Chapter 18
As usual, he woke up just before the sunlight had even started to fill the small space and he prepared himself to sneak out of the tent, as he always did.
Every day when he attempted to get out of the tent unnoticed, he was reminded that Carol was a light sleeper, though he never let his mind wonder far enough to question why that trait existed. Those kinds of thoughts would pull at the very thin thread he was struggling to hang onto.
He knew it wasn't a good idea to ignore all of the very real issues he and Carol still had to deal with, but it didn't seem to stop either of them from ignoring them. There was intimacy, inadequacy and trust issues they both needed to work through, but focusing on them seemed like a luxury that they didn't have time to address.
There were a lot of things he and Carol didn't talk about. It just never seemed like the right time and it never felt like there was enough time. She had never mentioned the scars on his back and he never talked to her about everything that had happened to her before the world came to a halt.
They never talked about the past or the future, they simply lived in the now. It was the only way either of them knew how to exist and he didn't know how to change that. He didn't know if he was up to the challenge of changing that.
The only time they really talked about their relationship was when either one of them feared it was coming to an end. That was when they sat down and talked through what ever was worrying them. But the simple discussions were never dragged out and they never really tried to dissect it to find the real underlying issue. Even though they both knew they existed.
For once Carol didn't stir when he slid himself out from under her and he knew it was because she had barely slept the night before. He had hardly slept either, but he felt far to sick with himself to even bother trying.
Yesterday he had made plans to go hunting, before everything had gone so horribly wrong, but there was no way he was leaving now. He didn't even consider going out to set traps or to hunt down small game close by.
He didn't think he could push himself to so much as take a step away from the camp, unless he had both Carol and Sophia in tow. And as appealing as the idea sounded in his head, he knew it wasn't the safest choice.
He decided the only option really was to stay put and watch every step Ed made and what better time was there to start then right now.
He lifted his body up and leaned back on his heels, preparing to crawl forward as he did every morning. But today felt different to all of those other days when he had sneaked his way out of the small tent.
Before he even took his first step he knew he was being watched.
It wasn't that she had made noise. That wasn't it at all. He could just feel the kid's eyes on him.
He looked over to see the same disapproving expression he had received yesterday, causing him chew at his lower lip nervously.
She looked as tired as he felt and as tired as he knew Carol was. But she still had enough energy in her to glare at him.
"Mornin" he mumbled softly, hoping to dissolve even a fraction of the hatred in her eyes. But it didn't worked in the slightest.
She pursed her lips at the greeting and her frown deepened.
He waited for her to respond, even if it was to tell him to fuck off. She looked at him like that was exactly what she wanted to do. But rather then use her words, she slowly rolled over and turned her back on him, pulling the sleeping bag over her head in the process.
He couldn't lie and say that it didn't hurt. She had never once ignored him or looked at him like he was going to hurt her, but that's how she looked at him now. The distrust was radiating from her. Iit stung his chest to think that she would ever believe anything, but that he wanted to keep her safe.
He couldn't even blame her for not knowing better, for not knowing she shouldn't have listened to a single word Ed had to say to her, whatever those words had been. How could he possibly be angry when he knew how deep someone could crawl in your head. Especially if they had been taking up residence in there since your first days on this earth.
Though he hated to admit it, Ed had a strong hold over both Sophia and Carol and there was nothing he could do to fix that. It would take time and even with all the time in the world, they might never fully be free of him.
Even if he were to take his gun right and and shoot the asshole in the head, Ed's presence would still be lingering around Carol and Sophia.
It was obvious to Daryl, with in twenty minutes of leaving the tent, that the day was not going to get any better. Especially when he couldn't even look in the direction of Ed's tent, without clenching his jaw and fists until they hurt.
No one had woken yet, the only person he could see was Rick, quietly returning from patrol around the camp.
He stayed still as Rick slowly made his was over to him.
"She say anything last night?"
He shook his head in response. Thinking about the deafening silence that Sophia had pushed on him and Carol only made his fists squeeze tighter together as he looked at Ed's tent. He could feel his temper rising and he knew eventually this burning inside of him would have to be released. He didn't think of himself as a violent person, but he also knew he had his limits.
"Same rules apply Daryl. You have to stay away from him, or this will only get worse"
He didn't respond, he couldn't bring himself to even look at Rick.
Sometimes it felt like the only reason Ed was even alive, was because Rick kept getting in between thought only infuriated him more.
"He goes near em again, I'm gonna kill him." He professed coldly, taking his eyes of Ed's tent to look in Ricks eyes and enforce what he was saying. He wanted to make sure that Rick knew he meant it. It wasn't an empty threat, it wasn't something he was saying because he was stuck in a fit of anger. He was running out of options and if things kept going like this, he would only be left with one choice.
He was done treading on egg shells around Ed, desperately trying to make things easier on the prick who was out to ruin the only thing he had left in this world.
He didn't care that Carol wasn't his wife and that the kid wasn't his daughter, they were his responsibility. He was done with feeling like he was meant to be apologetic about that. Especially when he knew that he wouldn't have it any other way. He had more now then he had ever had and he wasn't going to let anyone take it from him without a fight.
"You keep him in line or you'll be burying him." he growled before dropping his eyes back to Ed's tent.
Rick simply nodded, quickly accepting what Daryl had to say.
Rick obviously knew it wasn't the right time for a debate over right and wrong. Right now he needed to leave Daryl be and give him time to cool off.
Rick wandered off and continued patrolling the camp without another word and Daryl was grateful that the conversation was over, because it wasn't helping his mood.
He could tell that Rick was just not game to push him, when he was obviously so close to snapping. But he didn't care, he wanted Rick to know where his head was at. Because it was true, his patients with this living situation was slipping.
When Carol crawled her way out from the tent she took a second to rest her hand on his shoulder and give it a light squeeze and as always he reached up and laid his hand over hers. He liked the simple gesture. He liked that it could mean a great many things and he always knew what it's intention was.
She didn't stop to talk and she didn't question him about his presence, even though he was not meant to be at the camp. She didn't even seem surprised when she found him sitting on the ground outside their tent. And she hadn't asked what his plans were for the day. He figured it was because she already knew them.
She had refused to eat both breakfast and lunch with them. Sophia had taken both meals across the camp to eat alongside Carl. No one had questioned Sophia's actions, not even Carol had pushed Sophia to come back and eat with them.
He noticed Carol and Lori exchange nods with each other and he had seen them quietly remove themselves from the group to have a private conversation behind the RV. The conversation was quick and he hadn't been close enough to hear a single word of it, but he had watched as Carol and Lori mirrored each others gestures while they spoke.
They didn't seem concerned by the kid's actions, but Sophia's actions had concerned him, they had left him glaring at Ed even more than he had been.
He'd never been around kids, he didn't really know what to do when they decided not to verbalize their thoughts. But Carol and Lori seemed to have some kind of mutual understanding about the course of action.
He always thought that Lori and Carol were two very different people, they didn't really seem like they would have much in common. But now he realized that there was a solidarity there. They were both mothers and those protective instincts seemed to span beyond their own child. His beliefs were cemented when he noticed Lori look at Ed with nothing but disgust, before she wiped the expression and forced a smile, that she had obviously mustered for Sophia and Carl's benefit.
In the afternoon when he had gone about completing the few simple chores that he done everyday, he felt the void of Sophia's quite presence.
He saw the kid look across the camp at him, they had done the same thing every day. Even though she was obviously upset, he was still sure that she would at least come with him and collect the sticks as they did every afternoon, but as he made his way passed her she'd turned away and looked back down at her book.
He had stayed in eye sight of her while he filled his arms with branches. Assuring that he could always see where she was and what she was doing and along with that he had seen Ed watching him, with a smug smile covering his face. His reaction to the sight was unexpected, so much so that it took him by surprise.
He didn't get frustrated or enraged, he didn't think about all the ways he could kill him. All he could think about was the kid and how hurt she must have been, how whatever Ed had said to her had crushed that small piece of safety she had always seemed to feel when she was with him. It was the only real thing that he had to offer her and it had been destroyed, leaving him feeling useless and completely out of his depths in the process.
That night he watched as the kid plied herself from Carl's side, approaching them both without even looking in their direction.
Carol had told him that they had to keep on trying, until she gave in and told them what had happened. She seemed convinced that the kid would succumb to compassion and understanding eventually. He had to believe her, because he had no idea what else they could do to get through to her. So that's what he was going to do.
"Ready for bed?" Carol asked as the kid continued on her way without so much as nod.
"Night Sophia" Daryl added as she made her way into the tent, getting the silent response, he'd expected.
Carol met his gaze as they listened to Sophia drop onto her sleeping bag. She gave him small smile as she reached out to run her hand through his hair, bringing his face towards her.
The kiss was brief, it was a quiet goodnight that they had both done without thinking.
The problem was, that he had been going out of their way to touch her all day, he had been trying to comfort her the only way he knew how. The constant contact had cut down a boundary that they had put in place for a specific reason. He remembered as soon as his mouth found hers that their was a reason he didn't kiss her goodnight. And Carol seemed to remember in that moment to.
Slowly they plied their lips apart and turned their heads slightly, knowing that the fleeting display of affection had a captive audience and in amongst it was Ed Peletier, who suddenly jumped to his feet and stormed off out of sight, grumbling curses to himself. Daryl hopped wherever it was that the dumb-shit was wandering off to, had a hungry Walker waiting on his arrival.
She let out a heavy sigh and shook her head, revealing just how exhausted she was. He watched her rub her hand over her eyes, before pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Come to bed when you're ready, I'm going to try and talk to her before she falls asleep." She said as she lifted herself up and made her way into the tent.
Carol hadn't seemed concerned when he had told her that Sophia saw him leaving the tent in the morning and right now it seemed like she wasn't too concerned who saw him crawl into it tonight. But he was positive that he would be going too far, it was surely not going to be met with anything other than a fight, a fight he wouldn't see coming if he was tucked away in the tent. The sleepless night he'd already endured had assured that he didn't have the energy for it either.
He listened to the quiet murmurs that drifted from the tent as Carol tried to talk to her daughter, but he never heard the kid respond. That silence she was using like a shield was pulling at something in his chest so hard that he found it almost impossible to breathe.