'Stained'.

Author's Notes:

I fully intend on making this longer than my others. As said before, I have next to no knowledge on American stuff, so feel free to email corrections to me at Peyton loses herself, then needs help finding herself.

Rating: T being safe, for the cutting and stuff.

Pairing: Eventual Lucas/Peyton.

Spoilers: Probably not, but there may be a few minor. Minor for pilot.

She looked down at the white carpet, now stained with her blood. It had been stained. She was confused, it wasn't meant to be stained. It was meant to be white and pure and magical and everything that she was not. It had belonged to her mother. She looked down to where the red darkness was pouring down her sides to the carpet. It was all she had left. She couldn't let it be stained. That was all she thought as she continued to stare into the light. It was red, not white anymore. It was stained, not clean. Its comfort was gone. It meant that her mother was gone. But she couldn't be gone. She was here, in this carpet. Only she wasn't anymore, because the carpet was stained, so was she. Mother was stained as well, her pale flesh stained with blood. She's gone……………

With that Peyton screamed, slashing the cold, metallic silver knife across her wrists, watching the crimson slowly make it's way down to the carpet, staining her mother's presence as it had already done before. She had stained it, it was all her fault.

She cut again, feeling the pain of power, she was finally in control, or so it seemed. She looked to the pool of blood on the white carpet, and it was the last thing she saw before surrendering to the overwhelming darkness.

Years later, it seemed, she woke in a haze of light, squinting into the sparkling bubble. Wait, Lucas? She thought, but was disappointed to find him nowhere to be seen. It's not like he would be here, she thought. She had messed that up like she messed everything up, like she always did. She always managed to stain everything with her blood, forever leaving a trace of her pain. She was alone, and was forever to be alone. No, she thought, Lucas is probably with the girlfriend of the week somewhere, she concluded. With that, she walked into the bathroom, setting the shower to hot. She stepped in, allowing the warm water to soothe her muscles.

Forty – five minutes later, she walked out of her house, dressed to suit her mood: A black tank top and a short denim skirt. She rarely went to school anymore, there was nobody to force her to go. She spent most of her time in her room, listening to music and drawing, wrapped beneath a blanket sitting on the white carpet, which she had now stained. She stained it. But she had to graduate from High School, so she thought it was best to go in for a day. She didn't really care, it was just something to do. She doubted whether she would care about anything again. It hurt too much when people let you down, or something comes out wrong, leaving you disappointed. That had happened to her. A lot.

She walked into the building, ignoring the ignorant stares she received. She hadn't been in school in nearly two weeks. She walked into her homeroom class, grabbing a seat in the back corner, drawing in a little A6 sketchbook. She hardly noticed Lucas come and sit next to her.

'Hey Peyton.' He nervously started, wondering what the hell was wrong with her – he hadn't seen her in almost a month. He sighed as she continued sketching, not seeming to hear him. Sometimes, he wished he could just start over with the two of them, and then maybe they would be together. He thought of her. Often. But Brooke. He loved Brooke, he really did. Just not in the same way. He thought he was in love with her, only to realize when it was too late that he was head over heels for her best friend. She looked up, seeming to finally notice him with a quiet 'hey, Luke.'

He was quite unnerved at seeing her like this. He wasn't used to seeing her without her armored wall up, being hard and 'spunky'. Anyway, he was really quite shocked at the sight of her. Her face was pale, hazel eyes droopy, without the spark that he'd began to love. And she was thin. Too thin. That's what struck him the most.

He just sat in his seat and continued to stare as the bell rang, signaling the start of first period. He got up and left the room, not noticing a pair of empty hazel eyes following him. She turned, heading for the bathrooms. She needed to be alone, and didn't care if it meant skipping first period to do so. She didn't even know why she bothered coming to school. So she walked to the bathrooms, pale, sad and alone.

Lucas walked out of homeroom feeling relieved. Sure, she didn't look her normal self but she was here. And that meant something. He'd wanted to call her, but didn't want to intrude, after all, he wasn't a big part of her life anymore. He had tried over and over again to make that feel like a good thing. But then, he would just think back to that day in the library when he had looked up and stared at her across the room. Something had made him feel something for her then. What , he still didn't know. He had always felt a sense of longing for her though, he knew that straight away. She hadn't seemed like anyone. She seemed herself. She seemed to know herself, which is more than he could say for most teenagers. That made her special, he didn't know who he was, and needed help finding himself. He had wanted her to be that person. Why, he again didn't know. But now she seems lost, like a little girl lost in a crowded playground, not knowing where mummy or daddy are. Maybe that has something to do with it, he thought. He knew she had been in great pain over losing Ellie, as well as her own mother. Her father wasn't even around. She needed them, she needs them, he realized. She feels alone. Then, he knew what to do. I have to make her realize that she isn't alone, that all of us, no matter how mad with each other, are family. And family is always there.

So there's chapter 1! Please let me know if I should continue!