Harry Potter & the Journey Into Isolation
By The Short Fat Fag
Even though Dumbledore agreed, he shook his head knowing that to do so now, would only make Harry refuse treatment and not get better.
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Chapter Fifteen: Frustrations
Sitting at the Gryffindor table having lunch, Harry periodically looked up to the staff table where Dumbledore is in rapt conversation with Camden Lennox, the mental healer from St. Mungo's.
"Harry, is something wrong?"
"No, nothing," Harry replied to Hermione.
However, neither she nor Ron, who was sitting beside her, believed Harry.
"Who's that bloke talking to Dumbledore?" asked Ron as he also looked up at the staff table.
Sighing Harry said, "My new therapist," and began to push the food around his plate once more.
Hermione gave him a motherly look and said, "You know that food would taste much better if it actually made it into your mouth."
"Yeah mate," Ron chimed in. "You don't eat enough to keep a Jobberknoll alive." (1)
Harry smiled wearily at his two best friends and took a small bite of his lunch, while they gave him identical looks that a certain house elf often gave him at meal time. "What?"
"Do we have to call Dobby?" asked Hermione.
Defeated Harry said, "No," and began to eat more earnestly.
"Good."
Ron decided to rescue Harry and pointing to the healer sitting at the staff table asked, "So do you like him?" However, it ended up not being much of a rescue.
"He's okay," replied Harry.
"Don't you like him?" asked Ron concerned.
"I don't know," Harry sighed, "I guess I just don't know him very well yet. He seems to think he knows more about me than he really does."
Both Ron and Hermione nodded, thinking the Healer Lennox was going on Harry's reputation rather than taking time to actually get to know him. It was often a problem Harry faced when meeting new people. However, what Harry had meant was he thought Dumbledore had already told him about his problems.
"You know Harry," Hermione said, "He might not be so bad, once you get to know him."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Harry said and went to take another bite of his lunch while his two best friends gave each other knowing looks.
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Once lunch was over with, Harry, Ron and Hermione were walking through the entrance hall towards the stairs that would take them up to Advanced Transfiguration when they were stopped by one of the teachers.
"Harry Potter, may I have a word?"
"Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" Harry asked the centaur.
"I have been star gazing and wanted to warn you of dire circumstances in the near future," Firenze said cryptically, which caused Ron to gulp and Hermione to roll her eyes.
Sheepishly Harry said, "I think I've already been through dire circumstances sir."
"Yes, you have, but they are not yet finished." Then the centaur walked back into his classroom on the first floor and closed the door behind him.
"What do you think that was all about Harry?" asked Ron.
"A load of rubbish if you ask me," Hermione interjected, "Divination is not a precise disciple of magic and shouldn't be taken seriously."
"If it had come from Trelawney, I would agree," Harry said, "But something tells me centaurs are different."
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Taking their seats in the Transfiguration classroom, waiting for the class to begin, Ron begins talking about the upcoming Quidditch season.
"You know Harry," Ron said, "I think we should get started on try outs as soon as possible. We have that game with Slytherin and we need to replace Katie Bell and I really want us to get started on our training as soon as possible."
"We probably should get a new Seeker also."
"WHAT?" both Ron and Hermione said together.
Concerned, Hermione asked, "Why would Gryffindor need a new Seeker Harry? We have you and you're the best."
"I'm thinking of quitting the team. I'm in no condition to play right now," Harry said.
Ron looked horrified, if Harry quit the team, the chances for claiming the Quidditch cup this year fell dramatically.
"You know Harry," Hermione said logically, "You might feel differently if you got out onto the pitch and flew around a bit. You haven't been on your broom since last year and you know how much you love to fly."
Harry half heartedly shrugged in response as Professor McGonagall entered the class room and signaled for everyone to take their seats as class was now going to begin.
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Across the room, Draco Malfoy sat at his desk eavesdropping on the Golden Trio's conversation and thinks, 'Harry wants to quit the Gryffindor Quidditch team? No, that can't be allowed to happen. I've got to think of something that will keep him on the team.'
Moments later Professor McGonagall entered the class room and signaled for everyone to take their seats as class was now going to commence.
During the next hour Draco only half listened to Professor McGonagall begin to lecture the seventh years about human transfiguration as he was lost in his thought formulating a plan to keep Harry on the team.
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After Advanced Transfiguration was over with, Harry made his way back to the infirmary alone. He didn't want to have to deal with Ron being sulky over him quitting the team and both he and Hermione trying their best to talk him out of it. Upon entering the infirmary, Harry sees Healer Lennox sitting at a table looking over a file folder and then looks up when he hears the door open.
"Harry, I was wondering if we could have a talk, just you and me."
Harry nodded to the healer and set his rucksack down beside one the beds in the infirmary. Then together they left the infirmary to take a walk onto the school grounds.
"You know Harry," Healer Lennox began, "I think you and I may have gotten off to a rocky start."
"Why do you say that, sir?" asked Harry curtly.
In an authoritative manner, Healer Lennox said, "Well for one you are treating me like the enemy and not as someone who is here to help you."
"Are you here to help me? If you are, then perhaps you should be asking me questions and not the Headmaster about what is going on in my head."
"Professor Dumbledore is only trying to help you Harry. I would like to help you also."
"Why? Why do you want to help me?" asked Harry in an accusatory way.
Looking straight ahead on the path around the lake they had just gotten on and not at Harry, Lennox said, "What I didn't tell you before in the Headmaster's office are the real reasons I became a mental healer. When I was a young man, about your age in fact, I was hurt very deeply. Back then, people scoffed at boys who said that they were violated sexually. I was in my last year at school here and a Slytherin male, who found out that I liked boys and not girls cornered me one night and decided to teach me a lesson."
Not looking at Healer Lennox, Harry gulped. 'Maybe he will understand after all, maybe.'
"I was helpless against him and he used that to his advantage. He forced me to take off my robes and then he bound me and then performed a curse on me that I had never heard of before," confessed the adult wizard. "You've probably never heard of it before, but the Exoplasitus curse can be a form of torture worse than any of the Unforgivable Curses."
Harry nodded and said, "Yes, I have heard of it."
"You have?"
"Yes, we discussed it in Defense Against the Dark Arts this term," Harry supplied. "We were discussing spells that when used minimally can be beneficial, but when performed too often can become painful or addictive."
"I was never that good at Defense Against the Dark Arts when I was in school. I wish I had been more adept at it, and then maybe I could have known the counter curse for it," Lennox admitted, trying to gain Harry's trust.
"There isn't a counter curse to Exoplasitus," Harry stated. After a small pause, Harry continued, "This term wasn't the first time I ever heard of that curse though."
"It wasn't?"
"No, sir," Harry said, "I heard it over the summer."
"When they had you held captive Harry?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me how it was used on you?" asked the healer gently.
"I was standing naked in a dark room strapped to a metal bar hanging from the ceiling with my feet strapped together. A man came into the room and performed the Cruciatus curse on me and afterward he laughed at me and then performed a curse I had never heard of before."
"Exoplasitus?"
Harry shuddered at the sound of the word, but managed to nod his head, 'yes.'
"Sorry," Camden Lennox whispered to the Boy-Who-Lived. "I shouldn't have said the name of the curse."
"It's alright, you didn't know," Harry said, but brushed off the healer's hand when it landed on his shoulder. Harry didn't want to be touched just then, he was afraid of having a physical reaction to the touch.
Not appearing to be offended by being brushed off, Healer Lennox clasps his hands behind his back, perhaps to show Harry that he was not going to touch him or perhaps it was a natural action for him to take, Harry didn't know.
"Sir, may I ask you a question?"
"Of course you can Harry."
Shakily Harry asked, "How did you get over what happened to you?"
"Honestly?" asked the healer.
Harry nodded in the affirmative.
Bluntly Lennox said, "I locked myself in a room and forced myself to wank off."
Harry blushed at the statement, but managed to ask, "Just like that?"
"Not exactly, I didn't just walk in, pull down my pants and do it. It was seven hours before I could even maintain an erection to do it. It took another two hours to complete and afterward I felt dirty and hated myself and my gender even more. I came close to cutting it off at one point."
Harry gulped, of all the things he had done to himself in the bath; he had never damaged his genitals.
"Don't worry; I think you are handling yourself much better than I was at the time. In fact from what I hear from the Headmaster, you are the strongest young man to walk into the castle in years."
"He said that about me?" asked Harry incredulously. "I was so mean to him."
"He knows you are in pain," Lennox said sympathetically.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Now can I ask you a very personal question? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to. It may be embarrassing," asked the adult healer tenderly.
"Okay, what is it?"
"Have you had any kind of sexual feeling since your experience this summer?"
Trembling Harry answered, "Kind of."
"Let me rephrase the question, any kind of sexual feeling that you would normally have prior to the experiences from the summer?"
"No, nothing like that," Harry admitted sadly. "Will I ever have them again?"
"Most likely, once you deal with your pain and disassociate your torture and your sexual identity. Right now, they are linked through the violation of your body and your youthful inexperience."
Harry looked sheepish as he realized that they had completed one trip around the lake already.
"I'm not criticizing you Harry, just stating the truth. Care for another trip around the lake or have I exhausted you?"
In truth, Harry did feel better admitting what happened to him, but he also didn't want anymore at the moment. "Can we go in now?" asked Harry.
"Yes, we can," Lennox said. "But so that you know, sometimes I won't give you the choice."
"Thanks for the warning," Harry said grimly.
"It's not a warning, but sometimes you will want to pull back and away from me and it will be my job to persuade you into talking, especially about painful memories. It's not meant to be a punishment; I just want to help you."
"I know, I think," sighed Harry, "But I need to get some homework done and I'm feeling very tired at the moment."
"Go ahead, we'll talk again soon."
Then Harry left the mental healer standing by the lake and he went back into the castle and up to Gryffindor Tower.
Standing at the shoreline of the lake, Camden Lennox felt the cool breeze blow across his face and with a look of satisfaction on his face he thinks, 'Oh so easy.'
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"Colin?"
Looking up from the study table in the common room Colin watches as his idol, Harry Potter approaches him.
"I was wondering if we could talk for a minute," Harry said.
"Sure, I guess," mumbles Colin as he buries his head back into the book he was studying from.
"I wanted to apologize to you for the other day," Harry began. "I know it had to be very scary for you to admit that … secret to me and I didn't handle it very well. I think I may have hurt you when I did that."
Colin shrugged it off and tried to go back to his studying.
Looking around to make sure no one was listening, Harry went on, "So that you know, I wasn't rejecting you, just sex in general. I am not in a place where sex is something that I can even think about at the moment."
"Why is that Harry?" asked Colin concerned.
"I was held captive over the summer."
"I know I read about it in the Daily Prophet. Did they use the Unforgivable curses on you?"
Harry nodded 'yes.'
"I'm sorry."
Harry smiled, or at least tried to, "It's not your fault, but I wanted you to know that even though I appreciate what you offered, I'm just not ready to do it yet."
"It's okay Harry, I should've known better than to offer … it … to you," stammered Colin.
"Friends?" asked Harry.
"But just friends," Colin said, "I kind of have someone now."
"Really?" asked Harry, who was relieved.
"Yeah," Colin said with a dreamy look on his face.
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Once again Harry found himself walking through the corridors alone heading back towards the infirmary. As he approached the entrance to the infirmary, Harry once again found Draco Malfoy waiting on him and the smallest of smiles came to the corner of his lips.
"Malfoy," Harry said.
"Potter," Draco replied, "I was hoping I would run into you out here."
"Why? Wanting to hex me? Isn't it a bit early in the day for the cloak and dagger routine?" asked Harry lightly.
Smirking Draco said, "It's never too early for it, that's why one wears the cloak, to hide your appearance. However, I wanted to talk to you about Quidditch."
"Quidditch?" asked Harry. "After all these years, I would have thought you already knew how to play the game. What do you want to know about it?"
"Did I hear you correctly today in Transfiguration when you said you were quitting the team?"
Sighing, Harry replied, "That was a private conversation Malfoy."
"File a complaint. Is it true?"
"Yes, Malfoy, I have decided to quit playing," Harry admitted reluctantly.
"No."
"Excuse me?" asked Harry.
"I said 'No' Potter. Do you have problems hearing as well as seeing? You are not quitting the team and that is final," stated Draco plainly.
Confused, Harry said, "Really, I thought you'd be thrilled to not have me playing against you."
Walking towards Harry, Draco stopped a couple of feet from Harry and states plainly, "You are the only competition I have out there Potter. If I win or if I loose, it will not be because you quit, but because I beat you. So get your damned broom and get out there and practice so I can kick your skinny arse all over the pitch." Then Draco turned to walk away.
"Malfoy," Harry said which caused Draco to stop and turn back to him.
"Yeah, Potter?"
"Stop looking at my arse."
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While Harry and Draco were having their conversation in the corridor outside the infirmary, Madame Pomfrey and Healer Lennox were having one inside the infirmary.
"Healer Lennox," Pomfrey said as she saw him coming into the infirmary. "What can I do for you tonight?"
"I was just coming in to check up on Potter. We had a talk today and I wanted to make sure he was alright."
"Anything I should look out for?" asked a concerned school nurse.
"I'm not sure, he admitted a few things to me today and I wanted to make sure he wasn't going to harm himself," Lennox admitted.
"The only times Harry Potter harms himself is when he is feeling betrayed and needs to wash away his guilt," Pomfrey said, but stopped herself. "Did you say he was talking about what happened to him over the summer?"
"Madame," Lennox said scandalized, "You know full well I can't talk about things of that nature."
"I didn't ask you to disclose what he said, I asked you to confirm what you said a moment ago," she replied waspishly. No one was going to mess with her patients.
"Yes, he did."
"Good, he deserves to be happy."
Just then the patient in question came into the infirmary looking rather pleased about something.
"Hello," Harry said, not sure if he were interrupting something or not.
"Well, don't you look like the cat that swallowed the canary," the nurse said to him affectionately.
Harry smiled.
"You look like you are feeling better," Lennox said to the Gryffindor.
"A little bit," Harry admitted.
"Do you feel like talking again?" asked Lennox.
Harry stalled for a moment, he was actually feeling more normal than he had in days and didn't want it to end so quickly, "Actually, I have a special project for Professor McGonagall to do tonight, I promised that I would have it done as soon as possible."
Lennox was about to interject, when Dobby came to Harry's rescue.
"Harry Potter is saying he is needing to be working now."
Lennox looked down at the elf distastefully, "I think I know how to treat my patients elf."
Dobby was not happy with the healer at that moment.
"Healer Lennox, I would advise respect when dealing with Dobby, or else you might find yourself on the receiving end of something very nasty," Madame Pomfrey advised.
With a nod of his head, Healer Lennox left the infirmary and Harry headed to his room to sort out his memories of his abduction, leaving the school nurse and the house elf standing there.
"Is something wrong Dobby?"
"I is not knowing Madame Poppy. He is telling Harry Potter many things today. Things that is making Harry Potter feel better."
"But," she prompted.
"He is knowing too many answers to Harry Potter's questions."
Looking skeptical, Pomfrey asks, "Isn't that a good thing Dobby?"
"I is not knowing yet, so I is watching him very closely."
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As Harry sat there in front of the pensieve looking at it and knowing he promised to fill it with the memories of the voice that taunted him for most of August, he wanted very much to run away and not look at the stone basin again, ever. But he had promised and he would always keep his promises if he could. So taking his wand in hand, he began to select different memories and place them in the pensieve.
As Harry watched the different memories in the bowl, they all had one thing in common, they were all pitch black, and not one thing could be seen in them. However, words floated out of the pensieve and Harry had to decide if they were the right ones to allow members of the Order of the Phoenix to listen to. He tried to pick phrases that weren't to revealing as he knew that the odds were good that Mrs. Weasley would be in attendance to this meeting.
After what felt like hours of picking through the memories and replacing some of them back into his mind, Harry stood up and walked over to the mirror, he had a message to give to them before they would listen to the voice of his tormentor.
When he had added that memory also, he called out for "Dobby."
"Yes, Harry Potter, sir?"
"Dobby, I need a small favor," Harry said.
"Anything Harry Potter."
"Would you please take the pensieve to Professor McGonagall? She'll know what it is about."
Then the elf popped away with the stone basin in hand.
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Shortly after leaving the infirmary Healer Camden Lennox begins to make his way to his quarters, but instead decides to visit someone else first. To compare notes as it were. Quickly finding his destination and letting himself in Camden Lennox is greeted by an unusual sight.
"Wymer?" asked Lennox, "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like Cam?"
Lennox stood there in the doorway of the private quarters of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher watching as his good friend, Wymer Toft. Who was currently strapping the hands of a very naked Hogwarts student onto a silver bar that was suspended from the ceiling.
"Having yourself a gay old time," the healer replied as he strode over to the bed where the other two were. Grabbing hold of Toft's face, Lennox plants a very wet and very pronounced kiss on the teacher's mouth.
"Hmmm," Toft moaned into Lennox's mouth. "How'd things go with Potter?"
Alarmed, Lennox shot the boy a look and asked, "What about him?"
"Oh don't mind Colin, I placed a sensory deprivation charm on him. He can't see not hear a thing."
"Just like the one we put on Potter when we had him tied up over the summer? Excellent idea, if she were here, she would be pleased," commended Lennox.
Smirking Toft asks again, "Potter?"
"Oh yes, him," Lennox said with distaste. "I think I have him eating out of my hand with that phony rape story of mine. I think he thinks he's found a friend."
"Stupid kid!" growled Toft nastily.
Changing the subject Lennox asks, "So what about this one?" and points to Colin's naked body as it was suspended from the ceiling. "Is he just for you, or can anyone have a go at him?"
"Be my guest, but I get to watch."
"Of course," said Lennox in agreement. Slowly the mental healer form St. Mungo's removed his robes and under garments as he walks over to the bed where Colin Creevey is waiting for Toft to come and take him. Removing his wand from the pocket of his robes, Lennox points it at the young blonde Gryffindor and chants, "Exoplasitus."
Colin moans wildly under the incantation and his body stiffens from the use of the spell.
"You chose well Wymer, this one is primed for the taking," Lennox said admiringly. Then taking his place behind the sixteen year old, Lennox begins to perform for his friend.
"I have to say Cam, I love to watch a man who knows what he is doing. Just like the night when you took Potter for the first time. Now that was breathtaking."
"He bucked like a wild Hippogriff too, even when he was screaming to be fucked."
"I remember," Toft said lustily. "I think she about popped her corset watching the scene that day."
"Yes, Wymer, that's it, do it more just like that," moaned Colin wantonly.
Smirking Lennox picks up his wand again and says, "Exoplasitus."
The spell causes Colin to start bucking and writhing with all his might at the delight his body was feeling.
"Fun ride isn't he?" asked Toft lazily.
"Oh yeah."
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Later that night, as Harry was lying in bed, he begins to think about everything that happened in his day, particularly the meeting with Healer Lennox.
"He wasn't such a bad guy after all I guess," Harry says to himself.
Then he remembers something that the therapist said about how he got over his violation.
'Wouldn't hurt to try I suppose,' Harry reasoned to himself. Then Harry made sure that Dobby wasn't in the room and snuck his hand down under the covers of the bed where it found it's way into his pajama bottoms and touched himself.
'So far, so good' thought Harry as he began to touch himself more radically. Harry then let his eyes fall shut and began to allow himself to enjoy what he was trying to do when suddenly a memory from August popped into his head.
"No," gasped Harry and he yanked his hand away from himself quickly.
Rolling over in bed he pulls the covers up close to him and mutters, "I am a good boy, I am a good boy," just as Dobby enters the room.
"Yes, Harry Potter, you's is a good boy."
To Be Continued … Please Read and Review
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(1) A Jobberknoll is a small magical bird that is completely mute until the day it dies when it begins to regurgitate every sound it ever heard in reverse order. When it reaches the very first sound it ever heard, it dies.
Even though Dumbledore agreed, he shook his head knowing that to do so now, would only make Harry refuse treatment and not get better.
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Chapter Fifteen: Frustrations
Sitting at the Gryffindor table having lunch, Harry periodically looked up to the staff table where Dumbledore is in rapt conversation with Camden Lennox, the mental healer from St. Mungo's.
"Harry, is something wrong?"
"No, nothing," Harry replied to Hermione.
However, neither she nor Ron, who was sitting beside her, believed Harry.
"Who's that bloke talking to Dumbledore?" asked Ron as he also looked up at the staff table.
Sighing Harry said, "My new therapist," and began to push the food around his plate once more.
Hermione gave him a motherly look and said, "You know that food would taste much better if it actually made it into your mouth."
"Yeah mate," Ron chimed in. "You don't eat enough to keep a Jobberknoll alive." (1)
Harry smiled wearily at his two best friends and took a small bite of his lunch, while they gave him identical looks that a certain house elf often gave him at meal time. "What?"
"Do we have to call Dobby?" asked Hermione.
Defeated Harry said, "No," and began to eat more earnestly.
"Good."
Ron decided to rescue Harry and pointing to the healer sitting at the staff table asked, "So do you like him?" However, it ended up not being much of a rescue.
"He's okay," replied Harry.
"Don't you like him?" asked Ron concerned.
"I don't know," Harry sighed, "I guess I just don't know him very well yet. He seems to think he knows more about me than he really does."
Both Ron and Hermione nodded, thinking the Healer Lennox was going on Harry's reputation rather than taking time to actually get to know him. It was often a problem Harry faced when meeting new people. However, what Harry had meant was he thought Dumbledore had already told him about his problems.
"You know Harry," Hermione said, "He might not be so bad, once you get to know him."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Harry said and went to take another bite of his lunch while his two best friends gave each other knowing looks.
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Once lunch was over with, Harry, Ron and Hermione were walking through the entrance hall towards the stairs that would take them up to Advanced Transfiguration when they were stopped by one of the teachers.
"Harry Potter, may I have a word?"
"Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" Harry asked the centaur.
"I have been star gazing and wanted to warn you of dire circumstances in the near future," Firenze said cryptically, which caused Ron to gulp and Hermione to roll her eyes.
Sheepishly Harry said, "I think I've already been through dire circumstances sir."
"Yes, you have, but they are not yet finished." Then the centaur walked back into his classroom on the first floor and closed the door behind him.
"What do you think that was all about Harry?" asked Ron.
"A load of rubbish if you ask me," Hermione interjected, "Divination is not a precise disciple of magic and shouldn't be taken seriously."
"If it had come from Trelawney, I would agree," Harry said, "But something tells me centaurs are different."
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Taking their seats in the Transfiguration classroom, waiting for the class to begin, Ron begins talking about the upcoming Quidditch season.
"You know Harry," Ron said, "I think we should get started on try outs as soon as possible. We have that game with Slytherin and we need to replace Katie Bell and I really want us to get started on our training as soon as possible."
"We probably should get a new Seeker also."
"WHAT?" both Ron and Hermione said together.
Concerned, Hermione asked, "Why would Gryffindor need a new Seeker Harry? We have you and you're the best."
"I'm thinking of quitting the team. I'm in no condition to play right now," Harry said.
Ron looked horrified, if Harry quit the team, the chances for claiming the Quidditch cup this year fell dramatically.
"You know Harry," Hermione said logically, "You might feel differently if you got out onto the pitch and flew around a bit. You haven't been on your broom since last year and you know how much you love to fly."
Harry half heartedly shrugged in response as Professor McGonagall entered the class room and signaled for everyone to take their seats as class was now going to begin.
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Across the room, Draco Malfoy sat at his desk eavesdropping on the Golden Trio's conversation and thinks, 'Harry wants to quit the Gryffindor Quidditch team? No, that can't be allowed to happen. I've got to think of something that will keep him on the team.'
Moments later Professor McGonagall entered the class room and signaled for everyone to take their seats as class was now going to commence.
During the next hour Draco only half listened to Professor McGonagall begin to lecture the seventh years about human transfiguration as he was lost in his thought formulating a plan to keep Harry on the team.
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After Advanced Transfiguration was over with, Harry made his way back to the infirmary alone. He didn't want to have to deal with Ron being sulky over him quitting the team and both he and Hermione trying their best to talk him out of it. Upon entering the infirmary, Harry sees Healer Lennox sitting at a table looking over a file folder and then looks up when he hears the door open.
"Harry, I was wondering if we could have a talk, just you and me."
Harry nodded to the healer and set his rucksack down beside one the beds in the infirmary. Then together they left the infirmary to take a walk onto the school grounds.
"You know Harry," Healer Lennox began, "I think you and I may have gotten off to a rocky start."
"Why do you say that, sir?" asked Harry curtly.
In an authoritative manner, Healer Lennox said, "Well for one you are treating me like the enemy and not as someone who is here to help you."
"Are you here to help me? If you are, then perhaps you should be asking me questions and not the Headmaster about what is going on in my head."
"Professor Dumbledore is only trying to help you Harry. I would like to help you also."
"Why? Why do you want to help me?" asked Harry in an accusatory way.
Looking straight ahead on the path around the lake they had just gotten on and not at Harry, Lennox said, "What I didn't tell you before in the Headmaster's office are the real reasons I became a mental healer. When I was a young man, about your age in fact, I was hurt very deeply. Back then, people scoffed at boys who said that they were violated sexually. I was in my last year at school here and a Slytherin male, who found out that I liked boys and not girls cornered me one night and decided to teach me a lesson."
Not looking at Healer Lennox, Harry gulped. 'Maybe he will understand after all, maybe.'
"I was helpless against him and he used that to his advantage. He forced me to take off my robes and then he bound me and then performed a curse on me that I had never heard of before," confessed the adult wizard. "You've probably never heard of it before, but the Exoplasitus curse can be a form of torture worse than any of the Unforgivable Curses."
Harry nodded and said, "Yes, I have heard of it."
"You have?"
"Yes, we discussed it in Defense Against the Dark Arts this term," Harry supplied. "We were discussing spells that when used minimally can be beneficial, but when performed too often can become painful or addictive."
"I was never that good at Defense Against the Dark Arts when I was in school. I wish I had been more adept at it, and then maybe I could have known the counter curse for it," Lennox admitted, trying to gain Harry's trust.
"There isn't a counter curse to Exoplasitus," Harry stated. After a small pause, Harry continued, "This term wasn't the first time I ever heard of that curse though."
"It wasn't?"
"No, sir," Harry said, "I heard it over the summer."
"When they had you held captive Harry?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me how it was used on you?" asked the healer gently.
"I was standing naked in a dark room strapped to a metal bar hanging from the ceiling with my feet strapped together. A man came into the room and performed the Cruciatus curse on me and afterward he laughed at me and then performed a curse I had never heard of before."
"Exoplasitus?"
Harry shuddered at the sound of the word, but managed to nod his head, 'yes.'
"Sorry," Camden Lennox whispered to the Boy-Who-Lived. "I shouldn't have said the name of the curse."
"It's alright, you didn't know," Harry said, but brushed off the healer's hand when it landed on his shoulder. Harry didn't want to be touched just then, he was afraid of having a physical reaction to the touch.
Not appearing to be offended by being brushed off, Healer Lennox clasps his hands behind his back, perhaps to show Harry that he was not going to touch him or perhaps it was a natural action for him to take, Harry didn't know.
"Sir, may I ask you a question?"
"Of course you can Harry."
Shakily Harry asked, "How did you get over what happened to you?"
"Honestly?" asked the healer.
Harry nodded in the affirmative.
Bluntly Lennox said, "I locked myself in a room and forced myself to wank off."
Harry blushed at the statement, but managed to ask, "Just like that?"
"Not exactly, I didn't just walk in, pull down my pants and do it. It was seven hours before I could even maintain an erection to do it. It took another two hours to complete and afterward I felt dirty and hated myself and my gender even more. I came close to cutting it off at one point."
Harry gulped, of all the things he had done to himself in the bath; he had never damaged his genitals.
"Don't worry; I think you are handling yourself much better than I was at the time. In fact from what I hear from the Headmaster, you are the strongest young man to walk into the castle in years."
"He said that about me?" asked Harry incredulously. "I was so mean to him."
"He knows you are in pain," Lennox said sympathetically.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Now can I ask you a very personal question? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to. It may be embarrassing," asked the adult healer tenderly.
"Okay, what is it?"
"Have you had any kind of sexual feeling since your experience this summer?"
Trembling Harry answered, "Kind of."
"Let me rephrase the question, any kind of sexual feeling that you would normally have prior to the experiences from the summer?"
"No, nothing like that," Harry admitted sadly. "Will I ever have them again?"
"Most likely, once you deal with your pain and disassociate your torture and your sexual identity. Right now, they are linked through the violation of your body and your youthful inexperience."
Harry looked sheepish as he realized that they had completed one trip around the lake already.
"I'm not criticizing you Harry, just stating the truth. Care for another trip around the lake or have I exhausted you?"
In truth, Harry did feel better admitting what happened to him, but he also didn't want anymore at the moment. "Can we go in now?" asked Harry.
"Yes, we can," Lennox said. "But so that you know, sometimes I won't give you the choice."
"Thanks for the warning," Harry said grimly.
"It's not a warning, but sometimes you will want to pull back and away from me and it will be my job to persuade you into talking, especially about painful memories. It's not meant to be a punishment; I just want to help you."
"I know, I think," sighed Harry, "But I need to get some homework done and I'm feeling very tired at the moment."
"Go ahead, we'll talk again soon."
Then Harry left the mental healer standing by the lake and he went back into the castle and up to Gryffindor Tower.
Standing at the shoreline of the lake, Camden Lennox felt the cool breeze blow across his face and with a look of satisfaction on his face he thinks, 'Oh so easy.'
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"Colin?"
Looking up from the study table in the common room Colin watches as his idol, Harry Potter approaches him.
"I was wondering if we could talk for a minute," Harry said.
"Sure, I guess," mumbles Colin as he buries his head back into the book he was studying from.
"I wanted to apologize to you for the other day," Harry began. "I know it had to be very scary for you to admit that … secret to me and I didn't handle it very well. I think I may have hurt you when I did that."
Colin shrugged it off and tried to go back to his studying.
Looking around to make sure no one was listening, Harry went on, "So that you know, I wasn't rejecting you, just sex in general. I am not in a place where sex is something that I can even think about at the moment."
"Why is that Harry?" asked Colin concerned.
"I was held captive over the summer."
"I know I read about it in the Daily Prophet. Did they use the Unforgivable curses on you?"
Harry nodded 'yes.'
"I'm sorry."
Harry smiled, or at least tried to, "It's not your fault, but I wanted you to know that even though I appreciate what you offered, I'm just not ready to do it yet."
"It's okay Harry, I should've known better than to offer … it … to you," stammered Colin.
"Friends?" asked Harry.
"But just friends," Colin said, "I kind of have someone now."
"Really?" asked Harry, who was relieved.
"Yeah," Colin said with a dreamy look on his face.
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Once again Harry found himself walking through the corridors alone heading back towards the infirmary. As he approached the entrance to the infirmary, Harry once again found Draco Malfoy waiting on him and the smallest of smiles came to the corner of his lips.
"Malfoy," Harry said.
"Potter," Draco replied, "I was hoping I would run into you out here."
"Why? Wanting to hex me? Isn't it a bit early in the day for the cloak and dagger routine?" asked Harry lightly.
Smirking Draco said, "It's never too early for it, that's why one wears the cloak, to hide your appearance. However, I wanted to talk to you about Quidditch."
"Quidditch?" asked Harry. "After all these years, I would have thought you already knew how to play the game. What do you want to know about it?"
"Did I hear you correctly today in Transfiguration when you said you were quitting the team?"
Sighing, Harry replied, "That was a private conversation Malfoy."
"File a complaint. Is it true?"
"Yes, Malfoy, I have decided to quit playing," Harry admitted reluctantly.
"No."
"Excuse me?" asked Harry.
"I said 'No' Potter. Do you have problems hearing as well as seeing? You are not quitting the team and that is final," stated Draco plainly.
Confused, Harry said, "Really, I thought you'd be thrilled to not have me playing against you."
Walking towards Harry, Draco stopped a couple of feet from Harry and states plainly, "You are the only competition I have out there Potter. If I win or if I loose, it will not be because you quit, but because I beat you. So get your damned broom and get out there and practice so I can kick your skinny arse all over the pitch." Then Draco turned to walk away.
"Malfoy," Harry said which caused Draco to stop and turn back to him.
"Yeah, Potter?"
"Stop looking at my arse."
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While Harry and Draco were having their conversation in the corridor outside the infirmary, Madame Pomfrey and Healer Lennox were having one inside the infirmary.
"Healer Lennox," Pomfrey said as she saw him coming into the infirmary. "What can I do for you tonight?"
"I was just coming in to check up on Potter. We had a talk today and I wanted to make sure he was alright."
"Anything I should look out for?" asked a concerned school nurse.
"I'm not sure, he admitted a few things to me today and I wanted to make sure he wasn't going to harm himself," Lennox admitted.
"The only times Harry Potter harms himself is when he is feeling betrayed and needs to wash away his guilt," Pomfrey said, but stopped herself. "Did you say he was talking about what happened to him over the summer?"
"Madame," Lennox said scandalized, "You know full well I can't talk about things of that nature."
"I didn't ask you to disclose what he said, I asked you to confirm what you said a moment ago," she replied waspishly. No one was going to mess with her patients.
"Yes, he did."
"Good, he deserves to be happy."
Just then the patient in question came into the infirmary looking rather pleased about something.
"Hello," Harry said, not sure if he were interrupting something or not.
"Well, don't you look like the cat that swallowed the canary," the nurse said to him affectionately.
Harry smiled.
"You look like you are feeling better," Lennox said to the Gryffindor.
"A little bit," Harry admitted.
"Do you feel like talking again?" asked Lennox.
Harry stalled for a moment, he was actually feeling more normal than he had in days and didn't want it to end so quickly, "Actually, I have a special project for Professor McGonagall to do tonight, I promised that I would have it done as soon as possible."
Lennox was about to interject, when Dobby came to Harry's rescue.
"Harry Potter is saying he is needing to be working now."
Lennox looked down at the elf distastefully, "I think I know how to treat my patients elf."
Dobby was not happy with the healer at that moment.
"Healer Lennox, I would advise respect when dealing with Dobby, or else you might find yourself on the receiving end of something very nasty," Madame Pomfrey advised.
With a nod of his head, Healer Lennox left the infirmary and Harry headed to his room to sort out his memories of his abduction, leaving the school nurse and the house elf standing there.
"Is something wrong Dobby?"
"I is not knowing Madame Poppy. He is telling Harry Potter many things today. Things that is making Harry Potter feel better."
"But," she prompted.
"He is knowing too many answers to Harry Potter's questions."
Looking skeptical, Pomfrey asks, "Isn't that a good thing Dobby?"
"I is not knowing yet, so I is watching him very closely."
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As Harry sat there in front of the pensieve looking at it and knowing he promised to fill it with the memories of the voice that taunted him for most of August, he wanted very much to run away and not look at the stone basin again, ever. But he had promised and he would always keep his promises if he could. So taking his wand in hand, he began to select different memories and place them in the pensieve.
As Harry watched the different memories in the bowl, they all had one thing in common, they were all pitch black, and not one thing could be seen in them. However, words floated out of the pensieve and Harry had to decide if they were the right ones to allow members of the Order of the Phoenix to listen to. He tried to pick phrases that weren't to revealing as he knew that the odds were good that Mrs. Weasley would be in attendance to this meeting.
After what felt like hours of picking through the memories and replacing some of them back into his mind, Harry stood up and walked over to the mirror, he had a message to give to them before they would listen to the voice of his tormentor.
When he had added that memory also, he called out for "Dobby."
"Yes, Harry Potter, sir?"
"Dobby, I need a small favor," Harry said.
"Anything Harry Potter."
"Would you please take the pensieve to Professor McGonagall? She'll know what it is about."
Then the elf popped away with the stone basin in hand.
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Shortly after leaving the infirmary Healer Camden Lennox begins to make his way to his quarters, but instead decides to visit someone else first. To compare notes as it were. Quickly finding his destination and letting himself in Camden Lennox is greeted by an unusual sight.
"Wymer?" asked Lennox, "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like Cam?"
Lennox stood there in the doorway of the private quarters of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher watching as his good friend, Wymer Toft. Who was currently strapping the hands of a very naked Hogwarts student onto a silver bar that was suspended from the ceiling.
"Having yourself a gay old time," the healer replied as he strode over to the bed where the other two were. Grabbing hold of Toft's face, Lennox plants a very wet and very pronounced kiss on the teacher's mouth.
"Hmmm," Toft moaned into Lennox's mouth. "How'd things go with Potter?"
Alarmed, Lennox shot the boy a look and asked, "What about him?"
"Oh don't mind Colin, I placed a sensory deprivation charm on him. He can't see not hear a thing."
"Just like the one we put on Potter when we had him tied up over the summer? Excellent idea, if she were here, she would be pleased," commended Lennox.
Smirking Toft asks again, "Potter?"
"Oh yes, him," Lennox said with distaste. "I think I have him eating out of my hand with that phony rape story of mine. I think he thinks he's found a friend."
"Stupid kid!" growled Toft nastily.
Changing the subject Lennox asks, "So what about this one?" and points to Colin's naked body as it was suspended from the ceiling. "Is he just for you, or can anyone have a go at him?"
"Be my guest, but I get to watch."
"Of course," said Lennox in agreement. Slowly the mental healer form St. Mungo's removed his robes and under garments as he walks over to the bed where Colin Creevey is waiting for Toft to come and take him. Removing his wand from the pocket of his robes, Lennox points it at the young blonde Gryffindor and chants, "Exoplasitus."
Colin moans wildly under the incantation and his body stiffens from the use of the spell.
"You chose well Wymer, this one is primed for the taking," Lennox said admiringly. Then taking his place behind the sixteen year old, Lennox begins to perform for his friend.
"I have to say Cam, I love to watch a man who knows what he is doing. Just like the night when you took Potter for the first time. Now that was breathtaking."
"He bucked like a wild Hippogriff too, even when he was screaming to be fucked."
"I remember," Toft said lustily. "I think she about popped her corset watching the scene that day."
"Yes, Wymer, that's it, do it more just like that," moaned Colin wantonly.
Smirking Lennox picks up his wand again and says, "Exoplasitus."
The spell causes Colin to start bucking and writhing with all his might at the delight his body was feeling.
"Fun ride isn't he?" asked Toft lazily.
"Oh yeah."
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Later that night, as Harry was lying in bed, he begins to think about everything that happened in his day, particularly the meeting with Healer Lennox.
"He wasn't such a bad guy after all I guess," Harry says to himself.
Then he remembers something that the therapist said about how he got over his violation.
'Wouldn't hurt to try I suppose,' Harry reasoned to himself. Then Harry made sure that Dobby wasn't in the room and snuck his hand down under the covers of the bed where it found it's way into his pajama bottoms and touched himself.
'So far, so good' thought Harry as he began to touch himself more radically. Harry then let his eyes fall shut and began to allow himself to enjoy what he was trying to do when suddenly a memory from August popped into his head.
"No," gasped Harry and he yanked his hand away from himself quickly.
Rolling over in bed he pulls the covers up close to him and mutters, "I am a good boy, I am a good boy," just as Dobby enters the room.
"Yes, Harry Potter, you's is a good boy."
To Be Continued … Please Read and Review
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(1) A Jobberknoll is a small magical bird that is completely mute until the day it dies when it begins to regurgitate every sound it ever heard in reverse order. When it reaches the very first sound it ever heard, it dies.