Chapter 21
She was still panting heavily when she pulled herself off him. He could barely breathe himself and as usual the ideas of quitting smoking played in his mind, just as they had been since he was still in his twenties.
He stayed still so that he didn't get in her way while she manoeuvred herself back into her pants. He couldn't see much, but he sat back and locked his eyes on what he could make out of her form in the darkness.
Once she was sitting beside him, lifting her hips to button them back on, he lazily followed her doing up his own, letting his mind wonder back to the events of day, more specifically, what had happened after they'd finished breakfast.
He had watched her as she rose in front of him, taking his dirty plate in the process. The kid had finally agreed to eat with them and he could finally see that Carol, was right.Baby-steps were the key. The kid hadn't talked all through the meal but she had finally stopped glaring at them and that was progress. After she took Sophia's plate from her, she gone to clean them and he noticed Ed watching her as she made her way across the campsite, making his jaw tighten in place.
He grabbed his bag that lay nearby, while Sophia started flicking through the old magazine again.
As Carol made her way back to the tent he glanced over to make sure that Ed was watching her every move before standing up to greet her. She stopped a few feet away from him, eyeing him suspiciously, but she was obviously amused.He smiled and stood himself in front of her, grabbing a hold of her hip to bring her much closer than was necessary.
He flashed a grin as her as he hooked his fingers into her belt and attached the holster, before slipping the gun into it. Once he was sure it was secure he settled his hand on her waist. When he looked up he could see that she was entertained by the action.
The smile she had worn was very similar to the one that she was wearing less then an hour ago, when she took his hand and pulled him into the back of the truck, it was mischievous and inviting and it threatened to make him hard again just thinking about it.
It didn't matter how bad things had gotten or how edgy he was most of the time. He was still more content with his life then he had any memory of being, and that was all because of Carol.
She had told him that she loved him three times now and each time she seemed to be making sure that she only said it when she knew he wouldn't have a chance to reply.
She'd said it before she pressed her lips to his, or before she left to do whatever chore was waiting on her. He was sure this wasn't by accident. It was almost like she was letting him off the hook, maybe she knew what he was or wasn't capable of, without him having to explain himself.
But just because he hadn't said the words, didn't mean he didn't think them. He thought about it more then was probably normal.
He had always wondered what it would be like to love someone. He'd never been in a relationship and he'd never wanted to be in one. But now that he was with Carol, he could see what all the fuss was about.
He thought that loving someone meant that you loved fucking them, being with them, talking to them - and though all that was true, he knew that wasn't even close to what it really meant. Those were all things that affected him in some way, something that he was apart of… he was the one fucking her, he was the one who got to be with her when she had some time to spare and he was the one who got to talk to her about anything that came through his heads. Even though he loved what he had with her, he found that he simply loved her more. He loved her all on her own, without her having to do a single thing for him.
He could watch her talking to someone and admire the way she held eye contact with them, to make sure they knew she was really listening. He liked the faces she made when she was concentrating on something.
It was probably about as sappy as he had ever imagined these feelings to be. But it was true. He didn't need to have his hands on her, or have her attention, in order to love her. He could love her from afar and it didn't lessen any of it.
All these feelings though, made him nervous, because he feared living without them. If something were to happen to her, he'd be lost.
He needed to make sure she was safe, he needed to protect her, no matter what. He wanted to make sure that he gave her everything he could give her and do everything he possible could do for her. Because he was sure that's what you were meant to do for someone when you loved them. Even if the things you had to do horrified you.
"You ok?" she asked handing him his shirt and pulling him from his thoughts.
"Yeah. I'm good" he promised her as he wrestled himself back into his shirt.
Before he could ask her the same question, she swung her leg over his lap until she was straddling him again and placing her hands firmly on his shoulders.
"Let's try that again" she said with a smile, lining her eyes up with his. "Are you ok?"
He sighed heavily and dropped his head back and dropped his hands onto her hips.
"Just thinking about huntin'. I mean, I gotta go, Ya know? I just don't feel like-"
Carol nodded and relaxed slightly.
"Andrea told me what happened" Carol said softly as she ran a hand through his hair.
He had guessed that Andrea had told Carol what happened, he had seen them talking and Andrea had the same pissed off expression on her face that she had when she was arguing with Shane.
"It's all well and good to put Shane in his place and call him an asshole. Don't stop the fact that he was right"
"He wasn't, Daryl. He cant put the weight of the whole group on your shoulders."
"Ain't the whole group I'm worried about. I gotta get us food. We gotta eat. Ain't gonna matter me hanging around here to keep an eye on you and Soph, if were all dyin' of starvation"
"Andrea said we have plenty of supplies." Carol reasoned quickly.
He eyed her and smiled slightly. "You don't want me to go"
Carol rolled her eyes at his amusement. "I want you to be safe."
He chewed at his lip as he looked over her."You don't gotta worry about me" He promised, still unsure why such a simple conversation had him feeling nervous.
"I could say the same to you."
He looked down at his hands and where they rested on her hips and then gave them a light squeeze before he continued. "Carol, I gotta go. You know I do."
Carol nodded. "I do, I know that. But I don't want you out there worrying about will just distract you."
"So we keep training." He said as he tightened his gold on her. "Im'a feel a hell of a lot better about going, if I know you can protect ya'self."
Her mouth opened slightly and closed, deciding against what ever she was going to say. Instead she nodded again and forced a smile.
He knew the gun made her uncomfortable, he knew the idea of inflicting harm didn't sit right with her. And he understood that. But it wasn't a world where she could shy away from it.
Over the next few weeks he noticed that Sophia's mood had slightly improved, but she was still shut of to them. She still hadn't told them what happened, but she was at least answering them when they asked her simple questions.
She had accepted a hug from her mother once and had even been saying goodnight before she went to bed. It wasn't much. But it was enough to let him and Carol know that there was going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. They just had to keep trying and keep their patients with her.
He had been forcing himself to hunt, he didn't have much other choice. But he only left when he felt comfortable, which was easier now that Carol was keeping Sophia close while he was gone, along with the gun and knife, that she attached to her belt each morning with as little thought as she would have putting her shoes on.
He had taken her out every day to train but eventually, it turned to every other day. She could shoot and he made sure everyone knew that, he made sure he said it loud enough and confident enough that Ed not only heard, but also knew he wasn't kidding. She could take down walkers and she could fight. It would take her practice to figure out what was comfortable for her to do, but she was capable.
At nights they would sneak off to his truck and be together, or sometimes Andrea would offer to watch Sophia while he took Carol out shooting and he would spend a bit of time with Carol while they were out there…And there were days when he couldn't stand the idea of waiting and he would ask Glenn or Andrea to watch Sophia, so he and Carol could take a walk into the woods with Carol.
He was sure they'd had more sex over the past few weeks then he had had in his entire life. He couldn't seem to help himself and Carol never objected.
He realised as soon as he opened his eyes that he had slept in.
The girls had already left and he knew he was going to have to walk out there in front of everyone.
He had spent most of the night in the truck with Carol after getting Glenn to watch the kid, promising him they would be back in ten minutes, though they didn't return for more than an hour.
The thought of the night before made it easier to get up and walk out, deciding he had done nothing wrong, that there was nothing wrong with what they were doing.
He couldn't help but scan the camp as he got out, though he knew he should have just dropped his head and tried to look at least slightly remorseful. But he was a shitty liar, he always had been.
He thought about her laying across his chest last night, talking until she fell asleep, his arms circled around her and his chin resting on her head. No, he thought, it would be impossible to act as though he regretted any of it.
Ed was standing by his car, packing it full of supplies with T-dog, Andrea and Glenn, as Amy stood by with a worried look on her face, watching as her sister readied to depart once more.
He took his last step out of the tent and stood upright, watching closely as Ed's head turned to look at him, slamming his bag into the boot of the car.
Instantly, Daryl looked around and saw that everyone was nervously watching and waiting for something to happen.
Ed hadn't made a move in his direction, but Daryl still couldn't help but look around to see where the kid was.
After a few seconds of looking around, he found her playing in the clearing with Carl, kicking the ball back and forth to each other. He was happy she was far enough away to miss any scene that could possibly take place.
Ed continued to glare at him as he put his boots on and Daryl wondered if he was finally aware that he was out numbered, not just by the group who had always stopped any fight that broke out, but also now by Carol who was busying herself with laundry across the camp, the gun securely attached to her belt.
Once again, he found himself forgetting the eyes on him and remembered the night before, He remembered the time that he had spent with her in the truck and decided that the looks he was receiving, simply didn't matter. He put on his vest, followed by his bag and took a hold of his crossbow, making his way over to her to let her know that he was going, but that he would hurry back to her.
"You're awake" she said leaning into the table on her palms as he approached.
"Sorry I missed the show" she teased, trying to look around the campsite, though most of it was blocked off to them by the cover of the RV.
"Could have woken me up, Ed looked like he wanted to run across the camp and break my neck" he said with a smug smile as he sat himself on the table beside her.
"oh please" she said biting her lip, suppressing her grin as she positioned herself between his legs.
"You not even a bit worried about my well-being" he teased, trying to focus on the conversation and not how close she suddenly was.
"Worry is my middle name. It's like my Superpower. If I was a superhero they'd call me The Worrier. I worry from when I wake up until when I go to sleep. But only waste my powers on things that might actually happen" she announced confidently and he couldn't help but smirk at her.
He raised his brow as she leaned in and he wondered if what had happened last night had brought on her good mood, or if it was the day before when they were in the field alone, supposedly training.
Either way, he welcomed it.
His hands slid around her hips and yanked her forward, causing her to let out a laugh that was quickly cut of when his mouth found hers.
He had decided that he wasn't leaving until he was sure that Ed and the others had left, he had plenty of time, he thought, as her arms fell onto his shoulders loosely.
As her lips parted, her tongue found his, while he slid his hands around her waist to rest on her lower back. With much more force then she would usually use, she reached up and tangled her fingers into his hair tightly, making him moan into her mouth, making her smile into the kiss.
He pulled back slightly to look at her, watching her take a breath.
"You ok?" she asked as he became silent, his lip curved in satisfaction to the closeness as he tightened his hold on her.
"Just thinkin" he replied, letting the curve on his mouth grow.
"What about?" she asked in a low breath, though he could detect the seductive tone lingering in her words.
"You" he said as he brushed his lips over hers once more.
"Last night" he added with a sly grin as he moved his mouth to her neck.
He began trailing his lips over the exposed skin on her shoulder when he heard it, the noise that was quickly growing closer and closer, making the earth vibrate beneath his feet.
Every part of him tensed in that moment.
It sounded like an army was making its way closer and he knew she could hear it to. He was sure he could hear her heart pounding in her chest.
He lifted his mouth from her shoulder as the first walker appeared through the woods. Without warning he jumped to his feet and quickly swung her body to his side. He grabbed his crossbow, loading the bolt and taking the Walker.
He took one step in its direction to retrieve the arrow when he saw them, they were everywhere, hundreds of them heading at the camp.
He opened his mouth to yell but in that same second, he heard the screams erupt, from what he was sure was Amy being attacked.
The stillness and quiet setting of the camp had disappeared and was replaced with yelling, gun fire and the moans of the dead as they entered the camp.
He grabbed her hand as more of them appeared, he knew there was no point in fighting, they had to run.
As he pulled her back into the centre of the camp, he searched for Sophia. That was when he realised just how screwed they really were.
The walkers coming from behind them were not their only problem.
As he looked into the clearing he could see another big group of them, emerging from the Forrest line.
They were coming at them from both sides, one heard joining another, and they were all right in the middle of it.
He was snapped out of his shocked state as Carol suddenly screamed out for the kid, his head swung in Sophia's direction, to see the walkers drawing in on her.
Carl took in the sight and turned running back towards the campsite. It was clear that Carl's instincts had kicked in and he didn't think about anything else in that second except saving his ass. But as Sophia's instincts kicked in, they gave her a very different message.
He watched as Sophia froze, just as she did when they were over run at the quarry. Her hands reached up and covered her ears and her eyes snapped shut.
Carol moved from his side, ready to run after Sophia as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
He could see Andrea approaching them as Carol screamed in panic. The blonde had blood on her hands and over her shirt and he didn't have to ask her if Amy was ok. The way she looked at him with paled skin and bloodshot eyes was enough to let him know that Amy was gone.
"I have to help her" Carol cried as he spun her around to face him. He pulled her close and grabbed a hold of her face in his hands.
"I've got her" was all he said before he pushed her body into Andrea's open arms.
"Get her outta here, Andrea" he barked, barely catching a glimpse of the blonde pulling Carol back with her before he turned to run.
He ran with his crossbow slung over his shoulder, unable to move it to his back where his bag hung. He pulled his gun from the waist of his pants, panting a huffing out breaths as he panicked.
He watched as Rick caught Carl in his arms and starred at Sophia standing in the clearing, as more Walkers began to surround her.
He demanded that Rick run as he flew past them into them into the growing crowd of walkers.
It all happened so quickly.
It was only a minute ago that everything was fine, that they were all safe and now everything he had ever feared was beginning to unfold before him.
He had screwed up.
He didn't keep them safe and realised now, that he never had a chance in doing so, he realised that he never even had to the right to assure them he would keep them safe when the world was trying to swallow them all whole.
Each second that passed made the growing ache in his chest expand. It spread into his throat and choked him, as he wondered if he was fast enough to reach her, before the closet walker did.
He yelled her name hoping to snap her out of her shock, but she didn't budge.
He could see her mouth moving, just as it did that night at the quarry, though he had never asked her what she was chanting. Now he wished he had asked her, he wanted to know what she had to say to herself that was more important than both their lives.
He pushed past the pain in his chest that was begging him to stop, pleading that he drop to knees and catch his breath.
More and more of them came out from the woods and he knew that he couldn't fire his gun, they didn't stand a chance if he drew more of them in their direction.
The Walker closet to Sophia reached out, it's fingertips barely grazing her arm as he finally collided with it, pushing it to the ground before yanking her into his arms.
Dozens of them surrounded him and he could see only one way out.
He frantically looked back to the campsite, watching as they all got into the RV, listening to it start. He couldn't get back there, there was no way he would make it through them all. He looked at Rick knowing he was watching them, knowing that at least one of them knew that they had made it out of there alive. That was all he could hope for, he thought, as he ran into the woods.
He weaved around the swam of Walkers as the recognised his scent and movements.
He darted passed them, swung his body into them to knock them down, he used his foot to kick them back, he did anything he could to keep moving, each step taking him further and further away from the campsite and the sound of the RV leaving them behind.
He was exhausted beyond belief and everything ached, but he kept going while the kid silently clung to him. He looked through the woods and blinking passed the sweat dripping over his eyes, to see a road. He focused on reaching it, trying to do it quietly as more walkers deterred from their path to follow him, he was only steps away from getting out of the woods when his foot caught something.
He heard the kid scream his name, but in that same second, everything around him went black.
The few times he had managed to open eyes, he found that his vision had nothing to offer but blurred sightings of his dim surroundings. He struggled to inspect the quiet setting each time he regained consciousness, but his strength always gave in and pulled him back to sleep as it did, leaving everything black and muffled once more.