A/N: ok so this is my first fanfiction post and I'm a little… ok a lot nervous…. Please review with constructive criticism or any comments you may have. My story takes place in Edward's point of view on about page 84 of New Moon. If you haven't read New Moon please stop now spoilers may be contained. I hope you enjoy my little drabble, it could be turned into a story if reactions are good, thanks Darky
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or any of the charecters contained. This work is a tribute to that of Stephenie Meyer.
The Right Thing
Thousands of times, in those few seconds that it took me to put nearly a mile between us, I wanted to turn around and run straight back. I could feel my joints preparing for the one fluid movement it would take me to spin and be hurtling in the opposite direction. It would've been so simple to just reappear and wipe away the silent tears that I could still smell from over a mile away now, but I had to be strong. I had to control myself and the monster in me.
For even then, even as I lamented the greatest loss I had ever experienced, the accursed thirst burned in my throat, with its constant sickening throb. Serving a purpose for once, this was enough to push me on and away from Isabella and all her soft unspoiled goodness. I refused to hurt her anymore than I had already. Hopefully sometime soon she would be able to understand that this was the right thing. I had done the right thing.
Although I told myself that countless times over the next months, I could never seem to make it ring completely true.
I hurtled through the forests faster than I could ever recall going before, with no sense of purpose or direction. It didn't matter anyway. Now that I had run away from the one thing that mattered, what was there left to run towards? Without meaning to I found myself in our meadow. It was wrong to have come there but it was as if my feet were winning the battle with my head. I didn't pause on the edge of the treeless circle of billowing grasses. I pelted straight through the rain directly to the center, to the very spot where we had been sitting what felt like millions of years ago.
The painful memories of that day flooded back, knocking me down in every literal sense. I sat curled up on the muddy bank of the stream, sobbing, pretending that the thick rain drops staining my face were tears, wishing to be normal. The vision of her face, flushed and warmed by the sun as she beckoned me farther into the warmth, curious rather than frightened of what I was, taunted me. Even more painful yet was the marring vision of her frozen in place, frightened into stillness by my over reaction to her presence.
Even the good moments of my short lived happiness with her had been scarred until they were unrecognizable by my actions. It was unforgivable.
I had no concept of passing time as I sat in the liquid dark, straining to smell a scent that was now too far away and washed clean by rain.
Without meaning to my mind began to replay the last moments I had spent in her company. I had said my goodbyes days before in her room when I had made my decision; but these were still the last recollections I would have of her heavenly scent, her silk like hair, her depthless eyes, and her warm skin beneath my cold betraying lips.
Suddenly it was too much. I had to do something. I couldn't sit still any longer; I needed to make it all come out right. To me this meant that I needed to be punished. I was beyond all rationality, and although I knew it would make now difference upon my cursed existence I turned to the cold crystalline stream to my left.
Unthinkingly, in one swift movement I threw myself into the freezing water. It was only deep enough to just cover up my body with a few silvery feet of liquid once I was laying on the bottom. I felt a short moment of relief as the water shocked me slightly, being a few degrees colder than my own temperature, but the reprieve provided by being able to feel was soon gone. My body naturally trapped air it didn't need, but I forced it out of my lungs and breathed in deeply. I could feel the water filling up my lungs making my chest heavy. I half expected to feel the desperate and helpless feeling of needing oxygen but it never came. The water just lay there in my unused windpipe, like lead. I stayed absolutely still for countless minutes, allowing the churning currents caused by my abrupt entry to the stream bed to still. Soon I could see the fantastic patterns formed by the natural flow of the water and the raindrops still falling over my head.
Through the foggy liquid looking glass I saw a figure loom over me. Carlisle, golden hair luminous even in the dead of the night through three feet of water, was now reaching down to lift me from the stream. You can still go back. His thoughts echoed out clearly as he put me on my dripping feet with a deeply pained expression. It took the small amount of self control I had left to disagree, "No. I can't. This is right. She deserves to be happy. She deserves to be normal. I won't hurt her again, I promised." I sounded as desperate as I felt even to myself.
With that, in order to make my words true I ran towards the opposite side of the clearing, aiming to put as much distance between myself and temptation as I possibly could. I was stopped abruptly by the presence of a pale figure standing in my path, caramel hair billowing in the wind and rain. I didn't need to hear Esme's thoughts to know what was clearly said on her face; she had spent many of her human years away from her true love. She had lost Carlisle once true, but what I didn't say as I fell into the warm embrace of my unnatural mother, was that she had found her love again. I was leaving mine for good.
A/N: well what'd you think? Please review and add this story to your alert list if you want, I may be updating it, thanks for your time Darky