Chapter One Imaginary
Hermione blinked a tear away. She knew this was going to be hard, but she didn't know how hard. Ron and Harry were still missing and it was the first day back at Hogwart's. "How can I do this?" she asked the barrier between platforms four and five (changed for security). "How?" Taking a deep breath she ran into the barrier.
The Hogwarts' Express steamed at the station. She made her way, alone and cold to the Prefects' cabin holding herself so tightly as if to keep from breaking. This was her point of no return. She had to ignore Ron's disappearance and paint a world of lies just to make it through each day.
* * *
Draco walked quietly into a London shop to a lovely (shallow looking) young woman behind the counter. Luckily, he had finally been able to afford a hotel the night before and was therefore clean and free of stubble. He leaned on the counter. "You mind telling me what day it is?"
The girl giggled and pointed to the calendar on the wall. "The first."
School. What he'd give just to be back. Now preoccupied he went to the door without so much as a thank you.
"Hey, wait! Can't I get your name?"
His name: Malfoy. It was his father's and therefore it was complete and utter shit. His father did this to him. Made him live this dead life.
"Hello?"
He coughed, feigning at clearing his throat. He couldn't give out his name; he'd heard it on the muggle televisions. They were looking for him. "Smith, uh well, Daniel." Stupid common courtesy, he should've just left.
"Ginger Finny." She smiled, apparently trying to be seductive, but she failed miserably. Draco coughed again to cover a laugh. "Well, Mr. Smith, is there any way I can get a hold of you?"
Draco turned the door handle. "No." He walked out. "I can't live this damn life anymore." He turned into a clothing store and grabbed some new Muggle clothes. No more black cape. He changed in the dressing room and without thinking, cut his hair in the mirror till it hung in his face, no longer slicked back. "Goodbye Draco Malfoy, hello Daniel Smith."
* * *
Hermione sat in the Gryffindor common room, digging into her advanced arithmancy work. Numbers made sense. No open-ended situations. No lies. She could hide in the numbers and hide from chaotic reality. She knew she was slipping away, but how could she reach the surface without Ron? "Just awhile longer, and he'll be back," was what she kept telling herself.
She continued to add and subtract the always-true numbers. This particular assignment happened to be about predicting the future through a name. The class had been given a list of fairly predictable names to get a steady answer between the students.
An idea dawned on Hermione. She began to write. "R-O." No, she couldn't even get through finishing the "O." She shoved the arithmancy aside, trying to push the idea from her mind. The mistake or even the truth was too much to think about.
* * *
Draco sat in townhouse eight as Daniel Smith, stirring the thoughts in his head. He needed to go back to Hogwart's. Walk the grounds one more time. Just pretend he was still a student. It was odd not being there, his home for six years.
He wanted to live his old life of carefree ignorance. When a Potter sighting was the damper on a good day.
He looked down to the desk to find pieces of ripped copy paper. In his reminiscing he had been tearing up what was supposed to be a letter to the school, begging for forgiveness.
Draco (Daniel) had to go back on his own. There was no other way. Just as he made his decision, the doorbell rang.
* * *
Seamus looked upon Hermione as she sat in the courtyard, twirling her engagement ring about her finger, gazing into the clouding sky. Her grades had been slacking and by the looks of her parchment, her current assignment was only half completed. He needed to talk to her; he couldn't let her continue slipping. Ron wouldn't have let her.
"Hermione…" he paused, waiting for her to look at him, she didn't. "Hermione?"
"Oh, Seamus!" She tried to discreetly wipe away tears and put on an overly happy smile that didn't match the look in her eyes. "Sorry, didn't hear you."
"I need to talk to you, it's kind of important."
"Oh… well… can it wait till this evening, I've got arithmancy in…" she looked to the courtyard clock, "ten minutes."
He furrowed his brow; obviously upset at not being able to speak with her immediately. "Sure," he mumbled, "Meet me back here at seven 'o'clock. Don't forget."
She gathered her stuff. "Of course not, I'll see you then!" She ran off into the building.
Seamus rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head disconcertedly.
* * *
Draco opened the door; it was the young woman from the London shop. He stiffened, suddenly growing extremely uncomfortable. How did she find him?
"Hello, may I come in?" Her voice was silky smooth, she must have been practicing.
Draco tried to say no, but instead he made an embarrassing gargling sound.
Ginger giggled. "Why, you are simply adorable… Draco Malfoy." She slammed the door shut behind her and pulled out a long, black wand.
"Ah shit!" he shouted as he dived behind a desk avoiding a bolt from the wand. He pulled out his own wand and peeped over the desk. "Expelliarmus!" There was a shattering sound as the painting on the wall came crashing down.
Ginger laughed. "I guess Daniel isn't as good a shot as Draco," she mocked.
Draco cringed at her laugh. "What do you want?" he yelled from behind the desk.
"Oh, I don't want anything, it's the Dark Lord silly. He's quite furious with you my little friend." She waltzed closer to him, pompously. "Although, I don't have to kill you. I can say you got away." She smiled seductively as she sped to the desk, almost too fast for Draco's eyes. "For a price."
Draco turned around with his back on the wall, facing the desk. How could she be so obnoxious one second, then the most gorgeous creature he'd ever seen the next? He stood up, cautiously. Why was he mystified? Why couldn't he think about anything besides those plump red lips? "What's the price?"
She flashed the whitest smile he had ever seen, her luscious lips complimenting it to make it seem even whiter. Now her obnoxious attitude made sense. It had been an act, to catch him off guard. Her name probably wasn't even Ginger! Even though Draco was proud for exposing her lies, he still wanted to be closer to her, and he didn't know why.
Draco repeated himself. "What's the price?" he smiled. He tried to convince his mouth to stop making such a ridiculous grin, but his was growing fuzzy.
"Oh nothing really." She dropped her smile and was suddenly inches away from his face. "Just a kiss."
Draco's jaw dropped and he gulped as the golden haired beauty stared into his eyes. This was the first time that he realized her eyes were pure black.
"Don't be frightened," Ginger whispered as she reached her hand to his cheek.
Draco made that funny gargling noise again. He would've been perturbed with himself if her face weren't centimeters away from his own. An alarm was going off in the back of his mind, but it was easily silenced. His mind kept slipping further and further away as she drew him closer. Suddenly he was immersed in a world of darkness and mystery as their lips met. He was terrified, more than he had ever been in his life. What was this world? Why was he in it? Just when he was beginning to love the horrifying, mysterious world, she pulled back and smiled the wickedest smile. He barely had time to give her a puzzled look before her canine teeth began protruding at an exceedingly fast rate. Then it clicked. She was a damned vampire.
"Bloody hell!" yelped Draco as he leapt away.
"Bloody, oh yes, you will be bloody," she cackled as she quickly moved to his side once again.
* * *
Hermione stared out of the window of her arithmancy classroom. In the clouds she could just barely make out Ron's face. Just there in the grays and whites. How is it possible for a single person to miss someone as much as ten? She longed for one last lingering kiss. Once last embrace. She longed for closure.
However much she loved and missed Ron, she needed an ending. It would do her no good to hope against hope everyday that he would walk back into her life. Regrettably, she knew just thinking about closure wasn't going to make it happen. A tear still fell every time she thought of Ron's freckled, smiling face and his endless emerald eyes.
* * *
Draco stabilized his stance and then heaved himself into "Ginger's" stomach with his full body weight.. As she doubled back he regained his footing and held his wand straight in front of him. "Leave. Now."
"Or what?" She smiled, her white teeth shining slightly in the dim light of the apartment. Her eyes filled with malice as she goaded him. "The great Drac-" she cleared her throat. "Daniel Smith will banish me?"
"Avada-" he threatened, glaring at her smoldering black eyes. A memory of a Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson appeared in his mind. For a wizard, the most efficient way to ward off an attacking vampire was to place their wand against the vampire's cold, undead skin while performing an unforgivable curse. The killing curse. The legality of the matter becomes difficult when civilized vampires sue wizards, but that was beside the point. Draco turned his thoughts away from the Ministry Regulations tangent. If only he could get the tip of his wand to touch her skin.
She strode up to him and daringly let the wand press into her cheek, as if to challenge him. Or she simply thought he was too thick to know how to kill her. Probably the latter. "Come on," she whispered through gritted teeth, "don't you want another kiss?" The vampire kissed the air.
His confidence left him for a moment and he almost dropped his wand. Was he capable of really killing someone? He hadn't been able to the night on the Tower. Dumbledore... No, he'd sort this out later. Right now he had his life to save, even if it meant killing a feral blood-sucking monster disguised as a human being. Neither she or the Dark Lord would get the prize they sought. "Not especially." He gave her his signature smirk. "You're really quite an atrocious kisser anyways. Avada Kedavra!"
With a blinding green light she fell, unanimated, to the ground.
* * *
Hermione trudged her way back to the courtyard. If only she hadn't told Seamus she'd be here. When she arrived, she found Seamus in the same spot she had been sitting earlier. His head was turned down in grave thought. She almost made to leave, but decided she might as well get this conversation over with.
"Seamus?" She lightly tapped his shoulder with her index finger.
A clear look of relief filled his face as he spun around. "Hermione! I'm so glad you came!"
She gave a false smile to his enthusiasm as she sat down. She waited patiently for him to begin, but words did not come. She felt his eyes staring at her, assessing her stability as she shifted awkwardly on the bench beside him. Finally, when she though she could barely handle more silence he cleared his throat. "There's been something I've needed to talk to you about for some time."
"Alright, what do you want to talk about?"
Seamus cautiously looked directly into her eyes now that she was facing him, which were weary from sleepless nights. "Well, to be frank, you."
Her eyes darted from his and she crossed her arms. "What about me?" she asked defensively.
"Er, how are you?" He was going to finish his thought there, before he quickly added: "C-considering the circumstances I mean."
She turned her knees farther from him. Who does he think he is? Her shrink? "I'm fine… I guess."
"You guess?" He gave her an unbelieving stare.
"Yeah, sure, I'm not peppy, but I'm fine. What more do you expect?"
"Hermione," exhaled Seamus letting his head drop a few inches. "Who do you think you're fooling anyway?"
"I said I'm fine." She ground her teeth together.
"Well, you're not. I can see it in your eyes. You've been putting off work, you're shying away from your friends, and you can't sleep at night. No amount of make-up can hide your current state. All I see when I look at you is a defeated young woman with dark circles around her eyes. If you're not careful you're going to lose yourself in this façade you've built."
Still without looking at him she shot up from her seat. "I said I'm fine!"
A tear trickled down her face just as Seamus put his hands firmly on her shoulders, spinning her around. Even then Hermione averted her eyes. Looking everywhere but at Seamus' own reddened eyes. She was frightened. Frightened of letting her imaginary world slip from her and she knew if she let anyone see her at her most vulnerable that her world would crumble in.
Seamus let his hands fall from her shoulders. Now he looked from her, taking slow steps away from her as he spoke. "Can't you hear yourself? You're not fine Hermione. I know you know it, but you won't let yourself admit it." He dared a glance over his shoulder and was surprised to see her looking right back. "You're not fine."
Another round of tears threatened to escape Hermione's eyes before she banished them with a blink. With a violent shake of her head she tore her eyes from the boy in front of her. Gaining new resolve she advanced on him, her hands moving wildly in her fury. "Well then what am I supposed to be, hm? Fantastic? Should I be grateful that my fiancé die-," She froze in terror. Was she about to say died? Was she really giving up that easily? "I mean that he's m-missing," she busied her mind on counting the number of columns to her right. Anything to spare her from thoughts of Ron...dead.
Seamus looked sorrowfully to Hermione. He tentatively lifted his hands, about to grab hers in his to offer a comforting gesture. His hands shook as they came near enough to hers so that they both could feel the compassionate presence of the others'. Hermione felt that warmth and fought the intense desire to grab hold of it. That affection and warmth threatened to bring her to reality and that was the one thing she absolutely could not face. Her chest rose as she drew in a determined breath. Then suddenly the warmth was gone. Seamus had drawn his hands back to himself, now wringing them nervously. "I'm just trying to help." Their eyes met for the third time that night. "Just trying to help."
Hermione looked in his eyes apologetically. "Oh Seamus, I know." She couldn't stomach his hurt expression any longer and she looked away for what felt like the hundredth time. "But you can't help me."
Silence fell upon the two. They stood mere feet from each other, but the space between them couldn't even be filled with the entirely of all the water in the oceans.
"Hermione?" Seamus offered sheepishly.
"You know..." she began, "I had an arithmancy assignment earlier that delved into determining someone's future simply by the math of their name. I-I couldn't do it Seamus. I couldn't stand to add, subtract, multiply, or divided the numbers of Ron's name. Do you know why?"
Seamus was going to answer the rhetorical question but Hermione continued before he could interject.
"It's because even as hopeless as the situation is, I don't want anything more than to see the man I love running towards me. I wasn't about to let numbers obliterate my last hope."
Seamus frowned. "If only I could make you forget all this business, if only for a moment. Long enough for you to truly smile again. I hate seeing you this unhappy."
She glared at him as she moved farther in the opposite direction, plopping herself onto the bench yet again. "Good luck."
Seamus looked at her, with her head buried in her hands. "Hermione, you have to realize that his wouldn't be what he'd want for you. He'd want you to be happy." Seamus gave a half smile and a chuckle as he remember a fond memory of Ron. "No, not happy, more than happy." His smile grew. "Did you ever notice the way he looked at you? Or the way he was consistently jealous of any other boy in your life? Well, I suppose you did, eventually, but I'm not sure you knew what was going on his head. He thought you loved everyone but him. He especially thought you loved Harry, the wonder boy. So rather than try to break apart this supposed relationship he had imagined, he decided to leave it because as long as you were happy, he could tolerate anything."
"Why are you telling me this?" Her eyes connected with his, a pained air present upon her brow. "And how do you know?"
"Well, who else would he tell if he couldn't tell Harry? I mean Neville's not exactly gifted with women." There, he saw it. The corner of her mouth turned up. It wasn't much, but it was a genuine hint of a smile. "All I'm saying is that he'd want you to be living your life to its fullest so he could rest in peace knowing that you're content and care for."
No, she wouldn't listen to this, she couldn't. With vicious ferocity she jumped from her seat, aiming he anger at the world towards Seamus. "Who are you to say what my fiancé would want for me? Who are you to say that I need someone to care for me? Who are YOU to say I'm not happy?" She breathed heavily as salty tears burned her cheeks.
"A friend." With those two words, her imaginary world fell all around her and it was all she could do to keep from collapsing due to the weight of life.
Seamus closed the gap that had grown between them through there argument and placed his hand to her cheek to wipe her ceaseless stream of tears from her face. That simple gesture of kindness steadied her breathing and she was able to speak, however choppy her voice was due to the crying. "Wh-what do you suggest? I mean, there's no magic that can fix this mess I've become."
Seamus took his hand and placed it upon his chin. Absentmindedly he paced and stroked his chin while searching his brain for ideas until he suddenly came across one. A risky one, but an idea nonetheless. He stopped in his tracks. By this time in his pacing he was two yards from Hermione and facing a different direction. "I have an idea."
She cocked her head to the side, curious to hear his explanation.
He gazed at her over his shoulder for what seemed like hours before finally saying "Close your eyes."
She was confused. What was that look in his eye? Sadness? Suffering? Resolve? But still she obeyed his instruction. Anything to make the resonating ache disappear.
Hermione closed the curtains of her vision and then she heard him. His foot twisting making dirt rub against stone. He was turning to face her, then he took a step followed by a second one. In these few strides he had once again closed the gap between them. Then he was there, his shaky breath hot upon her brow. First a second went by, then ten, then thirty. After a minute of waiting for something, anything, she opened one eye to peek at him.
He reprimanded her in seconds, telling her to keep her eyes closed, but before he had realized she was peeking she caught a glimpse of his face. It was that same expression she had seen when he told her to close her eyes. What could it be? Torment? Confusion?
Then suddenly she felt his warm, slightly rough hands on her jawbones, quickly followed by his lips on hers. Desire?
Just when Hermione began processing the messages her senses were sending to her brain Seamus gradually pulled back.
Before he managed to move more than an inch she clutched at his collar and brought his lips back to hers. She didn't know exactly why she had done it. Maybe it was the heat of the moment. Maybe she had finally snapped. Maybe it was because a part of her was telling her this was Ron.
Seamus was surprised when he felt his head being moved back towards her. His plan had been to merely make her angry enough to have no room for grief within her heart, either that or make her momentarily forget about Ron. He felt her lips press harder against his own and he couldn't help but be entranced.
Hermione snaked one of her hands up Seamus' neck and entwined her fingers within his hair. His hair that felt so similar to Ron's. She didn't want the man she was kissing to leave, not yet. Not when she was sure this was Ron holding her so close.
Seamus was even more surprised when he felt Hermione's hand grip his hair. He could think of nothing he wanted more than the sweetness that was Hermione's being. Passion overriding every other though in his head, he backed her against one of the twenty columns she had counted earlier.
Chest to chest, lips to lips, Hermione hesitated as a fresh set of tears streamed down her face. No, the guilt couldn't take her. This was Ron, it had to be.
Seamus' temperature rose as their mouths were locked together. Was this really happening? Was he actually giving into lust for the first time in his life? Was he actually kissing one of his best friends' fiancé? He desperately pushed the thought out of his mind. He'd deal with those thoughts tomorrow. Tonight he was with Hermione, and she was with him. Their hands wrapped in each other's hair. She still gripped his collar fiercely with her other hand, while he had slipped his other hand from her cheek to the small of her back. There was not an inch of space between them now, and they wouldn't have had it any other way. At least as long as Hermione kept reassuring herself that this man she was so ardently kissing was indeed Ronald Weasley.
* * *
Draco made quick work of hiding "Ginger's" limp body and locking his apartment. Now, the only trouble was finding somewhere to go. As if from a voice inside his head, he heard "Hogwart's" echo throughout his brain. But how? It's impossible to get there besides the Hogwart's express, and the barrier's closed. The tracks!
Even though Draco had now created a plan of action, he wasn't going to leave right that second. He needed to find a motel for a while, at least until he could scrounge up enough money to pay for food and lodging (whatever Muggle village he came across) on his journey.
* * *
Hermione smiled sheepishly as she pried herself from Seamus' grasp. Although, she was shocked at whom she saw in front of her: Seamus. What about Ron? "Oh my God!" screamed Hermione when Seamus smiled a satisfied grin at her. "What have I done?"
Seamus dropped his smile in disappointment. This was not the reaction he had expected. It wasn't like he was expecting much, but certainly not an "Oh my God!" He put his hands on Hermione's cheeks. "Hermione, please, calm down. What's wrong?" She swatted his hands away.
"What's wrong?" She was in hysterics. "You're not Ron! That's what's wrong!"
"You could've said 'no'!"
Hermione crossed her arms and pouted. "You don't understand."
"Sure I don't," he sneered and turned to leave, thoroughly hurt that he had been led on. Not to mention the guilt at betraying his friend. No, tomorrow.
Hermione felt terrible. She couldn't let him leave thinking she was a hypocrite. She hurriedly grabbed his hand. "Wait… Seamus," she bit her lip, "I'm sorry."
"I'm sure. That's about as truthful as me not understanding you."
"But you don't! Is your fiancé missing? I don't think so!" She ripped her hand away from his and wrapped her arms around herself.
"Hermione…stop." He twisted to face her. "I didn't mean anything by it, you just have me so, I don't know, confused."
She stood aghast. "You're confused? I just kissed someone who isn't my fiancé!"
"I just…wanted to help. I want you to know, that if I don't understand, I'm trying to." Seamus paused to wipe away tears and sniffle.
"You think you're hurting? Look at me-"
Seamus cut her off. "Hermione. You're being selfish! We all miss Ron. He was one of the best friends I've ever had. You make it seem as if no one else cares about him." His voice grew subdued as he spoke of Ron. He hadn't allowed himself to grieve in a long time. In fact, he had waited too long to let himself grieve again, not just for Ron, but Dean as well, thus it was coming out in torrents now. What would Dean say if he knew Seamus had done this? Take his side? Or Ron's? Whatever Ron's side may be. The tears were a heavy waterfall and his face shone as if he had just breached the surface of some moonlit lake.
Hermione looked upon his face, her tears matching his in volume. "Seamus, I'm so sorry…" She ran to his side and placed her arms around his shoulders. "I can't help being selfish. It's in my nature."
Trying to wipe the tears away did not work for Seamus this time, but he gave his attention to Hermione anyway. His mouth was but centimeters away from hers. "Can I ask you something?"
The hot breath upon her face entranced Hermione. She was once again lost in the moment. But would Ron want this for her? For one of his best friends to have her at his fingertips? She had to push the questions from her mind, for now. "Anything."
"Will you allow me to make you happy? Will you let me to look after you in Ron's stead? Please say you will, 'cause I feel that if you won't then what we've done is truly nothing more than shameful." He lightly brushed his lips across hers. "Please Hermione, or my grief will overcome me and I will walk as one dead," the cadence of his voice changed to that of some long forgotten time, "One without a soul to know love, beauty, happiness…you."
She pressed her forehead to his and looked directly into his handsome eyes. "And what about Ron? What of my love, my life? You know that I could never love you as I love Ron. What if he returns? Tattered and torn, looking for his fiancé but instead he finds dear old Seamus 'taking care' of her. What then?"
Seamus tore himself from her fiery brown eyes and looked to the moon. He then closed his own eyes as if he were having trouble bringing words to his mouth. "If that's the case..." he paused, "If that's the case, then you will return to him, no questions asked. You would never have to speak of us again nor would I interfere. All I want is for you to always be happy and safe, just as Ron would."
"Seamus," said Hermione, her hands on either side of his face, she moved to him to meet her lips. "Thank you." They embraced and Seamus felt complete for the first time since he was informed of Dean's disappearance. Hermione turned upwards to see his face. "Goodnight, goodnight, a thousand times goodnight," she quoted, parting from his strong, shielding arms.
* * *
Draco awoke to the sun streaming in through the flimsy window blinds. He looked to the clock next to the shabby motel bed. Eight 'o'clock. Shit. He was late for his muggle job, on his first day too. How would he ever make money for his expedition to Hogwart's if he couldn't keep a job? It was then that he remembered that he had had a dream. It was there, hanging at the back of his mind. The fear, the hurt, the loss. But it was only a dream.
Draco rubbed sleep from his eyes while he made his way to the less-than-perfect bathroom. After spending what may have been an eternity in there, he stepped out of the shower, and appraised his reflection in the cracked mirror.
"Just as I expected," he said to the mirror. "You're looking pretty bad right now Mr. William Bristow." He had changed his name once again for use in the motel. The circles under his eyes didn't escape his notice; he had definitely dreamt last night, and a lot at that.
Once he had himself dressed, he opened the door of the room to find a newspaper so kindly placed there for him, the guest (in truth it was shoved partway under the door and the front page was ripped). As soon as he got back in his room, he scoured the classifieds. Aha! Draco found the perfect job and he immediately called the number.
* * *
Hermione strode briskly to her last class of the day: transfiguration. But she wasn't alone as she had been not too long ago. Seamus was trying to keep up behind her, while carrying both of their stacks of books.
"Come on Seamus!" she insisted. "We're going to be late thanks to you!"
Seamus smiled. Thanks to him they had taken a little detour through the room of requirement.
When Hermione saw the grin on his face she couldn't help but laugh. He looked so silly sometimes that she could hardly stand it. As much as she hated to admit it, she actually enjoyed spending time with Seamus. Whether it was just talking in the Gryffindor common room or "hanging out" in the room of requirement. "Seamus! Hurry!"
They rushed into the classroom just in time; they weren't even the last ones in! The two of them took their usual spots next to each other and held hands underneath the desk, as per usual. Hermione's heart always raced when they did this because it reminded her of all the stories her muggle friends had told her about young love.
That very night, much like other nights, Hermione lay in her bed weeping. Not only was she grief stricken, but the guilt consumed her as well. "Ron, what have I done?" she asked his picture again and again until her eyes couldn't endure to stay open any longer and her voice would not make a sound. "What have I done?"
* * *
Draco knocked on the door of number seven Brown Street. If it hadn't been for the brightly coloured balloons he would have never found the place.
A middle-aged woman answered the door and was obviously relieved to see the strange looking young man. Her eyes looked drained and she had bits of food in her hair. "Splendid!" exclaimed the woman, "I'm Clare." She extended her hand.
"Dra-." He coughed to cover his error. "William…or Will for short." He shook her hand to return the gesture.
"Excellent!" Clare smiled as she ushered Draco into the house. "Kevin will be so happy to see you!"
Draco rolled his eyes behind her back. At least she was paying him well.
"Just a moment," stated Clare. "I'll announce your entrance. Just wait till you hear clapping, then come right through these doors." She pointed to the large French doors leading to the backyard.
Behind the doors, Draco waited for applause, and when he heard it he took a deep breath as he prepared to face the toughest audience in history. "Hey kids! I'm Willy the Wizard! Do you want to see a magic trick?"
The group of seven year olds started laughing hysterically at the sight of "Willy the Wizard's" attire. He was clothed in a purple robe that included multi-colored polka dots scattered about it. To top it all off he had a ridiculously bulky hat (which was quite sweaty mind you) that made him look like the classic image of a wizard to a Muggle.
With the kids enthusiastically yelling "yes" he pulled out his real wand and then asked for a single cup. When he received the boldly coloured plastic cup he yelled a real spell and the cup turned into a golden retriever puppy. One slight difference however, the puppy retained the red colouring of the cup.
"So where's the birthday boy?" asked "Willy."
A scrawny boy in a paper cone hat sat up and yelled, "Me! Me! Me!" so Draco turned to him. "Here you go Kevin, happy birthday!" He handed the boy the puppy. Was this kindness showing through? No, it couldn't' have been, he just wanted to be paid right?
Kevin was mystified with the puppy and the fact that Willy knew his name. "This is way better than Tommy's party!" shouted Kevin.
That night Draco bought himself a thick coat and enough supplies for two weeks (which was not a fair amount, considering his stomach had shrunk since he ran away from Hogwart's). The next morning he was going to set off on the tracks to Hogwart's.
* * *
Hermione awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and was unexpectedly chipper. Had she made amends with her heart at last? Were her mind and heart free to like and love again? She decided it so and ran impulsively down to the common room after she had gone through her morning ritual.
There was Seamus. Handsome and as Seamus-like as ever, waiting to give his love a good morning kiss before more Gryffindors entered the common room. Both of them had agreed to keep this love affair private, lest Ron should return.
After Hermione had received her kiss, she beamed at Seamus. "My dear, I do believe I have some wonderful news!" she exclaimed dramatically.
Seamus lifted one eyebrow apprehensively at Hermione's overly excited tone. "Well, what is it 'my dear'?"
"I can love again!" With that she kissed him hastily and then left through the portrait to the Great Hall for breakfast.
Seamus stood mystified as Hermione exited the Common Room. His heart was racing from their brief discussion. Could it be true? Could he possibly believe such a spontaneous statement? He leaned on the wall just behind him.
As well as he knew the Common Room, he had expected to lean against hard, cold stone, not the soft weaving of a tapestry. He turned around to take a better look. As all the tapestries in the Gryffindor Tower, it had a scarlet background and a lion. As he studied the figures depicted he realized that he had indeed seen this one many times before and had noted the strange story told in its pictures.
A silent lion at the bottom of it looked up to its other animal acquaintances. Of course, being in Hogwart's, there was a snake, a badger, and a raven. What set this particular tapestry apart from the others in the Gryffindor Tower was the intricacy of the expressions. The lion, normally strong and proud, looked up to the other houses in what seemed like a weak stance. While the raven and badger choose to ignore what looked like pleading from the lion, the snake wound its way down close to the lion's ear, whispering to it.
Seamus rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. He stared at it for a minute or two and came to the conclusion that he certainly did not get it. Why was the lion so timid and undersized considering the tapestries location? Wasn't it touted as the best creature of the houses? Seamus sighed, what did it matter anyway? It was just a silly tapestry on the wall.
What was important was the conflicting emotions running through Seamus' mind. Despite his promise to work through his thoughts the day after he and Hermione kissed, he had once again put it off till tomorrow and then tomorrow, and then finally "some other time." Life was catching up to him now. If he didn't stop to think, he could be jumping into a situation in which both he and Hermione could be seriously hurt.
When Hermione said "love" did she mean him? And did he want her to? But what about Ron, hadn't she said she could never love him as much as she loves Ron? Oh bloody hell, girls are too confusing!
What would happen if he gave into a full, committed relationship with Hermione? Who knows if she really meant what she said. Who knows if she knows whether or not she meant it. Countless questions racked his mind, he could barely keep up with his own thoughts. He ran through every possible scenario that entailed him staying with Hermione. Every single one ended in heartache for either both or one of them. Except one.
The one in which Ron never came back, yet the war was still won. The one in which he and Hermione went on living their lives. Eventually having a life and family of their own. Could he really wish such a thing as for Ron to never come back?
Hermione came bustling back through the portrait hole. "C'mon slow poke! All the good food will be gone by the time we get down there!" She smiled at him. That beautiful, wild smile.
He knew his answer.
Yes, yes he could.
That same week, Seamus and Hermione decided to bring their relationship to the attention of their peers, rather than continue with secrecy and illusion. While it seemed like a giant, arduous step for them, the rest of the student body could have cared less.
Except, that is, Neville. He didn't believe for one second that Hermione loved Seamus. Not after what he had witnessed the day he brought the letter to Hermione. The utter desperation of her screams echoed through his mind for days. Never had he heard someone in so much pain in his whole life.
He watched them walk hand in hand through the corridor, grumbling to himself. He was sure this was going to end poorly. He just didn't know who would be worse off. The one that was obviously in love, or the one who convinced herself she was.
Neville returned to the Herbology paper he was working on but could barely concentrate with the thoughts of the sudden couple bouncing around his head. "Agh" he whispered under his breath, "Ron, where the hell are you?"
Some Slytherin girls walking by, giggled at his mumblings and Neville nearly spilled his ink bottle in embarrassment.
Hermione heard the rustling of papers and dragged Seamus over so they could help Neville and in the process Hermione stuck her tongue out ungracefully at the Slyterins.
Neville looks at his feet, his cheeks ruddy. "Thanks," he mumbled.
"No problem Neville," beamed Hermione.
"See ya Nev!" called Seamus when they were already halfway down the corridor. Just when they were barely out of sight, Neville saw it. Their kiss. Embarassed at seeing such an intimate moment and furious with their easy dismissal of Ron, he really did drop his ink well, drawing the notice of Mrs. Norris.
Within seconds, Neville vanish, leaving the ink spill, Seamus, and Hermione alone in the corridor.
* * *
Finally, after an exceedingly long week and a half, Draco arrived at Hogwart's. He looked worse than ever due to the journey. He had even lost his razor two nights before and thus had stubble lining his cheeks. His hair was also in need of a decent cleaning, instead of a soak in a river. "All in good time, all in good time." Draco figured he could sneak back into the castle during the day for food and other necessities, but now it had just reached sunset and he had to get himself a shelter for the night. By the lake he found a huge tree that would be perfect to make himself a home out of.
At last he could use something his father had taught him! Lucius Malfoy wasn't a complete waste of a human being! He tapped the tree a few times and said an elaborate incantation. Magically a door appeared, just as Draco had planned. He turned the knob and stepped inside. Perfect. Home sweet home already. The room was filled with lavish furnishings and lovely decorations. He was going to enjoy living in this particular tree. Conveniently the door disappeared every time he was inside the tree and every time he was more than five feet away from it.
When he laid down in the cozy, silky, comfortable, soft, warm bed it suddenly hit him like a heavy red brick. He could've done this ages ago instead of being homeless. "Stupid git," whispered Draco reprimanding himself.
* * *
Back in the castle (in the Gryffindor common room to be exact) Hermione said goodnight to her fellow Gryffindors.
When Hermione was safely in the stairwell leading to the dormitories she found Seamus leaning against the wall next to the stairs, waiting to kiss her goodnight. Hermione smiled and immediately put her hand along his jaw, bringing his lips to hers. He put his hands delicately on her waist and much like their first kiss; he pushed her against the wall he had just been leaning against. Hermione's heart flutter and her face flushed with the heat that was coursing through her veins.
Seamus pulled back and tightly embraced her, running his lips lightly over her exposed neck. "Hermione?" he whispered.
"Mm?" came her response directly next to his ear.
"I love you." With that he brought her tight as he could to his chest, merely holding her.
Hermione's eyes opened wide in panic. "I...I...lo-love you too."
Seamus smiled a smile that sincerely stretched from ear to ear. Lucky for him, he didn't see Hermione's face move from shock, to sadness, to desperation, and then finally to resignation. All he knew was that he had the most wonderful and intelligent witch in the entire world in his arms, and that was enough for him.
That night, Hermione laid in bed for hours. She did not cry. Did not call for Ron. No, tonight she looked to the stars. Stars held wishes and promises, both of which Hermione sent out for their safe keeping. But stars also held more. Questions. Questions from people wanting to know who they are, and what they're doing here.
Hermione wanted to know why Seamus had come into her life after Ron. Life would've been much simpler were she engaged to her current love than her former one. But then again, in a minute corner of her heart, Hermione still held hope and love for her fiancé. If he came back. No, when he came back, she would return to him. No questions asked, that was the deal with Seamus. Despite the inkling of love she felt for Seamus, and despite his love for her, she would leave him if any sight of Ron should appear.
With that thought, Hermione looked away from the stars that she so zealously questioned and fell gently into sleep.
A few hours later, a tapping sound came at her window. "What now?" she groaned as she dragged herself out of bed. She had been sleeping quite well for the first time in a long while, and the tapping had interrupted a dream that had seemed excellent. Although, she couldn't remember the details.
At the window she found an owl, but not just any owl, Fred's! Attached to the owl's leg was a miniature piece of parchment. Hoping for news of Ron, she ripped off the ribbon holding it closed.
Hermione,
George and I are both sorry. We'll be there by tomorrow to see you.
Fred
Hermione was thoroughly perplexed. Sorry about what? Why would they be here tomorrow? What had happened? She had no time to process the information due to a second owl arriving shortly after Fred's. She recognized it as an owl that belonged to the Order. The parchment was superior to Fred's and the handwriting considerably more formal.
Miss Hermione Granger,
We apologize for not sending a member of the Order instead of this letter, but we can't spare any wizard or witch at the moment…
* * *
Still groggy from being woken up, Seamus reread his letter a few times to be sure it was true and not just a nightmare...or a dream for that matter. The instant he confirmed the truth he bolted for Hermione's room. She needed him more than ever; he was in no doubt of it.
* * *
…We regret to inform you of your fiancé's passing. The Order of the Phoenix offers you our condolences. Mr. Ronald Weasley was a wonderful wizard and a good friend.
Sincerely,
Nymphadora Tonks
Head of Relations
* * *
Seamus went to the door of the girls' dormitory, running up the slide to jump on the landing and found it open already. Hermione was gone; it had to be Hermione that had left. "Hermione?" he yelled down to the common room. No answer, just the crackle of a dying fire.
* * *
Hermione's eyes stung with hot salty tears as she ran, with nowhere to go. All of a sudden she found herself by the lake. Her life, her world, her love had just come crashing down all around her. How could that happen? She pulled angrily at her hair, wanting nothing more than to wake up from the nightmare. "Ron!" screamed Hermione over and over till it was the only sound she heard and she was swallowed by her anguish. The starry night and the moon now mocked the darkness within her heart as she continued to scream his name to them. Those stars spat back her wishes and questions, daring her to defy them.
Defeated she fell to her knees and ripped out the grass beneath her, pretending it was whatever foul death eater that had brought down her beloved. "Ron, I still love you," she whispered to the depths of the lake.
* * *
Draco sat up wide-awake. There was a mad woman screaming outside of his tree! "Dratted woman," he said as he pulled on his cloths and turned the knob. He was more than taken aback to see Hermione Granger on her knees, bawling to the heavens. He pressed himself against the tree to stay hidden.
* * *
"Ron… Ron… I miss you… too much to give you up till the end of time." She wailed in emotional pain. It felt as if her heart had been torn from her chest and thrown into the freezing waters of the lake.
She was cold and wet from the tears that fell like a rainstorm. Numb from the loss of hope. How could she possibly go on?
* * *
Draco stole a peek at Hermione. Unluckily for the both of them, he stepped on a twig and broke it, noisily. He cursed under his breath as he saw Hermione stir.
* * *
"Who's there?" sniffled Hermione, "show yourself."
Draco rounded the tree to show his face.
Hermione took in a slight gasp of air when she saw Draco Malfoy standing in front of her, in the flesh. The ferocious part of her wanted to rip his eyes out from their sockets, while the more curious part wanted to know why he was spying on her.
"Granger?" asked Draco still in disbelief.
"Malfoy? What are you doing here?" She wiped furiously at her tears. No need to look exposed.
"Long story." He winced remembering the homeless months.
"Explain yourself or I'm turning you in to McGonagall." She made a move for the castle as she wiped away the remaining tears coating her face.
"Wait!" He ran and grabbed her wrist firmly.
"Why should I?" She tried to free her arm, but failed miserably, only causing herself pain.
"Because you… I… don't want to hurt you." Draco grew angry with himself. Why was he tongue-tied?
She stared into his cool gray eyes and shivered. They weren't cruel as they once had been, but fearful. He was scared, and she could see it now. "Why are you here?"
"I ran away from it all…everything," put Draco simply.
"Everything, do you really mean everything? Including V-Voldemort?" questioned Hermione suspiciously. He winced at the mention of the Dark Lord but then nodded and Hermione noted the increased intensity of fear in his eyes.
"Now Hermione, why are you here at this hour? You woke me up you know." He smirked at her.
"I…um…my fiancé, he…d-d-…since when do you call me Hermione? And why do you even care?" Fresh tears started and she fell to the ground from heartache once again.
He instantaneously dropped to the ground beside her and put an arm around her, an action that amazed himself. "Hermione, why are you crying? Or if you prefer, Granger, what's wrong?"
"Ron!" cried Hermione to the skies once again.
"What about him?" he sneered. He still hadn't particularly warmed up to the Weasleys. Or Hermione for that matter, but hey, maybe being Willy the Wizard, friend of children, had softened him up a bit.
"He's gone!" screamed Hermione. "Gone, gone, gone! He can't hold me anymore. He died while I was betraying him!" She stood up and took a swift breath. "I'm so sorry Ron! I'm so sorry!" Her voice now hurt from screaming and her eyes were puffy from tears, but she couldn't stop.
Draco speedily moved to put both arms around her. "Hermione, calm down. This isn't doing any good."
"But Ron has to know I'm sorry!"
Draco saw in her eyes what he had once seen in his own: defenselessness. She was more frightened than he had ever been. With his powerful hands he took hold of her face and brought it closer to his. "Hermione, calm down. I'm sure he knows."
"No! He can't possible know!" Once she split herself from his grasp he quickly moved to clutch her shoulders and hold her back.
"Granger… Hermione. You need to stop!"
"I can't! I can't! I can never stop!"
"No, you won't stop. But you can Hermione! You really can!"
"Let me go now! Leave me alone! You don't know anything about me and my life!"
"Hermione, please calm down."
"NEVER!" She tried to shake her shoulders free from Draco's grasp to no avail. "Ron! Come back so I can tell you I'm sorry!" she screamed, clutching her hands to her shirt right above her heart, trying to ease the pain that had settled deep within the muscle and sinew. "Come back! I need you! I love you! I'm sorry!" At last, after wearing herself out to the point of exhaustion she fell limply into Draco's supporting arms. "Ron, I'm sorry," she whispered repeatedly as Draco stroked her hair as if she were a child to try and still her. He rocked her back and forth to lull her into sleep where she could sort this all out in a dream while he sorted out what had just happened. Where this kindness came from, he didn't know, but it felt undeniably right.