WE welcome you to the 3rd chapter of Advance Wars: Insanity! This is my first original idea, but it's been used a lot of times. WE do not own Advance Wars, but Jess gave US a spare tank!
Chapter 3
Eagle and Drake in: Shipwrecked.
Drake and Eagle are out in the ocean on a Lander with 2 completely random Green Earth solider. "I don't know…" Eagle said "I still think we should've taken an air unit." "Relax, will ya, Eagle?" Drake responded in a laid back tone. "This baby is real reliable. She'll get us to HQ." Suddenly, the engine started sputtering like it does in cartoons and the boat completely stops. "Boss!" the first random solider yelled "The engine stopped working. We're stranded!" "I hate you…" Eagle hissed.
Much later (Yes, WE'RE not being specific. Deal with it!), we see Drake and Eagle on opposite sides of the ship, each with one of the random soldiers. Drake has a full grown beard, Eagle has 5'o clock shadow, and the soldiers look like they really, really need a shower. "Ok, here's the plan." Eagle said to the solider. "We wait until the two are asleep, we kill them, and we eat Drake. All that fat will keep us full for days!" The solider then just laughed maniacally. Meanwhile, on the other side… "His name's Eagle, right boss?" said the second random solider. "That may mean he tastes like chicken!" "Good idea, solider! I say we keel haul him, cook him over a fire, and serve him with a side 'o onion rings!" "Can't it be French fries, sir?" the solider asked. "Whatever!" Drake responded.
Later that night, all four of the guys pretended to be asleep. Eagle then slowly snuck up on Drake with his gun ready, but then, as he saw Drake's face… "A dummy? It's an ambush! Hit the deck!" Eagle yelled, as Drake and random solider #2 began firing at Eagle and RS#1. The two began firing at each other, but eventually ran out of bullets, so they had to resort to verbal attacks.
"Maybe if we took an air unit like I wanted…" Eagle barked "We'd be sitting at the bottom of the sea!" Drake interrupted. "Oh, yeah? Well, just what happened to our food, anyway?" Eagle asked. "It was delicious, that's what happened!" Drake responded. "You little fatass! Maybe we wouldn't be so hungry if you weren't the lord of the Pigs!" Eagle screamed. "And maybe you would've gotten some food if you weren't so busy crying in a fettle position." "Ooh…" the two solider said, as they decided to join in. "Maybe if you put more than $2 worth of gas is the tank, we'd be at HQ!" The first one yelled. "What?" Drake barked to RS2 "Uh…well maybe if you didn't use the spare parts for football practice, we'd have fixed the ship long ago!" The second solider retaliated. "What?" Eagle screeched. "Uh…maybe if your mama wasn't so fat, we'd be at HQ!" the first guy yelled "Um…what does that have to do with this?" Eagle asked. "Oh, you wanna start with 'Yo mama jokes'? Here goes! Yo mama's so fat, that she's been classified as the 10th planet." "Yo mama's so fat, that her belly button has an echo!" "Yo mama's so fat, that every time she steps, there's an earthquake." "Oh, yeah? Well your mama's so dumb, she understands this joke!" "Ooh!" Eagle and Drake said in awe. "Oh no you didn't! No you didn't!" RS1 yelled, as he and RS2 got into a fierce fist fight. Eagle and Drake sat and watched the fight, with Eagle eating popcorn that came out of nowhere. "5 bucks on the first guy" Eagle said. "I got my cash on RS2. RS1 lost to RS87." Drake said. "D'oh! I just lost $5!" Eagle complained. "Hey, where did I get this popcorn?" he asked as the popcorn disappeared in a cloud of logic.
After RS2 beat the shit out of RS1, Jess and Javier come on another Lander. "It's about time!" Eagle yelled. "Do you know how long we've been here?" "Yeah. About 5 hours." Jess said, as they left.
But many questions were left unanswered. How did the ship break down? Why did RS1 start making "Yo mama" jokes? How did Eagle get 5'o clock shadow and Drake grow a beard in only 5 hours? Where did Eagle get the popcorn? These are questions that can only be asked in… the Advance Wars Zone! (Twilight Zone Music)
Well, what did you think? A little anticlimactic, but hilarious. Anyway, WE still want more reviews, but WE'LL still do stuff to people who send flames. So, uh…(Crap, I forgot my line)…uh…Advance Wars Rules!