WE welcome you to the second chapter of Advance Wars: Insanity! This is the first musical chapter, based on the episode of Futurama of when Bender goes to Hell. People speak in different fonts, so here they are, along with the roles they play.
Von Bolt: Bender
Sturm: Devil
Kindle: Leela
Koal: Fry
Other People
WE don't own Advance Wars, but Andy gave US his favorite wrench. (WE also don't own Futurama.)
Chapter 2
Von Bolt Goes to Hell
(In hell)
Crud. I can't believe I'm in hell. All I did was try to gain immortality. But on the plus side, I don't need life support.
Oh, you did much more bad things in your youth.
STURM? You're the devil?
No, I'm just filling in while he decides whether or not Hawke and I are dead. Anyway…
(Music)
Bah, crap, singing. Mind if I smoke?
(Song starts)
Cigars are evil, you won't miss'm, we'll find ways to simulate that smell.
What a sorry fella, rolled up and smoked like a garn a jella,
Here on level 1 of CO hell.
(Elevator appears, Sturm pushes Von Bolt in, goes down, stops, gets out)
Gambling wrong and so is cheating, so is forging phony IOUs.
Let's let Lady Luck decide, what kind of torments justified on pit force here on level 2!
(Wheel of Fortune appears, with various torments on it. Sturm spins it, it stops)
Ooh, Deep Fried CO.
Just tell me why.
Check Section 55, page 1.
There must be COs worse than I.
We've checked around, there really aren't.
Well just let me explain my quantity of boyish pranks.
You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks!
Hey don't blame me, blame my upbringing!
Please stop spiting while I'm singing.
(Pushes Von Bolt into elevator again, goes farther down, stops get off)
Selling bootleg tapes is wrong; musicians need that income to survive.
(The something boys show up. I forget which bad band it was from the show. I only remember they suck.)
Hey Von Bolt, gonna make some noise!
Put yo life-support down for the (something) boys!
(Bad music play)
That's what you, what you, what you get on Level 5!
(At the entrance of hell)
Idon't feel well.
It's up to us to rescue him.
Maybe he likes it here in hell.
It's too intense for him to stand.
He could be back at the motel.
Come on, Koal don't be scared,
I'm sure at least one of us will be spared,
So just sit back, enjoy the ride.
My ass has blisters from the slide!
(Back at hell, Von bolt is spiraling down a pit, Sturm singing from sides)
Fencing diamonds, fixing cock fights, publishing indecent magazines,
You'll pay for every crime, knee deep in electric slime.
You'll suffer 'til the end of time. Enduring torments, most of which rhyme,
Trapped forever, here in CO hell!
(End)
Well, what did you think? WE just want you to know, that incase this was a let-down for you, don't worry. There will be more Von Bolt-In-Hell chapters, and most of them are original. Anyway, WE want a few more reviews, and more hits. No flames, or we'll still do stuff to you.