Chapter 2

A few days later, found Barney trying to find someone who could be his new wingman. He called some old friends/ wingmen, but instead they told him about how their lives had changed. Since Marshall and Robin had declined to hang with him, he had to ask Randi his over enthusiastic co-worker. Barney couldn't help but groan in sheer embarrassment as he watched Randy dancing and leaping down the corridor with joy. Barney sighed lightly, before getting back to his work, he was looking for information on the red snakes.

The next night, Barney watched as Randy crashed and burned while chatting up a brunette at the bar. After taking Randy to the side, he listened to what Randy said about the koala bears. Barney decided that the best thing to do was to get Randy used to speaking with girls, surreptitiously, he took out his phone and messaged Robin to come to the bar. All she responded with was to order her a scotch.

"I am sorry Barney."

Barney waved off Randy apology, "New plan, we need to get you comfortable talking to women. Now there is no need to be nervous because Robin has agreed to help out" Barney pointed out Robin, who had just walked into McLaren's.

Barney stood up and quickly briefed Robin on the situation and the plan. Robin then headed to the bar where Carl had a drink ready for her. While Barney went back to Randy, "Now let's keep this simple. All you have to do is just introduce yourself."

Randy got from the booth and walked over to Robin, he stopped directly behind her, "Hi, I'm Rand."

"Hi Randy"

"How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Good, thanks."

"Great, you are doing really well, now ask her what she is doing later" Barney whispered from where he stood.

"So, what are you….."

"Yeah, your nose is bleeding like a faucet" interrupted Robin, watching as drop of blood landed on his tie.

"Oh god" moaned Randy, wiping the blood, "This happens every time I have an erection." Randy left Barney and Robin at the bar, heading to the bathroom.

Barney saw the weirded out look on Robin's face and picked up her drink up. He held it up in front of her, so that she could take a drink.

"Okay, new plan we wrap his face with gauze so he can't bleed or talk" Barney suggested before taking a swing of his drink.

"Barney, why are you so desperate for this to happen?"

"I'm a wingman this is what I do"

"is it possible that you're trying to fill in the void of losing Ted by rushing into a new wingman relationship?" Robin asked, finally voicing the concerns she had.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that Randy is your rebound bro."

"No, that's crazy" Barney waved off her concerns.

Before Robin could respond, Randy walked back over to them. He has wads of tissue stuffed up his nose, "Right, it hasn't clotted but I think its draining backwards now."

His explanation made both Barney and Robin gag, Robin turned her attention to her drink. Barney placed his hand on Randy's shoulder and nudged him to another direction so that they could talk privately.

"Randy, I don't think this is going to work out"

"Yeah, I figured", Randy sighed, "This is the story of my life. I always let people down, you, my dad, the chief."

"The chief?"

"I was a cop for like three months. But I git kicked off the force because I screwed up so much. I was a liability."

"You were a police officer?" Barney asked in amazement, "and you didn't tell me?"

With this new discovery, Barney set Randy up with a drunk blonde, after embellishing some of the stories that Randy told. Once Randy was in a cab heading to the blonde's apartment. Barney looked at the women in the bar and his attention kept coming back to one woman, so he convinced Robin to join him at his place for the night.

/-/-/

Since finding out that it was Stella's receptionist Ash… no Abby was the saboteur, who had been ruining his chances with most of the women he met. Barney couldn't believe the amount of he had been slapped these past couple of days. He still couldn't help himself and here he was in bed with her, they had bonded over their mutual annoyance with Ted. As he lay in bed listening to Abby complain about Ted, an idea started to stir in the depths of his mind, "You know what he needs? He needs to see just how horrible he is when he is in a relationship."

"Yeah, I need to show him that I am over him."

"Are you thinking what I am thinking?" asked Barney wondering if Amy was on the same wavelength as him.

"You're thinking about having sex with Ted?" Abby asked in amazement.

Barney looked at her flabbergasted at the where her mind went, "Um no" he answered when he noticed she was still waiting for an answer.

"Oh ok" she shrugged, before lying back down. Barney explained his plan to Abby. After many questions and repeating himself a number of times, it finally seemed like Abby understood the plan. Barney reminded her to meet him at McLaren's before he left her place.

Later that night, Barney was stood in front of McLaren's dressed in a light blue cashmere jumper waiting for Abby. He was just about to call her when a taxi finally pulled up and a similarly dressed Abby came out of the taxi.

Together they strolled over to the booth where Ted and Marshall were seated in, "Hey Ted, fancy bumping into you here" Barney said trying to sound causal, "Have you guys met my girlfriend Abby?"

Ted and Marshall shared a confused look, both of them were wondering what new plan Barney was hatching now. "So, you guys are dating now?" asked Ted.

"That's right. I am all about being in a couple. Isn't that sweetie?" Without waiting for her to answer Barney said "Abby and I are in love. Not hot passionate love but couple love."

"Barney and I are showing Ted how lame he is" blurted out Abby, causing Barney to groan lightly in frustration and Marshall and Ted traded an uncomfortable look.

"Uh ok, Barney you can stop now"

"Stop what Ted? Stop being in love"

"Um Barney, I can see what you are trying to do. Please stop."

"Not before I share what being in a relationship leads to, Ted." Barney looked at Abby and took both her hands in his and in a overly sweet voice said, "Abby, Pookie bear, will you marry me?"

Abby gasped in in shock, "wait really?"

"I would never joke about true love." Said Barney, he pulled out a small plastic ring from his pocket, and slowly pushed the ring onto Abby's finger and pulled her into a hug while the rest of the bar applauded.

Abby pulled out her phone and screeched, "I have to tell my mum" And walked away dialling the number. Ignoring the clapping around him, Barney turned his attention to Ted and said, "That's you."

"Um yeah I don't think Abby know that you're kidding" pointed out Marshall.

"Um yeah she does" said Barney, then stopped to think about it and silently agreed that she probably didn't know that it was a bit as they hadn't planned this beforehand. He walked away from the booth and headed towards the bar, ignoring Abby who was still on the phone with her mum and asked Carl for a glass of champagne. Raising the glass in the air, he addressed the whole bar, yelling, "Champagne for everyone on me, the happiest guy in the world." The whole bar cheered while Barney turned to Carl and said, "Give them ginger ale, it's a bit." Carl nodded in understanding having done and seen Barney pulling a bit.

After finishing his drink and seeing Abby was wrapping up her call, Barney decided it was time they headed out. He paid Carl, and pulled Abby out of the bar and called for a taxi, both of them heading back to Abby's place.

As Abby stood in front of him, talking about planning their wedding, but Barney hadn't heard a word she said until she said the words "Our wedding".

"Our wedding" he scoffed, "There is no wedding. That was just a bit, you know that right?"

Completely ignoring what he was saying Abby continued, "I was thinking labour day."

Barney shrugged, "Right Abby, I've got some bad news I can't marry you."

"You can't?"

"No Ted asked me not to. He likes you too much and wants you for himself."

"He does?"

"Yeah, he does. Anyway, I should head out" Barney grabbed his blazer and headed out of the door, as he shut the door, his phone started to ring. He didn't recognise the number on the screen, "Hello."

"Hello, Is this Barney Stinson?"

"Yes speaking."

"Mr Stinson, my name is Sally Collins, I'm a nurse at Richmond University Medical Center. I am calling as your mother was admitted here after her neighbours found her unconscious at home."

"What? Is she ok?"

"She is fine at the moment, but I think it would be best if you could get here as soon as possible."

"I'm heading there now. Please tell her I will be there soon" Barney said as he hailed down a cab.