Chapter 4: A Small Step
Upon seeing him vomit whatever he had left in his stomach yet again, Paimon couldn't help but worry about the boy she was currently partnered with. She owed him her life; it was painful to see him struggling without knowing what was really going on.
'Is he remembering something?' Paimon guessed, recollecting the similar action from earlier that day. However, unlike the last time, Paimon noticed that Subaru did not get up soon after finishing up. Instead, he simply rolled onto his back and hauntingly gazed at the sky.
Right when Subaru fell onto his back, Paimon decided that she had had enough and flew back to him.
"Subaru?! What happened?!"
However, upon looking into the boy's eyes, Paimon couldn't help but wonder what happened to him to have changed him so much. His eyes held so much more anguish and pain than Paimon could ever notice. Paimon could not understand why a change like that happened so drastically; she was too stupid to know that.
"So… So many times…" Subaru choked out, the haunted look never leaving his eyes, a small smile on his lips. "Why… Why did I keep on…"
"Subaru, please, you need to get up!" Paimon pleaded out loud, gently shaking his shoulder. "Tell me what's wrong! Paimon might not understand, but Paimon can help you!"
Yet, he didn't react. His gaze was fixed upon the sky no matter what Paimon tried to do. What was worse was the small smile he had while looking up. Almost like it was funny how bad his situation was.
Gnashing her teeth, Paimon beat her foot down. "You know what?! Screw this! Paimon's done! I'm done with this! Thank you for saving me, but I can't keep on being around you if you're like this!"
Slowly, Subaru's smile crept down and tears started to well in his eyes.
"Why…"
Paimon cast another worried look upon him, but then huffed once again. Immediately, Paimon set out onto the road to Mondstadt.
"Look, catch up when you're done moping, alright?" Paimon chided. "Paimon can't keep on waiting for you."
"Ack, no, Paimon!" Subaru yelled out, flipping around and reaching out for her. "Not that way! An army of hilichurls is coming here! They'll kill you!"
"Huh?" Paimon widened her eyes in surprise. "Wait, how do you know about hilichurls?"
"P-Paimon, please…" Subaru choked out, still lying down on his knees and elbows with tears in his eyes. "Believe me on this, please, Paimon."
Paimon looked back at Subaru once again. Looking back at the road, she sighed once more.
"Alright, fine," she grumbled as she turned around. "Paimon'll go back. But you better make it back, alright?!"
Subaru finally collapsed onto the floor once more, a weight now taken off his chest. "Thank you, Paimon. I'll be there soon. We… still need to find Rem, don't we?"
"Hmm, hmm! Paimon already promised to be your guide! So, promise Paimon that you'll make it back!"
"… I promise."
As Paimon drifted away, Subaru felt a bitter taste enter his mouth. What he had just done reminded him of all the pain that he had put his family through and the unknown pain from the previous world.
He made a false promise.
He had no intention of living. He had no idea how he could fight that Mitachurl. There was nothing he could do against it. No matter what he tried, he would end up dead, forced to go through everything once more.
Also, he was not in the mood to even move.
'So many times. I died so many times.'
Subaru had just awoken his memories of his experiences from Return by Death. All his past deaths, he remembered them now. At once, all the memories rushed into him the moment he had uttered the name of his ability.
He died over and over again in his mind at the same time.
He couldn't handle it.
He couldn't move. He could still feel every single cut and scrape and dismembered limb and slit throat and shattered face. It plagued every cell of his body. He couldn't trust himself to move after experiencing all of that.
'Did… I manage to survive from them? Those deaths? Did I survive?'
'Or did I simply run away?'
'Maybe I ran away from them all?'
'Of course, I had!'
'You can't do anything after all!'
'You're absolutely useless, even you've been transported to a parallel world.'
'It's just like how things were back home.'
'You've always been a disappointment.'
'You'll be nothing but a disappointment.'
Subaru felt a weight in his chest pushing against his throat. However, he knew that his stomach was empty. There was nothing more that he could throw up. Just now he had vomited gastric juices and nothing else. His stomach was empty. He couldn't even be granted the release of vomit.
He let out a shuddered breath. He was afraid to stand back up and look at his reflection from the water beneath. His unmarred body contrasted so drastically with his newfound memories that he knew he would get severe whiplash from simply looking at himself.
And it was all because of this cursed power.
'Why… Why did I deserve this?! What did I do to deserve all this?! What sins did I commit?!'
Subaru wanted to scream, but he was too tired to do so. The weight of it all pushed him down so far that it exhausted him immediately. At this moment, he didn't care about the incoming hilichurls. No. All he wanted to do… was sleep.
Subaru, gazing up at the beautiful sky showing off in front of him, finally shut out the rest of the world.
"Hey! Wake up!"
Subaru felt something slapping his face. 'Huh? What's going on?'
Subaru grumbled slowly, "Alright, alright, I'm up."
Sitting up, Subaru slowly rubbed his eyes. Looking up, he found that the sky had already darkened. It was night. Stars were dotting out the sky in beautiful patterns. Familiar ones, too.
"The constellations here are the same as in my world, huh?" Subaru couldn't help but mutter to himself.
"You know, this is a pretty bad place to sleep," the same voice from earlier interrupted. "If you want the grace of the Anemo Archon, why don't you just go to the church? You don't need to sleep in front of one of the Statues."
Upon looking up, Subaru blinked in surprise.
A person was standing before him. An actual human being. A regular one.
A girl, to be precise. She had brown hair and amber eyes along with a headband with a red bow on top, resembling bunny ears. She wore a red hoodie that covered only her shoulders, on which a pair of goggles rested. She also wore a corset emblazoned with an unknown logo along the midriff along with red stockings. Finally, on her hip rested a glowing red badge with a fire-like design on front. All in all, she reminded Subaru of a tomboy biker, to some extent.
"Are you okay? Do you need anything? Oh, I've got some water left over, hope you don't mind it being from my bottle," the girl eagerly said as she pulled out a flask from a satchel on her hip. "I'm so glad I decided to stay out a little late, I wouldn't want to imagine what would happen if you remained here unguarded. I mean, there is a Statue of the Seven here, so it should protect you from monsters, but one can't be too safe, can't they?"
Subaru blinked in surprise as he gratefully accepted the flask of water from her hands. Taking a quick sip from the almost depleted bottle, Subaru looked back at her.
"Who… are you?"
"Oh, right! I forgot to introduce myself!" The girl suddenly facepalmed and stood back up, standing proud before him.
"May the Anemo Archon protect you, stranger. I am Amber, Outrider for the Knights of Favonius!"
Subaru blinked in surprise, soon letting his expression morph into an awestruck smile. "Wait, you have Knights here?! Holy shit, that's awesome! And you're a knight, too?!"
Amber stepped back in surprise at the sudden shift in personality in the boy. However, in a mere moment, she smiled back.
"Ahaha, I don't know why you're so impressed by knights, but we're always looking for more members! Feel free to join up!"
"Yeah, I'll do it!" Subaru cheered, now standing up on his two feet.
"Anyway, what's your name?"
"Oh yeah!" Subaru immediately made his pose, with his jutted hips and hand pointed to the sky, and gloriously announced his intro.
"I'm Natsuki Subaru! I'm homeless, broke, illiterate, and clueless! Nice to meet you!"
Amber blinked in surprise at the sudden display that the boy put up. Holding her silence for a while, she finally laughed out loud.
"Archons, what with that pose! That's so funny, hahaha!"
Subaru sniggered upon seeing her reaction. "Like it? My dad inspired me to make it when I was a kid, never let go of it since!"
"That's incredible!" Amber said, finally having calmed down from her laughter. "But I need to know, what are you doing here? I don't recognize you, explain yourself!"
Subaru was about to respond, but then his eyes were cast back onto the road from which the hilichurls were supposed to come. At that moment, everything he had gone through before falling asleep returned to him once more.
Subaru's joyous expression immediately vanished, replaced with a grief-stricken one. The road was completely free of tracks. There was no sign that the hilichurls had come to him.
Moreover, he was still alive. He hadn't Returned by Death.
"GAH!"
Subaru felt a subconscious strike on his gut as the agony of his previous memories returned to him once more. Their impact was far less severe, but they still weighed heavily on his mind. After all, one could not simply shrug off the experience of death over 50 times.
"Natsuki, are you okay?!" Amber exclaimed, shocked by the sudden shift in expression in the boy before her. It was clear that something terribly bad had happened to him.
As for Subaru, only one thing was on his now calmer mind.
"Where are the hilichurls…?"
"Hilichurls? What do you mean?"
"T-The hilichurls!" Subaru yelled, grabbing Amber's hand in his haste. "Hilichurls, and a Mitachurl, they were supposed to come here and kill me! This is not like last time, why are they not here like last t-"
The world greyed out once more, completely frozen.
"I love you."
'How… How many times am I gonna trigger this damn thing?!' Subaru pondered to himself, finding that he couldn't scream or move like he always would.
As he expected, a shadowed hand emerged from nowhere and caressed his heart. Subaru couldn't help but mentally scream at the repetitive action.
'This… Return by Death… it's all your fault isn't it?!'
As the world returned to normal, the sharp agony made Subaru clench his heart for a moment, resting to catch his breath.
"Natsuki! What happened?!"
Subaru heaved onto the floor.
"That damn witch – !"
Subaru stood back up, gulping down the agony and setting a firm gaze before him.
"Okay, Subaru, take stock of what's going on," he told himself. "The hilichurls didn't show up for some reason, what could that be-"
"Hilichurls won't show up here," Amber cut in. "Please don't worry. The Statue of the Seven naturally repels monsters like them. This is a safe haven."
Subaru cast his gaze down.
"I… would really like to believe that. But I've seen it happen." Subaru looked back at Amber's eyes. "I know I'm sounding ridiculous, but hilichurls were supposed to show up here, alright?! Why aren't they here?!"
Amber gingerly stepped away. "You're… you're sounding like that adventurer, Stanley, when he's alone. Are you sure you're alright, Natsuki?"
Subaru grasped onto his hair, threatening to pull it out by its roots. "Paimon's there, too. I made that damn promise to her, I can't believe I managed to keep it – !"
"Please, calm down!" Amber screamed at him. "Look, let's talk this over when we're in Mondstadt. As I've said, this is a Statue of the Seven, there's no way that hilichurls of all things will-"
"YA!"
"… show… up?"
Amber paled as she turned around to see the army of hilichurls coming to them, along with the mitachurl following closely behind. Subaru merely groaned upon seeing the familiar sight.
"Took you long enough, you damn bastards!"
"Natsuki, we need to move, right now!" Amber declared, grasping his shoulder. "You may have been right, and I'm sorry for not believing in you, but I can't fight that many hilichurls, especially the mitachurl, close up! Not even with my Vision! We need to keep some distance from them, so we have to run!"
Subaru looked back at Amber, wearing a horrified expression. Grimacing to himself, Subaru looked back at the hilichurls once again.
'Alright, Subaru, think. What made them want to show up right now? They showed up at the same time in the last runs, but now they're showing up late? The only way that that can be the case is if I did something to provoke them. But what did I…'
That was when he remembered. The shadowed hand grabbing onto his heart. His inability to speak of Return by Death.
'They're attracted to me… whenever I talk about Return by Death?!'
Upon thinking that, Subaru immediately felt a headache as another one of his memories forced itself awake.
"Miasma… Witch's Miasma! Why the fuck did I forget something so important?!" Subaru screamed to himself. Shaking himself out of it, he looked back at Amber. "Hey, I'm – huh?"
Amber was, at that moment, fiddling with a red bunny-shaped doll in her hands.
"Oi, Amber! This is not the time to be fiddling with a goddamn teddy bear!"
"What are you calling 'teddy bear'?!" Amber retorted, finally presenting the teddy bear to him. It looked like a chibi version of Amber herself. "This is Baron Bunny! She's going to help us escape the hilichurls!"
"Huh? How will it – AH!"
Subaru couldn't speak his next words for he was immediately grabbed by Amber who jumped off the cliff with him. However, instead of falling into the water, Subaru found himself drifting to the end of the stream. Looking up, he finally noticed the grey wings on Amber's back, keeping her afloat midair.
"Don't worry, I'm the Gliding Champion of Mondstadt!" Amber explained. "Gliding is normally done by one person, but we don't have a choice here! Gotta risk it!"
Upon landing safely at the shore, Subaru couldn't help but sigh in relief as he felt the ground without getting his whole body wet. Looking back, he noticed Amber running up to the incoming army.
"Go, Go, Baron Bunny!"
To his surprise, Amber simply threw the teddy bear to a spot in front of her and ran back to him. Subaru blinked in surprise upon seeing the bunny automatically dance on the ground it landed on. For some reason, the sight irritated him a little.
"Let's go further! I can pick them off when they're distracted by Baron Bunny!"
As if on cue, a bow sparked into existence in her hand, a quiver filled with arrows on her back. Grabbing Subaru with her free hand, she pulled him away from the army.
"What's that teddy bear gonna do?!" Subaru asked while keeping up with Amber.
"Baron Bunny can taunt enemies, distracting them! They won't be coming after us for a while!"
Casting a glance back, Subaru noticed the still moving army. They were gaining in on them. However, they weren't looking at the bunny. They were looking right at him.
Subaru gulped. "That won't work! I'm a stronger bait!"
"Nonsense! Baron Bunny never fails, you got that!"
Shaking his head, Subaru decided to say screw it and hoisted Amber up by her hip, hooking her body over his shoulder. Ignoring her sudden yelp, he kept running away.
"Can you fire from there?!" Subaru called out to her.
Subaru couldn't see it, but Amber's face had gone as red as her clothes. The foreign action of picking her up over his shoulder embarrassed her enough to be that flustered.
"U-Umm, y-yeah! I-I mean, I need some foothold to aim better, but I can manage!"
"Great! They're gonna ignore your teddy bear and come straight for me! Keep firing at them!"
"As I said, they won't-"
Amber's words were cut off when the group of hilichurls simply ran past Baron Bunny, ignoring it completely.
"W-What?! How the hell did you guess all this so well?!"
"Trust me, alright?! I'm their bait! They're gunning for me right now!"
"Why would they be going so far for you?!"
"Apparently it's because I smell bad."
"THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!"
Ignoring her, Subaru switched to fully sprint ahead.
"Wha-"
Fast.
That was all that could cross Amber's mind at that moment. The boy was a lot faster on his feet than she had expected. Looking back, she found that they were actually moving further away from the army. Natsuki was running faster than the hilichurls. Amber couldn't help but think that the boy could be a great Outrider, especially with his unnatural ability to be living bait and his incredible speed.
Shaking her head in defeat against the unusual boy holding her body up, Amber decided to finally notch an arrow and pull. Channelling her Vision, she charged her arrowhead with Pyro energy and aimed at the front of the hilichurls. Right as Baron Bunny blew up, making only the mitachurl stagger and falter in its gait, Amber fired her charged shot at the ground before them. Slightly wincing at the explosion of fire, Amber could only grimace as the hilichurls kept coming after them.
Gritting her teeth, she kept on firing charged arrows relentlessly. She couldn't catch every single one of them with each of her arrows due to how Natsuki was carrying her, but she was doing a fair job regardless. The hilichurls started to fall upon facing the arrows over and over, eventually letting Amber clear them all completely. However, the approaching mitachurl simply shrugged off the incoming arrows. Upon Natsuki Subaru's shoulder, Amber finally felt the threat of the incoming mitachurl.
"How many are left?!" Subaru asked from behind her.
"Only the mitachurl left! All the others are down!"
"Damn, it's always that bastard – !"
Coming to a stop, Subaru set Amber down, much to her shock.
"That thing is coming after me, you need to run."
Just as Subaru was about to run away, Amber immediately held onto his hand.
"I won't do that!" she declared. "I'm going to help, no matter what!"
"Damn it, don't you understand?!" Subaru screamed at her. "This thing is gonna keep coming for me, no matter what!"
"Then I'll face it with you," Amber said, aiming another flame tipped arrow at the mitachurl and firing, only to have it be deflected by its axe. "I'm going to help you, and you can't say no!"
Subaru gulped at the stupid courage of the girl in front of her. Looking back at the Mitachurl, he hissed through his teeth.
"I'm going back to the lake, I know we can drown it," he said. "It's going to follow after me the whole time, keep on firing if you can."
Looking back, Subaru shivered at how close the mitachurl had gotten. He was only a small distance away from the lake, but the mitachurl's dash would let it catch up with him.
So, Subaru turned heel and ran away. He reached to his waist and pulled out his whip, making sure that it was ready for use. Meanwhile, Amber was trying and failing to keep up with his speed, especially considering how she was shooting arrows continually. Sadly, the arrows did nothing but slow the mitachurl down.
Subaru finally noticed the smaller statue on the border of the beach. Focusing, he charged up ahead to make it to the second landmark he had placed for the beach.
However, he heard grunts from behind him. He knew what the monster was planning.
"It's going to-"
However, just before Subaru could say it to her, Amber leapt over the distance between them and pushed Subaru to the side. When the mitachurl arrived, Amber managed to push both of them away from it.
And then the monster twirled. An action familiar to Subaru; he had seen it three times by now.
However, since he couldn't communicate this to Amber, he heard a disgusting shlick.
Amber collapsed onto his body. Subaru tried to hold her up but found that she was gasping out loud.
"N-N-Natsuki," Amber choked out. "Y-You need to run. Now!"
However, Subaru didn't. Since he was holding her, he was able to lean over and look at her back.
A long, deep, blistered gash ran across her back. She was caught in the final attack from the mitachurl. Blood was still gushing out of the fresh wound.
"Hehe, I-I forgot about that last bit…" Amber explained with a weak smile.
However, it didn't last for long. In a mere moment, Amber closed her eyes and further slumped into Subaru's body.
"AMBER!"
As Amber fell into him, Subaru grit his teeth. Looking back up, he noticed the Mitachurl coming back to its posture once again.
'You damn bastard… You're gonna pay for that!'
Finally setting Amber's body down on the ground, Subaru walked around it and stood before the mitachurl. His already scary eyes were ten times worse now that he was angry. An intimidating shadow covered them entirely.
Subaru unleashed his whip, letting the sharp snap of the head resonate in the air.
Thrusting the weapon forward, he managed to strike the head of the mitachurl, making it step away from him.
However, he wasn't done. Still using his whip, Subaru pulled the whip back and aimed another attack at it. The mitachurl got knocked back by the blow, then decided to pick up its axe. Expecting the axe to fall before him, Subaru jumped away and narrowly avoided the heated blade.
Just as suddenly, Subaru thrust his whip forward once more. This time, the head managed to catch the Mitachurl's eye, making it stumble back with a loud, pained grunt. However, just in a moment, and with a squinted eye, the mitachurl looked back at the axe that was still stuck in the ground before Subaru. It was separated from its weapon.
However, it didn't need it.
With two aggressive claps and a loud roar, the Mitachurl came charging at the boy. Noticing the sudden movement, Subaru jumped away from its path, rolling to a stop. However, just as he stopped, he stood back up and shot out his whip once again, catching the monster in its side. The Mitachurl reacted to the blow, interrupting its dash, but still managed to get close enough to pick up its axe once again.
Gritting his teeth, Subaru decided that he had enough. His whip was a lot stronger than he had imagined, so he barraged the Mitachurl with multiple whip strikes in a fury. The Mitachurl was grunting as it kept creeping back from the repetitive blows, getting closer and closer to the beach.
'Alright, this is it!' Subaru pondered as he kept hitting the Mitachurl. 'I just need to push it to the river!'
However, just as he pulled his whip back, he found that the length of the whip wasn't following his pull.
Looking up again, he found that the Mitachurl had caught the whip in its free hand. Just as Subaru registered the act, the Mitachurl wrapped the length of the whip around its fist.
That was when a cute, shrill voice sounded.
"Subaru!"
'No, that's… Paimon!'
"No! Get out of here, Paimon!"
The fairly loli, however, didn't listen as she flew up to Subaru and bit down on his working hand, making him yelp as he let go of his whip reflexively. Subaru paled as he noticed the Mitachurl pulling back on the whip and stomping on the other end. If Paimon hadn't released him from it, he would have been the one under there.
'Shit… I don't have a weapon anymore!'
"We need to run!" Paimon said, shaking Subaru on the shoulder. "Let's go, now!"
Wincing, Subaru took that moment to grab Paimon and run away.
"Why did you come back now?!" Subaru screamed at Paimon, making the small girl wince at his volume.
"P-Paimon couldn't leave you to die, Subaru!" Paimon shrieked back at him, slight tears in her eyes. "Y-You saved Paimon's life, Paimon has to try and help you too!"
"P-Paimon…" Subaru muttered, finding that he was choking up. He had been running around for a while, he was running out of stamina.
Hearing familiar grunts from behind him, Subaru decided to conserve his energy and stopped running. Instead, he took that moment to catch a quick breath and to grab Paimon from the air, then jumped to the side when the mitachurl dashed up to him once again.
Letting Paimon go now that he was free, Subaru found it a lot harder to breathe. His heart was hammering in his chest and his legs were burning. He was fully sprinting for a while, it made sense that would be feeling washed up.
However, the threat still existed. The Mitachurl turned to him, looming over him threateningly. Once again, it raised its axe into the air. This image would have once resulted in Subaru freezing in place.
'You damn bastard… I've been here so many times that I don't feel anything against that now!'
As the mitachurl swung its axe down, Subaru jumped away from it, trusting his own two legs to keep him up for just a little while longer.
"You may be scary, but you're damn slow, aren't you!" Subaru screamed at it. "I can just keep avoiding you until this damn miasma fades away!"
The mitachurl looked at him, almost in surprise. Grunting, the thing pulled out its weapon and walked up to him again.
As it swung once more, horizontally this time, Subaru ducked so low that he was almost lying down. In response, the mitachurl lifted its axe again, over its shoulders.
"Subaru, watch out!"
Just as Paimon approached him, Subaru rolled to the side. The mitachurl's axe fell down.
And he heard an awfully familiar shriek from Paimon, from his darker pasts.
Casting his gaze back up, he looked at the small being floating in front of him.
"P-Paimon…?"
Paimon was cut into two completely separate parts. A diagonal cut across her torso split her apart, stars leaking from the injured portions of her body. Subaru gaped at the visible air between the two segments.
"Su… baru…" Paimon gasped. Just as she tried to reach out for him, her entire body dissolved into stars that swirled into the night sky.
"PAIMON!"
Subaru wailed in anguish as he dodged another strike from the mitachurl. The damn thing still didn't relent, not even after killing another being.
'You're a goddamn monster,' Subaru spoke to it in its mind. 'And I swear, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you're dead. No matter what.'
As Subaru saw the mitachurl lifting its axe again like it had a countless number of times, he finally felt the lethargy in his legs catching up to him. How long could he keep on going like this? Should he just face this death? Should he give up? Or was there a chance of survival? Could he still win?
As he pondered this as he kept his gaze on the rising mitachurl, his gaze was interrupted by a sudden explosion by the mitachurl's cheek, making it stumble back in shock.
"This… This is no good, not at all," another familiar voice grunted out as another arrow was charged up and fired. "But I'm Amber! Outrider of the Knights of Favonius! This injury won't stop me from protecting the people of Mondstadt!"
Amber was standing there. Proud and Tall. Subaru briefly noticed the gauze wrapped tightly around her gut along with her pale face and the blood dripping from her lips. There was still a pool of blood beneath her, which also completely covered her clothes. However, none of this disturbed her ability to stand tall. Regal, strong, despite the life-threatening gash across her back. The Courage of a Knight exuding from her form.
Slowly, the fire-emblazoned badge on her hip glowed brighter than it ever had before. Smirking, she pulled out all the arrows from her quiver at once. Pointing it up to the sky, white-hot flames began to cover their tips.
"Let it rain."
At once, she let loose all the arrows. The mitachurl looked at the new threat, then finally looked up. A rain of flaming arrows was headed in his direction.
The fire was everywhere around it. The mitachurl felt so many arrows pierce through its skin, setting ablaze the flesh within. The agony of the sudden attack forced the mitachurl onto its knees. Looking ahead, the mitachurl finally noticed the brown-haired girl aiming one last charged arrow right at it.
"Fall."
Amber release her last arrow, catching the trapped mitachurl in its eye. As Subaru expected from the hit, the mitachurls head popped open from behind it as it fell to the floor, now completely dead.
Subaru gaped at the now burning form of the dead mitachurl in awe.
'Why…'
"Why… Why did you go so far…?"
Speaking of Amber, Subaru finally noticed her falling onto the floor. Charging forward, Subaru caught her just before she hit the ground.
"Amber! Are you alright?! Can you hear me?!"
"Natsuki…" Amber moaned out, stopping to cough out another wad of blood from her mouth. Subaru stood paralyzed upon seeing the pools of red forming below her. "I… know I won't make it. Please take me back… to Mondstadt."
"I… W-Why?! I don't get it! You just met me today, why did you save me?! I was willing to die, why did you have to die for me?!"
"C-Come on…" Amber choked out, reaching out to grab Subaru's shirt. "I… I'm a knight. I… had to save you."
Looking at her face, Subaru could feel his heart breaking. The expression she made, was one of peace. She had accepted that these would be her final moments. She was willing to die for him. A complete stranger, someone she'd never met before.
It struck a chord in his heart. And for some reason, it felt so very familiar.
'Had I known someone else like this? Or… is this me?'
"Please… Natsuki…"
Subaru, despite his falling tears, couldn't help but chuckle.
"I-It's Subaru. It's, umm, Inazuman style."
Amber slightly chuckled, only to cough out another wad of blood because of it. Even though it alarmed Subaru, she went back to lying down in his arms.
"Subaru… huh? W-Well then, Subaru, p-please don't let this change your life or anything. I-I'm just doing what my grandfather would have done. So, please… be brave for me, okay? Be brave, please. I-I don't want to die for nothing."
"Brave… like a knight?" Subaru muttered back. "Like you?"
Amber smiled at him, going paler by the second. "Well, I-I guess so," she replied with a weak, lopsided smirk. "Y-You don't need to become a knight, b-but you fought well against that mitachurl. Y-You'd do well. Heh, y-you have Outrider Amber's seal of approval… tell them that."
Coughing out another globule of blood, she gazed up at the sky.
"The stars…" she muttered, her grip across Subaru's shirt slackening. "They're going out…"
As her body went limp in Subaru's arms despite her still open eyes, he noticed the red light from the badge leaving, rendering it completely blank.
Amber died in Subaru's arms on that cold night. Subaru cried in agony and sorrow from his continuous failures.
Lawrence exhaled, seeing his breath turn to mist midair. He rubbed his hands vigorously, breathing into them as well to warm himself up.
"Seriously, why are they making us stand guard in this cold? And why is it this cold tonight?"
The armour on his body stung against his skin. Sadly, he couldn't even shed the armour, being a Knight of Favonius. And since he was currently stationed at the gate for night duty, he couldn't officially change his position either.
"The Knights of Favonius handbook states that we have to be on high alert in such exceptional cases. Please, refrain from talking at the moment."
Lawrence groaned at his stuck-up partner. "Swan, you can't be serious. How are we going to do anything in this cold? Couldn't we at least ask for optional padding underneath our armour?"
"Enough, Lawrence. We must focus," Swan rebuked. "… Although, I do agree with you. We should request for a uniform alternative in such extravagant situations to be mentioned in the handbook."
Lawrence chuckled at his partner's antics and kept gazing out at the bridge. Lucky for them, the boy Timmie had already made his way back home for the day. At least he didn't have to face this biting cold. The pigeons that frequented the bridge were missing too. It seems that they had the right idea.
"Swan, what time is it?"
Pulling out a pocket watch, Lawrence noticed Swan's confused expression. "It's… already time for sunrise," Swan replied.
"Sunrise?" Lawrence echoed. Looking back around, he still noticed that it was the middle of the night. "Are you sure your watch isn't wrong?"
"The Handbook says that-"
"Right, I forgot who I was asking."
Lawrence briefly noticed that the sky was completely dark still. The signs of sunrise bluing were missing.
"I see movement!"
Lawrence went on alert upon hearing Swan's announcement. Bringing his hand to the hilt of his sheathed sword, he stayed behind as Swan approached the figure coming to them,
A dark-haired boy with the scariest eyes he had ever seen wearing traveller's clothes, holding a familiar body in his hands.
"Is that… Outrider Amber?!"
Immediately, Swan ran up to receive the body from the traveller. Lawrence followed up closely behind, watching over all the parties involved, especially the unknown one. As Swan accepted the body of the Outrider from the boy's hands, Lawrence kept his gaze firmly trained on the boy with his hand on his sword's hilt. The boy appeared unarmed, but it didn't hurt to be cautious.
"She's…. she's dead," Swan confirmed, inspecting her wounds and her empty Vision. Lawrence couldn't believe his ears, but he could see the growing chagrin upon the boy's face as well.
"Traveller, could you please explain how you found her?" Lawrence asked, still keeping a hand on his hilt.
"She… She saved me from a mitachurl," the boy choked out. Poor thing, even his voice sounded haunted. "H-Her last wish was for me to bring her back to Mondstadt. Is… that where I am?"
Lawrence grimly nodded. "It is. And… for all it is worth in these circumstances, welcome. Thank you for gracing her wish, kind traveller."
Slowly, Subaru collapsed onto his knees. Lawrence went forward to check on him but found that he wasn't unconscious. Lawrence had seen that expression before. Someone close to him had passed away in that incident as well.
"Traveler, please accept my condolences," Lawrence said, finally letting go of his weapon and bending down to touch his shoulder.
"I-It's okay…" the boy replied, wiping the forming tears in his eyes. He looked back up at Lawrence, letting Lawrence see an expression so contrasting that he would never forget it in the time he had left.
Subaru smiled, despite all the pain. It was an incredibly strained smile; he was clearly forcing himself to do so. However, beneath that strain, there was a genuine sense of hope hidden. As if the boy was slowly emerging from the shadows into the light. Despite having lost someone just then, he was feeling hopeful. Lawrence could only place such a feeling with psychopaths and madmen. Yet even then, the boy's expression did not feel like that. It did not feel deranged, although it did seem like it.
"I… know what I have to do now," Subaru said with this very smile upon his face, looking at the armoured knight. "I'm going to be as brave as a knight, just like she asked. I'm going to do everything I can to save everyone."
Hearing those words, Lawrence held back from taking action against him. Those words were noble, after all. He didn't understand the motives that this boy had, so he had to be wary of him. Although, it was difficult to focus on that frigid night.
Forcing himself up to a stand with the knight watching in worry, Subaru waddled over to the edge of the bridge. He leaned on the railing and gazed out.
"I… have to do this. This is the only way. I'm going to save everyone. Amber, Paimon, Rem, everyone. I don't know what my memories of death are telling me. I don't know if I ever faced those issues or ran away from them. But… that doesn't matter. After all, they do say that the past should be in the past, right? So… I'm gonna be my own person. I don't care about who Natsuki Subaru once was, back in that other world. I'm going to be a new Natsuki Subaru, and I'm going to make my own choices. My first one: I'm going to win! No matter what, no matter how many times I die, I'm going to win, no matter what! Because I'm going to be as brave as a knight!"
Suddenly, the boy leapt over the railing. Lawrence tried to reach out to him but found that he was too late. The boy had pushed himself away from the edge, now too far away from Lawrence to catch him.
As he descended into the waters below, Subaru couldn't help but smile. He didn't know if he had ever done this; committing suicide, that is. He remembered that one of his deaths involved him stabbing his own neck, but he still didn't know what led to that. Neither could he place the time he had fallen onto rock spires. The feeling he had in that memory was similar to the one he had now, however. Maybe he had jumped at that time.
Well, not like it mattered. This Natsuki Subaru was a new one, after all. He did not have to follow the path that Natsuki Subaru followed in the previous world.
As he landed into the water back first, Subaru felt something incredibly unusual. The cold from earlier was soaking into the water too. The land above him was starting to be covered in frost, things were becoming that cold. Looking further up, he noticed that the guard trying to reach for him was suddenly covered in ice, frozen solid.
While his body entered further into the water, he could feel it slow to a stop. The cold spread over his body as well, freezing it completely.
'Oh… this feeling again.'
As Subaru gazed into the sky, he noticed one last thing before everything went dark.
'The sky… is completely dark. The stars are missing.'
Natsuki Subaru froze to death in that Endless Night.
A/N: Alright, I hope this chapter managed to save the trainwreck that was the last chapter. I'm pretty proud of it honestly, even though Subaru had died regardless. I wanted some way for him to get inspired to fight on and face off against the enemies that he would encounter. That's why I made him meet up with Amber in this chapter. Who better to inspire someone than one of the most upbeat and 'burny' knights in the land of Teyvat than our resident Gliding Champion?
Anyway, onto the reviews!
Guest: I don't wanna say anything abut that just yet. You'll see when the time comes.
Drcaus: Yeah, this is close to what I have in mind as well. However, I don't they're going to be full-blown relationships, mainly because Subaru's a very loyal guy. At most, he would keep very close friendships with them, and maybe if the opportunity arises, face off against crushes he could have or they could have for him.
As for Celestia and the Witches, I haven't planned on them meeting. I'm expecting that they would at some point, but I haven't planned that out, so I can't tell you much about it. Not like I would tell you even if I had it clear, that would be spoilers.
Maximum Rhapsody: No, I don't think there will be a book in Taygeta for this. Taygeta contains Books of the Dead; not Isekai Records. It would be very out of place if there was something like that in there. As for the witches, I haven't confirmed that. They would need to establish contact with them, which is a feat in and of itself. It would be too difficult to rely on them, and they probably would be wary of the price to pay.
For magic, you'll find out very soon.
I personally think that polyamorous relationships stand against Subaru's instincts. It may be something he fantasizes about, but that's only because of his otaku passion. He's faithful to a T, we can see that with Emilia very well. That's especially why it's so hard to pick out a ship for him.
laggykid: Well, yeah. More or less. Or rather, Kaeya would just get pissed off by how Subaru is not responding to his cold demeanor aptly.
Lancer died: Yeah, I know the last chapter was bad. Sorry that that was the case. I hope I had done better in this chapter, but if you still don't like it, feel free to drop it. This is a training fic for me, after all.
Kilian: I've already got a bit of a plan for that. Your suggestion is incredible, and I would certainly love to implement that, but I've already taken an alternative. Sorry. Maybe I can write an IF story at some point?
Guest: Well, umm, I'm sorry, but I won't be doing that. I've already got some plans for Subaru's weapons, but I'm not going to give them ridiculously special abilities or anything. They're just tools, after all. What I'd be focusing more on is Subaru's own strength rather than what some special weapon can give him. And even if I do decide to give him something special, it won't be as simple as a loot drop. There will be a whole arc or two to acquire it at least.
kerrowe: It is true that it can feel like a fresh start, but I chose the lost memories path because it makes Subaru stronger from the start and gives him a purpose. I'm sure you've already noticed that too, seeing your second review.
Thanks for the understanding for the pairings. I still don't think I will have a stable on at any point, but Subaru will definitely make lasting friendships. He'd probably be like the Tanjiro (Demon Slayer) of Teyvat.
The elemental power is a bit of a touchy subject in terms of spoilers, so I won't talk about it here.
Thanks for noticing the struggle! That's the main purpose of that chapter, honestly, to push Subaru through the hell that death loops can bring. Also, for Venti and Dvalin, you should remember that the Traveller and Paimon only left the beach after two months for some weird reason. This is definitely longer than the time it took for Subaru to find Paimon. If anything, Subaru is very early.
Angels-Vanguard: You'll see about the element, but it will take a while. I'm looking forward to Subaru's Teyvat Travels too.
anouardz428: You'll have to see when the time comes. Also, who said that Subaru will use the shadow element? Or will he? Sorry, but that's a spoiler, so I don't want to say much.
Crimsonsage / ReGunner: Seriously, thanks a ton for pointing that out. I did know that Subaru was pretty strong, but I didn't realize that he was that good. It certainly makes things easier for this fic if he's strong, so I sincerely thank you guys for reminding me of that. It will take some time for me to garner a harmony for this, as to whether I'm making him too strong or too weak, but I'll get it down. I'm treating him at almost Itadori Yuji (Jujutsu Kaisen) non-cursed energy levels of strength for now, but not quite there, of course. I even modified this chapter because of this info. With that said, I do have an excuse for his weakness in the last chapters.
Subaru, after having forgotten everything, had lost confidence. If you see carefully, Subaru's either running away or dying in the last chapters. He never tries to fight back, because all he remembers is his strength from Japan. On top of that, he has the trauma of his first death by the mitachurl's axe. This made him think that he couldn't do anything against the monsters. This chapter served as a start to get him out of that mindset. It was more of a psychological study into how self-set boundaries can influence potential. I'm a bit interested in psychology, especially with my wild imagination, which is why I believe this will happen. (Crap... am I becoming Echidna?) He also doesn't remember how strong he is. A small thing like that can have a massive impact on a person's boundaries.
Also, I don't believe that Subaru is using mana enhancement, even in canon Re:Zero. His gate's busted, and he needs to conserve Beatrice's mana. In this fic, his missing memories will also make him fight like a rookie, his only saving grace being his muscle memory. It'll be a bit of a craft to get this right, but I believe I can do it. I did it fairly well for the next chapter, after all.
zheng yi wei fang mao Cat of J: Thank you for noticing that. I had a similar idea as well, as you can see from the previous response. As for the memories, I'm sorry to say that he won't be reacquiring them so soon. However, he will certainly remember in time and in fragments, and I will be essentially rehashing events from Arc 1 onwards in Genshin. Sorry if this is not to your liking, but I want to maintain the naturality that Re:Zero had. That's why I'm taking this route.
And that's all the reviews!
Next chapter will conclude this mini-arc. I'm going to consider full Arcs in the same way Genshin does it: per region. That is, Arc 1 is Mondstadt, Arc 2 Liyue, 3 is Inazuma, 4 is Sumeru and so on. The difficult part will be to stuff in other stuff in between.
I've also opened an AO3 account! I'll upload these chapters into there slowly. After all, it's not like I have uploaded a lot. With that said, I'll see you next chapter!