Chapter one

The door of the bus had not fully opened yet but Jude already brightly smiled at her welcome boys. Both Tommy and Jamie had shown up, and she was surprised just how happy she was to see them again. During the last six weeks she had been on tour, busy and excited about all the concerts that had awaited her, but now she was just plain relieved to be home again. She missed her bed, her pillow, a shower with actual space to move in and - most importantly - missed having someone who took care of her. During the tour, she had been responsible for nearly everything herself.

Responsibility wasn't something Jude was opposed to. Not at all. But, she wasn't prepared for that sort of thing yet. That had shown pretty quickly when the whole tour bus was out of food after no one had bothered to shop in one of the several stops they had passed. Then, on a deserted highway with no shop or gas station around, she and the band had gotten hungry and in the end they had nearly killed themselves over accusations whose fault it had been not having gotten food.

The door of the bus was open and Jude was delighted. "Guys," she smiled, suddenly overwhelmed by exhaustion as it dawned on her she was finally home again, "I missed you both so very much!" Jamie was the first to get a hug. Before Jude had left for her tour, he had asked her out on a date. A few days later Jude had called him and for an hour and a half explained to him why she just couldn't risk their friendship for a relationship when she wasn't even sure that what she felt for Jamie came so much as close to being in love.

"Missed you too, Jude." Jamie returned the hug, tried to fight the urge to hold her longer than he should, and then retreated. He was still trying to get over her. She might not feel the sparkles, but he felt them clearly. Stepping away, he left her to Tommy and went to greet the members of SME, who had already busied themselves with unpacking the bus. It would take a while until he could be 'just' a friend again.

"Harrison," Tommy said, almost carefully. They had not parted on good ways. The last time he had seen her, she had found out about his thing with her sister. He had only rarely spoken with Jude ever since. He also still had to tell her that that 'thing' with Sadie had developed into something that was almost scarily close to a relationship. He wasn't sure he was ready for that, let alone if he even wanted that. But, he did know that Jude wouldn't be happy to hear. Not being happy would be the best-case scenario.

Jude warmly smiled at him, walking right into his arms to go for the embrace she had waited for, so long. "Hi Quincy. Missed ya!" Her slender arms wrapped firmly and without hesitation around his torso as her nose dug into the curve where his shoulder met his neck. She inhaled deeply.

He held her firmly. It wasn't right to hug her like this. He knew it. He was dating another woman and he knew that Jude had some unresolved feelings for him. He might push the thought of that out of his head most of the times, but he couldn't ignore it when she was this close to him. He could feel it in the way she clung to him. It was palpable when she ventured past the personal boundaries of mere friendship. But he never put distance between them. He never made an effort to remind them of boundaries. Instead he let it happen and, worse, even took some pleasure in it. Only this time he knew that it could be the last time that he was having her in his arms. The moment she would find out the truth about him and Sadie, he'd have to pay a price, one he wasn't sure he really wanted to pay. "Hey, Girl. How was tour?"

Enjoying this an inadequate moment longer than necessary, as always waiting for him to end their embrace, she eventually gave up his warm arms. "Good." Her face lit up. "No, it was freakin' awesome!" She squealed in a rush of excitement.

He was genuinely happy for her, knowing that the first tour for an artist was always like hundred Christmases at once. "Good to hear. Sorry I rarely called. We need to talk. Really talk…"

"I know. I'm sorry for the way I left. I shouldn't gone without clearing the air." She nervously fidgeted with her nails, "I know that you and I…won't happen…I'm coming to terms with that…I mean I have to! What I'm trying to say is that…I'm really glad you and Sadie aren't dating. I know you're not mine, but knowing that you're hers…I don't think I could handle. After all, there's so much…" Jude struggled for the right words. "There are these confusing feelings between us and…"

He gulped, virtually feeling his last courage slip away, along with his breath. "Yeah…um…" He was a coward deep down, always had been. "I shouldn't have let you leave without goodbye. Or without clarifying a few things."

Jude suspiciously looked at him. "You aren't dating her, are you?" She found him avoiding eye contact and feared she might have said too much. If he were dating Sadie, than she'd be hurt, that was for sure, but she wouldn't have let him in on her feelings, either! "Are you?"

"No! Confusing feelings, remember?" And there it went. A fat lie. Why had he just said that? Wasn't a simple lie enough? Did it have to become a very big one? Wedging his way even deeper into a web of untruths, he shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm not dating anyone."

Jude responded with a bright smile, alongside a shy blush. So he felt the confusion, too. Did that mean he was admitting to feelings? "Good. So, you and I are good again? No fighting, no problems?"

Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, he pulled her with him towards the car, ruffling her hair. "You and me, take two. We got an album to record, starting tomorrow, so we better not have any problems!" Yeah, he really was a coward! In that moment he cared more about her good mood, and about making sure that the next days would go smoothly than he cared to tell the truth.

Jude settled into the car, adjusting the seat so she could get perfectly comfortable. It was a Cobra, obviously new for she hadn't seen the car before. "Nice ride. Why are you picking me up? Don't I have parents anymore," she wondered, mildly hurt. She hadn't minded Tommy and Jamie being the first she'd see, but no parent at all? Or sister?

"Busy. Your mom called me earlier, asking me to bring you over. They're busy divorcing," he explained, wanting her to be prepared.

Jude flinched, having loved not having to deal with that problem. "How'd you know?" It was odd that he knew. He had nothing to do with her family, especially while she wasn't around.

"Oh…uhm…I ran into Sadie the other day." More like had a couple of dates with her…

"Oh." Jude barely contained her chagrin. "So she's still trying to hit on you? How, by trying to score pity? Does she never get a cue? Seriously, you gave her a shot and she failed to interest you. What else does she need to see she's not having any chances with you?"

"I don't know," he lied. Again. He hated lying to Jude. Experience had told him it always came out. Now all he had to figure out how to prevent a catastrophe. "I haven't seen her since she left for Italy a month ago." Except for that one weekend, where he had flown to Rome because Sadie had begged him to visit her. Pouting women had always been one of his weaknesses.

"Right, Italy." That explained why Sadie had barely called her. Jude had completely forgotten! "Anyway, I'm glad you picked me up. I can't wait to start working again. I've filled two whole journals on tour with songs, and I need your opinion on all of them! I don't think my first album was so good. It was barely mentioned in any magazines!"

Another thing he yet had to let her in on. "About that." He stopped the car at a secluded spot on the road, wanting to look at her and give her more attention than he could while driving. Jude was questioningly watching Tommy, not sure why he had stopped. "You need to know some things, Jude. First, and I'm sorry about that, your album…flunked. Record sales are low and… In consequence of not being able to pay her bills any longer, Georgia sold G-Major to Darius."

Jude slouched down into the seat. "Oh. Did she have to sell because of me?" It wouldn't be fair if she had to do that, Jude thought.

"No, don't worry. It was a long row of things that caused her to sell. She was already doing badly before the contest. It's a small label, and it's a tough time right now for record labels. You did your best. We both did. The songs we produced were great. Just not what the audience wanted. But, D took your contract over. He's letting you produce the new album and I'm sure it'll become a success. I make sure of that," he promised.

Having expected something like that already, the blow of being told wasn't quite as hard for Jude. She reached for his hand to give it a little squeeze. The contact startled him. Not the touch, but the things it caused in him. "Hey, it's okay. It's one flunked album. Not the end of us working together! You and me, take two. Remember?"

"I know." It amazed him how mature she could be in moments like these. He returned the squeeze, bringing one of those small but cute smiles to her lips. "We'll make your next album work. I believe in you, Jude." Maybe it wasn't just his trust in her talent that had him so reassuring. Partially, and he was sure of that, he was also guilt-stricken and tried to lessen his bad conscience by being a better friend to her than he had ever been before.

"Now take me home, Quincy. I miss my pop tarts!" And just like that, she was sixteen-year old Jude again. He chuckled, held her hand for just one second longer and then started the car, taking her home. It was going to be a long day.

###

"So this is the new G-Major, huh?" Jude awed the fancy new interior that had moved in along with Darius. After a brief stop home, Tommy had taken her here. "Nice furniture!"

"Wait till you see the new soundboard," Tommy enticed. He might not be happy about the fact that he had to work with his former boss again, but D's money did bring some perks. "And, I forgot to mention," he almost sheepishly remarked passing a poster for that night's events, "The new Instant Star finale is taking place tomorrow. You'll be singing!"

"What?!" Jude stopped dead in her tracks. "I have to sing at my own funeral?"

"Your what?" Guess she had exploited her amount of maturity for the day. "It's not replacement. It's follow up!"

"It's another person fighting for my fans! And, I assume you'll be producing the new Instant Star?" Tommy nodded. "Just great," Jude sighed, covering her face with her hands to rub the frustration away. "So much for a great new start!"

"Stop the dramatic," Tommy told her. "It's not that bad. Just go there tomorrow, play the song, and have fun!"

"The song," Jude repeated. "As in there's a song someone already picked for me?"

"Stupid girl."

Now Jude was angry. "What did you just call me?!"

Tommy began to growl. "It's the title of your new song. D's waiting for you!" He gave Jude a gentle nudge towards the big wooden door and she timidly entered, fearing the worst.

Jude walked out of Darius' office a few minutes later. Her good mood had taken a fierce beating and was now struggling for its very survival. She had to sing a cover song and not just tomorrow at the finale, but already this afternoon. D was having his annual 'All Red'-party. Jude was contractually obliged to go there, and also wear red. All of that had just been dumped on her. So much for early sleep, she concluded sadly and with a yawn. She found Tommy in the studio, recording with Kwest. Sneaking in, she covered his eyes, leaning close to his head. "Who's this?"

"Louisa, I'm busy. Not now."

"Who's Louisa?"

"No one." Tommy turned around and jumped out of his chair, giving Jude his best charming smile. "Just some crazy receptionist. How was talking to Big D?" When he heard Kwest snickering at the side, he swiftly kicked his friend's shin with one foot.

Kwest got the clue and immediately left the room.

Tommy should have known it wasn't Louisa, but Jude. She was the only girl who had ever managed to trigger that very confusing tingle on his skin when her breath crashed against it.

Jude watched the whole scene in mild irritation, but her mind was too busy coming to terms with all the new changes that she didn't have enough brain left to make sense of Tommy's odd behavior. Not when she hadn't had slept for over twenty-four hours! "Darius was nice, in a bossy, demanding sort of way. I'll have to sing, or I'm fired."

"Tell me about it." Tommy had heard a similar line from D, too. Just no singing, but obliging.

Jude was just about to tell him what else D had informed her about, when she spotted her sister coming through the door. "Sadie!" Jude quickly went to hug her. "You really didn't have to come all the way here to say 'hi'! But, I'm happy you did. How was Italy? Did you meet any cute guys?"

Sadie had expected to see Jude here, but she had not expected that sort of welcome. "Guys?"

"Yeah, guys," Tommy chimed in. His eyes pleaded to her, hoping she'd get the cue and wouldn't tell Jude about them. "You know, Italian men? Met any?"

Jude laughed, hearing Tommy being so interested. She figured he was hoping for her to have moved past him. "Yeah, come on! How was your trip?"

"Exhausting," she started wearily. "No one was home so I had to bring all my stuff here. Look, can I tell you about Italy tonight? I just want to go home and take a shower. And, I need your key for that."

"Sure," Jude told her, handing the key over. "Want me to call you a cab?"

Sadie waited for Tommy, who reluctantly offered to take her home. "I can do it. I need to make a run anyway. The party is later, and I still need to change. You," he addressed Jude, "need to rehearse. SME is in Studio B, waiting for you. Just do what Darius told you, okay? We both need the next weeks to go smoothly. With your first album on the rocks, you need to score some points first before you start making him trouble."

"I'm a nice girl," she pointed out, offended. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Just do it, okay?"

Jude nodded defeated. Sadie was already on her way towards the lobby, and out, when Jude held Tommy back. Her hand caught his upper arm, softly touching it while telling him, "It's really nice of you to take her home."

He forced himself to smile, instead of running away. Not only was he scared to admit the truth to Jude, but also had her return causing weird things to happen in him. It wasn't the first time she touched him today, and he began to develop a liking for her touch. That wasn't supposed to happen. Hadn't he started dating Sadie to prevent exactly that? "Sure. No problem." He wasn't certain what to do just then. Staying with Jude and feeling guilty and confused, or heading for his car and facing what he assumed would be one angry Sadie. She had told him to tell Jude already, and he had yet to do so. Maybe he could hide in the men's room for a while?

###

"Why haven't you told her yet," Sadie quickly shot the moment Tommy entered the car. "I hate lying to my sister. You said you'd tell her the moment she came back. What happened – you swallowed your tongue?"

"Calm down, okay!" He hated when women made big problems out of small issues. He also hated when women reminded him that issues were indeed big and needed to be addressed. "I'll tell her when I have the chance. You can't really expect me to ambush her with that the moment she's back from tour. Jude's tired and exhausted, but she has two gigs coming up. It won't hurt you to keep this thing between us for yourself another few days, will it? By the way, you didn't have any problems lying to your sister when she wasn't around!"

"I want to be able to be with my boyfriend! What about the party later? Is she the reason I'm not invited? So you don't have to watch your back?"

"You're not invited because I'm not there as a guest. I'm there to work! As will Jude. If I drop this about us on her now, she'll hardly be able to nail the performance, but she needs to, and so I'm not telling her. And I can't just invite women to parties that my boss is throwing. I'm not a guest. I'm his employee!"

"Just great!" The first tears fell from her eyes, but Sadie wasn't sure if they came from his hurting words or from her inner anger. "It's really nice to know who is more important to you."

"I'm not having this discussion with you," he barked, "I'm dating you, aren't I?" For the rest of the ride, both stayed silent.

###

Darius had informed them that Jude's performance during the party that afternoon was going to be recorded as a live track, along with every other one's, to go with the next SOLID issue as a freebee. Tommy nervously shifted in his seat next to Kwest, adjusting the last knobs while Jude and SME went on stage and got ready to perform. Kwest sent a quizzical glance to his friend, knowing he still had to tell Jude about his thing with Sadie. "You need to do it soon. The longer you wait, the harder she'll take it."

"I know." He really did know, and he felt awful for keeping secrets, for having flat-out lied to her. "It's just… I'm not sure anymore if I did the right thing. What if this thing with Sadie is wrong and I'll tell Jude for nothing?" He was seriously considering stopping seeing her. She was a sweet person, funny at times and beautiful. But, when up against the friendship he had with Jude, this thing with Sadie couldn't compete.

"Why are you dating Sadie?" Kwest had figured Tommy wasn't necessarily in love, but at least attracted to the girl he was with.

"I don't know." The show started, and both men put on their headphones. Tommy had not managed to talk to Jude again since the studio, and really hoped she would just do as she was told. He knew her well enough to know she hated to play other people's songs, but right now it was just something she had to do, and he pleaded she knew that, too. So far, Jude sang what she was supposed to sing. Everything went just right till the end, and the song was recorded and ready to be released.

Just when Jude and her band were leaving the stage, Tommy felt a presence next to him. "What are you doing here? How'd you get in?" He wasn't at all happy to see Sadie.

Hurt spoke from her eyes when she handed him a plate of food. "I came to support you. We didn't leave things right, and I wanted to say sorry. Lou let me in."

"I'm working here. As is your sister! I told you not to show up."

"And I told you I don't like lying to her! Either you tell her now, or I'll tell her myself!"

###

"Honestly, I expected you to rock the stage with one of your own songs," Spied told Jude as they left the stage.

Jude grinned, looking away sheepishly. "I wanted to. But, I promised Tommy to behave. I will not behave tomorrow during the finale, though. I'm not letting everyone else sing what they want during my replacement party, while I have to do the stupid cover! I'm working on something new. Something that will kick ass! So, tonight, eight pm, Studio B. Rehearsal!"

"That late," Wally complained. He had listened to the conversation. "I was planning to sleep," he whined.

"So was I," Jude assured. "But they try to kick me from the stage, and I'm not leaving without a fight!" She stopped mid-way when she caught Sadie standing next to the stage with Tommy. Were that tears on her face? "What's she doing here?"

"Don't know. Maybe visiting Tommy? My cousin said she saw them going out during the summer," Kyle informed.

"No," Jude immediately denied that. "Tommy said he wasn't dating anyone. They went out before tour, but not during tour! Not after I found out!"

"Maybe that's the dates she meant." The boys went to pack up their stuff, and Jude slowly followed, one eye still on the scene between Tommy and Sadie. Tommy wouldn't lie, would he? She had specifically asked him whether he was dating Sadie, and he had said no. Loud and clear. No, he hadn't lied.

###

Five hours later in studio B, Jude still couldn't get the confusion out of her head. Something definitely wasn't adding up. She thought about the times she had seen Sadie and Tommy together today, and Sadie hadn't seemed like her usual self around Tommy. She had seemed sad. "Guys, I've got to go for a bit. I need to check on something! It won't take long, so can you try to work on the sound?"

She left after she gained three nods, happy that she had taken her father's car that night. He had given it to her for the night since he had to leave town for work, and she was more than thrilled about it. When she drove up the curb on her home she already felt her stomach clenching in presentiment. She had a hunch that something was going on when she found Tommy's new Cobra parked right in front of the house. She stopped her car, got out, and silently walked towards the door. Fear began to settle in her, next to hurt and anger. Slowly things began to make sense. Tommy's willingness to take Sadie home, the fact that he knew about her parents' divorce, and on top of that his weird looks whenever she brought up Sadie.

The noises reached her ears long before her eyes could fully catch the scene. Gently pushing the door open, she noticed a pair of female jeans on the floor; shoes and some other clothes were scattered around. Mewling sounds filled the room and even a weird smell, but then again, Jude was beginning to feel sick and maybe she just imagined it. She hadn't been noticed so far, not sure if she was grateful for that. Her big, teary eyes were glued to the act that went down on the couch. She was a virgin, but it didn't need a hooker to know what Sadie and Tommy were doing. He on top, hips shifting repeatedly, Sadie underneath, moaning.

Jude felt herself outside her body, almost like a ghost, not only watching them but also watching herself. Why couldn't she speak up? Why wasn't she running away? Her best friend, the guy she was crushing on for a year now, was having sex with her sister and she was watching, frozen in place. Suddenly, Sadie and Tommy were staring at her, and out of all the things that were wrecking her brain just then, the only thing she really wanted to know was how they had noticed her standing there. Then she realized that she must have dropped her house keys, for they were lying on the floor.

Oxygen left her lungs. Jude felt her stomach clenching in pain. "You lied to me."

While for her things happened in slow motion, Tommy and Sadie got dressed, or at least decently covered in only split seconds. "Jude," Sadie tried, not knowing what to say though. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you earlier…"

Jude didn't hear her. She only saw Tommy's guilty eyes, pleading with her to forgive him. "You lied to me," she told him gravely, again, still waiting for a reaction. What reaction she wanted, she didn't know. Tears were falling from her cheeks, but she didn't notice until she felt some drops hitting the back of her hand when she leaned down to pick the key up. She wiped her face, still waiting for his answer. Eventually she realized he wasn't going to satisfy her with one. And so she left, running towards the car as fast as she could, locking herself inside, driving away and ending up a few blocks away, in front of a red light, crying.

###

"Hey," said Spied when Jude arrived back in the studio. She hurried right into his arms to cry and for the need to get taken care of. Wally and Kyle joined him, engulfing Jude in a firm band hug. They had done so before when during tour when Wally's grandmother had died. Now Jude was the one, searching comfort in her friends' arms.

"You were right," Jude breathed in lack of any strength. "They are dating." Never before had she felt more stupid in her life. Everyone had seen, but her. She had told Tommy how happy she was that he wasn't seeing her sister, and he had smiled and let her believe he had understood.

###

The next morning, Tommy walked into the studio, feeling nothing but horrible. He had hurt Jude before, but the look on her face last night had knocked him out. She was broken, and he had seen clearly that had been his fault. It had muted him. He hadn't been able to say anything, despite having heard her asking him repeatedly for an explanation. After Jude had run away, Sadie had tried to follow her, but he hadn't. He had just sat there, speechless and full of remorse, trying to remember why he had been in that house in the first place.

It had been a stupid idea to begin with; he was aware. After having had a fight with Sadie during the party, he had looked for Jude to finally tell her everything but hadn't been able to find her. So he had made his way over to the Harrison house. He had not found Jude, but a very regretful Sadie and somewhere between apologizing and wanting to leave, he had ended up on the couch with her. It had only been some kissing – at first. His thoughts had drifted away, and his body had surrendered. The moment he had seen Jude, he had known he had made a huge mistake. He had tried calling her, but so far she hadn't picked up, and from Sadie he knew that she hadn't shown up at home again, either. Worry was taking over, and he wasn't used to deal with that.

On his way to the office, he passed studio B, and a giant wave of relief washed over him once he saw Jude. She was alive and safe. As ridiculous as it sounded, last night's look on her face had scared him so much, he had feared the worst. He knew she had a crush on him, that's why he had procrastinated telling her for so long. Jude was awake, unlike her band that was sleeping on the studio floor. She was sitting in the corner of the room, a guitar in her lap, and her journal next to her. He softly tabbed on the window, wanting to catch her attention, and not wake up the other guys.

When Jude looked up, he saw the immediate flash of pain and bitterness covering her usually soft and warm features. She stood up and walked towards the door, which truthfully surprised him for he hadn't expected her to be willing to talk to him. Not that he would hold it against her. She quietly emerged the studio, leaning against the door once it was closed again. He could see deep lines and dark spots under her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to find out like that. I wish I could tell you why I'm with her…" He really did. He had thought a lot about it, but couldn't find any answers other than that Sadie had been there, and so had he and now they were there, together. It had just happened.

"I don't want to know." Jude's voice wasn't as friendly and soft as it had been yesterday, when she had assured him that nothing would ever break their friendship apart. It was cold and distanced. "You lied to me. I told you how much it would upset me to know you're with her and you listened to me, and smiled, and just let me believe you'd never hurt me like that. I even asked you again, and you lied. You told me you weren't dating anyone. Kyle said he heard someone telling him that you and Sadie went out the whole summer? So you never split up after I found out! That's six weeks that you've been lying to me, Tommy."

His heart broke when he realized just how much he had failed her. "I didn't want to."

"But you did." She still wasn't angry, but calm, almost detached. No tears were falling from her eyes, as they had last night. "You know how I feel for you." Even now she blushed as she told him. "I told you. Do you even know how hard it was for me? How much courage it took me to say that I'm in love with you? When I told you six weeks ago, I thought you felt the same. Getting disappointed…it was hard, Tommy. And it hurt. But, I'm still here. I accepted that you don't feel anything for me. If you had told me the truth, I would have accepted it, too." Now she couldn't keep her tough facade any longer, and little, stinging tears broke their way free. "Because you'd still be my friend. You're not my friend anymore, Tommy. Can you imagine how much more that hurts? You were the one who always kept me going. Now you're not there anymore!"

"I'm here, Jude," he told her desperately, not wanting this to be the end of their friendship. For the first time in his life, he had someone who really understood him. Jude never judged him, she just stuck with him no matter what. He wanted to object to so many things that she had said. He wanted to tell her that he had never not felt anything for her. He wanted to tell her that he knew how much she was hurting, because he was hurting too. He knew he had jeopardized their friendship, and he couldn't even forgive himself for that. Now he fought for a last chance. "I'm so sorry, girl! I'm not going to let you walk away from me like that. You're my best friend!"

"Not anymore," Jude spoke through her tears, wiping them away with the back of her hand. "I can't be friends with you, Tommy. I can't even look at you. All I see is you, over her…I see the things that you did and I feel my heart breaking all over again. You knew how I felt for you! You not only broke my heart. You promised me you'd never hurt me again, but you did. I can't trust you anymore!" She turned around, stepping back into the studio. She needed to get her guitar and her journal. She needed to get home and shower. She needed to do things step by step today, or she wasn't going to last. On her way out the studio, she saw Tommy still standing at the very same spot he stood before. His eyes followed her, and she could see that he was honestly sorry for what had happened. She had always been able to see what he was feeling. And then it hit her. No, she hadn't always been able. Last night had proven that! And just like that, she didn't care that he was standing lost and helpless near the door of studio B. He had been the one who had hurt her first, and he hadn't cared either!

Chapter two

Sadie was preparing breakfast when she heard the door opening. She knew it could only be her mother, or Jude. Sadie hoped for the latter. Leaving the food behind, she quickly walked to the hallway, seeing Jude sprinting up the stairs, obviously trying not to run into her. Sadie wasn't that eager for a talk, but knew the longer they'd wait, the deeper the grudge between them would become. "Jude?"

And Jude stopped. Mid-step, she haltered, turned around and looked down from nearly the top of the stairs. It felt so weird to look at her sister from this angle of the room. Sadie was half a head taller than Jude, so she was used to be looked down upon. Now she noticed for the first time how little Sadie Harrison could be. Her eyes wandered along the room, taking in various things from her new point of view. Everything seemed so much smaller just then. Even the big couch that she had stared at last night, not having seen yet, but having heard clearly what had been going on.

"Jude?" Sadie called once more, "Are you listening?" She didn't dare to be offended by the lack of attention. Not after last night. Jude had always had a crush on Tommy, and Sadie knew she should have said something earlier. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but Tommy said he wanted to tell you himself. Because of your friendship, and so on." She put it vaguely, not wanting to speak out that she knew about her sister's adolescent feelings for Tommy. Admitting that she was aware would only make what she did, worse.

"He said he was sorry," Jude spoke up.

"We both are."

"He's not in love with you."

Sadie wasn't sure if she had heard right. If she did, then Jude had become a lot bitchier during the last night. "What?"

Jude didn't know why she was saying it, but she couldn't keep the words inside. "He told me he didn't know why he was with you."

Sadie tried not to show how these words hurt. She had known Tommy wasn't sure about his feelings, but that he didn't have any at all? "I don't understand. What are you trying to tell me?"

"I don't know. You slept with the guy you know I like. You know that Tommy is my producer, and that he and I work together constantly. You know how hurt I would be to find out about you two, and how hard it will be to work together from now on. He's not in love with you. Why did you sleep with him? Why are you dating him?"

Sadie was speechless, and truthfully she was also stunned. Jude had never been called the smartest before, that being Sadie's title, and now here she was. The little sister, sixteen years old with no serious relationship in her past, calling Sadie up on the one thing that she herself had no answer for. Not that she had figured anyone else would ever question her about it. Of course, she was in love with Tommy. For years now. Even long before she had met him, she had already adored him. Jude could hardly believe her little crush on Tommy could compete with what she felt for him! "Because I love him!"

Jude stood motionless for a few moments, before simply nodding.

"That's it?" Sadie began to forget that Jude was hurt. "You nod? Why did you even want to know?!"

Her shoulders gave a little shrug as Jude continued her way towards a much-craved shower. "I just did. I wanted to know why you did it. He doesn't know why he did it, so I figured you must have had a good reason. After all," Jude said, having thought of that just this second, "You knew I'd be coming home last night. It was inevitable to stumble over you two."

Sadie couldn't move. She would have never hurt her sister on purpose, would she? She knew Jude was out, probably partying with SME, that's why she hadn't expected anyone interrupting them. When Tommy had shown up, she had not seduced him. They had started kissing, and one thing had simply led to another one, hadn't it? She went to resume making breakfast, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach that Jude had figured something out that she hadn't been able to admit to herself so far.

###

"I don't know what to do," Tommy confessed to Kwest when they leaned up against the soundboard at the side of the concert hall where the Instant Star finale would take place that night. "She hates me. I don't even know if I'm still working with her. If she fires me I'll lose any chance of ever making up for last night."

Kwest tried to find some pity for his friend, but deep down a small part of him was actually glad that it had come out the way it had, not that he had wished for it. Jude had needed a tough dose of reality to see the truth. Had Tommy simply told her, would he have ever found the courage to do so, Jude wouldn't be as mad at Tommy as she was now. Maybe it was good for her to not spend time with him for a while. He had seen Jude falling for Tommy the whole last year and as good as a friend Tommy was to him, Kwest couldn't believe Quincy was a good idea for Jude. He would hurt her eventually. Better it happened now, before the blow would have been even bigger. "She'll get over it. She's–" He stopped, nudging Tommy's arm when he caught Jude entering the stage.

Tommy looked up, confused, until he spotted his girl. She was wearing a long silk gown that made her look even more mature and beautiful, as he found in that moment. Not that any thoughts about Jude's appearance should be on his mind just then! He could only watch her, muted by guilt and irritating feelings that befuddled his head. The SME-boys were trailing closely behind her, and whenever they caught Tommy watching them, they sent sharp glares at him. Yeah, no doubt they were on Jude's side these days.

"Can we set up," Jude asked, addressing no one specifically.

When Tommy didn't answer, Kwest nodded. "Sure. You need to rehearse?"

"No. We're all done rehearsing. We're on first, as the opening act." Jude was supposed the be the show's finale, but after talking to Darius and explaining that she wasn't feeling so well, he had agreed to let her be the opening act and then leave. She was glad he didn't make her stay until the end, but he had assured her that as long as she did what he expected from her, he'd have her back. It was then that she had admitted of wanting to perform a different song that night. He had again agreed, after having heard an acoustic little spoof of it.

"You're needing extra background tracks for 'stupid girl'?" Tommy asked without looking at her when he rediscovered his voice.

Jude shook her head, "I'm not doing 'stupid girl'. And we're okay, thanks."

"Jude," he warned, "going against D is not smart. I know you don't want to hear from me right now, but I'm still your producer and–"

"Darius has already agreed to the new song," she curtly informed him. "Not everyone lies, Tommy. Some people prefer honesty."

Tommy didn't say anything else. Kwest patted his shoulder reassuringly. "She didn't mean that."

"Yes she did." Grabbing the mic he had just synced with the soundboard, he walked up to the center of the stage, passing a glaring Spied, before handing it to Jude. He leaned closer to her, making sure she was the only one who could hear him. "Please, Jude. It was one mistake. I simply didn't know how to tell you!"

She looked away when his insistent voice began to cause cracks in her carefully built walls of self-protection. She had cried this morning, under the shower, and then had promised herself that those were the last tears leaving her eyes. Tom Quincy hadn't earned her tears! If only she knew a way to make her heart understand that, too. "It doesn't matter to me, Tommy. You know what really hurts?" She took a deep breath to fight the water that began to fill her eyes. "With every apology you make, I only end up hating you more. You say you didn't know how to tell me? That's because you knew I would be hurt. You knew and you still did it. You didn't care. So tell me, why should I care now?"

That was likely the harshest thing he'd ever heard from her. And, it hit right where it hurt. One of the things that he valued most about Jude's friendship was how she never hid anything from him. Even the things that no one else would call him up on, Jude would. And he hadn't even been able to return that simple gesture. "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. Repeating it a million times won't change things. You don't love Sadie, do you?" She asked bluntly, already knowing the answer. But, the last twenty-four hours had shown her that she didn't really know him after all, and so she asked anyway.

"No," he affirmed.

She gulped away the pain that came with the confession. "That's sad. Because, it means you gave up on our friendship for meaningless sex." Now those traitorous little tears fell after all. "I'd have never thought you'd sell me this cheap."

"I'm going to make it up to you," he swore, a little less guilty and a little more desperate to put an end to their differences already.

"How?" She honestly asked him. "I don't trust you anymore. And I can't stand your sight. How?"

He hadn't expected that her words would cut him that deep. Never before had he cared so much for what he had done to someone else. He had hurt people before, but he had walked away then. Not caring for forgiveness, he had fled to avoid guilt. He couldn't run away from Jude, because she was the first person he had met in many years that he simply needed around in his life. She was the one he needed trust from. He hadn't known just how much until now, when he had lost it. "I'll find a way," he whispered promisingly, brushing a tear from her soft cheek.

"Don't touch me," Jude shot, shoving his hand away from her. "Go, okay? Can't you see how it hurts?" One helpless look later he was gone.

###

"And now," Darius Mills proudly began when he opened the finale of his first Instant Star competition, "Our very first Instant Star. She has just gotten back from her first tour and will now present the very first song of her new album, called 'Are you happy now'"

Kwest did the work of controlling the sound that night. Tommy stood in the back of the room, listening to his new, old bosses' words. He had rarely ever heard D so excited, and wondered just how good the song must be Jude was about to play. Soft sounds began to fill the auditorium and the fans quickly calmed down to hear the notes and Jude's vocals.

Now, don't just walk away

Pretending everything's ok

And you don't care about me

And I know it's just no use

When all your lies become your truths and I don't care... yeah, yeah, yeah

Could you look me in the eye

And tell me that you're happy now, ohhh, ohhh

Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,

Are you happy now?

Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take,

And left me with an empty plate

And you don't care about it, yeah.

And I, I've given up this game

I'm leaving you with all the blame cause I don't care… yeah, yeah yeah,

He couldn't stand listening to those words any longer. She believed he didn't care that she was hurting. Truth was, it was all that he cared about just then. Just when he was about to leave the concert hall, Darius found him. He sported a bright grin that looked an awful lot like the one he had on when Boyz Attack were having their first number one hit in Japan, and he had realized he could double his fortune just by the franchise they'd be able to sell there. "Now that's a star," he commented, pointing to Jude. "Whoever made her write this song, I should give him a share of the money I'll make with the sales!"

Tommy gave his best fake smile, not wanting to piss D off by showing no interest, or admitting he was the inspiration. Jude was scheduled to come in for recording the next day and he already knew that was going to cause enough drama. "So, whose going to win," he asked, only pretending to care while trying not to hear the accusations in Jude's words as she bared her soul to everyone.

Darius shrugged. "It's the caller's choice." The event was airing live on TV and everyone at home could call for their favorite. The one with the most calls would win.

"That's what the people at home think. Seriously, who's going to win?"

"The one with the hat. Mason Fox. I asked around and country is the new pop! He'll win. I took care of that."

Tommy merely reacted, having expected nothing less. "You'll need me here, or can I go?"

"Where to? Your new girlfriend?"

"How do you know?"

"Jude told me. She mentioned you were dating her sister now. Listen, there's something I need you to know. Jude asked to get you replaced as soon as possible. It's my choice to grant that wish, but…you two work good. The last album was bad because of the poor publicity Jude got. The songs weren't that bad. Sort out what problems you have, understood?"

"Sure," Tommy professed. Thoughts of leaving now left his mind in lightening speed, and the desire to have five minutes alone with Jude were all he craved for. This needed to be settled soon, and for good! She wanted to fire him?!

Could you look me in the eye?

And tell me that you're happy now, oohh oohhh

Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,

Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh

Are you happy now?

Do you really have everything you want?

You can get up and give something you have got

You can't run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eyes?

and tell me that you`re happy now, yeah yeah

come on tell it to my face or have i been erased,

are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh

are you happy now?

Yeaah, Yeaaah

Would you look me in the eye?

Could you look me in the eye?

I've had all that I can take

And I'm about to break

Cause you're happy now, ohhh, ohhh

Are you happy now?

###

Jude was backstage trying to change out of the dress and back into her normal clothes so she could make a quick exit when Tommy found her. To her great distress she was surrounded not only by Portia, who wanted her fancy designer dress back, but also by two other women trying to help her undress. Which meant, a whole lot of rumors were hitting the floor tomorrow, since Tommy didn't bother to wait for privacy before starting to let go of his frustration. "You want to fire me?"

"For a reason," Jude barked back. "I'm undressing. Get out!"

"Oh, please! You're standing behind a room divider. Don't make such a big deal out of it!"

Jude scoffed bitterly. "Right. Guess one naked Harrison isn't enough to satisfy you!" She should care about the interested faces of everyone else in the room, but in that moment only her pent up anger for Tommy ruled her judgment.

"I can't even see you!" He turned around to face the door, just to prevent any more discussions about that issue. "Why are you firing me? We're a good team!"

"We WERE a good team. That was before I stumbled over you, giving it to my sister! We were a good team because we got along. How often do I need to tell you that it hurts to see you?! How do you think it will go tomorrow, when we record? Huh?" Jude angrily pushed the dress down, glaring at Portia who was just about to form a snappy remark about the wrinkles Jude caused in the fabric. She quickly replaced the dress by a shirt and jeans. "Do you think I'll ask you for your opinion when I can't decide which words express my feelings better? I suggest 'asshole' and you offer 'man-whore'?"

He spun around, facing her with raging eyes. "You're going too far! So what – yes, I did sleep with Sadie! I'm really sorry I didn't tell you before you found out, and I'm truly sorry for the way how you found out! But, you and me – we're NOT together. I didn't cheat on you. We never dated, nor were we close to doing so! I never let you believe I'd ask you out. As sorry as I am for having hurt your feelings, I'm not letting you call me 'asshole' or 'man-whore'! Mope as much as you want, but stop with the big words!"

"Oh really – you never let me on?" She purposely ignored the rest of his words. "Let's talk about how you never did that, Tommy. Two kisses! Already forgotten?"

"One kiss," he hissed, "the other one was solely your fault!"

"Okay. One kiss. Not that it wouldn't count for two, given the fact that you went for my lips TWICE!" Done getting dressed she roughly grabbed her bag and her jacket before storming for the door and away from Tommy. "Stay the bloody hell away from me," she shouted from the hallway, making the clear words echo through the whole area. He tried to calm down, being still too angry with her, and himself, when Portia slapped his shoulder. "You kissed Jude? The poor girl is sixteen! She doesn't know the difference between a kiss and love. That's the same thing for her!"

He didn't reply on his way out, heading straight for his car. To his great surprise he found her leaning against his hood. For a moment he feared she might be scratching the paint with her keys, but then he noticed her heaving shoulders, and the muffled sounds of her soft cries weren't lost on him either. Just then he realized how stupid he had reacted. He really had been an asshole a few moments ago. Of course, she didn't want to work with him. He had already assumed so, long before D had told him. But hearing it, it had snapped something in him. Maybe it was panic, the scare to lose her. "I'm so sorry, Jude! I shouldn't have yelled at you."

When he sat down on the hood next to her, he found her cracking a smile. He had not known how amazing it could feel to know she was still capable of smiling.

"You apologize a lot, lately," Jude remarked.

"I screw up a lot, lately," he weakly joked. Asking with more hope than he was allowed to have, he wondered, "You're accepting my apologies?"

Jude shook her head. "No." The little word felt like a punch into his gut. "But, I'm here to apologize myself." On her way out it had dawned on her what exactly she had given away in front of everyone, and she knew it had been too much. "You're not getting into trouble because I told them about the kiss?"

He cracked a grin. "Why? Would that make you happy?"

"No," she whispered this time.

"I won't get any trouble. Don't worry."

Barely nodding, she pushed herself off his car and walked towards the exit of the parking lot. "Wait," he called after her. "It's dangerous here. At least let me take you home."

"No. Someone's picking me up."

"Someone?"

She stopped, slowly turning around while wondering if it weren't the better idea to not look at him. "We're no friends anymore. I only asked you if you're in trouble now out of politeness. It doesn't change anything. I still want you out of the studio when I record. I still can't stand seeing you. I heard your words before, you know? Saying I had no right to feel how I feel? I know that. I already feel pathetic enough for crying all the time! But, it doesn't make any difference. I am hurt, and I can't stop it." Her broken-hearted eyes met his sorry ones. In this moment, alone in the parking lot with him, she just had to ask. "Do I really have no right to feel this way? And I don't mean the lying." With that she turned back around, walking another few feet before entering a car he didn't recognize.

He stayed behind, sat down in his car and wondered when exactly she had grown up so much. How was it she knew him so much better than he knew himself? Yes, she did have a right to feel that way. Not because he had lied to her. On the last night before tour, during her concert, she had told him she had fallen for him and that she had believed he had fallen, too. He had never denied that, because as confused as he might have been back then, he had always known she wasn't completely wrong. Just because they couldn't be together, didn't mean he didn't want her. He wouldn't have let any other girl talk to him like a scorned ex, but Jude had always been more than just a friend.

His thoughts were interrupted by his cell. Reading the text he had gotten, he sighed.

'Hi. Jude's sleeping out of house. Wanna come by? We need to talk.'

Jude was sleeping out of house? Was she sleeping at whomever had just picked her up? Who had picked her up? He started his car, peeled out into the streets, and headed home. He needed sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. He wasn't going to let her fire him without a fight.

###

Song: Are You Happy Now, Michelle Branch