"Luna? Are you awake?"

The silent bedroom was filled with Luan's gentle voice. Luna did not give any signs of life. Luan opened the door further and entered their shared bedroom, holding a plate.

"I brought you some breakfast."

Luna hadn't come down to eat breakfast with the rest of the Loud family. Noting her absence, Luan made her a full English breakfast — Luna's favourite — arranged to look like a happy smiley face. As Luan looked on to the bunched up pile of covers, however, she expected that the smiling breakfast items did not resemble Luna's face right now. As a matter of fact, neither did her own. Behind her half-hearted attempt to smile broke the sadness of the lips that remembered Lincoln's kiss on the beach. She could feel the negative imprint of her brother's lips still burning on her face, like the mark of Cain.

Luan felt guilty. She reckoned that Luna must have seen the kiss, after all, they were out in the open when it happened. It made sense that Luna wants to avoid her, she thought, but she cannot stand idly by. She does not want this distance between herself and her sister. They're roommates, they should be close, right? Luan thought back at what Lincoln had told her at the beach. Was her family really falling apart? The thought made her heart sink, but she resolved to keep her spirit high. She had to act, apologise, ameliorate, cheer up - somehow. She had to. She did not want to be the rock that crushed her family in her nightmares. She did not want to lose Luna as her sister. She needed to help her lift her burdens — even if that burden was her.

Luan sat down on her sister's bed, gently cushioning herself near the mound where the blankets betray the position of her sister's feet. Even in the dark — for Luan had not turned the lights on so as to not startle her sister — she could tell from the outlines that Luna produced in her comforter that she was tightly clenched in a foetal position. She had pressed herself as far against the wall as possible, her head resting only on the very corner of her pillow. Luan swallowed thickly, and took some time to find the right words. She stares at the smile-shaped breakfast plate in her hands, as if to speak to it.

"Hey, Luna, I know you can hear me." She said it quietly, her voice so at the cusp of breaking that you could mistake it's sound for a whine. "I understand if you don't want to talk right now. I just want you to know... That I'm sorry. I'm sorry about what you're going through. I'm sorry that you're hurting." As Luan imagined what Luna was going through, it awoke pangs inside herself. Her voice increased in volume through resolve and earnestness. "But you're not alone, Luna. You never have to be alone. We're here for you. I'm here for you. Always. If you would just let me, I would show you..." Luan had wanted to add that she loved her, but couldn't bring herself to. She was afraid she would out herself somehow, although she couldn't wrap her head around exactly what she had to expose.

Luan turned her head to stare. She couldn't gage Luna's reaction from the silhouette in the blanket. Luna didn't make a sound, and she didn't move a muscle. She might as well be talking to a statue.

"Luna, I'm sorry." Luan whispered, as if the words could physically reach her sister's bed and console her. "Please, talk to me."

Luna did not talk. A long silence followed. Too long. So long that Luan felt the need to fill up the silence with something, but Luan knew that if she started talking now, that she couldn't control what she would say in her desperation. Luan gave up on the hope that Luna would respond to her, and she also understood why she didn't. She imagined that she wouldn't either, had the roles were reversed. Luan placed the breakfast tray for her sister on the floor next to her bed. The smiling breakfast now seemed to taunt her. She crept out of the room, dejected.

As she places her first step out of the door, Luan hears a quiet, muffled voice emanate from behind the back that was turned to her.

"I don't... know..."

It was Luna's voice, but devoid of her usual attitude. Her voice sounded small and sad now, and it gave in before she could continue. Luan could just barely make out what Luna had said. She was confused by the message, wholly unsure about what part of her speech she was responding to, but she was ultimately relieved that Luna spoke to her. She stopped dead in her tracks and keenly turned towards her, a sprinkle of hope carefully entering her.

"What don't you know, Luna?"

There was another long silence. Luna inaudibly winced throughout. When it subsided, she drew a deep, shaky breath, and spoke again.

"What to do."

She sounded tired. She was tired. Luna was at the end of her wit, and that was unmissable audible through her crackling voice, skipping more than a scratched up vinyl record. Her shaky breathing and wincing betrayed that she had been crying — a lot. She had been holding back her sadness since Luan entered the room, but exhaustion made her betray it in the end. That is what Luan realised in that split second after she finished speaking, and it made Luan feel deeply sorry for her sister.

"Oh, Luna..." Luan's heart broke, but she quickly willed herself to speak with soft consolation. She slowly reapproached her sister's bed. "It's... It's okay not to know. We'll figure it out. We always do."

Luna stopped restraining herself, and she allowed more sad sobs to be heard, but kept her back turned to Luan. She sharply inhaled through her nose in a failed attempt to clear it. After crying for so long, her tears have nowhere left to drain to. Luna cried her pathetic, drained cries. Every certainty, every joy she once harboured had long seeped out along with her mucus and tears. She was shaking. She was coughing. She inhaled clumsily and winced painfully. All the emotions she had always successfully willed away had at once reappeared. It took some sobbing before she could find the energy to speak again.

"Luan," Luna started.

"Yeah?"

Luna paused before continuing her question.

"Have you every wanted someone so badly — that it hurt?"

The question rends Luan's tender heart. Not only because she understands her despair, but doubly so because she is keenly aware of her own part in it all. It would have been a perfect innocuous questions if the circumstances were different. If the desire in their family wasn't projected within the family. The question echoed a feeling - one secretly harboured - that Luan shared with her, a feeling she never dared to vocalise, even within her own mind. Her answer fell out of her mouth before she could properly process what it meant.

"Yes — Yes." The first yes came quick, the second yes came slow.

Silence. Luna subdued her sobbing, Listening. Eventually, the silence breaks with a soft sob. tears start welling in Luan's eyes.

"I, I get it, Luna. I do," Luan stammers emphatically. "There is one person that I have wanted more than anyone—" Luan clumsily takes a breath before continuing. "Someone that gives me hope, and validation. Someone I can talk to." She sobs a smile, shakes her head at herself and turns to the ceiling for answers. The ceiling won't give her any. Luan can't face Luna as she professes this, so she clenches her eyelids shut, squeezing tears from her eyes like a twist in a wet cloth. "This... person... They are the reason I want to keep trying, despite everything. They makes it worth all the trouble and pain I get myself in. They brighten my day, every day, and make life worth living." A realisation forces Luan's eyes open, and she concludes to the floor: "It's the only thing that makes my life worth living."

Tears drop silently from Luan's staring gaze. She thinks, then starts to whimper. "So — if I can't have her..."

Luan is interrupted. She hadn't noticed that Luna had shuffled out from under her blankets. She sat on her knees beside Luan. Her hands were on Luan's shoulders now, forcing her to face her sister. With eyes still opened wide, Luan could see Luna's piercing eyes looking back at her. The stare in her eyes was no longer into a void, but lead straight to her soul. Luna's look was strained now, as she herself strained to hold on to something, as if dangling from a cliff of despair. Luan returned her gaze like a bewildered woman who just reunited with a lost twin, separated from her at birth. So much was the same, and so much was different. The same tincture of unknown and familiar resonated throughout her tears. In that very moment — that split second in which they saw each other — the sisters truly connected. It was a connection forged so deeply that it seemed nothing could ever sever it.

Speechless, they hugged. No one initiated it, but it happened. Both pulled the other close against themselves. The embrace seemed to calm Luna's sobs, and dry Luan's tears. The hug lasted an eternity and an eternity more, as their hearts leaked into each other, understanding and love diffusing back and forth between them.

The hug stopped.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Luna inquired in a poor attempt at matter-of-factlyness.

"I asked mom to call me in sick."

"Why?"

"So I could look after you." Luan cracked a smile.

At her answer, Luna started to sob again. "Oh, Luan..." She reached pressed her palms into Luan's.

"Hey, Luna, it's time to turn those frowns upside-down. We have the house to ourselves, so we can talk it all out. Freely, and in private. With all the screaming that is necessary."

Luna slowly released the embrace, and wiped some tears off of her cheeks. She kneeled uncomfortably on her comforter, but did not adjust her knees. She took a couple of big breaths, giving her lungs their first repose in hours.

Luan saw Luna stare at her with an unfamiliar expression — a sort of half-wince in half-relief.

"Luan... Remember the other day, when you asked if — if there was something with Lincoln?"

Luan did remember. Her eyebrows immediately traced the lines of guilt that had canalized that day. She had pried, overreached, and thought ill of Lincoln. She thought more ill of him now - but those were not the only thoughts.

"Yeah."

"Well, there is something... with Lincoln."

Both sisters shifted in their place. Luan wanted to lie that she had no idea, that it had been an accident, that it was a misunderstanding. She wanted to tell her she had seen wrong — that she hadn't kissed Lincoln. But her face betrayed that she had. Her face was covered in guilt. She said nothing.

Luna stammered single-word introductions to sentences she would never finish. I. Lincoln. We. Well. Luan, knowing what she was trying to same, joined in doing the same. Together they stammered in total misunderstanding. As connected as they were before, so disconnected they were now.

She said it. Eventually, she blurted it out. She told Luan that she loved Lincoln. Love love. It was out in the world now, and she could no longer pretend it wasn't so. She felt embarrassed. But most of all, she felt heard. She felt relieved. And then, she felt sad. Then jealousy, anger, regret, despair — whether one after the other or all at once, she did not know.

"I never thought... Another Loud..."

Luan was crushed by her sister's despair, but immobilized by her guilt. She thought about her kiss with Lincoln on the beach. Another Loud. She knows.

"It was a mistake," Luan said, desperately.

"I know it was a mistake! But I can't forget. I can never forget."

"Please, Luna. It means nothing."

"Nothing? It means everything, Luan. Alright? Don't you think I'd like to forget? But — I feel jealous, Luan! I... Isn't that fucked up?" Luna slumps down, and leans her head against Luan's shoulder. "Ugh, I just — I feel so powerless. It's not like I can talk to him about expectations and boundaries, he's my brother for fuck's sake. I can't expect him to treat me as his girlfriend."

Jealousy forced a question out of Luan. "Would you want him to?"

"No — Yes. I... I don't know..." Luna laid flat, and pressed her face into her sister's thighs. "I just want him to myself."

Luan felt Luna's calm breaths on her legs. Having Luna's face so close to erogenous zones did not leave her unperturbed. Her heart beats a little faster, her cheeks turn a little warmer. She gazes tenderly at her morose sister seeking comfort in her lap. Her eyes were closed and she seems at some semblance of rest — finally. Luan softly stroked her hair in comfort. For a moment, they sat in this idyll.

Luan almost felt happy. Almost. It almost felt right, but her guilt still weighed her down like an anchor. Luna had opened up to her, truly opened up, but Luan still had her heart closed. She teared up in resolve and earnestness.

"Oh Luna... I never should have let him kiss me."

—

"—What?"

In an instant, Luna's tone and demeanour changed. She shot up. Luna acquired a new look in her eyes that was frightening to Luan. Her pupils seemed to brew a storm. She turned from little red riding hood to big bad wolf in less than a second.

"You — kissed!?"

Luna grabbed Luan by her collar.

"I — I thought you saw us on the beach. I thought that was why you—"

Luna cut off Luan with an angry roar. She pushed Luan forward and off the bed. Luan had to brace herself for balance, and knocked the smiling breakfast off the bedside table with a loud clang. The smiles she had made were no more.

"Oh, I'm starting to see the picture, little sis." She continued to push Luan. Her voice was full of contempt. "You understand me so freaking well because you're in love with him too, aren't you? Huh? Are you trying to sleep with him too? Trying to take him from me? Just like Leni?" As Luna yelled at Luan, she towered over her. Luan cowered underneath her, throwing her off-balance and forcing her to walk backwards through their bedroom.

"What? No! Leni!? What are you—" Luan pleaded as there was no more room behind her to take steps. Her calf bumped into her own bedpost, and then, unable to correct her balance, she fell on her bed. Luan wanted to scream for help, but they were home alone. No one would come to save her. "Luna, no! Lincoln's not the one I want! Please!"

Luna imposingly climbed on top of Luan. "Who then? Huh?" She looked ready to rip Luan's head off. "Who is this person you care so fucking much about?" Luna never loosened her grip on Luan's collar. In her rage she had twisted it so far so Luan was having trouble breathing. Luan went limp with fear, meekly grasping at her sister's arm.

"Luna, you're hurting me!" Her voice was small, and broke off from a lack of breath.

Luna's clenched fist and the seams of Luan's collar were pressing and cutting into her neck.

"Tell me!" Luna demanded.

Luan's eyebrows turned up all the way in complete helplessness and submission. There had never been a lamb that looked meeker.

"I— it—"

"Who is it!?"

"It's you!" Still breathless, Luan blurted out her confession as fast as she could, as if she was ripping off a Band-Aid.

Luna loosened her grip of Luan, but did not stir. Luan gasped for air and sputtered, tracing red lines in her neck with her gentle fingers. She immediately regrets confessing — she would have preferred to have been choked out.

"Damn it, Luna, it's you, alright!?" Luan started to sob. "I just... I just wanted to love you. I wanted us to be close. I never wanted..." Luan's sobs made it difficult for her to speak, and her voice became high-pitched and weak — even weaker than it had been while being choked. Emotions started to force themselves out of Luan's mouth as short yelps.

Luna waits long with responding. She finally asks Luan, simply, "why?" Her eyes glared incredulously, and she continued in a sardonic tone. "Why would you love someone as spiteful and unhinged as me?"

"Because I understand you, Luna! You live intensely because you feel intensely. But I'm your sister, I feel intensely too! I—" Luan wiped some tears away before continuing. She wasn't looking at Luna, she miserably barked her explanation at her while avoiding Luna's eyes as if they were sniper fire. "I have to release tension with jokes just to make life bearable. And to be able to make jokes, I need pleasure. Intimate pleasure. A pleasure that I can only attain through my fantasies. And when I have those fantasies, I... Damn it, I always thought I wasn't imagining anyone in particular. But now I know — that while I'm doing that — I'm always thinking about you. About you and how you are the only other person who could possibly know what I'm feeling." Luan shuddered, and embraced herself. She diverted her eyes towards the floor in defeat. "But you are so distant to me... And I just... I wish we could be... closer."

A silence fell. Luan closed her eyes tightly, and finally recapitulated. "I love you."

Luan held herself still for what felt like eternity. She didn't want to look at Luna — she didn't want to see her reaction. Her rejection. Luna had forced this confession out of her, but she knew it would only drive them further apart. It would forever make things awkward between them. She would hate her for it. Luan tensed up, ready to bear the consequences of her actions. She would undergo Luna's anger, however physical it would get. She anticipated to be hit, hard, in a place where it would hurt. Her body contorted accordingly, only interrupted by weak convulsions of misery.

When, eventually, Luna did make contact, it wasn't initially painful. Luna had placed her hand on Luan's cheek as expected, but unexpectedly gentle. Her head was forced to turn. Luan tried to resist, snivelling and looking away, but Luna forced her to face her. When Luan gave in and opened her eyes, she saw into Luna's eyes again. Very briefly, she saw the tears that had welled in her eyes. They were not of anger. They were much softer, less intelligible tears. She did not get a chance to inspect them further, as Luna soon after moved her head towards Luan in what she first assumed would be a head-butt. But it wasn't. With as much surprise as a human body could possibly muster, she felt Luna's morose lips press against her own. The tension in her body quickly melted away, but she continued to convulse with a mixture of residual sobs and newfound, complete shock. However, despite her disbelief, she felt herself kissing Luna back. Luna had given her an inch of the closeness she so craved, and now her body swooped in to take a foot. Each press of lip pushed back against the other's, both a fight and a dance, like capoeira. Luan stopped embracing herself and now moved to embraced her sister. She wanted her closer. Luna stopped towering over Luan, arched her back and delved into Luan at a more submissive angle — though still sitting atop her. Luan felt somehow composed, despite her immense bliss. Luna's lips were much softer than Lincoln's, and she could not stop kissing them. She did not want to. They tasted vaguely of chocolate, and she felt them pressed against her with the same energy with which she pressed her electric toothbrush against herself

At once, Luna tore off her t-shirt. Also at once, she was naked, as that was the only item of clothing she was wearing. Their kissing got more intense. So intense that Luna's lips started to bruise against the metal of Luan's braces, but she didn't slow down one bit. This was everything Luan imagined a kiss would be like and infinitely more. Intermittently, Luna started to emit moans. They were the same moans Luan had heard from her camera, but now she needn't hear them through garbled, cheap speakers. She could relish in them in their true form, and with the knowledge that they were made for her. Because of her. Because deep down, they felt the same. They were two sides of a Sapphic coin, craving a closeness beyond reason. And as they flipped, they could no longer make heads or tails of themselves — yet, they were getting both.