Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Buffyverse! The lines from "The Initiative" were borrowed without permission for entertainment only. I seek no financial gain, only love of the show.

Summary:Takes place in Season Four. What if Spike had no chip? Hmmmm . . .Willow's POV

Pairing: Spike?

Turned

Chapter One: Will You Be There?

I'll never forget the day my life was forever altered. Just uttering those words is a cliché, but I know that it's true and I also know that my story is an interesting one. Everyone loves scandal, jealousy, resentment, and sex!

It all started with Oz leaving me. I felt furious and inconsolable. I hated him for seeming so perfect and I loved him for being the only man I had ever been intimate with. I understood why he was gone and I felt for him. I knew that he would rather be here with me than wherever he was, but that he was trying to understand who he was and how to keep people safe. I even understood the attraction to Veruca. They were both werewolves and he didn't know anyone else that could really relate to his kind of monthly cycle. Jordy, his little cousin, was a werewolf, too obviously, but how much could you talk to a small child about what it felt like to be an animal. It didn't help matters that Veruca absolutely radiated sex, either.

So, okay, I understood. Yay Willow, full of the understanding. The thing is, I din't care why he left, I just cared THAT he left. I wanted him to come back, to be beside me. I wanted him to have one of those life-altering epiphanies that we could deal with anything as long as we were together. I was getting fairly cynical about life, though, and did not expect any such epiphany. What I DID expect was for Oz to stay gone forever (or return someday with a female werewolf who made me AND Veruca look like hounds . . . which I guess Veruca kind of is) and that I would go back to being Willow, Queen of the Single, Nerdy, Losers. I wryly thought that maybe, if I had a crown, it would all turn out alright. I perked up a bit at the thought that Buffy was single, too, but then reality hit me. It wasn't like there was much hope that would last long. I was drowning in self-pity. I was so miserable and so wrapped up in my thoughts that when there was a knock on the door I yelled, "Come in!" without even checking who was out there. Bad, BAD move when you are roommates with the Slayer.

Spike sauntered in. Spike was kind of the King of sauntering vampires. My first thought was, 'wow, he's so cute!' My second thought was, 'Oh, Shit! I'd better get out of here before I'm a mid-night snack to a hottie!'

"Spike! Wha- What do you want? A spell? I can do that." I stuttered that sentence out and then tried to make a run for it. He was too quick- much to quick. He pushed me back into my nightstand. It stung my back, so I just sat there.

"I'll give you a choice. Now I'm going to kill you," he said, his eyes taking in my fear. "No choice about that. But I can let you stay dead, or I can bring you back. To be like me."

I thought about it for a minute. I know what you are all thinking. You can't believe I even thought about it. I'm super reliable and the Slayer's witchy little sidekick. Thing is, I was sick to death of all that. I didn't want to be the geeky little girl who mooned all over some guy that didn't want her. I wanted to be the girl who gets noticed, who takes control of every situation. I wanted people to look at me and think, 'yes, ma'am' before they even knew what the question was.

Bottom line: I was sick of being sad. I was sick of being lonely. I wanted to be a vampire. I knew Spike. He was evil to the core, but he was fiercely loyal. His love for Drusilla had grown stronger every time she tried to push him away. If Spike sired me, made me to be his companion, I would never be alone again. We could be partners in crime.

"Sire me, Spike," I proclaimed boldly, looking into his blue eyes. "I want to be a vamp."

"What?" he asked shocked.

"Oh, what?" I asked, heartbroken. "You offered, but you didn't really meant it? That's right, who would want to sire Poor, boring Willow? I'm not vamp material." I was a pouty, pouty girl by this point.

"No! I'd be crazy not to want to sink my teeth into you! You're bloody well perfect, Pet. Just lean your head back and I'll make you like me."

He sank his teeth into me. I thought it would hurt more. It felt cool, though actually. It made me light-headed, though. I know I must have drank from him at that point. I don't remember any of that- past a certain point it was all a blur. The last thing I remember is looking up into Spike's eyes and whispering . . .

"Will you be there when I wake up?"