Chapter 30

Lori never actually told whole the group that she was pregnant. She had told Rick and from there the information quickly made its way around.

When everyone found out about the pregnancy, they were still at the farm and they believed they would be there for some time. They had assumed they were safe, that they had somewhere they could live and thrive. But even when they had assumed they were safe, it was clear that Lori didn't want to talk about it.

People had opinions about it. People had hopes and dreams that surrounded the baby. People had fears and concerns about it too. It simply depended on who you were talking to. But Lori herself, hadn't talked about it and Carol didn't bring it up either. Not to Lori or anyone else.

Lori didn't seem happy about the expected arrival, that much was written all over her face. Seeing that fear made it hard for anyone to offer their congratulations. Because it didn't seem like something Lori wanted to be congratulated for. If anything, it seemed like Lori would have preferred someone scolded her for being reckless and stupid. Because clearly, that's what Lori was thinking and feeling.

Before the campsite had gotten overrun. Before that horrible day when she had lost Daryl and Sophia, Lori had started wearing baggy clothes and no one had questioned it. Why would they? They weren't exactly living in a world of high fashion anymore. If Lori wanted to wear a loose fitting shirt there wasn't anyone around who cared to question her choices.

But now everyone seen the outfits as an attempt to hide something that Lori was obviously struggling with.

At the campsite, she had been waiting Lori out. She was waiting for Lori to tell her she was pregnant, but that conversation never came. And she had been upset with Lori to some extent. She didn't understand why Lori felt the need to hide it form her.

But she knew now why Lori had kept it so quiet.
She knew now why Lori still didn't want to talk about it.
She knew why Lori was not only horrified of being pregnant, but why she was horrified at the thought of bringing a baby into this world.

She knew all these things because they were swimming through her own head, while she emptied the contents of her stomach onto the road. Hiding behind the truck where no one could see her.

She hid, just like Lori had, because she didn't want to tell them. She didn't want to talk about it. She just wanted to finish up her morning sickness, that was conveniently hitting her in the evening, and she wanted to do it in peace.

Because like Lori, she could see this "miracle" for the disaster that it truly was.

How could she be jumping for joy when they were on the run from the various herds. Herds that always seemed to be right behind them.

How could she imagine a bright and happy future for this baby when she had nothing to offer it. She couldn't protect it and she couldn't provide for it. She had lost it's father and it's sister. And eventually she would loose this baby too. She didn't know when or how, she just knew it was impossible to hang onto anything.

The house they were staying in was nice and well kept. By no means was it a flashy mansion, but it was the kind of house he would have wanted to own. But never would have had a chance in hell of getting.

From what he could tell, it hadn't been empty for very long. There wasn't much dust and it looked like it had been recently cleaned.

He followed Sophia through the house as she explored the rooms. He didn't get to involved in the scavenging as they made their way through the place. Sophia was fine to get the job done on her own and she looked everywhere that he himself would have thought to check. So he thought it was best to leave the job to her. That way she got the credit for anything she discovered and hopefully she would stop believing that she was useless.

It was almost to dark to see where they were going as they headed up stairs, but Sophia didn't want to stop he didn't ask her to. He knew that very soon, Sophia would pick a spot out and curl up like a cat somewhere. Right now though, she wanted to look around and he also guessed she wanted to put some space between them and Daphne.

She didn't talk to Daphne all through dinner, but he had seen them exchange some looks. Not that he was surprised. After what Sophia had told him about their earlier conversation, he expected nothing more from Daphne.

He hadn't said anything to Sophia when she recalled the conversation. He'd listened to what she had to say, and he had grunted in response, but only so she knew that he'd heard her. But that had been his only comment on the subject.

For some reason Daphne had asked about Carol. She'd wanted to know what Carol looked like and what kind of person she was. Sophia had taken the opportunity to tell Daphne that her mother was beautiful, much more beautiful then Daphne. And Sophia explained that Carol held every quality, that Daphne didn't have. She had explained in detail that her mother was kind and smart and funny.

And he had to agree with Sophia. Carol was the complete opposite of Daphne. But he didn't want to talk about Carol. He didn't want to think about her. If he could have it his way, he would like to wipe the women from his mind completely until he was with her again.

Missing her-….pining over her, was not going to help them. It was only going to make every minute harder. That was the reason he never brought her up, the reason he never let her linger in his mind for to long. He simply couldn't deal with it. He knew it would break him down into a state that he didn't have time to be in.

"It's a girls room" Sophia pointed out as they walked into the overly pink bedroom. He leaned into the door frame and watched Sophia as she started poking at things.
He didn't guess there was anything of use in the room, but Sophia had a look on her face, a dazed and kinda sleepy expression that left him starring at her while she walked around the bedroom.

"It's a nice house" Sophia whispered.

He hummed in response and found himself watching her even closer then he had been. There was something about her tone, that had him wondering if she was going to start crying.

"I always wanted a room like this." Sophia added quietly as she picked up a fairy ornament to turn over in her hand, before she carefully put it back in it's place.

"Maybe one day you will. Don't know what's gonna happen. Things could change…or change back". He didn't believe a single word of what he had said, but he wanted to get the hopeless expression of her face.

"Even if everything goes back to how it's supposed to be. I won't get anything like this?" Sophia mumbled shaking her head, while she fidgeted with the small rag doll she had picked up.

The statement struck him and he was curious to know what would be standing in her way. It certainly wouldn't be him and he doubted it would be Carol. He didn't understand why, in this daydream scenario, she couldn't have the girly room she had apparently always wanted.

"Why?" he asked.

Sophia's brow creased as he questioned her. She continued to inspect the doll, that she had obviously taken a liking to. But she didn't offer him an answer.

It was clear that something about his simple question had upset her.

Reluctantly she put the doll back in it's place and turned quickly, walking by without looking at him.

"We should sleep" he heard her say as she made her way down the hall to one of the bigger rooms they had already checked out.

He frowned as he took one last look at the pink room.

If by some miracle, the world went back to how it was supposed to be, to how it used to be, then he would make sure she got something like this. It didn't look like it would be all that hard to throw it together.

He didn't understand why Sophia thought something so simple would be unattainable.

He heard her call his name and he knew she was waiting on him. Before following her, he snatched up the doll that she had seemed so interested in.

Realistically, he knew there was very little chance of her having a room like this.

The world wasn't going back tot he way it was. But at the very least, he thought she could have the doll. So he stuffed it in his bag and followed her down the hall.

After walking around the house a few dozen times he gave into the calmness of the property and sat himself down on the porch, leaning his back into the wall as he looked out into the darkness.

He was happy to sit there listening out for stray walkers. He was comfortable and he was rested.

There weren't to many times through the day when he could turn his back on Sophia and know she was safe. When he was on watch, he knew she was near by and didn't need to be watched like a hawk. And he could relax knowing that. He could enjoy his time alone.

Usually, he could enjoy his time alone.

He didn't say anything when Daphne came outside holding the small lantern. Usually he would have assumed she was going to take a piss or something else that was equally none of his business. But he knew when sat down next to him, wearing the odd expression, that she had non intention of leaving him be. It was clear, by how her eyes were set on him, that she had made the journey outside, with the intention of annoying him.

He kept his eyes fixed straight ahead. He had hoped that if he ignored her, then she would get the hint and realize that he wanted to be alone.

But he had no such luck.

When Daphne's hand fell onto his knee, it took him a few seconds to realize what was going on. At first he wondered if she was squashing a bug, or maybe giving him a swat to grab his attention, so that she could alert him to something she had seen. But all his hopes for the touch had been killed when her hand started steadily moving up his thigh.

He wished he could have closed his eyes and pretended it was Carol. He could pull Daphne close and imagine that he was sitting in the back of his truck with the women he loved, just like he used to be, like he had been before he lost her.
But Daphne's hand somehow felt heavier then Carol's. And Daphne smelt sweet, sickeningly sweet. Carol, she smelt like lavender. That was the only thing he could guess it to be. It wasn't overpowering and it didn't make his stomach turn. In fact, Carol's scent had always had him looking for excuses to smell her, something about it had always just fit.

There was no hope in pretending everything was fine.

Everything about this moment felt horribly wrong.

He grabbed a hold of her wrist and pulled her hand from his leg, gently tossing it back towards her, before he inched himself further away from her. "Go to bed Daphne" he said firmly, keeping his eyes ahead of him.

"You wanna join me?" She asked, producing a tone he hadn't heard her use before. He guessed it was supposed to be flirtatious and alluring. But all it managed to do was make him uncomfortable.

He kept his eyes on the space around him. "Thinkin' you got the wrong idea bout me."

"I was thinking I need some stress relief. And that maybe you and I could help each other out by-"

He let out a laugh without meaning to, it erupted from him out of surprise and discomfort, cutting Daphne off before she could finish making her offer.

"Daphne I barely like ya. Most of the time, I can't even stand ya" he pointed out, with the remains of his laughter still lingering in his words.

Daphne still looked confident, she still appeared determined. It had him wondering what the real motivation behind the offer was.

She shrugged and produced a soft smile that had him looking away from her again. "Ditto. But that's not what were talking about here. It doesn't have to mean anything"

He took a minute to consider her words, but not the offer. Though he knew Daphne wouldn't have known the difference.

"Only been away from Carol a few weeks. Got her daughter sleepin' inside, n'you want me to fuck ya right here? Someone I don't even like?" He couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head."Pretty sure it would mean somethin'. It would mean I'm desperate to be a damn asshole"

Daphne's eyes went wide for a second, before they suddenly grew hard. Her mouth was stretched out into a thin line.

"You sure you know how to make a girl feel like a prize." Daphne added sarcastically, with an obvious bite in her tone that she couldn't disguise.

He nodded, before leaning his head back onto the wall and pulling a smoke from his pack, satisfied that she appeared to be getting the message. "Good. That's what I was aimin' for" he mumbled as the thick and uncomfortable tension filled the air around them.

He lit his smoke and drew back on it before holding it in his hand and staring at the amber, rather then looking back over at Daphne. He was sure she was pissed at him for turning his nose up at her advances. She obviously didn't understand that for him, she simply wasn't an option. He wasn't wired like that.

He loved Carol and he didn't want to be with anyone else. It seemed so simple to him.

He knew he was doing the right thing by telling Daphne no, but he still ended up feeling like asshole anyway. He didn't like seeing the rejection in Daphne's face. He didn't want to make anyone feel like that. Maybe if he'd been better with words he would have been able to let her down gently.

His brother had always told him he was far to blunt for his own good. He'd always said Daryl would do better with people, women more specifically, if he simply leaned to talk a bit nicer.

He shook his head to himself slightly and decided to explain himself, rather then simply sending her on her way.

He sighed heavily and searched his head for the right words before he started.

"Not trying to be a prick. I'm really not. But I'd much rather piss you off right now then have her feelin' like shit when I tell her." He shook his head and felt his stomach twist around on it's self, at the mere thought of having to tell Carol something like that. "She ain't done a thing to deserve it." he added.

Daphne shook her head. "It wouldn't have to be about her."

He rolled his head on the wall to face her, meeting her gaze while he spoke. "Yeah. It would."

It was then that he noticed the thick layer of make up and the extra tight clothes she was sporting. He couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"You got someone waitin' on you to. You really wanna do that to him?" he asked, deciding to deflect the attention from him, before she asked him anything about Carol.

She smiled at him then, but it wasn't the flirtatious smile that she had been wearing earlier. No, this smile was the one that someone tossed at you when they thought you were being ridiculous.
"Daryl. It's just sex. Your making into a bigger deal then it has to be."

He honestly believed it really wasn't all that important to Daphne. She did want him for anything more then a quick roll and tumble and he doubted, if he were to give it to her, that it would change anything between them. He was also sure, that somewhere Merle was shaking his head at Daryl's decisions. Because like Daphne, Merle believed a fuck was simply that. Nothing needed to get complicated if you didn't want it to.
Merle had tried to instill these kinds of beliefs into him, but they never quite took. Now that he'd met Carol, he was sure that he was just a different kind of person to Merle…and to Daphne.

"He's gonna be happy I'm alive and I don't plan on telling him the rest. Why upset someone over something that doesn't really matter" she stopped then and looked over at him, smiling slightly and rolling her eyes. "But I'm guessing you could never lie to her right. You're just Mr morals"

He narrowed his eyes at her tone and tried to bite back his own annoyance. He didn't see why it had to be a bad thing. Why she was making out like he was a self righteous asshole because he only wanted to sleep with Carol.

"I could lie to her. If don't take a genius to do it. But I just don't want to. What I got with her-." He stopped and shook his head "I don't want to fuck it up for myself, I put work into it and I wanna keep it. I don't wanna fuck it up for-"

"Someone like me?" Daphne snapped, causing him to jump back in his spot. "Yeah Daryl, I get it."

It hadn't been what he was going to say.

"Anything", he was going to to he wouldn't fuck it up for anything. But he decided not to correct her. It would only add to the conversation and right now he desperately wanted it to end.

He hated to think it. But he was pretty sure that this was about Daphne's bruised ego more then anything else. He didn't know if anyone had ever gotten repulsed at the idea of being with her and he didn't know if anyone had ever turned her down. But going off the bitter look she was wearing right now, he was pretty sure this was a first for Daphne.

Sophia had believed that she was putting Daphne in her place. Sophia wanted to make sure Daphne knew that she didn't have a chance with him.

Daphne had seen it as nothing more then a challenge.

He got up, telling her he was going to take a walk around. She didn't say a word more and by the time he circled the house and made his way back, she was gone.

There was an odd feeling that was sitting heavily in the pit of his gut. He thought maybe it was from the discomfort and and awkwardness that Daphne had caused the night before.

Maybe it had been the miserable comments Sophia had made about the house.

There was also the possibility that it was brought on because he was going to be leaving them alone again.

Or maybe it was all three of those things.

He tried to ignore the sickening feeling as he made his way into the kitchen, but the feeling only intensified when he found them both sitting at the kitchen table.

Daphne was at one end of the long table, looking over her map while she chewed away at what ever they were both enjoying for breakfast. While Sophia sat at the other end, flicking through a book.

They both seemed to become aware of his presence at the same time, lifting their eyes to him simultaneously and both adding to the uneasy feeling he was suffering through.

They didn't looked worried. They didn't have the slightest bit of concern hidden in their expressions. If anything, he would say the looked comfortable. The both had something to do and they were settled in to do it.

"You heading out?" Daphne asked as she snapped her eyes back to the map.

She had been like this all morning. Refusing to look at him or talk to him in length. He didn't blame her, he didn't really want to look at her after last nights awkwardness. He hummed and looked over to Sophia, nodding his head towards the door.

Sophia got the gist of the gesture and jumped from her seat to follow him outside.

"I won't be to long" he promised Daphne before he followed the kid to the porch. Daphne nodded, and grunted a noise back at him. But that was all he got from her before he slipped out.

He closed the door behind him and pulled his back over his shoulder. "You be good."

"I will" Sophia quickly promised. She said the words with little to no thought behind them, just like all kids when asked to do something that they had been asked to do a hundred times before.

He shook his head and leaned down slightly. "No. I mean be good, no talkin back and don't say shit just to get a rise outta her. I don't wanna have to deal with her shit later all cause you got to feelin' like it might be fun to piss her off."

"Deal with her shit?" Sophia echoed, squinting her eyes at him in confusion.

"Don't cuss." he snapped quickly. There were a hundred times a day when he had to wonder 'what would Carol do', but telling the kid to watch her mouth wasn't one of em.

Sophia's finger snapped up to point at him."But you just-"

He quickly mirrored the movement and cut her off."Don't talk back."

He watched as Sophia's jaw tightened and she crossed her arms in defeat. "What do you mean deal with… What happened?"

"I mean just what I said. Just please, for the love of god, be good."

She sighed heavily and crossed her arms tightly, but he had a good feeling that she was going to mind what he had told her.

If he was lucky he was going to be able to rid himself of Daphne, without having to deal with her bruised ego anymore. If he was even luckier, within the next day or two, he was going to be back with Carol. Then he wouldn't have to concern himself with Sophia quite so much and he wouldn't have to deal with the fact the kid was kind of turning into a bit of a smart ass. Carol would know what to do about all that shit.

He guessed it was nearing midday when he finally made his way back. He hadn't found a car, but he had siphoned enough fuel to get them back on the road. He decided it would be easier to just load Sophia and Daphne into the car again and start heading towards the camp where he had lost Carol and his group.

He could find a car for Daphne on the way or, maybe they would find his group and they would have one for her. At the very least he would be able to use Dales jumpers to get one started for her.

He had options and one of them would get her a car. He would help her out like she had helped him out. Then he was going to go back to his life. He was sure some people wouldn't have thought it wasn't much of a life. Living in a tent, scrounging for every single thing they needed to survive. But he didn't care, he was practically itching to return to it. There was a bounce in every step he took, because he was completely aware of just how close he was to returning to it.

He hadn't even taken a single step back inside the house when the familiar sound hit his ears.

He stood frozen in the doorway while his heart started hammering away in his chest.

The first thing that caught his eye, was the back door. It was in the kitchen and led out onto the wraparound porch.

It was wide open.

The feeling of dread that he had been holding in his gut all day, spread though him like wildfire, burning everything it touched, until he was sure that he was going to burst into flames right there in the living room.

His feet bound forward, towards the sounds of the walkers, that had invaded their temporary home.

His mind couldn't consider the possibilities of what had happened. There wasn't enough time for his imagination to conjure up a scenario. He just knew he needed to kill them.

At first, when he made his way into the kitchen, he didn't see a single thing.

He could hear them loud and clear, but it wasn't until he looked around that he found them.

Three of them. All huddled around in a circle, on their hands and knees. Blood puddled on the tiles and smeared all around them. Almost nothing left of the person they were devouring.