Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters, places, etc. do not belong to me. I wish they did, but no, they belong to J.K. and co.
Author's Note: Each chapter is based off of an Evanescence song from the CD "Fallen." Seeing as how we are not allowed to post song lyrics, the chapter titles are the names of songs.
- - -
Chapter Two
Everybody's Fool
- - -
Hermione Granger stared at her reflection. Did she really look that terrible? She truly had let herself go, particularly when she heard of Ron's death. The dark circles from sleepless nights and her untamed hair made her appear as a hag. And now there was another problem: Draco Malfoy. She knew she should tell someone about it, but… did she want to?
Meeting him for the first time this year had been so different from the previous six years. There were no snide remarks, no attacks on her looks, no nothing! For some reason this both petrified her and happily stunned her. Was Malfoy really changing? He certainly looked different.
Pacing the dormitory, Hermione contemplated the last words Draco had spoken to her. Soothing, like he was her best friend.
- - -
Draco laughed kindly once again remembering Granger a few nights ago. He had even bewildered himself with his considerate reactions to her sorrow. He suddenly felt his stomach drop as he realized what he had gotten himself into by showing his face to her. He was now involved in Gryffie drama, and he for some reason made sure he stayed involved.
What if she told someone about his tree? What had made him even tell her about it? Why had he trusted her? His "enemy"? Was she thinking the same? How was she today? Better than that night he hoped as he drilled himself with questions.
- - -
At the exact same moment Hermione and Draco's thoughts stood silent to relive the end of that fateful night.
"Hermione?" asked Draco warily after holding her for nearly an hour.
She turned her head, tear's still streaming, "Yeah?"
"Are you going to be alright?" Draco wondered why he even cared.
Hermione nodded, trying to make herself believe it to be true.
Malfoy pulled himself away from the frizzy haired girl and reassuringly rubbed her shoulders. "Have faith Hermione. The pain will ease, trust me."
"But how can you even understand this pain? This searing heartache that's coursing through my veins like the plague! How can you say to have faith? How can the hurt ever go away?"
"Because you're the Hermione Granger. The one that saved the world as many times as Potter. You can do anything if you set your mind to it." His mind flickered back to his third year. "Even give me a bloody nose…"
Hermione giggled remembering when she had socked Draco square in the nose. "Sorry 'bout that."
"Don't be," he laughed, "I was being a right stupid git. I deserved it."
"Thanks…for everything. You didn't have to help me, but you did."
He gave her a friendly hug as he prepared to return to his amazing bed. "If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Just knock on my door- tree. I'll be there."
- - -
He'll be there, thought Hermione. Fred and George said they would be there for her, but would they really? No, could they? The Order took over their spare time as the search for Harry continued despite the tragic loss of Ron.
-
"Hermione!" squealed Fred like a giddy schoolgirl the day after Ron's death.
George complimented Fred's action by swinging her into a classic Weasley hug. "You are looking most ravishing today." He winked at her. She knew she didn't, she knew she must have looked terrible, but she really did love the twins.
"Stop hoggin' her George!" laughed Fred as his freckled face broke into a glorious smile. Any girl would be crazy not to fall for that face. Of course Hermione didn't, this was practically her brother! He would've been, if it hadn't been for Ron's death.
"Sorry 'bout that 'mione, I just get a bit," he shifted his eyes side to side, "Carried away."
Hermione laughed wholeheartedly for the first time in a long while. Nothing matched a Weasley's charming wit.
Once the greetings were all said and done, and tea was served (by Dobby of course) they sat around the common room table to discuss the latest news of Harry.
"As we were telling Ginny, before we found you, there have been a few tips as to where Harry could be," began Fred.
"Unfortunately for us, he's been sighted in places as far as the United States," continued George.
"What I don't understand is how he gets around so quickly. I mean he can't apparate."
"But Fred, dear brother, what if someone in the order taught him before he left for the horcruxes. That would explain how he just disappeared over night."
Hermione thought this very unlikely. Even though Harry was "special", he didn't receive much special treatment when it came to regulations. Mostly just protection. And why would he be in the States? He doesn't even know his way around there! And Voldemort most likely didn't leave a horcrux there. "Who did these tips come from?" questioned Hermione, interrupting the twins' discussion on Harry's ability to apparate.
"Well, anybody really. Mum placed a missing person report for Harry Plunkett and it's been airing on all the muggle televisions," answered Fred.
"So nobody has any real clue as to where Harry is?" interrogated Hermione.
George gave a weak smile. "Well, um, kind of… no."
"Kind of?" Hermione gave them a look of concern.
"Yeah, um, kind of. The latest tip came yesterday morning."
"But you guys weren't found and returned to London yet were you?"
"Exactly," agreed George and waited for Fred to continue.
"Yesterday morning is when we were attacked by a death eater. Needless to say, the three of us handled him pretty easily."
The three of them, thought Hermione. Ron. Before George could elaborate on the tip, Hermione blurted, "How did he die?"
The twins gave her a momentarily baffled gaze until they figured out whom she meant. Ron, not Harry. Hermione saw the pain set in on their faces, and knew it was showing on hers as well.
George blinked a tear out of his eyes and was about to respond, except not a sound came from his mouth.
"What he means to say," Fred paused gathering his thoughts and clearly fighting off tears. "What he means to say is this: After that death eater attacked we were all exhausted. It wasn't just the single attack that wore us out, but the attacks we suffered from daily on our search for Harry. It was one of those attacks that caused us to lose contact with the Order."
"Anyways, we had to find a shelter to recuperate and thus we found a run down café by the name of Surtout Café."
"We forgot to mention that we were in France didn't we?" spoke George, regaining the use of his voice.
Hermione nodded, tears dripping down her face as she recalled the dreams Ron and her had of following the Rose Line across the country. Oh what a wretch she was for deceiving him while he wasn't around to know the difference.
"Well, that very evening we were attacked by a huge group of death eaters. Eventually, they set fire to the place." Fred's eyes lit up like he was seeing the fire reflected in them once again.
"Before we ran out, we grabbed all the necessities. The three of us were almost out when Ron ran back to get the one thing he cherished most."
Hermione tried to inquire as to what that item was, but the twins continued the tale.
"We tried to stop him, but only succeed in gripping the arm of his robe, which he then slipped out of," continued George.
"When we tried to run back to save him, the roof fell in front of us." Fred's emotions finally got the better of him and he was unable to persist. He looked helplessly to George.
"We had no choice, we had to leave without him."
The silence following was earth shattering. Even the fire had died, perhaps in reverence of Ronald Weasley. Perfect, perfect, Ron, thought Hermione. Sentiment welled into her eyes. What ended the immense sound of silence was Hermione's own curiosity getting the better of her. "What did he go back for?"
"A photograph…of you."
Hermione's heart smashed into a million little pieces. While Hermione had been kissing another man, her fiancé was dying, trying to save a single photo of her! Oh, she really was the lowest of the low. She could only imagine the names people would call her if they even knew. She imagined seeing Seamus again. Something she most certainly did not want to happen.
-
Days had passed since then and she had faced Seamus that very same day. The memory chilled her because of the numb loneliness she had felt.
-
The instant Seamus saw her; he twirled her into his arms. "I'm so sorry Hermione."
Hermione did not move. Did not make a motion back. This was too much for her. She was scared, confused, and lost. Above everything she was lost. No flicker of hope remained now that he was dead. Now that she felt dead.
No man's touch could ever comfort nor satisfy her now, Hermione decided defiantly. Every muscle in her body was drained, conquered. She tried, oh did she try to tear herself away, but her body wouldn't move. The more she attempted to push, the more she fell. Fell into exhaustion. Fell into depression. She slumped over, giving up. "Seamus, I need to go."
Seamus pulled back and gave her a look so powerful that it would be engraved in her brain till the day she died. That very look cemented her feelings of guilt, hypocrisy, and failure. The look that had fallen upon Seamus' strong features was a look of hurt. Hurt from being rejected. It was a look of sorrow. He was finally giving in. But most of all, it was an apologetic look. As if he were saying sorry for helping. Sorry for holding her. Sorry for loving her when it caused her pain.
Neither of them had to say another word. Possibly, in time, they would heal, but not now. Not that instant of concealed emotion. Not that instant of revelation of each other's true feelings. No, not that moment.
- - -
Could it be? Could Draco Malfoy even be thinking these thoughts? Could he actually be longing for Hermione's pleasing presence?
Had it been the realization that she had feelings too? Had it been the trust she'd shown in him?
Or maybe it was because he was worried. Worried his secret tree would be found and dratted McGonagall would evict him. The simplicity of this answer made him chuckle. His secret tree. He was hiding in a tree! But that wasn't the silliest part, that part was filled by the strange new feelings being felt for the madwoman. The one that had been screaming outside of his "home" a few nights ago.
It wasn't that he was necessarily attracted to her, but it was nice to have a friend. Just a friend, he reassured himself. Anything more would be too complicated. He definitely didn't need that.
- - -
Hermione certainly was a sight to behold. Ginny's arguments for them to have a "girly-spa-day" finally got the better of her. Now Hermione had finally lost the circles under her eyes that had appeared earlier in the day. Her day with Ginny had included a massage and salon visit in Hogsmeade, and facials.
She didn't necessarily have much changed; it had been more like a restoration. Now her face was bright and her hair bounced freely again and wasn't stringy. Hermione had at last returned to that brash beauty she once had held. Not "pretty" but handsome. Most certainly handsome. There was a confident air to her once again. She was healing. Slowly, but surely.
- - -
Seamus laid his eyes upon Hermione's all but glowing figure. How could she seem so strong? How could she stand there in the afternoon sun without weeping? Weeping for the envious sun; weeping for the raindrops that would not feel the pleasure of falling upon her perfect rosy cheeks. How could she not weep for the dearly departed? Seamus himself had a hard time containing himself.
Hermione was undoubtedly a piece of work. Heartbroken one second, and a rock of hope the next. How did she do it?
- - -
Draco lifted his hood slightly. Was that her? Could it possibly be? The weak powerless creature he had held in his arms seemed so resilient, so independent. No, he couldn't think about her. It was absurd. Really! An ex-death eater and a widowed Gryffindor! Yet still, he couldn't help but entertain the thought. He lowered his hood over his eyes once again and proceeded to the spot where Hermione stood thinking, just thinking.
- - -
Hermione had enough. If she stood there any longer she'd be an emotional wreck. But before she could move from the spot in Hogsmeade where the sun shone the brightest she could swear she heard her name. "Hermione," she heard it call again. Was she hearing voices? Very unlikely. Although she was under a great deal of stress. Maybe she was going mad after all. Great, just what she needed! Then she heard it again; "Hermione." It was getting louder.
- - -
Draco gave up saying "Hermione." The only response he had gotten was a funny look. Full of confusion, slight fear, and frustration. He sighed as he slid right next to her, unnoticed amongst the crowd around her.
Out of the blue Hermione felt a hand upon hers. It was a man in a black cloak and before she could cry out the man spoke. "So are you deaf or something Granger?"
"What?"
"I've been calling for you for the last five minutes I believe."
"Wait, what?" Thank God she wasn't going mad! "Who are you?"
"Well, let's see, how can I answer that?" He snickered to himself, he was going to have fun with this. "To begin, I am my father's son, but I don't very much like my father. To a select few I am known as Daniel Smith."
Daniel Smith? She'd never met a Daniel Smith, but this voice; it sounded so remarkably familiar.
"To some I am William Bristow. And to the young I am Willy. Willy the Wizard."
Hermione tittered. It was an absolutely ridiculous name for the mysterious man still clutching her hand.
"And to you, my dear," said Draco so suavely that it must have been irresistible. "You can call me anything you want. My real name is actually quite dreadful anyways. So what will you be calling me miss?"
Miss? Nobody had ever called her "miss" before besides a professor. "I think I shall call you… Well, I don't think I can decide without seeing your face. Your eyes. Your true inner essence that is you," she exaggerated.
"But you have seen my face Granger," he thought he'd give her a hint, and thus he said it in a very Draco-Slytherin sort of way.
"Draco?" She was thunderstruck, why was he in public? Didn't he know his face was everywhere? And that people in black cloaks looked oddly suspicious?
"Oh, please don't call me that Hermione, my father gave me that name. Besides, doesn't it leave a rather unpleasant taste in your mouth?"
"Draco, Draco, Draco, Draco!" Hermione teased.
"Please?" he pleaded ultimately turning and facing her so she could see inside his hood.
"Oh fine! On one condition: you don't call me by my first name ever again."
He gave her a puzzled look but nodded in concordance. "Here's the moment of truth, what are you going to call me? And why must I call you Granger?"
"To answer your first question, I will call you Slythie and you shall always be my one and only Slythie." She was sure she meant that in a best-friend-I-have-blackmail-on-you sort of way, but how could she even tell the difference? "To answer your second question: because I find it somewhat charming when you call me Granger. Only somewhat though."
He smiled. Was he just imagining it or was she captivated by him? Her Slythie? Was he now her property? He might as well be. She was the only being he ever truly came in contact with anyways. "How about we, er, go somewhere else? Where we can really talk?" Why was he bothering? Come on, this was Hermi- Granger!
Her eyes grew wide. "Could it be that the Mal-" she paused remembering how he hated his name, "Slythie wants to talk?" What was this? Some kind of trick? Opposite day perchance?
"Just as long as you don't invite that dratted madwoman that woke me up not too long ago."
Hermione watched as his lips curled once again into that new smile of his. Had he ever smiled before this? She was sure he hadn't. It had always been that outlandish smirk. Was she the reason he was smiling?
Oh no! Draco finally realized why Hermione was smiling at him! She noticed he was smiling! And she smiled back to let him know that she knew why he was smiling! She knew he was smiling remembering her smile! In a quick effort to reduce his smile he ended up producing a ludicrous half-smile. The original smile would not seem to get off his face.
To finally break the awkward, smiling silence, Hermione asked, "Where are we going to go?"
Draco hadn't thought this far. "Er, where ever you want to go…?"
While Hermione didn't want to leave the safety of Hogsmeade, she needed to find a secluded place to have a private conversation with her new friend Slythie. She had too many questions bottled up inside of her. "Shrieking Shack?"
He looked side to side, nervously. "There's a funny story about that. Don't you remember the ghosts a few years ago?"
Draco's face dropped as she burst into laughter. "Slythie, I hate to break it to you. Okay, maybe I'd love to break it to you, but your ghost was," she hesitated to regain composure. "Uh, it was Harry."
The look that befell Draco's face was priceless. Shock and embarrassment all rolled into one. Even though she felt bad for doing so, she couldn't help but keep laughing. "But how?" he asked.
"Maybe some other time," she grinned as she looped her arm through his on their way to the Shrieking Shack.
At the abandoned "home of ghosts," Hermione lit a candle with her wand and sat in a dusty aged couch next to Draco. "So, er," she shifted her feet awkwardly. "What are we talking about?"
Draco's short-term plans always seemed to bite him in the end. He could never think quite far enough to follow through on anything. Then he got a brilliant idea! He would ask her how she was feeling!
Hermione watched Draco's face move from confusion, then to joy, then abruptly back to frowning determination.
No, asking her how she felt would end disastrous. Possibly even her shrieking again! Great, he finally thinks ahead to a reaction to be stumped again! "How about…school?"
Hermione guffawed, "It took you that long to think of one measly thing to say?"
His cheeks flushed a surprisingly brilliant red for his pale complexion. "So!" he retorted hastily trying to redeem his "cool, Slytherin attitude" that he had built up for seventeen years of his life.
"Oh please Dr-Slythie! You can't fool me! You never have! My opinion of the real you might've changed, but your 'Slytherin' side doesn't fool me!" She fidgeted her fingers as they settled into an awkward silence.
"School?" asked Draco warily.
"Oh…fine I suppose," answered Hermione distantly. "How's…not school?"
"Terrible, until recently." Until he had been reunited with Hermione.
"Terrible, how so?"
Draco heaved a long momentous sigh as he dove into his adventure, from the night of Dumbledore's death to his living in the tree. "And then I met the madwoman."
"Shut up," she laughed and hit him in the arm until she was suddenly affronted with the reason for her screaming that night.
Slythie noted the sudden change of humor upon her face. He knew why it had changed: Weasel. "How, well, I mean, I hate to pry… but…seeing as you now know my life story (and some rather unpleasant embarrassing moments). How did he…?"
Granger's face was wet as stone when she made her response. "Die?" She hated to answer this question, but she had to. If she didn't Draco would just keep asking her. "Fire. Death eaters… Me." Her face was so still that even the tears falling upon it seemed to be frozen in time.
"Oh Granger. I'm sorry. I didn't-."
"No, no, I'm fine. I have to be fine."
Draco couldn't help but notice the hopelessness that hung in her eyes. Cautiously, he moved closer to her and put his arm around her. "No, Granger, you're not fine. You don't have to be. And once you admit that, maybe then you will be fine." Of course, Draco thought she was more than fine in other ways. Did he really just think that! No! Of course not! He couldn't have!
"Oh Draco." She noticed him flinch and quickly corrected herself. "Slythie, you just don't understand."
Draco had to admit that he most assuredly could not understand her fully. But, he wasn't about to let Granger know that. "What don't I understand?" As if by some instinct his hand moved to carefully wipe away her tears. Where had that come from? Hermione was changing him; there was no doubt about that. But how could change possibly be good?
She looked to him in despair. She really did not want to go through this argument again. "Can we please not talk about this?"
Draco had been shut out of her life. But who could blame her? He had spent the better part of the last six years making her life, and the life of her friends a living hell. There's no way he could ever erase the damage he had done.
And so the two of them spoke of other things. Them. The unlikely pair. The two were talking civilly. The lion and the snake just laughing about silly things, such as fools and kings.
Hermione noticed the change of light as the sun began to set and quickly rose to her feet. "Oh my! I have to go meet with everyone else!"
Draco's excitement sunk, he had just been in the middle of a rather engaging joke. "Aw, really?" She laughed in reply. He loved the way she laughed. No! He couldn't have just thought that, no! He could not be falling for her! Not in a million years!
"I really enjoyed talking to you today, it really was a great comfort." Without thinking, without realizing what she was doing, without thinking through the consequences, she kissed him on the cheek. With the soft touch of her lips his cheeks became that unbelievable crimson red again and that's when Hermione knew what she had just done. But, it had only been a friendly gesture right? Most definitely!
Did she really just kiss Draco? Draco smiled like a school boy and he uncontrollably exclaimed, "Come by my tree sometime Granger?"
Should Hermione dare give him a straight answer after what she had just done? After thinking it over once they were outside again in the cool autumn weather, she still couldn't decide.
They were almost to the other students now and Draco was growing impatient. "Well?"
She still had no answer, but she had to say something! "See you later, Slythie!" And with that she waved and hurried towards the other students. Leaving him to interpret that one as he saw fit.
- - -
Draco thought long and hard about her reply as he watched her walk away. See you later? Was that literal or just "leave me alone"?
It was but seconds after Hermione had stopped dead in her tracks that Draco noticed that she had stopped. But why? Looking beyond the brunette beauty he saw a gangly, knock-kneed boy.
- - -
Hermione was awestruck. It couldn't possibly be! After all these months of torment could he actually be back? Could she run to him? Oh how she wanted to! Her brain just kept telling her to "go, go, go!" but her feet were lead. Joyous tears streamed down her face as the boy ran towards her.
Finally when the boy was within five feet of her she ran to close the distance. When he wrapped his arms around her she could feel his muscles ripple across her skin. All those months missing really had changed him. Now even a small beard dared to coat his jaw line.
"Missed me much?" asked the boy as if it were perfectly normal for him to be holding Hermione on a Hogsmeade weekend. Like this wasn't some miracle that he was alive. Like he wasn't crying himself, though it was plain to see that tears had washed little lines down his filthy face. Even though he was utterly repulsing with all that grime in his hair and on his clothes, he was the best sight Hermione had seen in months.
- - -
Draco stared on in utmost disbelief. He was back. How? How had he even managed to stay alive? Draco pulled down his hood farther to avoid any visual of his face. He couldn't help but chuckle as he watched Hermione smile. Now everything should be fine for her right? Now that he was there to be her hero. Now that the boy who lived had returned. Now that Harry Potter was back.
- - -
On Monday Hermione got a day of school off to catch up with Harry, courtesy of McGonagall. Regrettably, they didn't get a truly private moment until late in the evening.
"What took you Potter?" questioned Hermione trying to make light of a serious situation.
A glum look befell his face and body. "Voldemort. What else?"
"Did you find any horcruxes?"
"Two in fact." He noted the apparent shock in Hermione's eyes and continued. "His Hogwart's robe. Wasn't too difficult to get that one, it was in some old mansion in Ireland."
Hermione was curious why he stopped after the explanation of the robe. "And the second?"
Harry gazed into the dim fire of the common room. "The locket."
Her eyes only got wider. "Where? R.A.B.? Who was it? Did you open it?" Her mind was a tizzy with questions.
"Dear Black Manor itself. I had remembered what I had seen on the Black family tree, including a Regulus A. Black. We had to search the whole house, but we found it. Well, Dean found it. Oh Hermione, I wish that you and Ron had been there. It was so odd being there without Sirius. I felt alone and cold, so cold." Harry didn't even realize it, but he was crying. When he sniffled, a discovery dawned on him, "Where's Ron?"
Oh no. Not now, not here, not yet! She couldn't tell him yet. She had to stay strong now. She had to be fine. For Harry. "Order business."
Harry nodded, satisfied with her answer. "Where was I? Oh, so when we tried to open the locket the Death Eaters came." Hermione could sense a deepened chill in the room just from Harry's story. "They easily outnumbered our team and attacked. I was lucky enough to escape alive."
"And the locket?"
"The last I saw it, Dean was stilling holding it. Even in death. And you know what? It's all Kreacher's fault, the little shit-head."
Her jaw dropped and she put her hands to her temples. "No…" whispered Hermione shaking her head.
"From there I ran. I couldn't come back to Hogwart's though. I couldn't just have all the death eaters following me back. So I hid. Anywhere and everywhere I could."
Hermione stood and went to rub Harry's shoulders, trying to rub away Dean's death from her own mind. And to avoid having to see that harsh green-eyed stare of Harry's.
"So, um, what is Ron doing?" he asked brightly trying to change the subject.
She moved to sit on the floor in front of him. No, she did not want to tell him. Didn't want to see the fear that she knew she would see in his eyes. And this time she couldn't even cry. "…Harry…well, believe it or not he was supposed to save you."
Harry's expression dropped into confusion. Now he knew he was weeping and he took his glasses off to wipe at his eyes. "Supposed to?"
"Yeah, um, they sent teams to save you. They sent Ron and the twins about a month after your disappearance. "How could she break this to him easily. She was sure that this would end as badly with him as it had with her, unless she said the perfect things. "You know he asked me to marry him before he left." She had to turn from Harry, she knew that if she looked into his anxious eyes that she would breakdown.
Harry didn't reply, just smiled in false encouragement. Even though he knew it was coming all along and he was happy for the engagement, he couldn't help but think that she wasn't telling him something.
Hermione looked back to see just a hint of that smile before it disappeared. "Before the twins, no one had ever come back from a search."
"What? What are you saying?" He searched her face for answers and his hands began to twitch.
"Ron's…gone Harry." She put her hand on his, trying to comfort him as much as she possibly could.
"Gone as in missing right? Missing like I was missing?" His voice cracked. It was hoarse from sheer emotional hurt. Tears came down his face, tears that he knew he couldn't simply wipe away.
Hermione shook her head solemnly. Harry made for the door but Hermione was quick enough to catch him. "No Harry…"
"Let go of me," he forced through gritted teeth. His face was contorted from anguish and salty tears.
"Harry, no, you have to understand."
"Understand what?" His muscles relaxed a bit under her smooth hands.
"Running away isn't going to change anything Harry."
With that he knew she was right, but nevertheless he was still emotionally injured and fell to his knees. "Why'd he have to die Hermione, why?" He could barely even get the question out. It was as if his lungs had filled with smoke and there was no way to get a breath of fresh air.
She had no answer for that question. All she had was a soothing touch. She went to cradle him in her arms. How could she do it without crumbling herself? She had to though for Harry. "I'm so sorry Harry." His best friend had died because of her. Her damn photograph. Sorry could never fix the void in their souls. Nor could the kiss Hermione gave to Harry's jet-black hair. They were empty. Alone together. Defeated.
- - -
Draco settled into an uneasy sleep. It had been a day since meeting Hermione in Hogsmeade and his mind was restless. It's perfectly normal to have feelings for your "enemy" right? Even he knew the answer was "no, a thousand times no!"
But what if she was amazing and kind and beautiful and smelled pretty? No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! He could not be falling for Granger! No! It would only end badly with one of them winding up in a mental institution between her shrieking and his talking to himself.
Even in sleep these thoughts troubled him. How? He dreamed about her. About seeing her in the sun. About holding her. About that kiss. Memories relived time and time again in black and white dreams.
- - -
Hermione tossed and turned. Insomnia seemed to hang over her like a dark cloud lately. She hated being wide-awake with nothing to do. She needed to cry, but she couldn't. If she started now she'd end up bawling and would wake up one of the other girls.
Despite what she had said to Harry about running away, she had to get away herself.
- - -
Draco sat up swiftly when he heard a loud knocking on his tree door. Was that her? It had to be, she was the only person that knew about his tree.
Should he comb his hair? Put on some clothes beside boxers? No to the first, yes to the second (he didn't want to come off too strong).
- - -
Hermione knocked again. Was he gone or something? "Slythie?" she called. As soon as she said his "name" he opened the door and smiled at her with that smile he had tried to hide in Hogsmeade. At least until he noticed the tears on her face. "Hey Slythie," she greeted.
"Oh Granger, what happened now?" He put one arm around her and ushered her into the roomy tree.
"I had to tell Harry."
What? Tell Harry what? About his tree? About their meetings? No, she didn't, she couldn't have, could she?
Hermione saw the confusion on Draco's face and added, "About Ron."
He exhaled a vast sigh of relief. "Er, how'd he take it?" he inquired while he began to boil water for tea.
"Let's just say that if it hadn't been for me, you probably would've had to deal with a madman instead of a madwoman"
Draco tried to smile, but couldn't when he was opposite Hermione's tear streaked face. "So why are you so upset?"
Hermione flopped down onto his fluffy, green bed and poured her heart out. "I couldn't cry. Not when Harry was watching. It felt like I was a balloon so full of air that I was going to pop!"
Draco brought a cup of orange spice tea over to the bed and handed it to the now upright Hermione. "It's alright Her-Granger. We all have to hold it in sometimes." He himself began to cry thinking of all the times he had held in heartache and shame at Hogwart's.
"Now why are you so upset?" She tried to divert her attention from her own problems as she stared at the design on the teacup. A snake slithered up the handle and the Slytherin crest decorated the rest of the cup.
"Well, er." He didn't want to tell her the real reason. He had never told anyone in his life, except his mother of course. "I guess it's seeing you upset," he lied (sort of).
Hermione took a sip of her hot tea, though it nearly burned her, it was still delicious. Even though the tea tasted magnificent, she still needed to say more so she set it down on his nightstand. "How can I keep doing this Sltyhie?"
"Doing what?" Talking to him? He hoped that wasn't her answer. It took a second for that thought to register with him. No! It would be wonderful if she stopped talking to him… wouldn't it?
"Pretending! I'm sick of being perfect for everyone."
"You don't have to be perfect Granger. Just yourself." What the hell was he talking about? At school he had always put on the best show and now he was giving advice against that? It was that damn changing part of him again!
"But I do! I can't let some guy take advantage of my defenselessness again and I can't upset Harry!"
"Woah, woah, woah, take advantage of you?"
More tears came as she was reminded of her short-lived Seamus fling. "Yeah, I was so depressed it just… happened."
Malfoy was surprised. The Hermione Granger had actually let a guy have his way with her. She wasn't the girl he thought she was anymore.
Hermione saw the look of alarm on his face, but it took her a moment to figure out why it was there. "Oh my God! No, I didn't mean it like that! Oh my! I didn't mean 'all the way' advantage! Oh wow."
Draco's relief was plain to see. "Well, you still shouldn't live some stupid lie, it gets you no where." Look where it got him.
"But no one will care about the real me. I have to go on pretending, don't you see?"
"I see the real you and I think it's just dandy." Did he just say that?
Hermione forced herself to ignore what he had just said. She couldn't take advice from him! She didn't want to have another rebound post. Not another Seamus. She had to get away from Draco's company. "I have to go." She went to the door, leaving her tea alone and almost full.
"Hermione," he raced to her side and grabbed her wrist. "Please hear me out."
"You know what?" she yelled turning on him. "You've been nothing but trouble for me, and now you're asking me to listen to you?"
He flung her wrist away, almost too forcefully. Her claim, however truthful it may have been, stung. "Fine! Leave! Go on being miss perfect for everyone! You know how they love your pretend you just oh so much!"
"Well, what do you want me to do? Tell everybody the truth? Tell everyone that dear Hermione Granger made-out with Seamus Finnigan and almost fell for Draco Malfoy when she was still engaged?" she screamed at him, not knowing why she should blame this all on him, but who else could she blame it on besides herself. And blaming herself would do no good.
"You know something? Yeah!" The lack of sleep finally caught up to him and he felt weak. Yet still when his vision was blurred and his eyes tired he noticed how absurdly beautiful Hermione was. Even though her hair was stringy, her eyes red, her face wet from tears and sweat. Wait a second, what she had said finally transmitted to his brain. Almost fallen for Draco Malfoy? No, it couldn't work. That was what he had to keep reminding himself, but there was a growing part of him that wanted nothing more than to be with Hermione Granger (And punch Seamus for taking advantage of her). He lowered his voice from exhaustion and care for the girl he was talking to. "Hell, I don't even care if you tell everyone about my tree, just so long as you can free yourself with the truth."
"What?" Her breathing was heavy and uneven still and her throat hurt from yelling at Draco. Did he really just want her to be happy?
- - -
"Hermione?" called Harry out on the grounds. Where had she gone? Lavender said she had just run out in the night (and for Harry to go back to sleep). All he wanted was to talk to her now that he was calm. He needed to know how and why Ron had died.
- - -
Draco didn't have enough time to answer when they heard Harry's voice.
Now at last when Hermione didn't want to leave, she had to. "Now I really have to go Draco." She accidentally let his name slip and he recoiled. She didn't want to leave; all she wanted to do was sort out this fight.
- - -
Draco stood hopelessly as Hermione ran out of the tree. Harry fucking Potter always had to get in the way of everything! Now he wasn't even sure if Hermione would ever speak to him again.
With that in his mind, he thought about how happy he would be if she just told everyone about him. Or even one person. He'd finally be free from his lies and his dead life. It probably wouldn't be too long now and he'd be able to hear Hermione confessing everything to Harry right outside of his tree. Not too long and he'd be marching up to Hogwart's a liberated prisoner.
- - -
"Over here Harry!" she called innocently, as if she hadn't been conversing with an (ex?) death eater.
At the sound of her voice, he ran to her. "Where have you been? And who were you talking to just a moment ago? I could hear you, but I couldn't find you."
- - -
Now was her chance. Now both Hermione and Draco could be set free with a few words. In any case, that was what Draco hoped as he held in a baited breath.
- - -
Hermione couldn't look Harry in the eyes, not when she was going to lie to him. Sure, Slythie had just given her permission to spill his secrets, but she didn't want to do it. She couldn't push that kind of weight on Harry on top of everything else. And she didn't want to lose her new friend. "I like to think out here. It's so peaceful. Sometimes I feel like Ron's here with me and if I say something he'll stick around," she half-lied.
"Yeah, I suppose it is," responded Harry abstractedly, "but it's cold and I need to ask you about some things. Let's go back inside."
She followed him, obediently yet reluctantly. All she wanted to do was run back to Draco and his now lukewarm tea.
- - -
"That little bitch," whispered Draco to himself, not truly meaning it. "I all but order her to do something and she doesn't do it!" Why wouldn't she let herself be happy? Why wouldn't she just tell someone? Being turned in would be a relief, not to mention much simpler than hiding.
What was he thinking? If he were turned in he'd be dead! Maybe it was good that she didn't take his advice seriously. But he was still mad at her. He had a nasty tendency to hold grudges and he wasn't about to break a habit so early in the morning.
- - -
Hermione looked out her window sorrowfully in the chill of the afternoon. She had slept late after her ordeal last night. Between fighting with Draco and talking with Harry it had left her uncomfortable and flustered.
Today would be her last day of rest before she had to perform for the school and Harry. Tomorrow she had to rise happy and ready to smile like everything was okay, when it really wasn't.
- - -
Draco woke-up to the birds chirping in his tree late in the afternoon. After the night he hadn't gotten to sleep easily, but once he had, he was out.
The first thing he saw opening his eyes was the cup of tea he had given Hermione, still full. The grudge, however stupid, was still holding strong so he turned away from the cup.
He fell back asleep into a fitful dream. All he saw was his father laughing at his pain and he awoke once again sweating and once again the teacup was the first thing he saw. As soon as his eyes adjusted to waking, he saw the design of the cup. The snake. Suddenly he was taken with a fit of rage towards his father and threw his pillow at the cup.
- - -
Hermione walked down the halls of Hogwart's and smiled. Smiled to cover up the suffering in her core. Smiled to help Harry smile. She had to be perfect. She had to be independent with Ron gone.
"What do you mean gone?" asked a young man's voice from behind her.
She could recognize that voice any day and she spun around so quickly it was a miracle she didn't get dizzy. "Ron, you came back!" With that, the ragged Ron in front of her wrapped her into a long embrace and a sweet kiss.
When she pulled back she found that she had been crying but what puzzled her was what had happened to Ron. Instead of Ron, Seamus was standing in front of her. Seamus pulled her into another kiss and no matter how much she fought she couldn't pull away. When Seamus finally released her she was once again shaken by who she saw in front of her.
Not Seamus anymore, but Draco. Seeing her tears he ran to hold her. She felt every fiber of his shirt get soaked from her tears, but she couldn't stop lamenting.
Not till she woke up and found she had been crying into her pillow and it had all been a dream. Disregarding the dream, she forced herself to smile. Today was the day she had to be faultless. Today was the day that she would smile and pretend everything was okay. Her bright smile had to contradict everything in her messed up world. From now on she had to fool everybody, or become everybody's fool.