Chapter 25
"It's been over a week man. Not a fuckin trace of em" Shane growled, trying to keep his voice low.
Shane didn't want to keep going. He'd made that much clear. He'd made it so clear in fact, that Carol wondered why Shane was keeping his voice so low. This was nothing she hadn't already heard.
It would be easy to forgive Shane for being cautious. Carl had been shot and though it had only been a flesh wound, it was easy to understand why Shane was reluctant to continue on searching for Daryl and Sophia when it was so dangerous out there.
If that had have been the reason, Carol could excuse Shane. But that wasn't the reason.
As Carol hid in the entryway, by the front door, listening to Shane and Rick argue on the porch, she remembered conversations she'd had with Daryl about Shane.
She'd told him that she thought Shane appeared very supportive of Daryl, that he seemed to be willing to stand by Daryl.
Daryl had told her, that Shane was always going to look after his own interests.
The day that Shane had pressured Daryl to hunt was proof of that. And now that he was pressuring Rick to slow down the searches for Daryl and Sophia, after only ten days, was more proof that Daryl was right.
And that was why Shane didn't want to look for them. He simply didn't care. He had his family safe. The people who he held dear to him were safe. He didn't want anything to jeopardize that.
Funnily enough, Daryl had also told her that Rick would only ever work to protect his own family. Yet ever since Sophia and Daryl and gotten separated from the group, Rick had been the one leading the search parties. Because Rick was certain that both Daryl and Sophia were fine.
Rick calmly shook his head. "We don't know how far they got pushed back. We don't know what direction. We just have to-"
"That's right we don't fuckin know." Shane snapped, cutting Rick off. "We ain't trackers Rick. The tracker is fuckin gone. He got chased off by a hundred damn walkers. Face it brother. They. Are. Gone."
Rick didn't loose his cool and he didn't let Shane sway him. He continued to explain to Shane that he was not going to give up. Rick explained the same thing ten different ways, until Shane was far to frustrated to continue on with the conversation.
Then she watched on as they both started marching off into the dark.
She had been on her way back to the RV, when she had stumbled onto Rick and Shane arguing. Rather then go out and make things awkward, she waited them out.
She waited a few seconds until she was sure that they wouldn't hear her come out, before she started to make her move. That was when she felt his eyes burning into the back of her neck.
"Wanna talk to ya" Ed requested in a firm whisper from behind her.
She let out a heavy sigh and continued looking through the screen towards the RV. She knew Ed wouldn't do anything. Not here. Ed had been on his best behavior since they arrived at the Farm because he wanted to stay there. Herschel had been kind enough to care for Carl after Otis had accidentally shot him. He also offered his land up as a base while they searched for Daryl and Sophia. He had offered them food, shelter and all of the amenities that the farm had to offer. But Carol couldn't enjoy them.
She didn't turn back and she didn't give him any sign that she had heard him, she just walked out onto the porch and and down the stairs, ignoring the sounds of him following her.
As she approached the RV, she realized she could still hear him following her. She didn't mean to growl out in frustration but it had happened. The noise was weak and quiet, but she knew he had heard it and she knew it surprised him as much as it did her.
Ed horrified her and with good reason. But something about that fear had shifted and something about it didn't feel the same. It was still there, but it felt less familiar. And she figured it was because she didn't have someone to protect. It was just her.
She didn't have to worry about Sophia being behind her or even Daryl's reaction. Sophia wasn't going to be frightened and Daryl wasn't going to be put in a position to deal with her problems. Knowing that, changed things.
"What do you want" she asked spinning around to face him as she tightly folded her arms across her chest.
Ed looked amused. The expression he was wearing, right down to the way he was standing, reminded Carol of how Ed used to be. Or at least how she thought he was. When they first met, she had been been intrigued by him. Charmed by him. But now she only saw it as being fooled by him. And it wasn't going to happen again.
"You remember that Bed and Breakfast?" Ed asked glancing back over his shoulder towards the house.
She nodded. She knew what he was talking about, because she'd thought the same thing when they first drove through Herschel's gates. It looked almost exactly like the Bed and Breakfast that she and Ed had once stayed at.
They had traveled to a small town to attend the wedding of Ed's cousin. It was a two day drive to get there and on the way home they had stumbled onto a B&B that Ed decided they would spend the night at.
The trip had caused a lot of stress. And Ed didn't handle stress well. It seemed like unless everything went absolutely perfectly then Ed didn't know how to cope. And even if everything did go perfectly, Ed found a reason to prove that nothing was as good as it appeared.
"Now that was a nice weekend"
She shook her head and narrowed her eyes. "You broke my nose"
She could see it there on Ed's face, the confusion and straining he was experiencing.
"You don't remember do you?" She asked as Ed continued to scan through his memories.
"We were driving home and I couldn't figure out the map. So you broke my nose." She added, feeling her stomach clench at the memory. She could still hear him yelling at her, still see the blood pooling into her hands.
"I guess it was easy for you to forget. It wasn't your nose" she added, assuring Ed that his little trip down memory lane had done nothing but upset her more then she already was. If Ed's plan of attack was nostalgia, then he needed a new plan.
She shook her head to herself and turned to make her way into the RV.
"There gone, Carol. Dead." Ed said firmly, in a cold tone that she was much more familiar with.
Those cold words froze her to the bone. They were her biggest fear and something that she spent so much of her time trying not to think about. But hearing them out loud felt like a harsh slap across the face.
She felt tears stinging her eyes and her heart pounding in her chest. She wanted to do so many things in that moment, but she knew she could never bring herself to do them. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, trying to remember just how capable Daryl was. And as always, when she feared for Sophia, she could hear Daryl in her head - "I got her".
"They're dead. But I'm not."
She opened her mouth, ready to tell Ed to go to Hell, But she never got a chance to say a single word.
"That's it. Leave. Fuck off" Andrea snapped as she sung the RV door open.
"This here is a private conversation I'm having with my wife." Ed growled, struggling to keep his tone leveled.
Andrea laughed and looked around the space dramatically. "Your wife? Where is she? All I see here is Carol."
Ed's lip curled, an obvious sign that he was not amused and he was already dreaming up ways in which he could punish Andrea for her boldness."Get back in there and mind yours"
Carol stepped back as Andrea pulled the gun from the waist of her pants and she noticed Ed's eyes widen.
Andrea had no intention of shooting Ed. Even Ed knew that. It was nothing more then a threat. Maybe even a reminder, that he didn't really have the upper hand that he seemed to always believe he had.
"Don't for a second think that these little games your playing are going to work and don't think that I won't be telling him all about them when he gets back." Andrea promised, locking her eyes with Ed while she spoke, before turning them to face Carol.
Carol noticed Andrea's face instantly soften as she nodded her head at her. "And he is coming back."
She smiled at Andrea and returned the nod.
He would be back and no amount of Ed's wishing otherwise would change that.
It had been ten days since they had been on the road and it was becoming harder and harder not to let his mind drift.
He caught himself thinking of stupid things. Her laugh, her smile, they way her skin glistened on a hot day. But with those images came a rapid heartbeat and an ache that threatened to break through the protective wall that he had formed, in order to keep him from completely freaking out. Because with those memories came thoughts and questions.
The voice in his head telling him he was chasing a ghost or at the very least he was looking for a needle in a haystack. The voice told him he was going to get Sophia killed. That she would have been better of with literally anyone else, other then him.
The times when he was on watch, or earlier in the evenings when he was alone with Sophia, listening to her steady breaths, they were the hardest parts. And as time went on it only got harder .
It was just to quiet and he had nothing to occupy himself with, that was when he found it impossible not to wonder if Carol was safe. Had the group gotten away? Was she so sick with worry that she wasn't thinking clearly? Was Ed making her life hell? Had she been injured, bitten or killed?
Some nights he fought the urge to yell at the voice in his head, who was working hard on flooding his thoughts with what if's. He wanted to smack himself to shake the thoughts out. He wanted to scream, cry and break something all at once. But one thing stopped him. One thing assured that he worked as hard as he could to push those thoughts aside. The kid. Her daughter. He was going to return her to Carol, even if he had to kill everything that stood in his path.
He loved Carol and he knew Carol loved him. But he wasn't naive or brain dead. He knew that Carol had one thing, one single thing she would kill and die for. He knew she had one thing that she simply couldn't live without. And that was the very thing he had in his possession.
He stood looking around him while Sophia leaned into the stream to fill her hands with water and splash her face once more.
"Where are we?" she asked blinking back the water that was falling from her brow.
"Jackson Mississippi" he answered while continuing to search the area.
"We close?"
"Closer then we were yesterday" He said trying to keep his tone as casual as possible.
He didn't want to say anything else that might make the kids anxiety spiral out of control. Not anymore then it already had. Because each day that passed, she seemed to be getting worse and worse. But there was nothing he could do to help her. Not when he was barely coping himself.
They walked around ten hours a day and she still found time to pick at the threads on on her pants, so much that one of her knees was was fully exposed.
He remembered exactly what Carol had told him about the nervous action and what it meant. Sophia was horrified and even though he thought she hid it well, there were still times when he could see it breaking through the mask she was wearing.
Only two days ago, he had seen Daphne watching the kids tiny fingers mindlessly plucking away at the threads. She had opened her mouth to question the kid about it. But he had caught her eye first.
His features had hardened instantly, shaking his head and locking his eyes with hers.
Fact was that Sophia had been doing fine until Daphne opened her big mouth and voiced her opinions at the cabin, now the kid felt like shit and he didn't want Daphne making it any worse then she already had.
"Daryl" the girl whispered harshly. He followed her gaze quickly expecting to see a walker but that wasn't what had caught her attention.
He lifted the crossbow and took the shot, taking down the plump rabbit.
He looked down at her, unable to stop himself from smiling widely.
"Good job" he laughed, making her lip curve for the first time in days.
"You're the one that killed it" she said dropping her head and wiping her wet hands over her pants.
"Thanks to you. You done good" he corrected, still smiling down at her.
They fell back into the same silence they always fell into, as they made their way back to the temporary campsite.
As they quietly made their way into the space, he noticed Daphne looking between him and Sophia. She appeared to be examining them, as though she were trying to decipher their moods or train of thought.
He got the feeling that Daphne was something of a social person. She liked to talk and she enjoyed tedious conversations, ones that people created for the sole purpose of filling the silence. But that wasn't something he enjoyed. It was something Carol had enjoyed and from what he could tell it wasn't something Sophia enjoyed. But it was hard to tell what Sophia actually enjoyed.
Most of the time he knew that Sophia was purposefully ignoring Daphne's presence, but sometimes Sophia was quiet simply because Sophia was used to being that way. Weather it was a part of her personality or something she had learned in order to please her father, he didn't really know.
She knelled down beside him and leaned back on her heels, watching him as he pulled his knife out.
"You need somethin?" he asked, stopping his hands before they continued.
She peered up at him and shook her head, resting her hands on her knees.
"You don't gotta watch this Soph" he added quietly so Daphne couldn't hear.
"I wanna learn" she assured him, but he wasn't sure if he should rip the skin of the fuzzy little creature in front of her. She'd seen him do it before. But it was different doing it right in front of her face like this. And Sophia seemed to sense his reluctance and maybe she even understood why he didn't think this was a good idea.
"You been doing this since you were a kid right?" she asked as though she could read the concern in his face.
He shrugged and nodded as he took in the question."Well,… Yeah"
"Younger then me?" she added raising her brow. Daryl still wasn't really sure how old Sophia was. He wasn't sure if he had been told and forgotten, or he'd just never asked after the information. Either way, he didn't need to know how old she to know she was at least twice the age he was when his father taught him to skin a rabbit. But he doubted he should use any of the experiences he had with his father a some kind of reference.
"Well? Where ya?" she pressed when he didn't answer.
He nodded again."I guess I was"
Sophia shrugged, as though the answer was simple. It was obvious. And maybe it was, but he still felt uncomfortable.
"So,.. ok then. Do it" Sophia said, nodding to the corpse in his hands.
He sighed heavily, wondering if Carol would approve of this. Problem was he couldn't decide if she would or not. She wanted Sophia to survive, she wanted to protect her, but she also didn't want the kid completely traumatized.
"Get on with it." Sophia added waving her hand in a circle to get him moving along.
He decided that if she wanted to learn then he had to just let her make up her own mind. She wasn't exactly a baby and if she thought she could handle it then who was he to stop her.
He started breaking bones and stretching skin, keeping a close eye on her and noticing that she was focusing on every move his hands made without even flinching.
When he tore the fur off with one sharp tug he looked over and actually saw her nodding to herself as if her mind was taking in the information and making sense of it.
When the task was complete he looked over to her again and she met his gaze sternly.
"I'm gonna do the next one you catch" she said before she stood up and walked back to the fire. He knew this was what she was getting at by wanting to watch in the first place, but the idea of it still made him feel uneasy.