Trigger warning: This chapter contains dark themes, depression, suicidal thoughts and an implied attempt. Please take care of yourself and proceed with caution. After the episode Thanks to Them, I can tell it's been hard on the fandom so please don't be afraid to reach out for support if you're struggling. We're all doing our best, stay strong everyone.
Somewhere I Belong
Luz and Amity sit down on the couch in the living room with Camila by their side. Luz explained what happened at school with Amity's help. It's a heavy topic and one that shouldn't be taken lightly, Luz understands that, but she was so afraid to tell anyone.
Camila hugs Luz tight, never wanting to let go and desperate to save her daughter from these dark thoughts she's been having.
Camila looks to Amity with a smile, relieved she helped Luz gain the strength to be honest about how she's feeling.
"Luz, I'm glad you're opening up to me about this. I need you to know that I'm here for you, Amity and your friends are here for you too. You have so much support and love, Mija." Camila said.
Amity takes Luz's hand. Although she's afraid for her, she does her best to be strong and support Luz because she knows she needs it, now more than ever.
Luz smiles, it's a tired forced sense of relief, but she's glad she's finally able to talk about this with people she trusts.
Luz starts to tear up a bit, still sad but grateful for the support.
"Thank you both. I was just scared you'd all worry if I told you I was having these thoughts. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I didn't want to hurt everyone all over again." Luz replied.
Hearing Luz put so much pressure on herself yet again breaks Amity's heart and she can't help but speak up.
"Luz, you're being too hard on yourself. We only worry when you isolate yourself or pretend everything's fine when you're struggling. I know things have been hard, but that's why we need to stick together. You helped me realize that when I was in a dark place, now let me help you." Amity said.
Luz nods. Hearing Amity's kind words keeps her strong, but there's still one secret she's keeping, the one that led her to feeling all of this guilt and shame. She decides to keep this to herself for now, but she's planning on telling everyone when she's ready.
"Okay, it'll be hard opening up to everyone, but I'll do my best." Luz replied.
Amity smiles, she can tell Luz is at least working towards healing and that's enough.
Camila can tell Luz is really trying and wants to be patient, but she needs to address the seriousness of her situation.
"Mija, I'm glad you're telling us about how you're feeling and I'm so proud of you. But after hearing about what happened, I need to ask, do you feel safe?" Camila asked.
This question catches Luz off guard, she sits there frozen for a moment, thinking about how she's going to respond. Then the emotional pain hits her, but she blocks it out immediately. An automatic reaction to keep her loved ones safe from her pain.
"Yes, I feel safe. I have so much support, and being honest about this has really helped me understand that. I'll be okay." Luz replied.
Camila believes Luz, but Amity's still a bit concerned. She knows how good Luz is at masking her true emotions and decides she'll support her while keeping an eye on her.
Before they can continue the conversation, Vee, Willow, Gus, and Hunter join them in the living room. Luz is glad for the distraction, she's starting to feel uncomfortable since she has those thoughts and doesn't trust herself.
Camila and Amity notice Luz is getting a bit anxious, so they decide to watch the second Good Witch Azura movie together. Just to help her relax.
Then, when Luz sees the scene with villainous Lucy on screen, she can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt wash over her. This is how she sees herself, a monster beyond redemption or forgiveness.
Seeing this, Luz starts to feel emotionally exhausted, so she decides to turn in for the night.
"I think I'm going to get some rest. I haven't been sleeping well and I'm just really tired." Luz said.
"That sounds good. Let me know if you need anything." Camila replied.
Luz nods, then starts walking up to her room. She thinks she'll get the chance to be alone, but Amity walks by her side. She's not going to let her isolate, not after everything she's told them about her mental state.
Luz lies in her bed while Amity lies on the bed on the floor next to her.
Luz stays silent, trying to process everything that happened. Then she hears Amity break the silence.
"Is there anything you need?" Amity asked.
Too tired to think, Luz decides she'll wait to tell everyone what happened with Belos in the morning. She'll get all of the shame and guilt she's been carrying off her chest then, but right now she just needs to rest.
"I'm okay. I just need to sleep." Luz replied.
"Okay. Goodnight, Luz. I love you." Amity said.
Luz smiles, tears fall as she realizes how much Amity cares. She still doesn't believe she deserves it, but she'll try her best to take in Amity's kind words.
"I love you too. Goodnight." Luz replied.
A few hours pass and Luz still hasn't slept. She's just been staring blankly at the glowing moon and star pattern above her bed, lost in her thoughts. Exhausted, but too overwhelmed to sleep.
Luz slowly gets up, grabbing her laptop and heading into the kitchen to write in her journal. The blue light of her laptop illuminates the dark room, giving off a haunting and lonely glow.
Dear diary, today I told Amity and Mama that I'm having thoughts about not wanting to exist. It was hard, opening up to them. I know it was the right thing to do. So why does it feel like I only made things worse?
Everyone's more worried about me now and I haven't even told them about how I helped Belos. They really are going to hate me, especially after I've proven time and time again what a burden I am. I should have just stayed silent. I don't know…
I guess I'm just scared. I should just tell them the truth, but I can't. Something's stopping me. Maybe I should just leave before I make things worse for everyone.
Luz stops writing and looks out the window. It's around midnight and it's raining again. Even if she tried to run away, she knows she won't get far in this dark stormy weather. So she sits back down and decides to record a video diary. Going back to the beginning and letting out what's been haunting her.
"Dear diary, all I ever wanted was to be good at something, to be around people who also liked that something. And when I found the demon realm, I thought, wow, I found it! I can learn magic. I can be a witch! I won't be the dummy in the principal's office anymore. But I messed up too much, and put everyone in danger. Mama always said, I have to learn from my mistakes, so I know what I have to do now. I'm going to escape reality. Permanently." Luz said.
Luz leaves her laptop open and stops the recording. She leaves both her journal and video diary open so everyone can see her one last time before she disappears. Then she walks into the bathroom and locks the door behind her, crying softly but feeling numb inside.
Luz looks in the mirror and is shocked to see herself looking so broken down and tired with dark circles under her red tearful eyes. She looks at her reflection with sadness, wondering how the optimistic and bright girl she once was just disappeared and became this ghost of a person.
Pushing past the sadness, Luz takes a deep breath and opens the mirror cupboard, finding just what she was looking for. A bottle of her Mom's medication for her depression. At her lowest point, Luz starts to blame herself for that too.
"It's all my fault. I'm the one causing everyone's pain. I'm just a burden and they'll all be better off without me. I'm so sorry everyone. I love you all so much, but it's time to say goodbye." Luz said.
Suddenly, Amity wakes up, feeling a sense of dread come over her. She looks at Luz's bed and is shocked to find she's not there.
Amity gets out of bed and immediately starts searching the house in a panic.
"Luz, where are you?" Amity yelled.
No answer.
Amity stands in the hallway frozen with fear as she frantically looks around for any sign of Luz.
Suddenly, Hunter, Willow, Gus, and Vee rush over to Amity to see what's going on. Then Camila joins them, holding Luz's laptop in tears. She watched the video diaries, now more afraid than ever for her daughter's safety.
"Amity, what's going on?" Camila asked.
Amity looks up at Camila with sadness and fear. Then she realizes there's one place she hasn't looked yet. She runs over to the bathroom door and tries to open it, but becomes terrified when she discovers it's locked.
"Luz, are you okay in there?" Amity asked.
No answer.
Camila puts the laptop down and steps up to the door.
"Luz, I'm coming in." Camila said.
Camila uses a key to open the door and gestures for everyone to stand back. They all nod and wait patiently, hoping Luz is okay.
Camila opens the door, shocked to find Luz sitting on the cold tile floor alone, her eyes wide with fear while she holds onto the bottle of pills tightly. Then Camila sits by her side and holds her daughter close.
"It's okay, Luz. I'm here. We're all here. Everything's going to be okay. I promise." Camila said.