Oookay, now, this chapter is a teensy bit depressing, so just try to listen to some happy music, or something well you're reading it...

Chapter 3

Cold Laughter

I started to walk, not even looking where I was going. It didn't really matter where I went, anywhere would be better than here, anywhere at all. They want me to kill him, I thought numbly. They want me to kill father and I agreed to do it... what will it be like, planning my father's murder? What will it be like, standing over him, holding the wand and then... and then... I shuddered. I couldn't even think about it, so how would I possibly be able to do it? Maybe there's still a way to get out of it... maybe we could... could fake his death... or...

"No," I told myself angrily. There were no maybes, no possible alternatives. I stopped moving and forced myself to speak the reality my mind was desperately trying to avoid:

"I am going to kill my father," I whispered. I shivered involuntarily, then mentally smacked myself. No, I thought furiously. This is exactly what a Death Eater cannot do! Say it again, and this time when you do, don't feel anything.

"I am going to kill my father," I said, slightly louder than last time. This time I didn't shiver. Good! I told myself. Now say it one more time and this time... like it.

"I am going to kill my father," I said, in a normal tone of voice. I smiled. The pleasure at the thought of killing came easier than I had thought it would. Again, I saw myself over Father, holding the wand, but this time, I didn't stop imagining it at that. Hundreds of pictures of Father suddenly came pouring into my head. There he was, yelling at me, yelling at Mother, forcing me to stay up night after night memorizing spells... my stomach filled with hatred and I saw myself raising the wand, saying the incantation... and there his body was, twitching on the floor, the life draining out of him before me. Still standing over my fathers jerking form, I saw myself laughing and laughing. But my laugh was cold and high, like one I had heard come from someone else's mouth...

"Ssssssssssss," I jerked back into reality and realized I had bumped into one of the shadowy figures roaming Knockturn Alley.

"S..sorry," I mumbled quickly. The creature's cloak shifted a bit, and I saw an object clenched in its claw, something that looked suspiciously like a human skull. I turned toward the opposite direction, walked a few paces, and then started to run, not stopping until I had reached the brick wall that led back to the Muggle world. I leaned against the cold stone, panting. I reached desperately for rational thought, but my thoughts had turned to fish, slipping through my fingers. I held a hand to my head, trying to calm a rising headache, and took a deep breath.

"Okay, Barty," I told myself firmly. "First you are going to get home, and sneak into the house. Just focus on getting home right now, don't think about anything else, just home."

Somehow I managed to do just that, getting a safe distance away from the Leaky Cauldron, then apparating into my own front yard. Good, I thought, moving toward my house. I'll deal with the rest later. Right now, I just need to get into the house without anyone noticing... that's when I remembered the intruder spell.

"SHIT!" I yelled, pulling my wand out from my robes. Maybe I still had time to deactivate it... but my futile hopes died as Father charged out of the house, brandishing his wand. He looked wildly around, then noticed me.

"Put your wand down," he yelled, obviously not realizing who he was shouting at. "I said put the wand down! Do not make me use force!" I sighed, there was no way I was going to get out of this. I slowly lowered my wand, pulling back my hood at the same time.

"What are you doing," he yelled, cautiously stepping forward and aiming his wand-light at my face. "Who are y..." the question died as my face was illuminated.

"Barty," he asked confusedly. "Is that... is that you?" I kept my silence, letting him draw nearer. Through the darkness, I could see that a puzzled expression lit his face.

"What...what are you doing out here, Barty?" he asked. Still, I stayed quiet, what would happened next was inevitable; nothing I could say would change that. I watched knowingly as Father's expression turned from puzzlement, to anger, to pure rage.

"Answer me," he whispered, in a deadly tone of voice.

"Nothing," I said softly, hating myself. "I was just taking a walk, that's all."

"TELL ME," he bellowed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I felt my stomach burning in hate. It doesn't matter what I say, I thought furiously at him. you'll be dead this time tomorrow.

"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS," I yelled at Father. "I'M 18, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!" Father opened, then closed his mouth again, dumbstruck at my response. Yeah, I thought maliciously. Let's see how you do in a screaming match that's not one sided! Father got over his confusion and started yelling again.

"Oh, excuse me," he said sarcastically. "I'd forgotten that living 18 whole years made you a man!"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER IF I'M A MAN," I yelled. "I'M LEGALLY AN ADULT, AND I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE."

"ANYMORE," he yelled. "ANYMORE, IF I HADN'T BEEN LOOKING OUT FOR YOU YOUR WHOLE LIFE, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE A LIFE!"

"LOOKING OUT," I screamed. "YELLING AT ME EVERY FIVE MINUTES IS LOOKING OUT FOR ME!"

"MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T SCREW UP EVERY FIVE MINUTES I WOULDN'T HAVE TOO!"

"WELL IF YOU THINK THAT, IT'S YOUR PROBLEM! I'M NOT THE ONE WHO'S DEFINITION OF SCREWING UP IS ANYTHING LESS THAN PERFECT!"

"OH, YOU THINK MY STANDARDS ARE TOO HIGH? I'D LOWER THEM TO WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M AFRAID THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

"YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME I'M A DISAPPOINTMENT! EVERY TIME YOU LOOK AT ME I KNOW YOU'RE THINKING IT!"

"WELL PROVE ME WRONG, BARTY! JUST PROVE ME WRONG!" we both paused for breath and stared at the other for a moment.

"You are a disgrace to me, this family and yourself," Father hissed viciously. "Either act in a manner fit for your station, or leave."

"I hate you! Everyone hates you! Your own son, your so called friends, even Mother," I grinned, seeing I had hit home with that last comment. "If you die tomorrow, no one will miss you! No one!" I turned and walked away, head held high. It didn't matter that I didn't have I had just lost the only home I had ever had, all that mattered was that I'd finally stood up to Father. I felt the loathing running down me like sweat. It's strange, I thought. What I was dreading earlier, now I'm looking forward to.

"I'M GOING TO MURDER MY FATHER!" I yelled for the fourth time that day. And I laughed, and laughed, and laughed...

Wow, this chapter is seriously dark! Oooh, and it just gets happier and happier from here... (evil cackle)

P.S. i know wizard's come at age at 17, but i need Barty to be 18, so too bad.