Disclaimer: I Don't Own Tales of Symphonia or Any of Its Characters

Aisu: Thank you all for the support and reviews! You all really make my day!

This chapter isn't quite as funny as the others because Remiel isn't funny. I don't even remember why I made him what I made him... o.o; By the way, I tend to pick on Kratos and Yuan a bit, but that's only because it's fun. It's not because I hate them, because I don't hate them. I could just be being paranoid so you shouldn't worry too much about it. XD;

Anyways, enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 3: Annoying Mazes and Surfer Dudes

So they pressed on, taking the tunnel to the left first, which led to a dead end that caused them all to get thoroughly pissed after taking a beating from all those enemies. So next they walked back and took the middle path which led them to yet another dead end. They shouted in frustration, Lloyd even tried to run through the barrier but was almost electrocuted to death.

"So, he has one personality that make him a total dumbass and another that makes him an awesome cool bastard?" Kratos clarified with the other two kids while he cast First Aid on the crispy swordsman.

"Yeah, the dumbass is his real self and the bastard is unknown to us. If he's dumb like this, then it's his real personality, or if he's suddenly intelligent and a total asshole then that's his evil side. We assume he got the moronic side from his mother so we have no clue where the evil side came from." Genis explained with a shrug.

Kratos cleared his throat uncomfortably and threw his conscience Yuan into the wall since he wouldn't stop laughing. Soon after, Lloyd woke up and they continued on their way, killing any monsters that got in the way while taking a huge beating themselves. Kratos kept on running out of mana from casting First Aid so much and Genis pretty much just ran on mana so… they were halfway through their supply of Orange Gels. They found out they took the wrong path once more and shouted in frustration. How stupid are they? But they eventually found their way and were now standing on the crystal platform.

"Whoa! Look how big that jewel is on that ring!" Colette squealed and pointed at the Sorcerer's Ring on the other side of the room.

"It's so big!" Genis gaped.

"It's amazing!" Colette shouted.

"I guess it is kind of big…" Lloyd muttered and shuffled his boot on the floor.

"Mine's bigger." Kratos said.

O.o; … Anyways… get those thoughts out of you head or else I'll use Raine's mind eraser thingy! Moving on…

"How are we going to get it?" Genis asked as Colette skipped off somewhere.

"How about we jump down? I'm probably going to jump off a cliff in the near future so what's the difference?" Lloyd shrugged.

Genis glared at him. "What are the chances of that happening!"

"IF I SAY IT'LL HAPPEN THEN IT DAMN WILL HAPPEN!" Lloyd shouted in Genis' face causing the poor elf to whimper.

"Look, look! I'm going to name it Rocky and it'll be my new paper weight!" Colette shouted with glee as she pointed at the large Rock Golem that was about to squish her with its big fists.

"No you dumbass!" Kratos shouted and tackled Colette out of the way, just in the nick of time, while Genis and Lloyd went to work on the rock monster.

Lloyd was wiser this time and back up every time the Golem swung its arms around while Kratos kind of got beaten. When ever I play, Kratos never takes a hint and backs off so he keeps on nearly dying. Good thing he has First Aid. Anyways, after a while, they finally finished off the Golem which keeled over as if it was having a huge stomachache and turned into a block. Funny how a rock can turn into a block with golden rims.

"NO, ROCKY!" Colette wailed and hugged the block mournfully. "HE WAS SO YOUNG! JUST A LITTLE PEBBLE!"

"It's for your own good Chosen. Now, kid, fork over two thousand Gald for saving your asses twice." Kratos demanded and Genis dropped the said money into his greedy little paws. "Good boy."

"You wouldn't have remembered the money if it wasn't for me…" Yuan snorted.

"Shut up."

While Colette was crying and hugging the block, she was slowly inching it towards the hole it was just beside till it fell in. "ROCKY NO!"

"By George, I think I've got it!" Genis and Kratos shouted simultaneously while Lloyd and Colette were like: "Buh?"

Suddenly, another Golem teleported in out of no where and ran at them. Colette growled and rolled up her sleeves.

"This is for Rocky!" She shouted and started kicking the Golem's butt.

The boys just stood dumbfounded by the side while Colette murdered every single Golem that teleported in the room, leaving many blocks so they started to complete the block puzzle and collect all the items. They found some Gald, some new items and more until they went up the stairs to where the Sorcerer's Ring was, Colette still on an angered killing spree.

"So this is the Sorcerer's Ring? I'm not impressed!" Lloyd humphed and turned away.

"We need it to get by that barrier you almost got killed by. With it we can probably get further in dungeons and stuff." Yuan shoved the script in his face again. "Aw crap, I forgot two lines that make me sound so awesome and smart!" Lloyd still snuffed the ring like a brat. "… It blows out fire."

"Ooh gimmie!" Lloyd put the ring on his finger and accidentally set it off, causing fire to set Kratos' cape on fire. "Kratos your-"

"I know…" Kratos replied with a straight face before turning to glare at mini Yuan who was summoning a spell to put out the fire.

Yuan finished casting and a giant bolt of lightning struck Kratos out of no where, frying the mercenary to a crisp till he fell face first to the floor. "I forgot to tell you I can only use lightning spells. Oh well, at least the fires out." Yuan shrugged at the two boys poked Kratos' charred corpse.

He decided to fly and grab a Life Bottle from Lloyd to revive the mercenary. He picked up the bottle and dropped the bottle on the man's head, shattering it, and the contents revived him. Kratos growled and crushed his small conscience before throwing him into the abyss surrounding the platforms. He's okay though because Yuan can't die… in this story… Moving on, the three boys went back up the stairs and saw that the entire platform was covered in blocks thanks to Colette's endless killing spree.

"Damnit, Colette, now we need to jump!" Lloyd stood there and nothing happened. "What the hell?"

"We can't do anything. There's no action command to jump." Genis frowned and kicked one of the blocks.

"Well that sucks." Lloyd scowled.

"Why don't you try using that Sorcerer's Ring to get rid of the blocks?" Kratos suggested while reading from the script.

"They formed from rocks! How would they possibly burn! Rocks aren't flam-" Genis was about to start ranting till Lloyd used the ring and it burned the block to cinders. "Well, I'll be damned…"

They continued to burn their way through the blocks till they found Colette in the midst of them all still killing Golems. "Colette, we're leaving! Get your ass over here or else you won't get your used present!" Lloyd called.

Colette gave the Golem one last kick before leaving excitedly. Let's just say that no monsters attacked the party again since Colette had her little freak out. They made their way back to the four-way path and stupidly took the wrong one again causing great agony among them. So they spent another few minutes trying to find the barrier.

"This wall shall PAY for nearly killing me! Mwahahahaha!" Lloyd laughed evilly and used the ring, causing the barrier to fade to nothing. "… That's it? WHAT A RIP OFF PIECE OF CRAP!" With that, Lloyd took off the ring and threw it to the ground before going up to the teleporter fuming.

"What did you expect? That it was start screaming in agony and beg for mercy and forgiveness?" Kratos sighed after him, Yuan chuckling at Kratos' expense on his shoulder.

Genis decided to collect the Sorcerer's Ring just in case. They all approached the teleporter rather hesitantly, except for Kratos who walked up to it like he had done it hundreds of times… which he probably hasn't though! Heh… heh… yeah… They all went through and ended up before a large altar with a red shiny thing in the center.

"Those bastards! They stole that from me when I was born!" Colette shouted angrily and went to climb on the altar to get it back, but Kratos held her back till she kicked him below the belt. Ouch… that's just low…

"No… don't let her… steal… the Cruxis… Crystal…" Kratos wheezed in a heightened tone before collapsing on his side.

Colette was about to get away with it till Lloyd and Genis jumped in to stop her. Suddenly, a bright light filled the room and a man with green and gold robes drifted down on a surfboard.

"Cowabunga dudes! I'm Remiel, a surfer angel of judgment! I was supposed to be hanging-ten now, but you failure Chosens always call me when I want to surf." Remiel drifted down on top of his surfboard and grabbed the Cruxis Crystal. He waved it in front of Colette's face tauntingly since she was still being held back by the Lloyd and Genis while Kratos struggled to stand. "You want this, don't you? Then you can have it! It's covered in germs and cooties from all those other Chosen anyway." He pulled back his fist and threw it at her chest, where is gained a gold mount and everything, knocking them all back. "Now Colette can go unlock the seals and undoubtedly fail because none of us want to risk waking up the pissed off Goddess Martel. Now the Tower of Salvation has been placed which you're going to climb when you're done."

Everyone looked out the window to see the Tower in all its glory. "Hey, when did that get there?" Genis asked.

"You blinked and you missed it!" Remiel laughed.

"Dude, I'm NOT going to climb to the top of that tower. It's freaking huge!" Lloyd complained.

"I humbly accept this task." Colette said randomly.

"… What? Oh well, whatever. I'll be surfing the sand dunes waiting for you at the next temple in the desert. See ya suckers!" With that, Remiel ripped off his robe and cleric hat to reveal that he had on a green and gold bathing suit and had long flowing golden hair like the stereotypical surfers.

"WAIT! Are you really my daddy?" Colette shouted.

Remiel paused. "What the hell are you on, kid?" His surfboard swirled around the room a few times before flying through the roof and not breaking it! Wow, he must be like an angel or something! Maybe even Superman… no wait, Superman would leave a huge hole.

"I guess that means yes! Yay! I found my real daddy!" Colette cried happily.

Kratos had finally recovered and dragged Colette to the warp pad, leaving the two boys by themselves.

"Well that really sucked." Lloyd said for the fifth time that day. "But it was funny to see Colette kick Kratos in the crotch!"

"Yeah!" Genis laughed in agreement as they left through the teleporter.

They began to talk about angels till they saw… DUN, DUN, DUN… Raine! She was vigorously cleaning the graffiti that the Desians had left.

"Oh crap… maybe if we're quiet-" Genis paused when Lloyd kicked over one of the cans of spray paint. "… Double crap…"

Raine perked up upon hearing the can clattering on the ground and looked back to see the two. "Lloydie, Genius, you naughty boys. Didn't I tell you study in the classroom?" She then began approaching them till they were backed into a corner. "You're such silly billies!"

"No Raine! I'm sorry! Anything but that!" Genis shouted in vain.

He screamed bloody murder as Raine squeezed him into a hug. Lloyd panicked and tip-toed away only to trip on the can of paint. Raine then abandoned Genis, who was sprawled out on the floor wheezing, to glomp Lloyd to the floor.

"THE LOVE! IT BURNS!" Lloyd screamed and flailed in the Professor's grip.

Soon Raine let go and dusted herself off. "Now that you two have learned your lesson, you can go home. Unfortunately, there will be no class for the rest of the day." Lloyd let out a whoop and raised his fist weakly.

"But what are you going to be doing?" Genis asked. She may be freaking evil, but she was still his sister.

"I want to clean off all the graffiti so I can study the temple!" Raine chirped and skipped off to continue her work with a toothbrush.

Lloyd and Genis eventually gained back the feeling in their bodies and hobbled out of the temple. They suddenly heard a loud high-pitched scream as if someone was being brutally tortured or murdered. It lasted for about ten seconds before it finally stopped.

"… Did it stop or am I just deaf?" Lloyd muttered incredulously.

"No… I have larger ears so if I'm not deaf then you're not…" Genis said shakily as his ears rung.

"What the hell was that!" Lloyd shouted as he looked back into the temple.

"… You're best off not knowing…"

"But-"

"YOU HEARD NOTHING!" Genis shouted and stomped off, leaving poor Lloyd very disturbed.

Aisu: Odd chapter, but whatever. Remember, I don't hate Kratos or Yuan!

Love it? Hate it? Suggestions? Please leave a review! The next chapter should be better than this one I think. Till then!

Oh, and to those of you who read ToH, I've put up Lloyd's reference picture in my profile so you can check it out! Or to those of you who like shiny ToS pictures, feel free to take a look! I've also got a short mystery story in my mind for the future. I might work on that too. See my profile for details!