House of Memories

Dear diary, I'm home. I still can't believe I'm home. I'm going to be writing in a journal on my laptop from now on. Normally I'd record video diaries, but I always worry someone's going to hear me when I'm recording. With this journal, I'll be able to write about these dark thoughts I've been having in peace. So here we go.

I'm finally home. It's strange, being back in the human realm but I'm doing my best. I have to for everyone else's sake. I need to get them back home and I'm going to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Besides, I'm the one who helped Belos figure out how to make light glyphs and find The Collector. It's all my fault. I don't deserve to feel happy that I'm home again. Of course I'm happy to see Mama, but I can't let go of this thought that everyone would be better off without me…

No, don't think that way Luz. Try to think positive like you always do. You had a good talk with Hunter, sort of. He wants me to keep his secret that he's a Grimwalker, so I guess we're both hiding things from everyone.

I promised Amity I'd be honest with her after I opened up to her about the anniversary of my Dad's death. I guess I was lying then too. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just tell everyone the truth? I'm no hero. I'm just a coward hiding behind fear.

Oh no, I hear someone coming. Goodbye for now journal, I'll see you later.

Suddenly, Amity walks into the kitchen and sees Luz. She heard her get up and wants to make sure she's okay.

Luz closes her laptop and wipes away her tears, putting a smile on her face as she turns to Amity. The last thing she wants to do is worry her girlfriend.

"Luz, is everything okay? We went through a lot and I know it's hard to sleep, but you really should try to get some rest." Amity said.

"I'm fine. Sure there's a lot going on, but I'll be okay. I mean, we're all safe now so let's try to focus on that." Luz replied.

Amity pulls up a chair and sits next to Luz. She can tell Luz is struggling and trying to hide it. So she tries to change the conversation.

"What's that you were working on? Are you writing another Good Witch Azura fanfic?" Amity asked.

Luz freezes. She didn't think Amity would ask her what she was doing so she tries to think of a good explanation.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I was doing. It's my way of coping, I guess. I'd love to show you, but it's not done yet and I want you to be surprised. This story is going to be dark and the ending will be more realistic than my usual happy endings, so no spoilers." Luz replied.

Amity looks slightly concerned. Luz's stories are usually lighthearted fantasy adventures, so to hear that she's writing something dark scares her.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? We've been through a lot of traumatic experiences. Wouldn't you rather focus on writing something more uplifting?" Amity asked.

Luz thinks about this. She knows Amity's just worried about her because she cares, but her feelings of guilt overwhelm her. Still, she tries her best to turn on her bright personality.

"You're right. That's a good idea. Maybe writing a lighthearted story will give me hope that everyone will be okay." Luz replied.

Amity smiles, relieved.

"I know things seem hopeless right now, but we'll make it through this. We always do." Amity said.

With that, Luz and Amity start walking back into her room. Luz takes her laptop and holds it close, hoping no one will find her innermost thoughts.

Luz lies in her bed, looking up at the glowing moon and star pattern above her, reaching out for the moon.

"I'll be okay, right? I have to be." Luz whispered.

"What was that?" Amity asked.

Luz panics inside but holds back her feelings.

"It's nothing. I was just saying goodnight." Luz replied.

Amity looks up at Luz with concern, but sees she's turned away. She's worried, but she doesn't want to push Luz if she's not ready to talk.

"Goodnight. I love you." Amity said.

Hearing those words from her girlfriend, Luz starts to cry but stays turned towards the wall.

"I love you too. Goodnight." Luz replied.

Amity wants to tell Luz everything's going to be okay, but she doesn't know that. She reaches out her hand, but pulls back. Knowing it might be better if she gives Luz some space. They made a promise to be honest with each other and she trusts Luz will tell her when she's ready.

A few hours pass and Luz lies in her bed awake, staring up at the moon and stars glowing above her again with a distant look. Then she gets up, grabbing her laptop again and trying to be as quiet as possible so she doesn't wake Amity.

Luz sits at the kitchen table, opens up her laptop and starts writing in her journal again.

Dear diary, I'm exhausted and I can't sleep. I feel like I need to get all of these dark thoughts out or they'll consume me.

To be honest, I feel guilty. Everyone's in danger back on the Boiling Isles because of my mistakes and now all of my friends and girlfriend are trapped in the human world with no idea what happened to their loved ones. It's all my fault.

Eda, King, I'm so sorry. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get back to you. But I don't even know if you're alive and it's all because of me. I hate this! Maybe everyone would be better off without me.

No wait. Why am I saying that? Do I really believe it or am I just scared and sad? I don't know…

As much as I try to convince everyone else that I'm okay, I know that's all a lie too. I don't deserve their sympathy.

I told Amity I was writing a fanfic, another lie, but I can't help but wonder how my own story's going to end. I guess that's up to me. Maybe it is time to end my story…

Luz closes her laptop, shaking and afraid with tears in her eyes. Her own thoughts are starting to terrify her and she knows she should tell someone, but she's ashamed.

Then Luz takes a deep breath and stands up, putting on a brave face as she buries her pain once again. Then she goes back to her room and puts her laptop on her desk. She lies in bed, staring up at the glowing moon and stars again.

The realization hits Luz as her heart becomes heavy, feeling a deep pain in her chest as her anxiety takes over but she suffers in silence. She doesn't want to wake anyone, so she just lies there lost and alone in fear.

"I'm not okay…" Luz whispered.