This is How a Heart Breaks

"Don't you wanna go for a ride
Just keep your hands inside
And make the most out of life
Now don't you take it for granted
Life is like a mean machine
It made a mess outta me
It left me caught between
Like an angry dream I was stranded, I was stranded
And I'm steady but I'm starting to shake
And I don't know how much more I can take"

"Hey, Mac, Stella," Peyton says as they enter the morgue. "We've been very busy in here with all these bodies."

"COD?" Stella asks.

"Blunt force trauma to the back of the skull," she points to the wound. "I sent a sexual assault kit to DNA."

"Thanks," Mac says, heading to the door.

"So are you enjoying being back here?" Stella asks.

"Yes," she answers, looking to Mac.

"See you later, Peyton," Mac says, giving her a smile.

Stella walks after him, curious as to why he had actually smiled, not just his usual half-smile. "What's up with you and Peyton?" she asks him.

"Nothing."

"Come on, Mac. Tell me," Stella insists.

"No. You don't need to know. It has nothing to do with you," he tells her.

"Then why did you just smile like you did at her?"

"How did I smile at her?" Mac counters, giving her his trademark half-smile.

"Not like you are right now. That was the first time you've actually fully smiled since… since nine-eleven. What's going on, Mac?" she freezes, realization hitting her. "Are you dating Peyton, Mac?"

"Yes," he admits. "We've been going out for a year."

Stella could feel her heart break as he said this. After Frankie she was sure her heart would never heal and be able to love again. But it had happened. Although she wanted to break down right there, Stella kept it strong until she went home that night.


"This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks"

"Have you heard the rumor that Mac is going out with the new ME, Peyton?" Lindsay asks.

"Yes," Stella answers, not looking up from her microscope.

"Do you know if it's true? I mean, you're his best friend so I thought you might know," she explains.

"Yes," Stella says again.

"I always thought there was something between you two. You and Mac, I mean. I was sure there was something more than friendship because you seemed so close to each other. You guys go together so well. Sorry – who am I to tell you that you and Mac should get together?" Lindsay looks away from her.

Stella looks up from her microscope. "Really?"

"Yeah. Danny thinks you and Mac should be together too; he told me a while ago when we were working together on a case."

"Hey, Stel, Linds, what do you think of Peyton?" Hawkes asks as he enters the room they were working in.

"I've got to go," Lindsay hurries away, not wanting to participate in this conversation.

"She's a good ME, but I don't like her."

"Hey, I thought I was a good ME. Why don't you like her?"

"You were. I wish she'd go back to her stupid teaching and leave Mac alone," Stella says angrily.

"Stella, they were dating while she was teaching. That's not going to stop them. I think someone's jealous," he teases.

"So? He needs me; I'm the only one who understands him."

"You have a plan?"


"Don't you wanna go for a ride
Down to the other side
Feels so good you could cry
Now won't you do what I told you
I remember when you used to be shy
Yeah, once we were so fine
You and I why you gotta make it so hard on me
And I'm sorry but it's not a mistake
And I'm running but you're getting away"

"Stella, I need to talk to you," Mac says as he leads her to his office.

"About what?"

"Peyton and I," he replies, watching her closely. "Are you okay with me going out with Peyton?"

"Mac, you don't have to ask me if I'm okay with you dating someone. And yes, I'm fine with it," she lies.

"Are you sure? You haven't been that friendly to either of us, and you're kind of avoiding both of us."

"At first I was a little upset that it took you a year to tell me you're moving on, but really, it's okay," she insists.

"Is that you're only problem with us?" he asks.

"Yes, Mac."

"She's a good person, Stel -," he begins.

"And I'm not?" Stella interrupts.

"What?"

"Never mind that, Mac. I didn't mean it," she shakes her head and curses herself for letting that out.

"Seriously, Stella, how have you been after the attack?" he asks, sincerely caring for her.

"I'm okay."

"Really? Have you started dating again?" she shakes her head. "Look, I'm always here for you, Stella, if you need anything. You were always there for me," Mac assures her.

Stella sees Peyton coming so she quickly stands up. Before leaving she gives Mac a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks," she whispers as Peyton enters.

"Hi, Mac. Are you okay, Stella? You've been acting a little different lately," Peyton says.

"I'm fine. See you tomorrow."


"This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks
Yeah, this is how a heart breaks"

"So did it work?" Hawkes asks Stella the next day.

"I'm not sure. If she was jealous she didn't show it," Stella shrugs.

"Now what are you going to do?"

"Step it up until she does get jealous," she answers.

"And what good is that?" he questions.

Peyton walks in before Stella can reply. "Stella, I need to talk to you. Alone."

"Okay. I'll be back in a few minutes, Hawkes," she leads Peyton to her office.

"Why did you kiss my boyfriend last night before leaving?" Peyton demands.

"Do I need a reason?" Dr. Driscoll nods. "He's my best friend. Is it really that big a deal? I wasn't making out with him or anything," Stella retorts.

"I think there's more than friendship there. And I don't see you kissing Danny or Don or Sheldon. Mac is mine so just leave him alone," Peyton argues.

"Peyton, Mac can't cheat on you. He's too much of a gentleman to have an affair. You weren't here for a whole year so for all you know I could have kissed the other guys. And I hate to break it to you, but he needs me; no one else understands him."

"You're right about him being a gentleman. Obviously he doesn't need you that much since he is with me and not you. Stella, you're not going to have him."

"I'll always love him whether he's with you or me or someone else. Mac doesn't even know how I feel about him," Stella says calmly.

"If you tell him, you're dead. Just face it, Stella: you and Mac will never be together. I bet if you tell him you love him he wouldn't get together with you. Mac's afraid you'll shoot him like you did Frankie," Peyton smiles evilly at her.

Stella cracks, not able to fight it anymore. She jumps on Peyton, knocking her to the ground.


"You're not the best thing that I knew
Never was never cared too much
For all this hanging around
It's just the same thing all the time
Never get what I want
Never get too close to the end of the line
You're just the same thing that I knew back before the time
When I was only for you"

"What the hell!" Mac says, spotting Stella and Peyton on top of each other, obviously fighting. Rushing past all the other guys standing outside watching Mac enters, the two girls paying no attention to what was going on. He pulls Stella off Peyton, and she struggles to free herself from his grasp. "Stella, what are you doing?" he demands angrily.

"Let me go!" Stella squirms, but Mac's strong grip refuses to let up.

Hawkes enters and reaches towards Peyton to help her up. "Here, Sheldon, take Stella to my office," he orders, handing her over. "Peyton, are you okay?" he helps her up, and she collapses in his arms.

"Mac, she would have killed me if you hadn't come," Peyton cries.

"Stella can't hurt you," he comforts her. "I need to talk to her. I'll have Flack make sure she doesn't come after you again."

"I love you, Mac. Thanks," she whispers before leaving. Mac watches her go before heading to his own office.

"I've honestly got no idea what to say to you, Stella. I can't believe you attacked her. You, of all people. I'd expect you to act like that around a child molester, not a co-worker. What's gotten into you lately, Stel? Ever since you found out Peyton and I have been dating you haven't been the same. What's bothering you?" Mac paces around his office, watching her. Neither is attempting to make eye contact with the other.

"You don't want to know, Mac. It's… complicated," Stella fiddles with her hands, not looking at him.

"You are my best friend, Stel. Whatever it is you can tell me. I'm listening."


"This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks"

"She's a great medical examiner, Mac, but… you and she just don't go together. I like her, just not with you," Stella says nervously.

"Why did you do it? There's got to be more to it than you not liking her with me," Mac asks as he stops pacing and leans against his desk.

"Peyton set me off. She got all possessive of you, saying I couldn't kiss you, and we would never be together. She must have thought you were having an affair with me, but you're too much of a gentleman to do that. We need each other, Mac. But Peyton doesn't want us to have anything to do with each other, because she's jealous of me," she explains.

"She can't be jealous of you. We'll always be friends. I mean, you're beautiful, intelligent, and all, but I like you just as a friend," he tells her. Tears shine in her eyes, and she hopes he can't see them.

"She threatened to kill me if I told you how I feel about you. Then she said that you're afraid I'll kill you like I did Frankie. I just… lost it," she breaks down and cries in front of him. He offers no comfort.

"I'm not afraid of you. You'd never kill me unless I did something like what he did to you."

"I can't talk about what he did to me, Mac. I'm still not over it," Stella shakes her head as more tears fall.

"How do you feel about me, Stella? What is it that Peyton doesn't want me to find out about you?" Mac looks at her for the first time, noticing how hurt she was. But he doesn't help her. If he does, he risks losing Peyton, and he loves her. But if he doesn't help Stella, he could lose his best friend.

"Mac, I've… I've loved you since the day we met. And I still do. But I never should have told you this. I'm sorry, Mac," she whispers.

His brain is going a million miles a minute, his head thinking things over. As always his brain over powers his heart. "I… Stella, I have to suspend you for attacking Peyton. I'm sorry. I need you're firearm and badge. You can come back in a week and start working again." Stella hands him both before leaving his office, maybe leaving his life, tears still trailing down her cheeks. And her heart broke once again for she knew now he didn't love her too.

"This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks"

Hawkes shows up at Stella's apartment later that night while she is eating dinner. "Hey, I'm not interrupting you, am I?"

"No, why are you here?" she asks, stepping aside so he could come in.

He ignores her question. "I heard you have a week on suspension for attacking Peyton."

"Yeah, I have no idea why I did it. Something just sparked when she said Mac was afraid I'd shoot him like I did Frankie. I know he isn't, but that just hurt so much," she leads him to the kitchen table. "Have you had dinner yet? I made plenty of pasta if you want some."

"Sure, but you sit. I can get it myself, Stel. Did you tell him?" Hawkes sits across from her with his plate of pasta.

"I… yes, but he didn't say anything about it, just that I'm suspended and all. He doesn't feel the same," Stella bites her lips to keep the tears from falling.

"The Mac I know does. His heart's probably torn between you and Peyton, and he doesn't know who to choose. And after he thinks threw it, he'll choose his partner and best friend because his heart will tell him he loves you more."

"I don't think so, Hawkes. He really loves Peyton, and it didn't look like he loves me at all in his office," she says.

"That's because he needs help figuring out what his heart and his brain are telling him. You can't help on this one. Mac is very troubled right now; in our job we have to do the logical thing and ignore what our heart tells us. But now he is dating one woman and realizes he loves another; he's got to follow his heart. And both are battling and right now he can't decide which to listen to," Hawkes explains.

"I don't know. Maybe I should just leave and let him be with Peyton. Then he wouldn't have to worry. He's my best friend, and I'm supposed to help him. But right now I'm just confusing and hurting him," and her heart shatters into a million pieces at the thought of hurting Mac and leaving him here alone. Mac deserves better than her.


"This is how a heart breaks
This is how a heart breaks
Can't take it
Can't take it
This is how a heart breaks
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
This is how a heart breaks
I can't take it
I can't take it
I can't take it
This is how a heart breaks
Oh...
This is how a heart breaks
This is how a heart breaks"

A/N: "This is How a Heart Breaks" Rob Thomas. Thanks to Pandy Roxy Chick for betaing. Sequel to come soon.