"Was Azkaban horrible?" Harry asked, even though he knew the answer. Sirius looked away.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about it, but yes, Harry. Azkaban was the worst place I could ever think of." he said quietly.

"Do you remember the night my parents died?" Harry asked softly. Sirius looked at him sharply.

"Why would you want to know that night?" he asked. "Of course, I remember! I'd have to be a madman to not remember!" Harry flinched at Sirius's outburst. Sirius switched to a gentler tone. "What do you want to know?" he asked softly, sitting down on a very uncomfortable looking couch.

"What was it like, knowing that your best friend was dead?" Harry asked.

"Okay, Rita Skeeter. How about I just start from where I know best?" Harry nodded.

Halloweens had always been fun for the Marauders, especially after your birth. Your first Halloween, you were three months old, and James, Remus and I took you trick-or-treating. James went as the Queen of England, Remus went as a vampire, and I had dressed up as Nikki Six, the guy from Motley Crue. Peter's mother was ill, so he had to take care of her. You fell asleep in my arms, so James had to carry my candy. He complained the whole time on how Her Majesty should not have to carry some heavy metal rocker's things. While we ate pizza, you were asleep in your baby-carrier thing, when Remus said something odd. It struck me as odd, because Remus never thought too much of the future. The Marauder's motto during the war was, "Live for Today."

"I wonder where we'll be a year from now."

Little did he know, one would be dead, another in Azkaban, the third deserving to be dead, and the last alone.

Your second Halloween, you were fifteen months old. The Fideleus Charm had been placed on your house a week before Halloween. Hestia Jones, my live-in girlfriend at the time, and I were planning on going into hiding soon, as was Remus. The war had gotten so dangerous that the Order was dropping like flies. There were many times I would hear members say, "Oh, fuck this," and then... they'd be dead.

There was to be no trick-or-treating for any children that year. My daughter, Heaven, was ill. Hestia was on pins and needles, caring for our daughter while she was so sick. After I went off duty for the Order, I went to check on Wormtail.

His mother told me that he wasn't there. I knew something was fucked up, if you'll excuse my language. But a thought crossed my mind.

Peter's mother had, in fact, not been ill the previous Halloween. Hestia told me the day we were to go trick-or-treating that she'd had a conversation with Mrs. Pettigrew about coriander.

Peter always listened intently on meetings with the Order with such attention, it unnerved us all.

And, the final clue, he seemed rather chummy with Snape, who had come back on to our side.

I went to Godric's Hollow after standing on Wormtail's doorstep with my mouth hanging open.

Have you ever had that feeling where... where you know that your heart has just stopped beating? When I saw the destroyed house, that was what happened to me, no lie. I went in the back door, as I knew James hardly ever locked it, and tripped over something heavy. Looking down, I saw... I saw James. His glasses were askew, his wand still held tightly in his hand.

I knew I should have been used to death at this point, as I'd seen many people die in recent weeks, but I screamed. I screamed so long, and hard that my voice was hoarse. I felt as if some one had just tore my soul out of my chest.

But I stopped, because I heard something. You know what it was? Harry shook his head. He hadn't the heart to say anything now. He couldn't interrupt now. It was you. You were screaming as well. I ran upstairs, wiping my hand on my arm as I ran, tripping over several things as I slammed into your bedroom door. Something was holding it shut. I slammed my shoulder into the door until I nearly broke my shoulder. Luckily for me, the door went first.

Before I saw you, I saw something else. I saw Lily on the floor, looking terrified. She was dead. A tear slid down Sirius's cheek. Another one followed. He had never spoken about that dreaded Halloween night. To anyone.

"Continue," Harry insisted, his voice a whisper. He had no idea why he was whispering.

I looked up, and saw you in your crib, still screaming. The moment you saw me, you calmed down. You had problems saying R's whenever you spoke, and only spoke to address people. The moment you saw me, you said, "See-us!" Harry couldn't help but grin. I picked you up, and you began digging through my pockets, as you often did, looking for sweets.

"I'm going to take you home," I told you. "And Auntie Hestia will spoil you until you'll be almost as bad as your dad. And you'll have Heaven to play with." I had no idea I was crying until you wiped the tears from my eyes.

"No cry, See-us," you told me. You were so calm, despite the fact that you had a cut on your forehead in the shape of a lightning bolt- there. Sirius pushed Harry's hair slightly, to trace the scar on Harry's forehead. Harry had never felt more comfortable, even if Sirius was touching him. He hadn't even known Sirius could be so gentle. So, for you, I stopped crying. But I could feel my three egg rolls that I'd had for dinner coming up, rising with the lump in my throat. Just as I was about to set you down on my motorcycle, Hagrid appeared with a bang.

"What happened?" he'd asked. I remember handing you to him, and leaning behind the motorcycle, and vomitting. So much for eating, right? When I finished, you were lying comfortably in Hagrid's arms, watching me.

"Sirius, calm down," Hagrid had told me.

"Calm down? I'm perfectly calm. Calm as a clam." My voice was shrill, and I knew it. I had no idea I was shaking until he put his hand on my shoulder.

"I kin almos' hear yer teeth rattlin' in yer head, Sirius." Hagrid said.

"Why are you here, Hagrid?" I asked, trying to take you from him. He pulled away.

"Dumbledore wants Harry ter live with his aunt and uncle." Hagrid had told me.

"No! He can't! They're -"

"They're his on'y family, Sirius. Yeh of all people should know what its like ter have a small family. Yeh yerself on'y had yer uncle, an' now he's disappeared." Hagrid said. A thought came to me.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay.Take him to the Muggles. Just... Just let me say goodbye." I remember practically pleading that Hagrid let me say goodbye. He let me. I cradled you in my arms, and held you close. You had your ear pressed against my chest, as, for some reason, you liked the sound of hearts beating.

"I'll come back for you, Harry," I'd promised. After a final hug goodbe, I gave Hagrid the keys to my motorcycle. "Take this," I told him. "I won't be needing it anymore." Hagrid took you, and sat on the motorcycle.

"Don' do anythin' stupid now, Sirius, hear? Yeh go straight ter Hestia, and tell her what yeh saw." he advised. "Go home." With that, the motorcycle had flown off.

But I had no intention of going home.

I had a rat to find.