Hey everyone! Sorry (once again) for the delay! Had a bout of writers block... um, yeah, so here you go!

Chapter 6

Reasons

I woke up slowly, dwelling in the warm realm between sleep and wakefulness. Distant worries jabbed at my mind, but I pushed them away, drifting back toward sleep. Still though, the worries persisted, jabbing my skull sharply, yelping shrilly at me... slowly, my fog-filled mind realized that something was poking my head, something much more solid than my many concerns. I sat up suddenly, and a small boy leapt away from me, yelling bloody murder.

"MOMMY," he yelled, tears dripping down his fat face. "MOMMY!"

"Who are you," I asked blearily. Apparently, the little boy only knew one word though, because he continued to shout for his mother at the top of his lungs. I rolled my eyes as he screamed and screamed, not even stopping for breath.

"Calm down kid," I told him, beginning to grow alarmed as his face turned blue from lack of oxygen. He kept shouting though, his face growing bluer and bluer. Panicking, I reached for my wand and pointed it at him, yelling,

"Silencio!" he continued to scream soundlessly, then, realizing no noise was coming from his mouth, stopped and looked up at me in surprise.

"Okay," I asked in relief. "Are you better now?" he stared at me for a second with his huge brown eyes, then began to wail silently, tears pouring down his face.

"Sorry, sorry," I yelped. "C'mon kid, stop crying, will you?" but his stream of tears only became larger. I moved closer to him, wondering frantically what I should do. I can't just leave him, he's hardly older than a baby! Merlin, where the hell are his parents? Right on cue, a chubby, red-faced woman stepped out of the bushes next to me and ran to the boy, picking him up.

"Jeffery," she shouted at him, not noticing me. "Never do that to Mummy again! I was so worried about you. You don't wonder off Jeffery! It's bad! Bad! Wait till I... Jeffery, what's wrong with your voice?" I groaned silently. Muggles! Could this get any worse? That's when she noticed me.

"Who are you," she shrieked, waving her handbag at me. "What have you done to my Jeffery!"

"Nothing," I lied, trying to stealthily remove my wand from my robes. "I didn't do anything..."

"Liar," she shouted at me. "Dirty bum!" before I could react, she ran at me, thwacking me over the head with her handbag.

"Shit," I yelled, holding my head and stumbling backwards. "Listen lady, I didn't do anything to your son! I was sleeping and he woke me up, that's all!"

"Liar," she yelled, rushing at me again. This time I was prepared and I leapt to the side, pointing my wand at her from behind my back.

"Accido!" I whispered. My jinx hit the woman straight on and she tripped, dropping her boy and falling flat on her face.

"Recavo," I whispered, pointing my wand at the boy. Regaining his voice, he began to scream loudly, and the woman scrambled over to him on her hands and knees.

"Oh, my poor little baby," she cooed, rocking the boy. "Ooh, did you get hurt? Did mummy's little angel get hurt?" I watched her warily, wondering if I should run away. Once the boy had quieted, the woman turned to me, glaring at me suspiciously.

"You really didn't hurt him, then?" she asked sharply.

"No," I answered. "I swear I didn't do anything." she glared at me for a second longer, then her gaze softened.

"But you're only a child yourself," she said, sounding astonished. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen," I answered, still poised to scurry away if need be.

"Eighteen," she gasped. "Why aren't you at home, young man?"

"Well you see," I said, making a story up on the spot. "I ran away from home because, um... because my parents wanted... they, uh, they wanted me to... to join, um the..."

"The military?" she questioned.

"Um, yeah," I said, wondering what she was talking about. "The military, that's right!"

"Oh, you poor thing," she cried. "It's so beastly what these parents do, pushing their children into the Army! The same exact thing happened to my brother! Once he was of age, my parents shipped him right off to the war, didn't even last a week, you know. If only he'd had the courage to run away as you did, he might still be alive today! How long have you been living out here, you poor boy?"

"Um... couple of weeks, maybe," I invented wildly.

"Two weeks! When did you last eat? Well, you simply must come to our house! No, no, don't object, me and Jeffery would simply love some company! You must stay the night, no I can't throw you back onto the street! You must stay a week, yes, a week at least!" and before I could say anything, she'd seized me by the arm and began towing me along with her.

"My name's Kitty, by the way, no, it's not a nickname, parents simply loved Kitty Wells, country singer, you know, and this is my son, Jeffery. We live alone, I was married for about a year to a splendid man, simply splendid man, but than he ran off with some girl by the name of Sarah, or maybe it was Sally... can't say I quite remember, my dear, it was so long ago. But don't let me bore you! What's your name, young man?" befuddled by her nonstop talking, it took me a minute to realize she had asked me a question.

"Uh, I'm Barty, Bartimaeus Crouch and I really can't stay..." and before I could get another word in, she was in full flow.

"Bartimaeus Crouch! Why that's simply a lovely name! I say, are you related to Beatrix Crouch? Good friends I was with Bea, very good friends indeed, until she married that Jimmy Sloan, nasty boy he was. Tried to get her to reconsider, but she wouldn't listen, very stubborn Bea was, always very stubborn..." I tried to get a word in for a while, then gave up, letting her drag me along. I groped through my pockets with my other hand, feeling the smooth wood of my wand. It was tempting to stun her and make my escape, very tempting... but too risky. It was unlikely, but the Ministry might pick up a magical disturbance and investigate. That was all I needed right now. I could modify her memory... but no, that wouldn't work either; memory charms could always be broken. If Kitty was questioned by the Ministry, it could screw up any alibi I set up. I'd wait until she let go of my arm and just run away.

My arm began to go numb where she was gripping it and I peered ahead, noticing that the woods were ending. Sitting in a dirt driveway was one of those Muggle-wheel things, a... car! Yes, that sounded right. I'd had Muggle and Wizard friends who'd used them, but Father had always insisted we use broomsticks or floo powder. The car I was being lead toward, I noted nervously, looked very beat-up. Kitty dragged me to the car, mercifully letting go of my arm to open it. Still talking, she opened the back door and strapped the now-sleeping Jeffery in.

"Come on now," she said, gesturing towards me. "In you go." I readied myself to sprint away, but Kitty caught my arm at the last second. Mistaking my attempted escape for agitation at the state of her car, she began to drag me toward it, reassuring me as we went.

"Oh, I know it doesn't look like much," she said. "But it's a wonderful car, really. Only broken down on me a few dozen times, and I've had it for nearly twenty years, can you believe that! Would still be in perfect condition if I hadn't gotten in a few accidents, just fender-benders, nothing to worry about..." still extolling the virtues of her crappy car, she forcefully shoved me inside, slamming the door before I had time to protest.

"Buckle up now," she yelled over her shoulder, as she started the car up. I looked frantically around until I found what looked like a buckle and tried to figure out what to do with it. Suddenly, I heard a loud explosion and jumped in my seat, banging my head on the ceiling.

"Nothing to worry about, Dear," Kitty yelled over the noise. "Just starting her up!" the car jolted to life beneath me, and began to roll slowly backwards, exhaling clouds of gas. Kitty sang loudly as I squeezed my eyes close, silently praying for my life.

"Here we go," she squealed, and the car shot forward. I opened my eyes, then shut them again as trees bulleted towards us. I hung on to the edge of my seat as the car moved ever faster. Abruptly, we stopped and I smashed my head against the seat in front of me. Unable to stop myself, I opened my eyes and saw that we were at the front of a long cue of cars.

"Red lights," Kitty remarked cheerfully, revving the engine. "Who needs 'em?"

"No, no, please no..." I whispered as we shot towards oncoming traffic.

"Oops," Kitty said as we narrowly avoided a truck. "Didn't see him coming, did you?" I didn't answer her question, preoccupied as I was by trying to avoid becoming violently ill. I watched, terror growing, as we shifted randomly from lane to lane.

"Are you all right dear? You don't look very well," Kitty commented, noticing my green-tinged face in one of her mirrors. "I know what will cheer you up! Some music." she let go of the wheel and leaned over, fiddling with various controls.

"No, I'm fine. Really, I am," I managed to say. "Just... just watch the road. Please..." but my words were drowned out in a loud burst of music.

"Ahh, no, I can't say I like that station much myself, let's see here..."

"Watch out!" I yelled, as a bend in the road approached.

"What's that dear?..." I lunged forward and jerked the steering wheel sharply, just in time to stop us going off the road. Kitty found a station she liked and sat back up.

"You really didn't have to do that, my dear," she remarked reproachfully. "I was watching the road, you know... in complete control of the-- ahh, here we are!" she pulled into a driveway next to a small brown house and stopped the car. She unlocked Jeffery's door, pulled him out, then did the same for me.

"While that was a nice drive, wasn't it?" Kitty asked, tugging me toward the brown house.

"Yes," I muttered sarcastically. "That was just lovely you miserable old..."

"What's that, my dear?"

"Oh, nothing." I replied hurriedly, stepping into the house. Kitty switched on a light and dumped Jeffery on a couch before turning to me.

"This is my humble abode," she proclaimed. "What do you think? It's splendid, isn't it?" My gaze moved through the living room, taking in the hot-pink wallpaper, and heart shaped furniture.

"Um... yes," I said, lying through my teeth. "It's very, um... unique." Kitty smiled and grabbed my arm, leading me through rooms that were decorated in a similar fashion.

"Now we must get some food into you, Dear. Just look at you, you're skin and bones..." I sighed, resigned to my fate, and began to eat the food she placed in front of me.

After hour upon horrible, agonizing hour of listening to Kitty and nodding occasionally, she finally said the words I thought would never come:

"... and he never called me again! Oh, would you look at the time? I'm afraid I've got to go out for a bit, Dear. Got some rather important errands to run, you know. You'll look after Jeffery, won't you?"

"Of course!" I said gratefully. "I'd love to!"

"Okay, then," she said, encouraged by my wholehearted response. "If you're sure it wouldn't be any trouble..."

"No, of course not," I said desperately. "You just go, everything will be fine here!"

"Jeffery can be rather a handful..."

"We'll be fine, we really will," I cut in, grabbing her arm and directing her towards the door. "Just go, please, just go..."

"Bye, then," she said cheerfully, walking out the door. I slammed it as soon as she was gone and made sure I heard her car leave. I glanced at a nearby clock and groaned. Merlin, it's already six! how can anyone talk so long? I should have just stunned her! Azkaban cannot possibly be worse than listening to her. I headed toward the door, and with my hand on the knob, looked over my shoulder. Jeffery was still fast asleep on the couch. I hesitated a moment, then opened the door and stepped outside. The kid would have to fend for himself. Besides, I thought angrily, he was the one who got me into this in the first place. I walked several blocks away from Kitty's, then apparated into a heavily wooded area that overlooked my home.

I watched the house from a distance for a while, making sure their was no movement inside. Once I was sure it was empty, I crept closer until I stood only a few feet away from the first intruder spell. Father had modified the spells around our house himself, making sure that, besides himself, Mother and I were the only two who could enter undetected. It was a simple system: all I had to do was speak the password, and if the spells recognized it and my voice, they would deactivate for thirty seconds. It should still work, I told myself. Unless, of course, Father's changed the password since I left... I shook my head to clear it of that unpleasant thought. It was possible Father had changed the password, but unlikely. Well, I'd never know if I didn't try.

"Kerfuffle," I said clearly. I waited anxiously for the small click that would mean the spells had deactivated. After a few agonizing seconds, I still hadn't heard any noise and I began to fear the worse. This was going to make my job so much harder. If I couldn't get past the intruder spells, I was left with one option. I'd have to move back in, and to do that I'd have to... have to apologize to Father. My stomach boiled in rage just thinking about it. And then, to my utmost relief, a small click resounded in the air around me. I closed my eyes in relief and began to walk away from the house, wondering where I should go from here. I knew I could get in, that was a good start, but how to actually do it?

"Just keep it as simple as possible," I mumbled to myself. "Wait till it's dark, sneak in, kill him, sneak out." Plan made, I was left to wile away the hours until dusk. I walked wherever my feet took me for a while, then stopped when I realized they were leading me back to that familiar trail. The trail that led through a small forest to a cottage. To her cottage. I laughed at the irony of it. Somehow, everything always led back to Bella. But I couldn't think about her now. When my thoughts were focused on Bella, I made mistakes, and I could not afford to make mistakes right now. I sat down on the grass and started to breath deeply, falling into the meditative state that– of course– Bella had taught me to achieve.

I felt my body and mind fall away and immersed myself in that strange disconnected feeling, as if you're a stranger watching yourself. I explored my own mind at a distance, contemplating the fact that in only a few hours, I was going to murder my father. I wasn't looking for loopholes anymore, wasn't trying to escape the grim reality of what I was going to do. I'd accepted the fact that I was indeed going to kill him, but it was still hard to... to get used to the idea. I'd spent so much time hating him, wishing he would die, that I couldn't even begin to imagine life without him. Who will I hate after he's dead? I asked myself. I didn't have an answer.

Night crept up on me quickly, and soon I could hardly see my own hand in front of my face. Still somewhat disconnected from myself, I rose and apparated to my house for the final time. Finding the house by the light of my wand, I stopped a few feet short of the intruder spells I knew were lying in wait, and spoke softly but clearly, my voice vibrating in the cool, night air.

"Kerfuffle!" I stood stock-still, waiting calmly for the sound I knew would come. And there it was. Walking briskly, but not running, I reached the front door and silently opened it. As I closed the door behind myself, its slight creak brought me back into myself a bit and I felt an uncontrollable urge to just turn around... just go back out the door... no! I told myself firmly. I am not going back! I am going to do this! I closed my eyes, then opened them again, gradually letting myself sink back into the seething pool of feelings that awaited me. All of my uncertainly and doubt pressed in around me, and suddenly I felt my resolution falter. If I hesitated another second, the uncertainty would overwhelm me. It was now or never. Without thinking, I charged toward the stairs, trying to move fast, but not make a lot of noise. I climbed the stairs without stopping, only slowing down when I reached the top.

Letting my fingers drag lightly against the wall to the right of me, I counted the doors as I felt them pass. There was one... then two... then three... I paused, then opened the door quietly, slipping into my own room. I groped around blindly for a moment or two, then, throwing caution to the winds, I lit my wand. I strode over to the chest at the end of my bed and opened it, digging through the jumbled clothes until I felt my hand touch something hard. Grinning, I pulled the hard object out. It was a mask, the perfect duplicate of any other Death Eater's. I slipped it onto my face, letting the sticking spell do its work. Now I was ready.

I crept out of my room and continued to traverse the hallway until I had reached the door at the very end. I took one last deep breath, and curled my fingers around the knob. I tried to move my hand, to open the door, but my body seemed frozen. Why am I doing this? I asked myself desperately. For The Faithful? For revenge? To win Bella? And finally, the answer I had been searching for came to me: I'm doing it for myself. I'm doing it to take control of my own life, to make my own decisions, to be who I want to be. And slowly, so slowly, I turned the knob, and stepped inside...

hehehehe! I love cliffhangers! Yeah, I know this chapter's a little random and pointless with all the parts with Kitty, but I was kinda depressed and needed to write something fun. I promise something will actually happen in the next chapter!

ps. i know recavo isn't the conunter-charm for silencio, but my 5th book has gone mysteriously missing, so i couldn't get the right one.