Tales of Insanity Chapter 7: Pizza Monsters and Banishment, a tales of symphonia fanfic

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Tales of Symphonia or Any of Its Characters

Aisu: I finally made a back-up chapter for this! Thank you Sunfrost, Kitsu Kurasei, and ShadowofUndine for reviewing last chapter along with the anonymous people who simply read this.

Amazingly enough, I don't have anything to say. Anyways, enjoy the chapter! And the 'X' things are the break offs because the rulers aren't working for some reason.

NOTE: This fic contains many swears (Except the F-word which will be beeped), some unnecessary violence, very OOC characters, SPOILERS and more. I've warned you, so now you can't hold me responsible for anything that may affect your health! HAH!

- X -

Chapter 7: Pizza Monsters and Banishment

It had taken them a while before they finally reached Iselia. Noishe had climbed up a tree once again when they wanted to go through the forest, causing Lloyd to have another huge fit, so they had to run through on foot. Of course, the monsters weren't going to cooperate and just let them go by so… they had to fight. They even ran into the Fake again! Lloyd had to draw his swords, wave them around erratically while screaming bloody murder and charge through the mass of them, Genis just screaming for the hell of it. They left yet another gory mess behind them while the Fake chased them out of the forest.

"Damnit… I really need to find a new route home…" Lloyd wheezed as he crouched on the outskirts of Iselia.

"Maybe you should follow Noishe for once…" Genis panted on his back as he pointed at the dog sitting in front of them confused.

"Noishe…" Lloyd whined and fell on top of the dog. "Why must you do this to me..?" Poor guy must've been close to tears by now.

Noishe simply whined and licked his face. Another hour passed till Lloyd and Genis finally regained consciousness and continued towards Iselia. The sentry there spotted them and waved them over.

"Lloyd, Phaidra is looking for you." He said.

"How could she? She's dead." Lloyd mumbled sleepily before his eyes shot open. "Maybe she's come back from the grave!"

"Oh wait, sorry, I meant to say Frank." The sentry chuckled at his mistake.

"Let's go then Lloyd." Genis said till he noticed he had his twig swords out and was whipping his head every which way.

"Ghosts… everywhere… coming to get me…" The swordsman muttered fearfully.

Genis sighed and kicked him in the shin like he always does to get his friend straight but yelped when Lloyd's fist crashed into his head in return. "OW!"

"Ow my ass! You kicked me first!" Lloyd snapped and began limping towards Frank's home, completely forgetting about ghosts, while the elf stumbled behind him clutching his head.

Along the way, they began another pointless conversation to take their minds off the pain. "What do Dirk and you do to get money to sustain your lives?" Genis asked.

"Well, I get my daily allowance by doing chores in a pink frilly dress and Fake Dad carves crap out of more crap by request." Lloyd thought out loud tapping his chin thoughtfully. "It all makes sense now that I know that he actually kidnapped me. He made me memorize ten Dwarven Vows before every meal so if I got just one wrong, he wouldn't feed me. That happened a lot so I gained a love for Proto-Bites." He dug around in his pockets, pulled out some of Noishe's dog kibble and popped some of it in his mouth.

Genis cringed. "Your life sucks… That's all I have to say to you." They both looked up and noticed that Colette's house was just right in front of them. "Wow; that really did pass the time."

They noticed the Save Circle beside the house but chose to ignore it, figuring it wasn't foreshadowing to future events. What would be the chances of something like that? Like last time, they barged in without even knocking and saw Frank sitting there… still eating hot dogs… This makes me sick just writing it since I hate hot dogs myself…

"Ugh… so many hotdogs…" Frank groaned and rubbed his stomach before taking another bite… Excuse me while I go get sick.

"Frank, is it true Colette left already?" Lloyd demanded. "I don't believe Genis anymore!"

"Yes… she even wrote you a note while she was in the bathroom…" Frank moaned and put the said note on the table. He didn't have the strength to move it further and Lloyd wasn't about to move anytime soon so he blew it the rest of the way.

Lloyd picked it up and read:

Dear Lloyd,

By the time you read this, I'll be dead! That is if you ate breakfast this morning and ate the sleeping drug. If not, then damnit! You're a stupid moron! I can't believe you actually believed me when I said you could go with me! I'm sorry for everything I said before this sentence, I'm doing all this on the toilet so I can't erase it! I'm going to try to be the best Chosen ever and actually make it to the final seal then get screwed over unlike the last Chosen. Anyways, I'm gone now so don't try to follow me or anything! Oh my… I think I'm going to cry… Live long and prosper in the forever –beep-ed up world.

So long suckers,

Colette

PS: I still expect you to at least mail that necklace to me!

"Ew… it's still wet from tears! Wait, she did this in the bathroom then- AHHHH!" He threw the note aside to wipe his hands off on his shirt. "That's sick!"

"No, you're sick for thinking that!" Genis snapped.

"There's… something we always kept a secret from you and the villagers…" Frank sighed. "Colette is-"

"Planning to murder us all in our sleep?" Lloyd finished. "We already know that."

"NO! Colette's-"

KABOOM!

"What the hell!" Genis shouted.

"Go see what it is…" Frank groaned. "I can't… move…"

"Let's go, Shorty!" Lloyd commanded and slammed open the door so they could view the destruction in all its glory.

Various houses had been blown to pieces; the Desians were everywhere vandalizing the village with their leet messages in spray paint and paintball guns. The school was being defended by a lone sentry who must've been pretty anti-social and thought he was totally awesome, and another house was having spray paint cans thrown into it to make the flames bigger. Everyone else was in the plaza staring at the teal haired man with a giant gold arm. Funny thing was that nobody really gave a damn about Colette's house so Genis just lit some garbage on fire by it with the Sorcerer's Ring. It would spread eventually, don't worry!

"Holy crap, this place is so much livelier now that the Desians are here!" Lloyd shouted in awe.

"You think! We need to help everyone! Maybe they'll give us something for doing so!" Genis thought greedily.

So they first went down the path to the house that was on fire from all the spray paint. "BURN BABY BURN! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" A Desian shouted excitedly.

"Fred, you've always been the pyromaniac down at the station…" The other sighed and armed himself with a paintball gun when he saw Lloyd and Genis watching them. "We've been spotted! Hurry up and- Oh noes…" He wailed when Lloyd smacked him silly with his twig sword.

Genis was going to attack the other Desian but decided to take pity since he was so entranced by the fire. So instead, he jacked his paintball gun! Lloyd did the same and soon they were walking down the path with black sunglasses and black jackets like Terminators! This joke coming from someone who hasn't even seen the Terminator movies! YAY! They then came across the school where the anti-social sentry was weakly trying to defend it.

Lloyd loaded his paintball gun. "Let's go."

They both shot at the Desians mercilessly till they nothing but a colorful mess.

"Inferior… beings…" One Desian wheezed.

Genis took a few extra shots at him. "Austa La Vista, Baby."

"Oh thanks for you help! Here's an Apple and Orange Gel!" The sentry praised.

Lloyd looked down at the gifts then at the sentry. The sentry cringed then screamed as he was blasted by bright yellow and crumpled to the ground. Lloyd blew the smoke away from the end of his gun.

"I'll be back." He said in an intense tone before leaving.

As they left, Lloyd and Genis ditched the costumes since they ran out of ammo. Unfortunately the Desians from before only had spray cans so they had to do this the old fashioned way. Sigh… Anyways, Genis shouted and cried as he saw his house up in flames.

"NO! Raine's going to be upset when she comes back to find all her artifacts up in smoke!" He sighed in defeat. "There goes our thirty-sixth home… I thought we finally found a place to stay permanently…"

"What the hell are you blathering about Genis?" Lloyd demanded as he threw a lone spray can in the fire.

"LLOYD!" Genis shouted in protest.

They argued for a while till they heard someone shout. "LLOYD IRVING STEP FORTH!"

"Huh? Oh, that's me." Lloyd and Genis ran to the middle of the plaza, in front of everyone else. "WHY must you pick on this crappy town out of all the others in the world!" He demanded.

"We never pick on this village." A random Desian said confused.

"Forget it, he's got a split personality and that was the dumbass part speaking." Lloyd flipped off the teal-haired man. "And that's the evil side. Anyways, I am Forcystus, Orthodontic Professional of the Five Desian Grand Cardinals! I'm a superior half-elf who is canceling five dental appointments today just so I can punish you, Lloyd Irving."

"Why punish me?" Lloyd asked confused.

"You have violated the Non-Aggression Treaty so I bring judgment upon you and this village."

"Again, why punish me? He's been going there for Martel only knows how long!" Lloyd pointed accusingly at Genis.

"You snitch!" Genis growled then turned his attention back to the Desians. "But you violated the Treaty too trying to kill the Chosen."

"Um, you're a little screwed in the head kid, we never attacked the Chosen." The Desian thought for a moment then turned to the one beside him. "Did we?"

"No! I must be THEM who tried." He answered with a mysterious tone.

"Can't you ever be straight forward!" Lloyd shouted.

"We have no reason to answer to the likes of you. All that matters is that you, Lloyd Irving, have been in contact with host body M192 and attacked our guards." Forcystus announced.

"Um, Lord Forcystus, you just called that old hag a male." A random Desian pointed out.

"Huh? Oh, I ment to say F192."

Lloyd was almost hysterical. "WHAT ABOUT HIM!" He continued to wave his finger at Genis.

"The Desians are after you! What have you done! How many times did we tell you not to go near the ranch!" The Mayor shouted.

"Excuse me, but it's kind of hard considering it's on the way to my house." Lloyd said in a 'duh' fashion.

"We have prepared an appropriate opponent to break each and every one of your legs!" Forcystus said.

From outside the village came a giant green monster with long arms and legs. It only had a small ball on what must be its face for an eye. It came wobbling up on its uneven legs till it was in front of everyone.

"Wha-What the hell is that thing!" Genis shouted in fright.

"It's a giant Pizza Monster!" Lloyd screamed and shaded his face when the monster was ACTUALLY going for his legs. But for some reason, it swiped at his face and ripped off the white handkerchief that was protecting his Exsphere. "Damn, I feel so naked without that cloth around my hand."

"Okay, I guess I'll help you fight it too…" Genis sighed and took out his kendama, but then realized something. "Lloyd, we haven't refreshed in a LONG time."

Lloyd checked his stats. "Oh… shit…" All their stats were critically low.

They both looked up in time to see the monster's arm smash into them.

And no one ever saw them again…

NO! I never saved once either! You know what that means… You have to read chapter one to seven all over again! MWAHAHAHAHA! By the way, this is a true story. My memory card wasn't working properly… –cries-

"Once upon a time, there was a tree. And it wasn't just any tree; it was a magic tree-"

… Okay, let's not do that. Let's just imagine that they went through that journey ALL over again and were a little more careful by saving, refreshing often, et cetera. Back to where we left off before we died!

"Okay, I guess I'll help you fight it too…" Genis sighed and took out his kendama.

So the fight begun, it was all Lloyd smacking the Pizza Monster with his twig swords and Genis was just in the background, failing at aiming. The monster kept on swiping upwards and Lloyd went flying. He evil personality kicked in, or I just kept on getting pissed from being tossed around so much, and he smacked like his life depended on it and jumped away when it came time. But the monster also got wiser and used bigger scarier attacks like Insane Cell. But, since I can't think of anything funny for this battle, they continued slapping and casting and Demon Fanging/Sword Raining till the monster was finished.

"Lord Forcystus! That boy has the Exsphere you've been looking for!" A random gossiping Desian shouted.

"The Angelus Project! Give it here!" Forcystus demands.

"Gimme, gimme never gets, don't you know your manners yet?" Lloyd shouted. "It's mine to remember the fact that you murdered my mommy!"

The Dental specialist frowned. "What are you on? Your mother was-"

Right at that moment, he was cut off when the Pizza Monster glomped him from behind! "… RuN…aWaY… gEnIs… LlOyD…" It said eerily.

Genis' eyes nearly popped out of his skull. "Was that… Marble!"

"It can't be! Grams isn't a giant Pizza Monster bent on breaking people's legs!" Lloyd gasped.

"UgH… gEnIs… YoU wErE lIkE a GrAnDsOn To Me… LlOyD… yOu SuCk At FiGhTiNg… ReAd KrAtOs' TrAiNiNg MaNuAl FoR oNcE dUmBaSs… GoOdByE…" With that insult done, she exploded right on top of Forcystus and a red marble rolls towards Genis.

"No! Protect Lord Forcystus!" Then all the Desians hugged him.

"Lloyd, as long as you hold that Exsphere, we'll continue to come after you. ALWAYS!" Forcystus shouted. "Now get me back to the base, I need to fix my chipped tooth."

"Marble… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Genis shouts dramatically to the sky and the camera pans out as the Desians leave.

When it comes back, everyone is glaring at Lloyd, including Genis for some reason. Plus no one was doing a flipping thing to put out the fires… or putting that poor pyromaniac Desian out of his misery by the house back there.

"Look what you've done! It's your entire fault you Dwarf-Child!" The Mayor began screaming like a moron.

"Whoa, whoa, you can't call me that! I was kidnapped by a dwarf!" Lloyd flared back.

"Whatever the reason, it's still your fault! Plus the Desians have marked you as their sworn enemy! If you're here, then we'll never be boring like when we started out!"

"Wait a minute! You're going to banish him?" Genis shouted and jumped in front of Lloyd defensively.

"Yes."

"Tch… lot of help you are…" Lloyd muttered since he could easily just push Genis aside.

"It's not fair! He didn't do anything wrong! He just saved Marble and everyone here by defeating her!" Genis growled.

"Any involvement with the ranch is strictly forbidden, there are no exceptions!" The Mayor countered.

"Hello!" Lloyd shouted and pointed at Genis. "Is anybody listening to me when I say he was there too!"

Of course he was ignored. "So it's okay for the people at the ranch to die from paint inhalation and poisoning so long as the village is safe?" Genis tries to talk some sense into these idiots.

"But of course! If you hadn't gone there, they'd have been the only ones to die." He replied with hidden insanity.

Genis bowed his head. "You humans are all bastards…"

Lloyd snorted. "Easy on the drama there kid." He shoved Genis aside and stared the Mayor in the eyes. "Banish me if you want. I DARE you."

"I will." He glared back.

Lloyd snapped his fingers and turned away. "Damnit, he called my bluff!"

"Mayor, have mercy! Will someone just PLEASE think of the children!" A woman shouted dramatically.

"What are you saying? Do you realize how many people have died because of him!" A man said, who sounded just like Lloyd trying horribly to make his voice sound different. Really! Play the scene again if you don't believe me!

Genis moves in front of Lloyd again. "I'm just as guilty! I kept on kicking him until he would come take me to the ranch! So therefore, I'm to blame!"

"But for some reason, they've seen Lloyd instead of you. Besides, he's a foreigner, raised by a dwarf-"

"KIDNAPPED by a dwarf!" Lloyd corrected.

"Then try not to miss me because I'm leaving too!" Genis decided.

The Mayor thought for a moment for some strange reason. The asshole... "Fine then, since everyone undoubtedly agrees with me and can't do crap about it, I declare the banishment of Lloyd Irving and Genis Sage from the village of Iselia."

"GET OUT!" Everyone shouts.

They stood stoically till everyone left. It was then that Frank rolled in… literally… but of course, with a hotdog in hand… -throws up-

"Argh… sorry I took so long… what happened?" Frank asked.

"We were banished…" Lloyd muttered bitterly.

"Hm… then follow Colette on her journey. She's on her way to Triet Desert. I'm sure she would like it if you joined her, even if she didn't sound like it in her letter. If the world is saved for once, maybe everyone will change their minds about you." Frank said.

"Whoop-dee –beep-ing doo… fine, I'll do it to find my real Dad and… maybe help out Colette. But mainly finding my real Dad and avenging those who died because of me…" Lloyd sighed.

"I'll stick by you always Lloyd. I will never leave you in the same room as my sister for a long period of time." Genis said with a weak grin as he glanced down at Marble's Exsphere.

"… Maybe it'll improve your aim a bit if you use that Exsphere. I'll show you how to equip it later since this is going to be a LONG ass journey…" Lloyd said and Genis nodded.

"Don't throw your lives away." Frank called as the two left through the gate and greeted Noishe before mounting him and setting off.

LLOYD OBTAINED THE TITLE: DRIFTING SWORDSMAN

- X -

Aisu: Humor was lacking in this chapter, since it's hard to make something so serious funny without stealing someone else's ideas... Ah well, I tried. Next chapter is funnier though I think.

I submitted The Meltokio Castle Murder Case a while ago and you can all read it if you're interested. I need to start the next chapter for it... as well as another chapter for... well, everything. XD;

To any who are curious, I got the idea of Forcystus being a Orthodontist when someone compared his fake arm to a giant tongue depressor... yeah. I got other things planned for the Cardinals though. ;D ... As well as Sheena. I have a 'hopefully' unique idea for her. Oh! And a 'hopefully' unique idea for Raine too!

Anyways... Love it? Hate it? Suggestions? Please leave a review!