Chapter 19
She ran as fast as her feet would carry her through the woods, but she knew with every step she took, that it simply wasn't fast enough.
It was getting so dark that she could barely see in front of her, but all around her she could see invisible traces of Sophia and Daryl. They were signs that Sophia and Daryl had once been there. But she knew they weren't there anymore. But it didn't stop her from running after them.
In her gut she knew they were gone and that she was alone, but she couldn't bring herself to give up. She knew as soon as she stopped running after them, that she would have to accept that both Sophia and Daryl were gone from her. she would have to accept that she was alone and she would always be alone. Knowing that squeezed at her heart so tightly that she was sure that it had seized from the pressure.
She didn't know what had ripped them from her grasps, she only knew that they were in her arms only minutes ago and then they were gone. The further she ran the more blood she could see, smeared over the ground and trees. She didn't need anyone to tell her who's blood it was, she knew it was theirs.
She felt her blood run cold when she spotted the two lifeless bodies lying in the dirt. The knowledge that it was over. The feeling that crashed into her was like nothing she ever knew someone could experience without being set on fire. She choked back the air as she got closer to them, trying to scream out their names but no sound came out of mouth.
"Carol! C'mon Carol, wake up."
Her eyes snapped open to find Daryl's tired and worried eyes starring back at her.
His arm was tightened around her, one hand rubbing firmly over her hip, the other rested on her cheek holding her in place so that he could see her face.
"Just a dream. Not real" he promised in a rough whisper, still half asleep himself.
She could hear herself panting as Daryl repeated his promise to her again and again. Just as he had been doing for days.
Logically she knew he was right, but it didn't stop her from pulling away from him and rolling herself over so that she could clearly see Sophia, sleeping soundly beside them.
Daryl's hushed tone softened even more, as his arms came around her and he molded his body around her.
"She's fine. She's safe." he assured her with his mouth settled by her ear.
She released the breath she had been holding and instantly felt her body relax, as she fully let herself believe that it was in fact just a dream.
They didn't roll back into their usual position. Instead, Daryl settled behind her, shifting around until he was comfortable.
She stayed on her side starring at Sophia and Daryl seemed to accept that this was the only way to truly ward of the reoccurring dream. She could see her daughter and feel him wrapped around her, assuring her that they were both safe.
"Sleep now, ok?" Daryl mumbled into her neck before planting a soft kiss below her ear.
"Need to sleep" he reiterated, though she wasn't sure if he was referring to her need for sleep or to his own. She assumed both.
She forced her eyes to close, trying to relax. She listened as he continued on with his promises that everything was ok and that he was right there with her, should she need him again.
It had been four days since the incident and she still hadn't said more then a few words to him or Carol. He never knew that Sophia had the power to make every minute of the day drag, but apparently she did have that ability hidden away.
He knew that he had been right in thinking that it was better to have her close, than to worry about her constantly.
Now that she was avoiding him, he found that he couldn't take his eyes off her. He felt like he couldn't think straight.
To make matters worse, Carol had been having nightmares. He was woken up by the sounds of her crying out his and Sophia's name, with so much urgency and distress, that he could almost feel the pain that she was suffering though.
Each night when he woke he she would look at him as though she couldn't believe he was right there in front of her. Then she would check on Sophia, trying to assure herself that whatever had happened in the dream wasn't real.
It hurt that he had to tell her that Sophia was safe and sound, because he didn't want her to ever have to think otherwise. He didn't like having to sooth her back to sleep, because he wanted her to sleep though the night, just as she had been before all this had happened. But he would do it all, he would be there for her when she needed him to be.
What he couldn't stand was the fact that he didn't know how to help either of them. He didn't know how to fix it.
He kept on eye on Sophia and Carl from a safe distance.
They had wondered off to the clearing to sit and talk, as they passed something between them that he couldn't see clearly. He guessed it was just another bug that Carl was offering to Sophia to inspect.
He leaned into the side of his truck watching as Carl made her laugh and he was grateful that someone could make her happy, no matter how briefly the emotion came over her, before she sunk back into the depressive state she had been settled in lately.
"She said anything yet?" Shane asked as he made his way over to Daryl, dropping his side into the truck next to him. Daryl shook his head in response, his eyes still locked on the kids as they talked amongst themselves.
"I need a word" Shane said carefully, trying to take Daryl's attention away from Sophia, but he wouldn't budge. He knew what Shane wanted to talk about, he had been waiting for someone to approach him.
"It's been a few days since you-"
He let out a growl and finally turned his head to look at Shane as he spoke, stopping Shane mid sentence.
"If we need food then send that prick on a run, cause I'm not takin' one damn step outta this camp while he's here."
He had kept his tone light, but the dark edge that ran along his words did not go unnoticed by Shane.
He turned back to the kids playing in the clearing and kept his sights locked on them. He hoped Shane would take a hint and leave him alone, just as everyone else had been doing the last few days. But as usual, he didn't have any such luck.
"You know why things are the way they are Daryl. I know you know that, man. You're mad and I get that, but I know you understand why we cant let you-."
"We don't kill people" he said sternly, keeping his eyes locked on Sophia.
Shane gave him one stiff nod as he folded his arms tightly. Once again, assuming the role of the police officer, through his assertive stance."No we don't"
Daryl tried to hide his disgust as the thought appeared, but it was simply to much effort, so he gave into the expression and let it take over his features as he turned his head back to Shane."Can I handcuff that piece of shit to a roof and leave him up there? We do that to people who threaten us right?" he asked clearly, watching as the words threw Shane.
Shane shook his head."Daryl, listen-"
"Or do we only do that when it suits Rick?" Daryl asked raising his brow.
As soon as the words left his mouth he noticed Shane's shoulders rise and his neck straighten in response.
"You need to step back Daryl. Calm down." Shane argued, though Daryl had not taken a physical step forward.
He knew what Shane meant, though. He wanted Daryl to fall in line and accept the rules that he and Rick had put in place.
And that was exactly what they were, their rules.
These rules didn't belong here in this camp. As far as he could tell, the world that had created them was long gone. The society that worked to hold them in place had gone with it. But Shane and Rick had decided they were going to march into the apocalypse, with old ideas. At least, right now they would.
In the end Daryl knew this way of thinking wouldn't hold up. Both Shane and Rick would let those morals go, but they wouldn't do it until it served them. They would wait until it was Lori and Carl that were in danger. Daryl knew that when that day came, Shane and Rick would kill anyone in their path, if it meant that they could keep the people that they loved safe. And knowing that infuriated him beyond belief.
"You people have taken enough from me. Ain't handin' over anymore" he growled, taking the step forward that Shane had accused him of taking earlier.
"Is everything ok?"
Shane spun around when Andrea's voice reared up, stopping the argument before it could escalate any further.
Andrea marched over to stand herself by Daryl, picking her side before she even knew what the conversation was about.
He forced himself to relax and lean back into his truck, letting his eyes stray back over to where Carl and Sophia were still sitting and quietly talking to each other, unaware of anything happening around them.
Shane forced a smug smile."Maybe you can help. We need food. It's Daryl's job-"
"You cant put that weight on his shoulders" Andrea snapped quickly before Shane could continue.
"It's not his job, he does that to help. He does that to help the group. But it's not something you can force him to do" she argued.
Shane sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose again, as though he were dealing with people who were far to stupid to understand what was going on in front of them."We all have do do things we don't want to. Things we need to do, to survive" Shane argued, struggling to keep his tone even.
The point that Shane thought he was making clearly, was only met with Andrea's humorless laugh.
"And what do you do Shane? Maybe you and Daryl could switch positions." Andrea asked as she crossed her arms and leaned into her heel.
Daryl couldn't help but glance back at the exchange.
"You can hunt and Daryl can….What? Clean his gun? leer at Lori?"
"I help keep us safe" Shane barked, loud enough that some heads were turned in their direction. But Andrea didn't seem to have any problem with Shane's aggression. She didn't back down for a second.
Andrea knew, just like everyone else did, that Lori was something of a sore spot for Shane. It was just something that no one mentioned.
"Judging by the look on that little girls face or the fact that Daryl doesn't feel safe leaving them here, I'd say your doing a shitty job. Maybe we should look into moving some people around, letting some people switch up their jobs….. You know how to hunt Shane?"
Daryl didn't know what was more hilarious, Andrea's words or the look that fell on Shane face before he mumbled out something.
Daryl was sure Shane had suggested that Andrea was a bitch before he walked away, but it was to muffled for him to decipher. What he did hear loud and clear, was Andrea call Shane an asshole, loud enough that Shane had surely heard it before he walked away.
Daryl smirked at Andrea when she turned to smile at him. She looked pretty pleased with herself.
He shook his head as he pulled a smoke out of his almost crushed packet."You my lawyer now?"
"Lori asked me to come and get Sophia and Carl. She's ready for them. This?" she finished, waving her hand around. "Was a lucky coincidence."
He smirked again and nodded as he lit his smoke, ignoring the step Andrea took in his direction.
"Daryl, Shane is relying on you to keep his family fed, but he won't help keep yours safe from Ed. Don't let him bully you. We've got supplies, I know we do, I brought them back with me on my last run. Shane and Rick want to squirrel everything away for a rainy day, they don't care about risking you and yours. They just want their way of life to continue on, it's bat-shit"
He nodded his head slightly and hummed. He didn't specify what she had said that he had agreed with. He was far to fixed on the fact that she had twice referred Carol and Sophia as his family. The thought did something to his stomach, that he wasn't comfortable with.
It was easy enough to think of them as his responsibility, or simplify it down to the fact, that they apart of his life. But to him, family meant something completely different. The word was tainted and the idea of it only brought on a chaos in his head. It was just easier not to think of them as his family.
He kept on eye on Andrea as she took both the kids from their spot and led them back through the camp. He watched them until the kid had sat down with Carl and Lori, ready to learn whatever it was Lori spent her time teaching them.
Sophia dropped her elbow onto the table so she could lean her cheek into her palm while she worked. The distant look in her eyes was haunting and with Andrea's words still echoing through his head, he got even more anxious. No matter what he called them, weather it was responsibility or family, they needed more from him.
He decided that there had to be something else he could do to fix this, so he made his way past the RV to where he usually found Carol doing laundry.
His heart stopped for a second when she wasn't there. The clothes were piled up on the foldaway table, but her spot behind them was empty.
The only thing that kept him from flying into a full blown panic was the fact that he had seen Ed seconds before, he had been keeping an eye on him all day. There was no chance that he could have done something to her. But still she wasn't where she was meant to be and that made his heart rate pick up instantly.
He scanned through his mind, trying to remember the last time he had seen her, when he heard a noise come from beside him.
She was standing with her back to him, though he could tell that she was harshly wiping the fresh tears from her cheeks.
He didn't think twice about who was around to see them or wonder if he was doing the right thing. He simply let his feet take over and lead him to her, to grab a hold of her waist. He heard the sharp intake of breath, he had surprised her, but she instantly relaxed when he spun her around and pulled her into his arms.
He pressed his lips into her hair before resting his cheek on her head, knowing right then and there, that she herself didn't know what to do. She had already told him everything that she could think of and it wasn't working.
"It's gonna be ok" he repeated trying to soothe her, hoping he could convince her it was true, while he rubbed his hand over her back, trying to calm her down.
She was just as upset as the kid, but they were safe. And he reasoned with himself that tt had to be enough for him. They were alive, physically they were fine, that had to be enough for now. He had to keep reminding himself of that, because without that constant chant, he knew he was going to fly of the edge at any minute.