfortable minutes. His father leans against a wooden pillar with an unreadable expression on his face when he on the other hand tries to take control over his racing emotions.

What he has just heard hurt. But not as much as the meaning hidden behind his father's words.

Still… hearing it was worth it even despite the pain it brought.

Right?

"You can't forgive me that I destroyed it all" he almost whispers not sure how much longer he can keep his voice steady. "You manipulated Itachi and made him think that he had to fight for the old ideals. You deprived him of any happiness he could still experience in his life in the future for the sake of honor of the Uchiha clan. You went against something you considered right and wasted Itachi on that. And for nothing because I destroyed your perfect plan. I betrayed the village and wasted the effort of the both of you. I made it more difficult to Itachi than it already was. Here, the mystery explained. End of the discussion" he pulls his legs back to his chest and bites his tongue hard.

It takes his father a long moment before he finally decides to open his mouth.

"As I said another time… I do not condemn you for what you did."

"And who are you trying to fool right now?"

"Listen-"

"It's a matter of definition what condemn means. You don't renounce me as your son. I think it's a bit more accurate. As well as I know that you're pissed with me. You left this world assured that you know what was going to happen. But no, it did not. And that's because your other son messed your set up plan up and he's not even sorry. He claims that he was the victim when to you he clearly wasn't. Itachi was the victim. If I was anybody else I would probably experience eternal tortures in your tsukuyoumi by now after I made him suffer even more than he already had to because of your decisions. So don't try to convince me that you don't condemn me, because you do."

Mystery explained.

So… this is it. Now he knows what his father thinks of him. He finally understands what was happening here during all their meetings.

And he wishes he knew sooner. Maybe then he would not feel as a complete fool. He thought he analyzed everything meticulously, but no. He overlooked the crucial parts of their earlier encounters. He did not pay much attention to his father's words about wasting Itachi's efforts earlier. They got lost in an ocean of another ones that seemed much more important. Ones that... concerned him. If even a little.

Idiot.

That or… he is wrong again. He wishes he is.

"Sasuke…" his father says, a tone of an ultimate patience in his voice. "Do not say that you know what I think because you cannot know how exactly I feel about this whole mess."

"Then enlighten me so I don't have to make assumptions."

They look at each other, Sasuke with anticipation and Fugaku uneasy under his son's expectant glance. He runs his fingers though his hair and looks elsewhere, swallowing.

"Fine. I am angry with you much more than I would like to admit… or than I would like to be. You did waste the sacrifices your brother made. And if you were anybody else, my patience would run out long ago and you would… pay for this."

"…but?"

"…"

"…?"

"I don't think there are any buts here."

Oh. There aren't.

There aren't.

"Though I wish there were some."

"…"

"Sasuke?"

"Fine, you were right."

"What about?"

"It hurts like fucking shit" he stands up and walks slowly around the garden, trying to calm down. He is not going to burst into tears in front of his father.

He stops at the edge of the pond where colorful fish used to swim in their real house. The only thing he can see now is his reflection dancing on the surface.

"Why do you talk to me at all then?" he asks before he can consider the words that leave his mouth.

"Because you are my son."

"So what."

"A lot. And because as unclear as it may still seem to you, I do realize that Itachi's lie played a role in this mess."

"But it's still more my fault than his. You don't blame him."

"…no, I don't."

"Why?"

"Because he had to somehow set you on the right path."

"What is the right path?"

"He had to help you understand that you should preserve the honor of the Uchiha clan."

"He set me on the path of revenge, treason and fratricide. I never would have chosen such a shitty path on my own."

"I am not sure if you wouldn't have. These were your own choices."

"He literally told me to kill him!"

"He did not force you to do this."

He can see his jaw trembling for a short moment. Or maybe it is just a weak breeze against the surface.

He DIDN'T FORCE HIM?

"You don't have the slightest idea what you are saying" he says through clenched teeth. "How can you even- You- Fuck, it's hopeless, why do I even still try!" he crouches on the grass and pulls his hair with his lone hand. He tries to take deep breaths to calm his nerves…

But it's so damn HARD.

"How dare you tell me that it was my choice. That he didn't force me to do anything. How DARE you-"

"Sasuke, enough. I told you I didn't want to tell you these things because you will suffer. We've already had a part of this conversation before. Let's leave it here and not go any further, there is no point in drowning in it any longer."

"Fuck, there is a further…"

"Stop."

"How, just how can you be so inconsequent?! How can you not see that Itachi is here to blame too?!"

"Sasuke, end of the subject-"

"You will not fucking tell me when I can or cannot end the subject!" he stands up abruptly and stops only inches from his father. "I will keep it just as long as I like and I will drag you into it JUST AS LONG AS I LIKE because you are WRONG and UNFAIR and ILLOGICAL and you still dare to DENY IT when it couldn't be more obvious!"

Fugaku looks at him with his mouth slightly open in unspoken shock when Sasuke holds the fabric of his robe in his fist and pierces him with a dreadful glare.

"Sasuke…" he says quietly, taking his cloth out of his fist. "Enough. Calm down. It's going too far."

"Oh, so you really want to stop this now?"

"Yes, I do."

"So be it. But don't you ever" he pokes him on the chest " try to say that you didn't choose him over me. Not ever again."

"Sasu—"

"Don't you DARE."

His father watches him warily for a couple of seconds before he looks away and sighs deeply. He takes one step back as if to increase the distance between them.

"I'm leaving" Sasuke spats out, searching for a nerve on his neck. "I hope this is the last time we see each other. I fail to see any unfinished business between us anymore."

He presses and a second later he jumps out of bed. He bursts into a small bathroom and turns on the water. His hot skin pinches from the contact with the cold liquid when he raises his eyes and meets his reflection in the mirror.

Two eyes, one purple and another black-red glance at him with fury that makes him freeze.

Here he stands. An excuse of a man. A traitor. A fratricide. A loser.

Is that who he is? Is there really nothing left from a human he once were? That even his own father can write him off to save his firstborn's name?

The mirror shatters from the impact with his lone fist and falls to the stone floor in pieces.

I tried not to repeat too many subjects, but Sasuke and Fugaku NEED to come to an understanding about these two things: Fugaku taking Itachi's side and him understanding and accepting that sure, Sasuke is to blame, but Itachi is as well. Of course Sasuke being very sensitive isn't helping at all. But they need to talk. And hear what the other side really think.

...or am I lost in my own story?

I guess both.

Yeah, Sasuke acts like an immature, hasty brat. But really, he at least tries to consider another viewpoint.

I trully think that the key to understanding another person is to know what they think. But unless they don't tell us what they think, how are we supposed to know? I strongly support proper communication!