A/N: Heads up, this chapter has a small flashback, it's written in italics to make it a little clearer where it starts and finishes. There are few of these that will appear throughout the story. I will try to give warning, so they don't confuse anyone.
Chapter 10
Weeks had passed and most of those days he was pushed to leave the camp. And every one of those days he hurried back, expecting disaster. But nothing.
He would return to find nothing out of place and nothing out of the ordinary.
The only thing that had changed was the new routine he found himself in.
It was always in the afternoon as the sun was starting to fade away, that he would make his way back through the clearing that led to the campsite.
He always noticed her long before she was aware of his return. He couldn't help but laugh to himself when he noticed her jump a little each time she spotted him approaching. An inviting and welcoming smile always appeared while she stood up and headed in his direction, ready to greet him.
Each day, without fail, she briskly walked up to him and gripped her hand around his arm. She squeezed it tightly before her fingers glided down his wrist and touched his hand. It seemed simple and subtle, but It was enough to let him know that she had missed him. It was enough to show that she was glad he was home safely.
He'd never had that before from anyone.
Everything was going smoothly, but it only made him more unsettled. Because he didn't trust the slightly more comfortable situation one bit.
There was the occasional stray walker that got close to camp, but it was always taken care of quickly. As usual, the only thing he really had to worry about was Ed. The asshole hadn't done anything in weeks.
For some reason that Daryl couldn't figure out, Ed had stopped snickering under his breath when he saw him sitting to close to Carol. There were no more outbursts when Ed noticed Sophia helping him out with mundane chores. It all just stopped.
Most people would settle in and think that everything was going to be ok. But he just couldn't bring himself to believe that Ed Peletier had just moved on.
He often found himself thinking that perhaps he was being to paranoid for his own good. But it just didn't feel right and in his experience, nothing was ever that easy or simple.
Ed had been quietly avoiding everyone, without any complaints. But the 'flying under the radar' game was making Daryl more nervous than seeing Ed loose it. At least when he was acting like a prick, he had an idea of what Ed was thinking. Ed had always made sure everyone knew what he was thinking. Now Daryl had to sit back and wonder what he was planning, just hoping that he was around when the plan revealed itself.
"Daryl?"
He jumped and looked up at her from his usual spot, her voice snapping him out of a daze.
"I need the tray" she said lightly laughing, with just a hint of annoyance running through her tone.
He shook his head to himself and handed her the tray of meat. He could see by her expression that he was making her anxious, watching Ed all the time like he was waiting for a bomb to go off. But he couldn't help himself. He wanted to know what the prick was up to.
He stood beside her while she cooked, listening to her talk about how she wanted a shower or a bath, anything to get the sweat of her. The conversation had his attention but it made his mind wonder off into a whole new train of thought.
It was something that easily took his mind of Ed and impending disaster and onto thinking about a few of the good things he hadn't encountered. And once those ideas came into his head there was no way to ignore them.
He doubted there were many things left on this earth, that could occupy the space in his head the way in the same way that the idea of being wrapped up in her could.
It wasn't like they hadn't gotten close.
Only a week ago he was sure they were minutes away.
She had been straddling his lap in the back of his truck. Everything was going as it normally did.
As the minutes passed, everything seemed to get more heated.
Without warning they both started to forget themselves. They forget that Glenn was waiting on them or that Shane was nearby.
He couldn't pay attention to anything but her pulling his shirt over his head, her lips suddenly planting rough kisses on his neck, while her fingers pressed into his chest.
There was an unanticipated desire to feel her skin on his. That want and need that he felt, took over, guiding his hands over her waist and under her shirt, until he was pulling her shirt off and tossing it aside.
He yanked her closer, until her breasts were in his face and he began moving his mouth over the exposed soft skin above her black lace bra.
He could feel her hands, moving down his chest to his pants, as though she was running out of time to reach them.
She yanked on his belt, seconds away from unbuckling it, when her hands suddenly froze and she pulled away.
In the same moment, he stopped to look at her in the glow of the dim light. Wondering if he had done something wrong.
His mind raced, trying to remember if his hands had squeezed to tight or he had said anything to bring on the grim and timid expression she now had.
"Wha-.. Ya-.. Ya ok?" he stuttered out as she leaned over him to snatch up her shirt.
"Yeah. I'm fine" she promised him, but the way she spoke made it hard for him to believe.
Her hands moved quickly as she slid the shirt back on and began climbing off him, with the same urgency she had only minutes ago when she was going to undo his pants.
He had questions. A lot of them, but she didn't give him a chance to ask them.
She told him he had to get back to Sophia and ran off leaving him shirtless in the back of his truck, wondering what had just happened.
He wouldn't have cared if she wanted to stop, it wouldn't have been the first time, but he didn't understand why she looked at him like that.
He sat there stunned, going over everything in his mind again, trying to figure it out what had just happened, but he couldn't understand what had caused her to panic.
He prayed that he hadn't done something that reminded her of Ed, or that the thought of him was inescapable in that moment. Maybe she felt guilty, like she was betraying Ed and the vows they had taken. Or maybe she just realized being in there with him was a mistake.
T- Dog eventually came and took over for him, so he could get some sleep. Being relieved of his duties was something he was usually grateful for, but tonight he was nervous.
He settled outside the tent on the sleeping bag, that was still laid out on the ground.
He sat there biting his fingernails down until he heard her say his name.
He felt so sick with himself that he almost didn't want to answer her. But the concern in her voice made it hard for him not to move.
His stomach churned as he knelt in front of the tent and unzipped the entry, expecting the same expression he had seen in the back of his truck. The fire glowed into the tent, to see her usual warm smile, but it was flooded with anxiety…and maybe even regret.
"Are you coming to bed" she asked as if she was unsure he would want to, making him more confused.
He didn't hesitate, crawling into the tent as he did every night, closing the entry behind him before lowering himself down next to her.
He automatically opened his arm, waiting for her to press her body to his side, instantly relaxing his tensed muscles when she laid over him.
As she stretched out over him. He was thankful she wasn't mad at him, but still not sure if he had done something wrong. They laid in silence for a few minutes, but he could feel it hanging heavily the air around them.
He chewed at his lip nervously as he ran through the events in his mind once again.
There were questions he needed answered, otherwise he may very well lay there all night and loose his mind wondering if he'd done something wrong. The thought that he scared her or done something to upset her was making him physically sick. He couldn't take it.
"Did I hurt ya?" he asked with a low muffled voice, horrified that the answer would be yes.
He felt her body stiffen up as she took in his words, her head turning up to look at him from where she rested on his chest.
"Of course not" she said firmly.
"Then did I-"
"It wasn't you" she said cutting him of in a low whisper, before he could find another way to blame himself.
"It's just... I'm not-." was all she could seem to manage and he felt like his silence was forcing her to continue. But that hadn't been his intention. There were plenty of things she hadn't forced out of him and he didn't plan on forcing her to tell him anything she wasn't comfortable with voicing.
He tightened his hold on her, hoping it would relate some understanding.
"I'm in no hurry" he said as he rested his chin on the top of her head, soothingly moving his hands over back until she fell asleep.
"Daryl!…Hey!"
Again, he was snapped out of his daze by her voice.
Sophia stood up from where she had been sitting at his side, eagerly taking the two bowls, from her mother. He watched as the kid took two steps away before she turned to face him. He gawked at the kid, confused, wondering why she was staring at him.
"Go on and have dinner Daryl" Carol urged firmly as she busied herself with the task. He looked around and noticed Ed making his way over to the line of people that were waiting for their serving. The kid was holding his bowl and waiting for him to make his move to follow her.
"I'll help ya" he offered, sounding more nervous than he would have liked.
He was only annoying her more with the offer.
"Daryl. Go have dinner" she said forcing a smile while she filled Glenn's bowl.
"I can wait until-"
"And I can serve without help. I've done it a hundred times" she laughed the words out as she cut him off, but he couldn't hear any humor in the sound.
His eye caught Glenn who looked more than a little uncomfortable at being in the middle of the conversation.
He stood up ready to leave, watching Ed at the back of the line. His focus turned back to Carol who was raising her eyebrows at him, encouraging him to leave. He let out a heavy sigh and nodded to Sophia who had been waiting patiently.
"Come on then"
He sat quietly with Sophia in front of their tent. As usual the kid didn't talk to him, not that he would have noticed if she did. He was to busy looking past her, over to Carol who was serving everyone with a pleasant smile.
He watched her briefly talk with Rick and Andrea, watched her give Carl and Lori a bright grin, then he watched her eyes drop down as Ed approached.
She poured the stew into the bowl and passed it to him without lifting her head once. But Ed didn't try the same approach.
Ed's eyes were fixed in on her, trailing over her as if he was looking for something. He noticed Ed's eyes widen slightly and a small curve emerged on the corner of his mouth. And he could see satisfaction in his eyes as took one last look down at Carol.
Even as he walked away and sat down to eat, the grin remained.
Nothing had happened, she was right, she was fine. But that wasn't what had his fists clenched.
He looked at how Ed sheepishly moved around her, trying to make her more comfortable in his presence. Slowly Ed had been getting closer, quieter. He wondered if this was a strategy Ed had tried before and had it worked.
When Carol joined them to eat, he found himself looking at her, wondering what was going through her head.
He listened as the self-doubting voice returned, the one that lived in the back of his mind. It reared up loudly, asking him questions he had no answers to.
Did he really know what he was doing?
What if he'd been wrong about them being together? And right to think she was simply to good to be with someone like him.
He was in love with her, but was she in love with him?
Was that why she had stopped and ran off that night, because she still loved Ed?
He had only been with her for a few months, while she and Ed had been together for years. Carol and Ed had a whole life together, and it was a life that Ed had told him she was conditioned to returning to. All he had was a few stolen moments hidden in amongst this chaos and he didn't know if those moments meant the same to her as they did to him.
There was no doubt in his mind that he was better for her then Ed had been. But ole Ed hadn't set the bar very high. Truth was, just about anyone would have been better Carol then Ed was.
But he knew that walking away from something like that, from somebody like that, wasn't easy. Whether they were good for you or not.
He had seen his own mother try her hand at leaving, but never be able to follow through with it. Something always led her back.
The situations may have been similar, but Carol had never reminded him of his mother once. She had children and a shitty husband, that was all they really had in common. She didn't seem defeated or hopeless, there was something fierce about Carol that was just lingering beneath the surface. There was a fire there. Carol just didn't know it yet.
He found himself starring at her. The invading voice flooded his mind as he watched her eat, until he noticed her hand curved around the spoon and the gold wedding band wrapped around her finger.
The ring had been the source of Ed's smile and the assurance that the voice in his head had needed. The glint of the gold gave it the fuel that it needed to create an inescapable swam of thoughts that left him in a panic.
It left him wondering if every idea and conclusion he had come to was wrong. It left him wondering if everything he had would soon be ripped away and he would have to sit back and watch the Peletier family reunite.