Hey peoples! Sorry 'bout the delay again, couldn't use my computer for a few days...

Chapter 5

Now and Then: Part II

I sat down on the wet grass, absentmindedly rolling a blade between my fingers. After that mysterious note had arrived at Bella's house, she hadn't contacted me again for a month or so. I had gone on with my life, pretending nothing was wrong, but my thoughts had constantly been with her. Mostly, I was worried about her. Something had to have gone seriously wrong for her to lose control and rush out on me like that. A smaller part of me spent that month missing Bella's beautiful eyes, her shining hair, her voice, her laugh... and another part of me, one that I tried so hard to ignore, was sore at her for leaving me in the dark so long.

I spent the days occupying myself with so much work that I didn't have time to think about her, but somehow, my treacherous mind always seemed to make time. My nights were sleepless; Every way I turned, I saw her staring out at me from the darkness. I ached for her so much, it left me breathless. During those sleepless hours, I relived every conversation we'd ever had, and when I ran out of those, I visualized new ones. Conversations where we talked and laughed together. Conversations where she wasn't teaching me curses I knew were designed to torture, and telling me that love was for the weak. Instead, I saw scenes where she tucked my hair behind my ear and then, instead of turning away, as she'd done so many times before, she leaned closer, and closer, her lips brushing against mine tenderly... but these thoughts had only made me miss her more.

I began to spend large amounts of time at her house and at the coffee shop where I'd first seen her, our two meeting places. Eventually, I was getting up every morning just to try to see her at one of these places. This progressed to the point where Mother was out of her mind with worry, and even Father noticed something was wrong with me. Mother cried and begged me to tell her what was wrong. Father on the other hand, yelled at me, ordering me to tell him what had caused my decline at work. As much as it hurt me to see Mother so upset, and as much as I longed to yell at Father, I remained silent. Mother realized what was happening eventually. She asked me once if it was a girl I was pining over, and when I said nothing, nodded knowingly. Then at the end of that horrible month, I had finally drifted into an uneasy sleep, when...

"OW!" I yelled, clutching my aching head and closing my eyes in pain. After a few seconds, I opened my eyes, and my hazy brain worked out what had just happened. Something must have woken me up from my state of half-sleep, and I had sat up suddenly, slamming my head against my low ceiling. But what had woken me up? Ask if answering my unspoken question, I heard a tapping noise against my window and I rolled over to see an owl battering at my window. I moaned, rolled out of bed and staggered to my window. The cool, night air woke me up slightly and I glanced at the clock placed on my bedside table. Two in the morning, how predictable. The first time I'd been able to sleep for weeks, and an owl had just woken me up at two A.M. This could only happen to me. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and saw that the owl was now perched on the edge of my headboard. Taking care to avoid my ceiling this time, I walked over to the owl and untied the paper around its leg.

"Wait!" I yelled, as the owl flew back out my window. It ignored me and kept flying, until its small form was lost in the darkness. Oh, well, I thought, I hope I don't have to send a reply. Suddenly, the strangeness of what had just happened struck me; an unknown owl had just woken me up when everyone else was still asleep to give me a mysterious letter. It has to be from her, it just has to... I thought, opening the letter with trembling fingers. Throwing the envelope on my bed, I searched frantically for my wand and, finding it, whispered,

"lumos," I brought my wand close to the letter and began to read it:

B.C.,

Meet me at the worst bar in town tomorrow at ten. You're ready to meet the others. More info when we're face to face.

I stared at the note in puzzlement. It was from Bella, the small hand drawn cat in the bottom corner proved that. She had taught me to recognize the symbol she used when it was too risky to sign a letter at our first meeting. I read the letter again, trying to figure it out as I went along. Okay, first was B.C., well that stood for Barty Crouch, that was obvious enough. She wanted to meet with me, that was also clear. But what was the worst bar in town? And 'the others'? Who were they? Well, she'd tell me when we met, that was implied by the last sentence, but how was I supposed to know were she wanted to meet?

"C'mon Barty, think," I whispered to myself. "Worst bar in town, worst bar in town..." I smiled as I realized what she'd meant. At one of our meetings, she'd been in a extremely good mood, laughing at everything. Made bold by her happiness, I suggested that we go for a drink sometime at The Harmony, a bar that I assured her was the best in Diagon Alley. She'd chuckled and had said, if I remembered correctly,

"The best bar? Well it's not hard to find the best of anything, what's hardest is finding the worst." I laughed, not even realizing how casually she'd waved off my proposal.

"So, what's the worst bar in Diagon Alley?" I had asked. She'd thought for a moment.

"The worst bar I've ever been to," she answered. "Was most definitely The Newt."

"Never heard of it," I'd commented.

"Have you been in Knockturn Alley much?" she'd asked. I'd remained silent, remembering the darker purpose that had brought us together.

Having solved her cryptic message, I climbed into bed and fell into the first restful sleep I'd had for weeks. I woke up next morning feeling great. It actually took me a few seconds to identify my feeling as one of happiness, it had been so long. I threw on a robe, and walked downstairs. No, walk is an understatement; I flew downstairs, I danced downstairs, I did everything but walk. Mother noticed the change in me the moment I stepped into the Dinning Room. She sat in the chair across from me, watching me eating my toast and smiling. When I noticed she was there, I looked at her questioningly.

"Finally got her, have you?" she asked. I smiled, and she winked at me, grabbing a piece of toast from my plate and moving away.

Nothing could dampen my spirits that day. I smiled all through work, and kept smiling, even when people started to point at me and whisper to each other. My mood improved more and more, and by the time I left for The Newt, I was the happiest I could remember ever being in my life. I apparated right outside of Knockturn Alley and set of to navigate its winding alleyways. I had looked up the location of The Newt, but finding it still proved difficult. I began to search more and more frantically as ten 'o clock crept closer and closer. The world seemed determined to ruin my happiness; besides becoming hopelessly lost, it also began to rain, making it even harder to see. Eventually I stopped and looked desperately around for someone to ask directions from. And there, miraculously, right in front of me, was The Newt. I dashed toward it, glancing down at my watch. 9:58, perfect. Drenched, but on time, I stepped into The Newt.

Bella was right, it had to be the worst bar ever. The walls were covered with peeling wallpaper, cobwebs, and mold. At the counter was a surly looking bartender, cleaning his ears and nose with the fingers on one hand, and washing glasses with the other. Tables were spaced at random intervals and surrounded with mismatched chairs and other objects that didn't look like chairs, but were being used as them by the few customers. As my gaze traveled from one side to the other, I saw her. An uncontrollable moan escaped my lips as I looked at her. I had had girlfriends before, but this was different, so unexplainably different. This wasn't just an infatuation as I'd thought it was before. This was love. Every inch of me seemed to let off heat as the realization dawned on me. I was in love. Totally, crazy in love. I glided over to Bella and sat down in the chair across her. She looked up at me, and frowned. I frowned too as the fire in my chest turned to ice. We had been apart a month. It was impossible for her not to see how I had suffered. My whole body spoke of my sorrows in so many words: From the dark circles underneath my eyes, to my pale, waxy skin. I looked horrible and knew it, and she, Bella... she looked perfect. She didn't even look happy to see me, if anything– my heart trembled just thinking about it– she looked displeased.

"Good, you're here," she said coldly. Play it cool, I told myself, though I was screaming inside, just act like everything's normal.

"So, what am I here for?" I asked, trying to keep any emotion from leaking into my voice. She stared into my eyes, until I looked away. She laughed coldly, and I died inside.

"You're here," she said. "Because we judge you ready."

"We?" I asked, carefully not looking into her eyes.

"We," she answered bluntly, putting her arm on the table and pulling up her sleeve. I leaned forward to regard her forearm. I already knew what I was going to see, I had known for ages, but still, I had to be sure... and yes, there it was, so faint, I could hardly see it: a skull with a serpent curving out of its mouth. Even though it was what I had expected, I still couldn't suppress a small gasp of horror at the symbol that had meant death to the Wizarding world for so many years.

"We," Bella continued. "We are those who still wish to serve the Dark Lord. Those who will always be faithful to him. We call ourselves The Faithful, because that is what we are, but we are so much more. That is what I've been trying to teach you these last few months. All the curses I've taught you come to nothing if you do not understand what we are. Tell me, Barty, what do we stand for, who are we?" I opened my mouth, then closed it again, realizing that the answer I gave now would effect me for the rest of my life. I thought hard. This was my last chance, my last chance to back out. Do I really want to join these Death Eaters? I asked myself. Do I really want to be part of The Faithful? I had never had any interest in the dark arts until I met Bella. I hadn't even cared much about what she'd taught me, I had gone to each lesson purely to see her. But not anymore, I realized with surprise. Even if someone else started teaching me right now, I'd keep learning. I've had a taste of power, of darkness, and... and I want more. But what to say now? Bella had been bewitched by the power just as I now realized I had been. She knew what it felt like, but how to explain it in words?

"You, I, we," I said, reaching blindly for the right words. "We are power. Not just blind power. But power that is carefully orchestrated, carefully directed. The most dangerous kind of power. We are the ever-growing darkness that does not feel and swallows its enemy whole. We change ourselves to become something different. Not something more or less, but something different. We are shape-shifters, constantly changing into that which our enemy fears most. We are indestructible, not in flesh, but in spirit, for everywhere we go, we sow the fears that will hinder our enemy, defeat our enemy. Those who do not understand us think us evil, but that is only because they cannot comprehend what we are. We are... we are the essence of fear, the seed that will grow into mind-stopping panic. And if you understand the fear, if you face it, and you become it, you begin to see the beauty, the beauty behind the fear..." I stopped, awed at my own words. I suddenly remembered my first meeting with Bella. "I do not fear," she had said. "I fear neither life or death." and neither do I, I realized. I have become as she has taught me, unfeeling, uncaring... and yet my chest still tightened as I looked at Bella. I do not fear, I told myself, I do not fear for myself, now I hold her life over my own. Is that what love is? Caring for someone more than you care for yourself? But my thoughts were interrupted as Bella began to talk again.

"You understand us," she said, glancing around, then lowering her voice. "You are ready. Next week, at a shop called Borgin and Burkes. The password is 'the dark lord shall rise again'." she paused, then looked me straight in the eyes, her expression unreadable.

"There will be a test," she said. "A test of loyalty. Believing in our cause and acting for our cause are two different things entirely, Barty. The test of the Faithful is always the same: you will have to kill." she stared at me, and I could tell she was trying to read my expression. Don't react, I told myself, staring back at her, but I couldn't contain a nervous jerk of my head at the thought of murdering someone in cold-blood.

"Time to go," she said, glancing at a man in a dark cloak, who was looking at us discreetly. We got up and left in silence, though Bella gave the man who had been watching us a glare cold enough to freeze him where he sat.

Outside, it had stopped raining, and though dark, I could see fairly clearly by the light of a lovely, full moon. I snuck a look at Bella, but she appeared indifferent to the beautiful night. A sparkle caught my eye and I saw that the moonlight was reflected off a ring on her finger. That's odd, I thought distantly, she's never worn a ring before... then, horribly, I understood. I stopped in my tracks, and grabbed Bella's arm, bringing her to a halt also.

"Your...your ring," I asked haltingly, dreading the answer. "Is it a... does it mean..." I couldn't finish my question, but Bella answered me anyway.

"Yes," she said simply. "Yes, it means exactly what you think it does, exactly what you're so afraid of it meaning."

"But what...," I asked. "But Bella, you... and I..." her face twisted, and an emotion I couldn't read flickered in her eyes. She pulled her wand from her robes and pointed it at me.

"Not another word, Crouch," she said. "Not one more word." I knew she'd curse me, but I was unable to stop myself.

"Who... when...," then I put two and two together. "Rodolphus!"

"I should've known you would've read my letter," she yelled at me. "Nosy as you are!"

"When," I asked, then louder, reminding myself irresistibly of Father. "Tell me When!"

"None of your business, Crouch," she yelled angrily. "I'll tell you anyway though, just to make you madder! I was married the whole time, from the day I met you!"

"But," I stuttered, feeling my anger melt into heartache. "But I loved... I love..."

"You loved me?" she shouted, cutting me off. "Well, I never loved you Crouch, never!" she started to laugh coldly. Her laughter rekindled my fury.

"You're letter said he failed," I shouted, taking a shot in the dark. "He was on a mission, wasn't he? He was on a mission for The Faithful, and he failed! What, did your precious husband get caught? Is he in Azkaban!" she glared piercingly at me.

"Shut up, Crouch," she whispered, her words cold as ice. "Shut your mouth right now!"

"I'm right, aren't I," I exclaimed. "Rodulphous got caught, and he's in Azkaba–" I doubled over, clutching my stomach. Once I could breathe again, I looked up and saw Bella raising her wand, ready to hex me again. But as she brought her wand down for a second time, she stopped in mid-spell. She glared at me, loathing filling her dark eyes, and I could tell she wanted to hurt me badly, so badly... but something stopped her, and she let her wand drop to her side. I watched her walk away with long, graceful strides.

"I hate her," I whispered to myself. "I hate her!" but the words felt as false coming from my mouth as they did in my chest.

A week later I had gone to my first meeting of The Faithful, the meeting where I was told to kill my Father. Bella was obviously still furious at our last conversation, and so was I. I, who was in love with a woman who felt nothing for me but total and pure contempt. Except... I suddenly remembered the look she had given me as I'd left my first Faithful meeting. I hadn't been able to identify it while my emotions were still in turmoil from the thought of killing Father, but now my head was clearer. I pictured her eyes as she'd watched me leave. They hadn't been cold and unreadable as usual, but soft, with a mixture of... of pity... yes definitely pity and... something that had looked like... like longing.

"No," I whispered sternly. "She doesn't love you, she said it herself!" but as I laid down on the cold, damp ground, I couldn't extinguish a small spark of hope that, like a glorious Phoenix, had risen from the bitter ashes of my heart.

iickk! This chapter is way to sappy! I am so much better at the depressing parts than I am at the romantic parts! I'm gonna have to kill someone off soon if I want to keep this story all morbid and disturbed...